I usually don't write about personal troubles but I thought it may help, letting out how I feel. Some of Cuddy's feelings are the same things that I feel, but some other stuff is just added for the storyline. I'm not anorexic but I do feel emotionally isolated- so don't read if you don't like the subject. Let me know what you think, please read and review? Btw Rachel doesn't exist, sorry guys. My first Dark emotional Fanfic so here goes…
Lisa Cuddy stared at herself in the mirror. She saw all the imperfections and thought to herself what a loser she was. So what she had previously ran a hospital and she was once a great doctor- but that was all in the past. She currently was unemployed, she lived alone in an apartment in New York City and she had never felt so isolated before. She often met up with Wilson, due to Wilson's constant request of making sure that she was coping and to stay in touch really. It had been two months and Cuddy had ignored his frequent calls and had avoided his constant requests of meeting up. She walked into her small kitchen with a very nice view of the city skyline, and she opened her fridge. Empty. She looked down at her now very flat stomach and heard the familiar rumbling that her stomach would often do as she had not eaten properly in days. Curiously she looked down at her skeletal like frame and then back up to her reflection in the window. She was unrecognizable, to herself and to anyone else who could see her.
"What is happening to me?", she asked as she let the tears that had been threatening to fall, to roll down her cheeks until she was now curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor sobbing her heart out.
"Please someone, anyone just help me", she breathed between cries. She was angry and so alone and she didn't know what the hell to do. Recently her strange behaviour had made her so worked up that she had literally made herself ill. She spent two days cooped up just laid in bed because of the pain that she was feeling. It wasn't physical pain, that pain would have been better, it was emotional pain. She felt so upset because she didn't know how to make herself feel better, she was a broken woman and she needed help, desperately. She had no friends, she spent her time just going out to local clubs, and she'd take drugs, bring back total strangers and basically just drink herself into oblivion. At the time it made her feel better, and forgot all her troubles but once she was alone and had nothing but her own thoughts- that was when she hurt deeply inside. For two weeks now she hadn't been eating properly. Meals would be small and picked at, and she could hardly manage to keep anything down. She had long since stopped food shopping, she just picked up her bare essentials, just enough to survive. Walking helped a bit, it gave her a little bit of freedom and she loved it, several minutes of pure freedom when the cool air touched her skin and her legs just took her wherever they wanted. She would find herself sat by the lakes or even walking across the bridges and admiring the thousands of birds that flew throughout the city everyday, she wanted to be like that. To be weightless, free and happy. She couldn't remember the last conversation that she had had. It wasn't in the clubs, she barely spoke in them. In there she was a nobody, a useless stranger to herself and to those around her. She could be whoever she wanted and do whatever the hell she liked. In the clubs she would often get treated like crap, she would let the men walk all over her and treat her like a useless, defenceless woman- because in her mind that is what she was. She felt like she deserved what she got. She deserved the harsh words that would often fly at her and in her mind when she get beaten up and often battered so much that she could hardly move, that that was her comeuppance, the exact punishment that she deserved…
So guys what do you think? I warned you that it would be dark and have some truth in it. Please review- I did warn you lot. I love Cuddy to pieces but I just wanted to try a different style. Please comment if you want another chapter or else I won't bother uploading…