Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. They all belong to Stephanie Meyer.
As I watched my angel sleep, the memories came. Not my own memories. Everyone else's memories. Charlie, Alice, Mike, Carlisle, Jake. They all came to me at the same time.
I let them. I knew I deserved this and much more. I was a monster who couldn't do anything right. Except this. Sit here and hold my angel.
I let the memories wash over me. First the vile Mike Newton's flashed through my head. Bella sitting at the lunch table, not eating looking like… us. Bella cringing in pain as someone mentioned my name. Bella with a dead look in her eyes. Bella fainting in class (from exhaustion and various other reasons). Silent, non-emotional Bella.
Then Charlie's memories came to me. These were some of the worst. Bella not eating. Bella looking dead. Bella screaming from a nightmare. Bella throwing a fit on the floor, throwing clothes everywhere. Bella and a woman fighting, shouting at one another (her mother). Bella flinching in pain at the sound of my name. Broken CD's in the trash.
Quickly, remembering the things I had hid under her floor boards, I disentangled myself from Bella. She whimpered as I moved and tried to pull me back. Even while unconscious Bella was aware of me.
"I'm not going anywhere." I murmured to her sliding back into her bed. The floor boards could wait. Instantly she relaxed and started to breath normally again.
More memories flooded my head. This time they were Alice's. Bella talking about drowning. Bella telling Alice that Jacob Black- her best friend- was a werewolf. Alice talking with Charlie. Bella saying she didn't want to live if I didn't. (AN on the plane while they were going to save Edward in New Moon.) Alice inspecting Bella and telling her she looked like Hell. More memories passed but I focused on the last one. Alice telling Bella that she looked like Hell.
I looked at my angel closely. To me she was the most beautiful thing on the planet. But she had deep dark circles under her eyes, that made her look unwell. And she was way to skinny. She was always skinny, even before I left her but now…
That line of thinking brought on the memory of another conversation that had happened only minutes ago…Carlisle's voice filtered through my head as if he were standing in the room with me.
"Edward, she needs to eat and sleep, make sure she eats. She is dangerously thin."
When I had first saw Bella, I didn't even notice any of this. All I saw was my angel's brown eyes staring at me and feeling her warm body pressed against mine.
Now looking at her I noticed that her pajamas were really baggy on her. I lifted her shirt up slightly and gasped. She was literally skin and bones.
Guilt flooded through me and I moved away from her in disgust with myself for what I had done. How could I do this? Why did I have to be a monster?
I was too absorbed in my self-loathing to notice Bella starting to wake up.
"Edward," she murmured struggling to get up through her sleepiness.
I tried to look cheerful despite the guilt and self-loathing that was still flooding through me. I turned to look at my angel, smiling slightly at her sleepy appearance.
"Yes?" I asked giver her a soft kiss on the cheek.
"It not … Your… fault." She whispered, stroking my face lightly. Why did I have to love this woman so much?