"Sorry about that," Ray threw a thumb over his shoulder towards the closed bedroom door at the end of the hall. He shoved his hands deep into the back pockets of his faded jeans and gave Benton Fraser a small crooked smile that betrayed his nervousness. "It's a bit of a long story. You're lucky, though, it usually takes twice as long to get him to fall asleep."
Fraser nodded, not quite sure what to say. "He's yours?"
Ray placed his hands on the back of the couch and used it as a barrier. Against what he wasn't sure. Fraser was his friend, even if he hadn't heard from the man for well over a year. Yet here, standing in the same room as him again, he felt guarded. Shaking his head, he crinkled up his face as if trying to decide how to answer. "He is and he isn't."
Fraser cocked his head awaiting an explanation.
"You want some tea or somethin'?" Ray asked avoiding the questioning stare he was receiving from his former partner. "You gotta be tired or thirsty. You've probably spent the entire day traveling."
"Tea would be nice. And yes, I've been traveling all day. I had forgotten how long it takes to get here. I would have been here at a more reasonable hour, but took me some time to track you down. I wasn't aware that you had moved." Fraser fingered the keys to the rental car nervously. "And the phone number I had for you no longer works."
"Yeah," Ray filled a tea pot with water and set it on the stove. He ignited the burner and turned to face his friend. "I got a new number when I bought the house. Figured, I couldn't live in an apartment the rest of my life."
"I can understand wanting a place of your own." Fraser stepped into the entrance to the kitchen.
"That was over a year ago, Ben." Ray folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the countertop. I sent you my new number, my new address, invited you to come visit."
Fraser dropped his eyes to the floor.
"Never heard a peep out of you." Ray unfolded his arms and shrugged his shoulders then turned to the cupboards and retrieved two mugs.
"Yes, it appears I have some explaining to do."
"You don't have to explain anything. It is what it is." Ray dropped a tea bag into each mug, not willing to make eye contact.
"Ray, I'm sorry." Fraser felt dread building inside him. "Perhaps this was a bad idea."
"What are you doing here, Ben?" Ray's voice betrayed him, coming out sounding desperate rather than pissed off like he intended.
"I came to see you. And I'm afraid I missed your birthday. I needed to explain to you in person and not through a letter or a phone call why I was out of touch for the better part of a year." Fraser shuffled his feet and shoved his own hands into his front pockets. "I apologize." He gave Ray a small smile. The presence of the young boy has thrown me for a loop. I can't quite wrap my head around you having a child, and one so young."
Ray couldn't help but smile. "It's taken sixteen years but you've finally picked up on our lingo. Don't worry about the birthday, you threw me two parties the first year I met you."
Fraser returned the sentiment. It had been far too long since he had seen his friend and his infectious smile. He accepted a steaming cup of tea and followed Ray to the spacious living room.
"You look good, Ray." And dammit, he really did look great.
"Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself. Except for maybe that scar across your left temple." Ray cringed. "That must have hurt."
Fraser fingered the crescent shaped line of raised skin thoughtfully. "I don't remember too much about what happened. I had been moved to a posting further north to train a new group of recruits. It wasn't too long after we last spoke on the phone. I apparently was on my way back to the posting when I was involved in an accident."
"Why didn't anyone call and tell me?" Ray sat forward in his chair, all attention on his friend.
"I was new to the area. Nobody really knew anything about me, just that I was single and my parents were gone. Who would have thought I had connections in Chicago after all these years? I didn't have any contact information for you on me at the time of the accident. All of my belongings were still at my cabin. I just had what I needed for a few months."
"Why didn't you call and tell me when you were able?"
"The doctors told me I had amnesia. Apparently, I had lost a very large chunk of time."
"How big a chunk?"
"I couldn't remember anything from the past ten years. And the years before that were a muddled mess. I could recall faces but couldn't put any names to them."
"Holy shit," Ray scrubbed a hand down his face. "Here I was trying to be pissed off at you because I just thought you stopped caring after all these years. That it was just too much to keep in touch anymore. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what I had done that all of a sudden you didn't want to talk to talk to me anymore."
"Why didn't you write?" Fraser asked.
"I tried, but the post office kept returning my letters. I figured after eight attempts, it was pointless to keep trying."
Fraser cracked his neck and let out a small chuckle. "I had a similar experience when I tried writing you. Physically I was fine, but my thoughts were still a jumbled up mess. I guess I never regained the memory of your letter telling me you had moved."
"You're okay now? Everything back to normal?"
"For the most part, yes. I fought hard to regain what I had lost. It took me about eight months to really figure out what was missing in my life and that was you. You've been the one constant thing in my life for the past 16 years. I realized that I didn't want to lose any more moments of time with you."
"Ben," Ray's shoulders sagged as he leaned back into the plush leather chair. "It's not that easy. I can't just pack up and leave whenever I want anymore. A lot has changed for me. I have to consider Travis in every decision I make."
"Tell me about the boy, Ray." Fraser smiled affectionately
"Little Travis… just about to turn six in a few weeks." Ray's voice drifted off. "A close friend of mine, all the way back from high school, had asked me when his son was born if I would take care of his kid if anything ever happened to him. I said yes. We were like brothers. His wife and him were killed in a car accident a month ago. They didn't have any other family, both sets of their parents were gone, both were only children. So, now I have an almost 6 year old to raise. My parents adore him. And it's mostly been good. He's a good kid, but he's also grieving and doesn't totally understand why his parents aren't coming back. I get a little frustrated when he whips his bowl of Cheerios at me for no particular reason."
"I felt the same way when my mother died. I kept asking my grandmother when she was coming home. I don't recall ever throwing my cereal at anyone though."
"Yeah, I can imagine. So, I'm his legal guardian now. We're just trying to find our rhythm." Ray met Fraser's blue eyes. "You and I, we've been doing this song and dance for a long time now, Ben." Ray motioned to the space between them. "Something always comes between what we really want to say to each other. Everything's changed, now."
"Not everything. Not the way I feel about you." Fraser set his tea to the side and closed the distance between himself and Ray. "I came to Chicago on the trail of a lost love. And for reasons that you and I need to continue to explore at this particular juncture, I've chosen to remain." Fraser lifted Ray's chin with a single finger. He was met with an expression of hope. "If you'll have me."