Alec ran. His bare feet slapped against the damp leaves of the forest floor, blood trickling from the wound in his side. His mind raced ahead of him not knowing why he ran but only that he had to. Something bad lay behind him, something wrong, following in the wreckage he was making of the undergrowth. Moonlight streamed through the tree canopy in scattered beams of light that were growing closer and closer together until suddenly he burst out into the open, illuminated by an almost too large new moon in a wide clearing. The ethereal light glinted red off the blood on his outstretched hands. He had fallen, and fell once more. Lying on the uninjured side of his body Alec tried to gather his thoughts but everything was clouded and soft edged. A soothing sound reached his ears, water trickling. He didn't remember this pool next to him but it called to him, the light reflected in pretty glittering patterns off of the softly rippling water and the sound drew him shuffling slowly closer, hand outstretched. It looked like... felt like… magic… Stop. Stop Alec. Stop! His father's voice commanded, called him back and those soft edges in his mind grew sharper.

Magic was bad, wrong, magic meant people getting hurt, war, his family's war. Magic meant the most powerful kind of Downworlders were nearby; Downworlders, who were the reason for the wound under his left ribs. He tried to scramble back from the water but pain stabbed through his body causing him to cry out and still. His breathing slowed in time to the soothing sound of the water and his outstretched hands shook as they tentatively reached towards it before pausing, something, there was something about the water but he didn't know what. It looked good, cool and refreshing, cleansing, what could be the matter? Something…

"It will help you know; the water."

Every muscle in Alec's body stilled, his laboured breathing stopped. He knew that voice, that unusual lilting accent. There was something about that voice too. Wasn't there?

"You fight so hard against everything that you want. I see that now includes basic needs too." The voice added dryly. "Breathe Alexander."

With no decision of his own air filled Alec's lungs. Gingerly he sat up, hand to his side in a fruitless attempt to stem the flow of blood. Inexplicably he was afraid to look to his left, afraid to look at the source of that voice. His eyes remained trained on the water as he replied;

"It's magic, wrong."

"It will help you to heal, I promise you. Magic can do anything, it's only as bad as the person wielding it little one, are you bad?"

Alec let the silence linger. Nothing could be heard but the music of the pool beside him and the combined sound of his pained breathing with the soft exhales of the stranger nearby. Are you bad? The pain that ripped through his chest was of a different sort this time. Bad. Alec wanted to be good, wanted nothing more than to be what his family needed him to be. And he was, as far as they thought. He was strong, skilled in battle and the best archer in three generations of renowned bowmen. But he was bad, wrong. He couldn't fight it all of the time. They thought he was just too dedicated to their cause to find love but that wasn't it. They could never know the truth. This stranger couldn't know the truth. He had to tell him no.

He barely breathed the words of his response "I don't want to be." What? That's not-

"You aren't."

Alec fought now to keep his gaze on the water. He wanted so badly to turn, to hear those comforting words from a perfect stranger who couldn't possibly know.

"I do know Alexander." The soft spoken words were closer now, and lower. They wrapped around him, soothing and comforting the ache in his chest. Had he spoken his thoughts out loud? He pinned his eyes on the water that his hand was still reaching for. "You don't know me Ma-" His voice caught on the word, the name, and the ache in his chest returned in force.

Warmth suddenly cradled his back and a tanned hand reached out for the water with his own, soft breath caressed his ear and he felt an added pressure placed over his injury as the voice spoke.

"Don't fight us Alexander, not tonight, you're hurt"

"Us?"

"Us, Alexander, it's just us." Alec leaned back into the warmth and dropped his own hand away from his side, his right arm relaxed and was guided to the water's surface by tanned flesh. It felt as good on his skin as he'd imagined. He wanted to feel it everywhere.

"Magnus…" he breathed. The thoughts in his head grew quickly clearer, Magnus, these were Magnus' arms around him. These were the arms of his parents' enemy, his own enemy and the leader of the opposition in their war. He could picture him so clearly. Picture the golden-green of his oddly beautiful eyes. He could remember the graceful movements of the lithe but strong body of the warlock, could picture the beautiful blue of magic in his hands as he wielded it. He remembered the first time he ever saw Magnus, he was barely a teenager but he had already started to notice that something was different about himself, he wasn't like all the other boys. Wasn't like Jace, noticing the pretty girls, couldn't understand the way Jace mooned over the small red-head with the green eyes. He laughed and joked with all the others about the girls they were training with, about who was the prettiest and who had the largest breasts. He knew all the right words to say. And then he saw Magnus on his first time in the field. The first time he went with his father to aid in a mission against the Downworlders. He was covering his father, shooting arrows at anyone who got too close or who his father could not see and his father could not see Magnus, but Alec could. Magnus was a tall man with inky black hair that flowed in the wind, strands whipping across his face which held eyes of the most captivating shade Alec had ever seen. Every girl he had ever considered paled in the shadow of this man, this man who was very successfully striking down members of his father's team. Alec had a clear shot at the warlocks's heart, it had to be the heart, he knew that men like this healed quickly. Unconsciously Alec had knocked the arrow and drawn it to his cheek. He had the shot, the heart, he had the heart, and this man would never hurt another shadowhunter ever again. He had the shot, he loosed and the arrow sailed through the air and into the warlock's shoulder. What had he done?

The warlock's head had whipped up in surprise and pain and his eyes had locked with the fourteen year old still holding his bow aloft. He knew, Alec could see that he knew what Alec had done. Alec watched as the warlock slowly pulled out the arrow, never taking his gaze from the young hunter who had shot him, who could have, should have, killed him. Alec's breathing had caught, his body on the edge of panic as he realised the gravity of the choice he had just made and the ease with which the warlock could now kill him. But the man had simply nodded and the intensity of his gaze drew a rush of blood to the young boy's pale cheeks. Alec had watched a smirk creep onto the man's face and read the gas blue letters that appeared over his head. Magnus. Alec's blush deepened as he unwittingly tried the name aloud, enjoying the weight of it on his tongue. "Alexander" he whispered back, too low to be heard, but Magnus nodded once more, the smirk now a small smile that Alec didn't really understand. Magus winked and in a haze of blue light and smoke- had disappeared.

Alec had been plagued by the warlock ever since that day. He had only seen him once or twice in reality and had had at least two more solid opportunities to take him out. Opportunities he had allowed to pass with his arrow knocked and drawn to his cheek. He had made eye contact with the warlock and felt again the intensity of the man's gaze. It was an intensity that seemed to reach right through him and see everything that Alec kept hidden from view. Alec had reassured himself with the mantra that Magnus couldn't possibly know. No one could know what he had never spoken aloud. Magnus couldn't know the dreams that haunted the shadowhunter, dreams of Magnus, of teasing glances, touches, wild kisses and worse; soft ones. Magnus couldn't know the desperation with which Alec wanted to feel his hands in that hair for real, or the touch of those lips to his own, the warmth and wet of Magnus' tongue slipping into his mouth or caressing his neck. Each time Alec had lowered his weapon and ducked his gaze away, turned and fled for the rock-solid morality of his father, as though he might absorb his father's surety by proximity alone, as though the closer he was to Robert's conviction that loving a man was for a woman alone the more he would believe it himself. No one knew, no one could ever know.

That night, when his eyes closed he had thrown himself into arms that held him tight, that even as they gave him his hidden wishes told him that no one knew, no one but them. Magnus had devoured his throat, pressed Alec into the soft bed they lay in and moaned as Alec's hands had fisted and tugged in his hair. Alec's legs had parted and wrapped around Magnus and he struggled to get closer, needed something more than kisses but hardly knew what he sought. Magnus' hand had reached to softly caress his cheek and golden green eyes had locked with blue. "You won't hurt me, and I could never hurt you darling, slow down with me" Alec had become suddenly, embarrassingly aware of what he was doing, the way he was moving against this man and he struggled to scramble away in shame only to find himself caged in Magnus' arms. "You've done nothing wrong Alexander, you were beautiful, there is nothing wrong with what you want, what we want my darling"

"I'm dreaming Magnus"

"I know darling, I know, but some dreams mean more than the others", Alec couldn't understand why his dream had taken this turn, he had never progressed so far with his thoughts of Magnus before and it scared him. It was just a dream, it wasn't real, Magnus wasn't real. What did it matter so long as no one knew? But something had changed, dream Magnus drew Alec down into his arms, the younger boys head on his chest and Alec had sighed in content while tanned hands carded in his hair and soft murmurs caressed his ear.

"I know this is just a dream Magnus, and I know it's wrong but I love them Magnus. I love you." At that Alec had found himself gazing into the golden-green eyes of the warlock with his face trapped between the older man's hands.

"Alexander..". Something unreadable flickered across Magnus' expression, something that looked like pain and Alec was possessed by a strong need to kiss away whatever had caused it. He surged forward and kissed Magnus over and over until Magnus had stopped him long enough to whisper "I love you Alec" The rain of kisses that followed was interrupted by the shrill tone of the clock by Alec's bed and he had woken with a start, hanging his head dejectedly in his hands. He knew that it had to stop. That he couldn't live like this; terrified his dreaming thoughts would be found out in his waking world. He vowed to put an end to it. In the days that followed Alec trained harder than ever before. He exhausted himself to the point of sleep that was supposed to be dreamless but found that it wasn't. His dreams became agitated and restless. He refused to allow himself to be held or kissed and he ran, ran from what was wrong, what was bad. The next night, Alec began taking pills for sleep that he was assured would leave no room for dreams. They worked as promised and Alec began to feel better, more honest, but he felt sluggish too. His attention to training and on missions was foggy and he found himself making mistakes he wouldn't normally make which was why he…

Alec brought his hand once more to the wound in his side remembering what had happened. He had been so careless. He hadn't seen the knife spinning from the hand of the vampire not more than fifteen feet away, all he remembered were golden-green eyes gleaming wildly in the distance while darkness closed around him and his family appeared by his side. Those eyes had met his as the darkness claimed him.