Riza continued to look out that window as if her life depended. The room no longer smelled of sex, but a heavy heavy cloud of disbelief and sadness. Riza wiped her eyes off once more, she starting to cry once more but silently. The pair had been through so much, his ambition level high as she literally was by his sighed as her mind turned to the one time that she wasn't able to protect him, and she almost lost him. She cringed visibly, Roy most likely being able to know what the female was thinking about. Holding back tears and also more emotion, Riza closed her eyes before she could speak, she swallowing hard. Why couldn't she just say the damned three little words?
To her, saying those would be as in if she would fail her promise to him. Supressed by her childish fears, Riza thought that his time to leave her was going to be that night that he faught Pride... and won. His presence would've still lingered, and even since he was stil alive that night still lingered in her memory wouldn't leave the blond alone, the wound unable to heal itself even though he wasn't mad or anything of the such with her. He seemed...more in love with her than anything to outsiders at pain was just too far in her mind that she didn't realize it and time wasn't going to erase it and she didn't know what would. Her position as his 'right hand man' and bodyguard only made her fall for the male more, she keeping the childlike crush (as she thought of it) as far away from her heart as she could.
She'd do anything for the male and she'd stay by his side as long as she was alive, she would do anything to keep him alive, and even if that meant her death. Before that fateful night, she would have scoffed at the idea of not being able to protect him. She always keeping on the guard, mainly because she did as she was assigned;and she wasn't even upset about the paperwork and other things he pawned off on everyone else. It actually brought a smile to the gunman's face, him. Roy Mustang had ignited something in the woman, that she didn't even understand. Not like she even tried to understand it. She felt like she was bound to the male. Since she was assigned to him, and even more so since that night. Riza was never going to forgive herself for failing at her job, Roy almost losing his life because of her inability to protect him. Even those words that he told her that one day... what were they? Ah yes."There is no such thing a s perfection..This world itself is imperfect... That's what makes it so beautiful." She remembered, her eyes shutting tighter as her head was turned away from the male (if her eyes were open she'd be looking out the window). She put on the facade, mainly just for his sake, that she had forgiven herself for being unable to protect him. And the ruse was up now. She was reliving that moment. She running up the path way and pulling her pistol and firing it till it was out of bullets and she then running, gun in hand, she not even worrying about herself. She just cared about him and him alone. She could not take it anymore. She wished that she had not been reeled back in because then maybe, just maybe, if she forgot about Roy she'd be able to finally forgive herself and forget about her actions. Then again, she couldn't do that. Ever. It was Roy Mustang that she was talking about. And thinking about. Hughes never did say anything unless he absolutely had his heart and soul believing in it, and it was the truth. She loved the male, but she lived in the past in a way, she being unable to forgive herself. There was just too much to be of them being memories. She'd open her eyes barely as she looked out the window, seeing a haunting sight outside the window. More so, a flashback.
It was Maes kissing Gracia as she brought Elysia to see her father at work. That was the one time that she saw Roy play nice and actually act human for once. He ran around with her, and once he tired out, he pulled a Roy and got Havoc to take turns. Riza ended up playing with the young girl also, she showing a motherly side that probably freaked out she the whole entire office just because it was her. She wasn't supposed to have a heart, as Havoc said, she was supposed to be a hot cold blooded killer in which was supposed to take care of Roy and possibly getting some from him and another comment about how cute their children would be. Which got a stapler thrown at his head.
That show of kindness and emotion from the female received a pull to the side from the late Brigadier General and their discussion about her and Roy's relationship and in a way, he gave her his permission, his blessing to continue their relationship (those were his words) even further and even into marriage. Kinda odd, but then again, Maes was the Colonel's best friend. She sighed, the tears starting to stream own her face. She could not take it anymore, she had tried so hard to forget things between her (she pushing him back and telling him that he was useless in the rain when Scar showed) and him but seeing him every day and talking to him... it didn't help her at all.
She inhaled sharply, she letting out a whimper of emotion pain... Yes. First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye was crying and audibly it was. She had not been alone all along. Even though she was supposed to be by HIS side, protecting HIM and doing every thing that he had asked her to do and then a lot that she HADN'T been asked to do for the male. He was there... protecting her just as much as she did him and he helping her with her goal... and that was only to help him. She held her hands to her face, she being muffled. "I love you Roy Mustang."was all she got out. And that was all she needed to.