DarkTaoAngel: I don't own Shaman King. This idea has been on my mind for a while now, and I wanted to write it before I lost the idea. I also wanted to experiment a bit more with some different styles of writing, and this one I'm going to try and make a bit longer than my other fics. I hope you enjoy this one, and keep watching for updates of my other stories, because I'm going to update as often as I can now. Please review!

It was exactly five days since their trip to China; five days since they had rescued Ren without so much as a 'thank you' on his part. There was still plenty of talk centered around that trip though, and all of it was surrounded by Ren. They all had asked their share of questions, excluding Horo, who hadn't asked any at all. He had often strayed from the group, not wanting to bother Ren when he knew it upset him. The others couldn't see it, but Ren wasn't openly accepting all of the extra attention. That just wasn't something he enjoyed, especially when it was all about him having to be saved. As though the great Tao Ren needed saving.

Horo had passed Ren's room one night, the night after they had all returned to Japan, and decided to peak in and offer words of comfort if they were needed. After all, he had just endured ten long days of captivity after having been severely beaten by his own father. Most people would gladly accept comfort after something like that, but then again, Ren wasn't like most people. He thought of support and comfort as something for the weak. He didn't want to believe himself to be weak, so he kept on living as though he didn't need people; as though nothing mattered to him. But Horo knew him differently; he knew that who Ren was before and who he was then were two complete opposites. Ren tried to pretend that they weren't, but that was just him lying to himself. He didn't need to lie to anyone, not himself and especially not his friends, but Horo knew that that was just who he was. But even if he could Horo wouldn't change Ren. He loved him just as he was, and although sometimes he could lose control and snap, that was to be expected. After all, Ren hadn't had the happiest childhood, and up until he had met the group of shamans he lived with, he hadn't had anyone to help him through it all.

Taking a quick look inside of Ren's room, Horo confirmed that he wasn't asleep, even though it was late into the night. He was sitting propped up with his back resting against the headboard of his bed, staring up at his ceiling. He looked almost on the verge of tears, as though at any given moment he would start crying, but he never did. It took him approximately three minutes of staring for him to finally notice the other presence in his room, and when he did that look of almost crying immediately disappeared, only to be replaced by his signature look of pure hatred. He turned to Horo, glaring at him for a moment, before standing up and quickly moving towards him.

"What do you think you're doing here?" he spat, taking one step closer to Horo with each word. He spoke in little more than a whisper, but his words were full of abhorrence. But there was another emotion mixed in, one that couldn't be easily identified, but it was there. Sadness.

Why must he always be like this? Why won't he just admit what he's feeling instead of holding it all inside? It's only hurting him. He never accepts other people's help, even if he really needs it. What does he think he is, better than everyone else? I like him, and I'd even say I love him, and seeing him like this really hurts me. Why doesn't he just admit to what he's going through so someone can help him? So maybe I can help him?

"Well?" Ren said sharply, interrupting Horo's train of thought. Horo snapped out of it and it took a moment before he realized what was going on. He looked over to Ren, who had his hands on his hips and was leaning slightly to his left, looking at Horo with a bored expression. Horo was almost afraid of the look he was giving him, but that was probably just an act to mask what he was really feeling.

"Uh, I just thought, after all that happened yesterday, you might want some to talk to or something." Horo finally said, realizing after he spoke just how stupid it sounded, but was unable to take it back. He watched as Ren walked away from him, now standing a good ten feet away from him and facing the wall opposite Horo.

"I need no one… so you can just leave me alone." As he said it he suddenly lacked his usual anger, making his voice sound almost… lonely. Horo knew he was lying, but he didn't want to disobey what Ren had told him to do, so he left, hoping Ren could get over this by himself, since he wouldn't let anyone else help him.

Sure, Ren hadn't been through all too much, or so he let on, but it really was a lot to handle. He had been beaten all of his life, locked in the dungeons of his own home, abused by his family, and he still had to live with all that he had done, everyone he had killed before he had come to realize what was wrong about what he was doing. He had murdered countless people, hurt so many, and he had to live with the guilt each and every day of his life. It must have killed him inside knowing what amount of hatred he'd instilled into the minds of others all of his life. Just like that which had been instilled into his mind at a young age. He would never be able to fully forget, no matter how much he told himself that it was no big deal.

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The next morning Horo was up bright and early, having forgotten what Ren had said the previous night, and he was sure Ren would have forgotten as well. But Ren didn't come to breakfast that morning, he didn't even come out of his room. Every one of the other shaman occupants of the Inn had left by noon, but Horo remained, as he wanted to find out what was going on with Ren, as Ren still hadn't come out. He remembered that Ren didn't want him in his room, but he had to find out what was wrong. So as quietly as he could, Horo walked up the steps, glad that they didn't creak as he stepped on them, and down the hallway. He listened for a moment, waiting to hear anything from Ren, but when no sound came, he became worried. He quickened his pace, and when he made it Ren's room he didn't even bother asking to enter, he just pushed his way in.

His eyes immediately fell upon Ren, huddled in the corner of his room, crying. He didn't even look up as Horo entered, he merely acted as though he didn't hear him come in, which he probably didn't. His face was buried in his knees, which he had his arms wrapped around to steady himself. He was still wearing his yellow silk pajamas, which had small water spots on them from where Ren's tears had fallen.

Horo walked cautiously over to him, leaning over and placing a sympathetic hand on Ren's arm. Ren's eyes immediately shot open as he looked up, coming face to face with the Ainu beside him. His eyes were red from crying, but upon seeing Horo he stopped. Horo thought for a moment that he was going to say something nice to him, or at least not shove him out of the room, but again he was wrong.

"Why are you here? Didn't I tell you I didn't want you here? Leave me alone! I hate you! Just leave me alone!" Ren's voice was a bit shaky, but it was more hateful than even the old Ren would have been. And it sounded as though he really meant it, as though he truly loathed Horo. It hurt, hearing him speak with such evil in his words. It broke Horo's heart.

Horo left Ren's room, feeling a sense of guilt for having made Ren hate him like he did. But, it wasn't all his fault, Ren wasn't mad at him, just the world in general. People can get like that if something bad happens to them, and Ren qualified perfectly for that. He ran a hand quickly through his messy blue hair, shrugging it off for the moment in hopes of forgetting it altogether.

Horo heard his stomach growl and, being the constantly hungry person he was, decided to get some early lunch. As he made his way to the kitchen to get something to eat, the doorbell rang. It was the person who delivered the mail, so Horo went to get it. He was still worried about Ren, but he didn't want to worry about it. He knew that when Ren was ready he would come out. Or if he was hungry, for he was bound to want something to eat sooner or later.

Most of the mail was for either Yoh or Anna, with the exception of one for Ryu from some girl that he had met in China. Horo went through them all, but stopped at the second to last one. It was addressed to him, Horokeu Usui, and it was from his mother in Hokkaido. He was a bit skeptical at first, but he opened it and found that it was a letter, neatly written, but with great water splashes over part of the parchment. Horo soon recognized these to be tears, and as he read through the document, he soon discovered why.

Horo wrote a quick goodbye note to all of his friends and, taking one last look in the direction of Ren's door, he went to pack his suitcase. He didn't want to leave, but the note had made things urgent. In his goodbye note he told of what the letter from his mother had been about, and why he had to leave.

He was leaving that night, for Hokkaido, and he wouldn't be able to say his goodbyes to his friends. He wished he could have stayed, but he had to leave, for reasons far too painful for him to admit to any of them in person.

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"Horo?" Ren whispered, finally having gotten dressed and come out of his room, feeling miserably guilty for having snapped at Horo like that. But the ice shaman was nowhere to be seen. Ren called his name once more, still not hearing any reply. He was getting a little worried, but he tried not to let it bother him.

"He's not here." Ren heard a voice from the next room say, and he turned to face Yoh, who had apparently come home early, for he was the only one there besides Ren. His light brown eyes caught Ren's, and Ren could tell something was wrong. His eyes… they didn't hold the usual spark of life, the happiness that was trademark of the young Asakura.

"What? Where did he go?" Ren asked, thoroughly worried at that point, and hoping that nothing bad had happened to him.

"Didn't you hear about what happened?" Yoh questioned. Ren slowly shook his head, wondering what he was talking about.

"Pirika's… dead." Ren's eyes widened. He'd known Horo's sister, they'd met during the Shaman Fights, and suddenly to find out that she'd died… it was just unbearable. Everyone had been lucky, no one had died in battle, and now this? How was everyone else going to take the news?

"What!" Ren shouted, truly shocked, wanting to know if he had heard Yoh right. But Yoh didn't even respond, he simply snatched up a small piece of paper that Ren hadn't even noticed off of the kitchen table. He handed it to Ren, who eyes flicked across the paper as he read. The note said:

Everyone,

I'm sorry I didn't say this to you in person, but it would have been far too difficult for me to. I received a letter from my mom today. Pirika's dead, and her funeral is going to be in Hokkaido in two days. I have to leave tonight to get there by then. I'm sorry, but I probably won't be coming back to Tokyo. I took all of my stuff with me. My parents need me, and I have to help out around the fields. I'm really sorry, guys, but this is goodbye.

-Horokeu

Ren had to reread the note three times for it to all sink in, and even then it didn't all register with him. He felt terrible, especially because the last things he'd told him where that he hated him and wanted him to leave. Well, he had gotten his wish, hadn't he? Horo was gone now, and he wasn't coming back.

Horo wasn't coming back.

He was gone.

Ren would never see him again.

He had left without saying goodbye.

Ren had never gotten to tell him all he had meant to…

That he had loved him.

"What's this all about?" Ren questioned, his voice coming out sharper than he meant it to. He grabbed Yoh by the collar of his shirt, lifting him slightly, but Yoh didn't even fight back. He seemed to be just as affected by Horo leaving as Ren was. Ren soon discovered that it was futile, however much violence he used, however many times he questioned, Horo was not coming back. He was never coming back.

"I'm… sorry." Ren said shortly, releasing Yoh's shirt and stepping back slightly, looking ashamed with himself. Before Yoh could even say anything, Ren rushed out of the room and into his own room, slamming and locking the door. He flung himself upon his bed, burying his face in his pillows, and sobbed. Though he didn't want to show how much Horo leaving hurt him, it really did. He never meant to do or say any of the things he did, and he just wished he could have told him one last time how sorry he was. But no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't turn back time.

Tears stung at Ren's eyes, but he made no effort to wipe them away, for they would continue flowing anyway, no matter if he got rid of the first few or not. Tears were for the weak, Ren had always convinced himself that was fact, and he had never cried in his life… until he'd met Horo.

It wasn't until he'd met Horo that he'd gone up against is father.

He'd sacrificed everything when he'd met Horo.

He hadn't known what was wrong from right until Horo.

He hadn't known feelings and emotions until Horo.

He hadn't known love until he'd met Horo.

He'd gone through pain because of Horo, but it hadn't hurt as much as pain before Horo. Because Horo was there with him, helping him, giving everything to protect him. And how had he rewarded that trust? By hurting Horo when he'd been there for him the whole time.

Ren's whole body shook as he cried, wanting Horo to be there for him at that moment. He heard a knock at the door and thought for a minute that it was Horo, coming to see him, and he smiled at the thought, but that smile soon vanished as he heard a voice through the door.

"Ren? Is there something wrong?" no answer came, but Yoh could hear the muffled sobs coming from inside, and he knew Ren was there. "Ren? It's Yoh, can I come in?" still no answer. Ren heard a sigh from outside the door, accompanied by the sound of footsteps and then silence. Yoh had left, and Ren was glad he had. He wanted to be alone for a while, to think things through, though he knew it wouldn't make any difference, no matter how much he thought.

Ren stayed in his room the rest of the night, despite the fact that he hadn't had anything to eat all day. He wasn't hungry, though his grumbling stomach said otherwise, he refused to eat.

Ren had known that Horo's father had died when Horo was two and Pirika was just a baby, but he hadn't mentioned much of it to anyone. Ren had known it had really hurt him, his father being killed in a car accident, but he hadn't even tried to comfort him. Perhaps that's what he had needed and never got. Maybe he was trying to comfort Ren, to show him how it felt to be loved. What it felt to feel needed, as though someone genuinely cared for you, and wasn't just putting on a show or pretending. Horo had always been trying to help Ren, to teach him how to love, and what it was like when someone cared about you. What it was like when there was no hatred, no violence, and if you were not feeling good, or felt like crying, someone would be there to get you through it and help you heal. Horo had always tried to teach Ren that. Horo was always there for anyone, and made everyone feel loved and appreciated. Because Horo'd never had that feeling.

That night Ren chanced a trip out of his room, and he walked silently to the other side of the house to Horo's room. He was still unable to believe that Horo would never come back. Perhaps he had left some of his stuff so that his room would be left untouched for when he returned? But Ren never expected what he found when he got there.

The room was completely empty, striped of everything in it other than furniture. The walls were blank of all pictures and posters, showing white walls that were covered up before. The bed, too, had only white sheets on it, and the shelves had only dust set upon them. Ren moved over to the desks, opening them and hoping to see piles of clothing littering them as was usual, but found, again, nothing.

He's gone, face it, he left. He took everything and left. He didn't want to stay here. You'll never get to see him again. Stay here all you want, it's not going to bring him back.

"But… I don't want to believe it. He's not gone, he can't be! Why, why'd he leave? Why did he leave me?" Ren was speaking to anyone in particular. There was no one there to talk to. Horo had been there for him at one time, for him to talk to, but now Ren had no one. Just one empty room. It went together so well with his empty heart.

(Page breaker)

Yoh came into Ren's room the next afternoon to find that he wasn't there. He had thought at first that he had run away, but he soon knew exactly where he was. He went across the Inn to find Ren, asleep on Horo's bed. Tears lined his face, so it looked as though he had fallen asleep after having cried all night. Yoh didn't want to wake the sleeping Ren, so he left the room, leaving the door ajar slightly so as not to wake Ren with the noise of the lock clicking, and left for his noon training session with Anna.

Ren slept for two more hours, peacefully sleeping for the most part, his dreams centered around Horo, which made them sad and happy at the same time. They were happy because Horo was there in them, but terribly sad because Ren knew that, when they were all over and he woke up, Horo would be gone.

Ren woke up around three in the afternoon, wondering why his alarm clock had failed to wake him earlier. He knew about what time it was, as the sunlight was pouring in through the window in the room. And then it hit him… this wasn't his room. He had slept in Horo's room all night. He couldn't even remember having fallen asleep, but he had, and for a very long time, too. He wiped the sleep from his eyes, noting that he still had his clothes on from the day before, but didn't even bother returning to his own room to change. He didn't care if he looked a bit sloppy for one day.

Ren stretched like a cat and got out of bed, looking around the room again to make sure he hadn't imagined Horo leaving, but he hadn't. The room was just as empty as it had been the night before, except for one item was laying on the desk closest to the bed. Ren moved towards it to find out that it was a piece of paper, but not just any paper, a map of Hokkaido. Ren thought for a moment, wondering whether or not it had been in the room the night before, but as far as he could remember, it hadn't.

Ren opened the map fully and saw that it was of all of Japan, but the page with Hokkaido on it was circled, as were the directions from Tokyo to Hokkaido. Ren thought at first it had been left by Horo, but he hadn't seen it laying there the night before, so it must have been placed there by one of the occupants of the Inn. But, the only one that was there the night before, when Ren had gone into Horo's room, was…

"That lazy brunette, if he thinks this'll help he's—" but Ren didn't say anything after that, for an idea had struck him, and it made clear the reason why Yoh had left the map in Horo's room. He had known Ren was in there. Ren was desperate. He wanted nothing more than to apologize to Horo and see him at least one more time before they said goodbye. Yoh had known what Ren would have done anyway, and had merely given him a shove in the right direction.

Ren took the map and left Horo's room, taking one last look at it as though he would never be back. But he would be back, after he did what he needed to. He went to his own room, took out his suitcases, and began to pack.

He was going to get Horo back.

He was going to say goodbye.

He was going to say how sorry he was.

He was going to Hokkaido.

DarkTaoAngel: How is that for a long chapter? Did I do good? I hope I did, and I will try to make the other chapter just as long or longer. Now, I have something to ask of you: I might put a lemon in later chapters, if you want one, but I don't really write that kind of stuff, not that I could if I wanted to. It's going to be a HoroRen lemon if I get one in later chapters, but again, I can't write one properly. So, if anyone wanted to write one for me, I'd be happy to post it and give you the credit. The reason I'm asking is because I think I should at least have one in this story, and you all deserve one, that's why this story is going to be so long, but I still don't think I can write one. So, if you have one I can use, just write it in a document and send it to me in an e-mail. My e-mail is animanga12 (at) yahoo (dot) com! Thanks, and please review this because I spent a lot of time on it, and I want to know that my hard work was appreciated!