The To Do List of Adam Brody
MONDAY
Underappreciated scientist and noted distiller Adam Brody hurried along the corridor. Trying to walk as fast as he humanly could without running or getting winded because both running awkwardly into a room and appearing to be winded from mere walking into a room were not cool looks and Brody was nothing if not the coolest cat on this desolate spaceship stranded in a galaxy far far away. He paused to take a deep breath before opening the door to the bridge and strolling into the room as casually as possible in the vain hope that Rush wouldn't notice he was late.
"What time do you call this Mr. Brody?" Doctor Nicholas Rush groused without even turning around.
Brody winced as he felt his entire body tense; his damn back was turned too. What was he a bat? No one's hearing should be that good!, "Um, it's O seven hundred hours, right?" Brody said, hoping Rush would let it go this time. No such luck.
"No, Mr. Brody, if you'd kindly consult your watch, you'll notice it is in fact seven thirty-four a.m."
Brody shoved his watch hand into his pocket guiltily. "My uh, my watch stopped last night. I didn't notice until, uh... just now."
Rush was definitely not buying that one, but he evidently didn't think this conversation was worth another moment of his valuable time. He waved Brody, lies and all away pointing autocratically towards the engineering console, which is exactly where Brody went. He spared a brief glance at the perpetually punctual Volker who had clearly loved every second of Brody's discomfiture judging by the subtle grin on his face.
Brody ignored Volker's amused grin and pulled out his personal To Do list for the day...
To Do List- Monday
.get yelled at by Rush for being late.
. Refine paper recipe. Rush is complaining about the texture being too gummy.
.De-gunk the air filters
. Re-wire the starboard weapons platforms so that it no longer points strait at the bridge.
Brody quickly crossed off item #1. I wish all my jobs were that easy, he muttered as he moved on with the other tasks he'd been assigned today.
An hour later Brody decided to give up on his paper recipe for the time being making a mental note to make sure Rush had plenty of chalk to keep him busy in the meantime and he left to clear his head with a little manual labor. De-gunking the air filters would do nicely. He headed for the forward elevator and was annoyed to find that Park was heading for the same lift. He hesitated and then started to turn around like he'd forgotten something.
"Hey, aren't you going down to the engineering deck to clean the air scrubbing filters?" she asked brightly."It's on your To Do List... right?" No one has any right to be that cheery at eight thirty in the morning and on nothing but a breakfast of orange goop. Brody sighed and entered the elevator, quickly followed by Park. "I thought I'd forgotten something" he lied. The last thing he wanted to do was to tell Lisa that he found her preternatural perkiness grating (to say the least). The doors closed, sealing them in for the next few minutes as Lisa recounted her own boring morning as well as going into far too much detail about her and Greer's 'romantic' life. He hoped she didn't notice how quickly he slid out the doors the second they opened wide enough to admit him. He sighed, Lisa was a nice girl, but she didn't understand boundaries at all. That's one good thing you could say about Rush. HE never nattered on about his private life in the lift. It was strictly eyes forward, no suddenly movements, no need for chit-chat... Brody unbolted the air system housing and started pulling out the first filter in the system. He felt better already. It would be good to get his hands dirty and relax...
TUESDAY
"Mister Brody..." Rush growled.
"Yeah yeah, I know. Late again as usual." Brody slipped past the angry lead scientist and headed for his console and his handy To Do List...
To Do List- Monday Tuesday
.get yelled at by Rush for being late. Again.
. Refine paper recipe. Rush is complaining about the texture being too gummy.
.De-gunk the air filters
. Re-wire the starboard weapons platforms so that it no longer points strait at the bridge.
. find a faster route through the ship; must avoid getting trapped in the elevator with Park.
.repair the repair droid.
.work at raising ship light levels without having to recharge in every single star we pass.
. get yelled at by Rush for raising the light levels to a more human level.
.inventory the booze to find out exactly how many bottles Young has been pilfering every week.
Brody was just deciding which chore he wanted to tackle first when he sensed great perturbation behind him... Rush had followed him.
"Colonel Young would like to see you," he said, obviously annoyed at both losing Brody for an undetermined period of time and at having to play errand boy for Colonel Young, "as soon as you're able." he added, promptly turning and stalking back to his own console.
"Ok..." Brody started to reply, he meant ask what the heck Young wanted, but Rush had already crossed the room and returned to his own console.
O
As he'd expected, Colonel Young was in his 'office' and he didn't mince words.
"Oh, good, you got my message" he said, "Always nice to know that Rush occasionally does what I ask him to do."
"Look if this is about my being late the last few days, I..."
Young raised his hand dismissively, "No no, this is a request direct from Starfleet Command", he said, "They want you to consult on an Ancient weapon array the found on a planet a few days ago. Apparently McKay thinks it's similar to Destiny's technology and they want you to come over and have a look."
"You want me to swap off the ship? But, I have a million things..." Brody protested.
Young interrupted his protest with a slight raise of his hand, "O'Neill promised me he'd make sure you swapped with another engineer. With a little hand-holding they should be able to tick a few items off your list while you're gone. Oh and by the way I'm going to need you to sign this." he handed Brody a handwritten piece of paper that looked suspiciously like a contract. "Wray dictated it from memory after her last swap." The Colonel said a mild apology in his voice.
Brody shrugged and began to read...
Stargate Command Rules, Stipulations and Regulations Regarding the Use of Ancient Communications Stones
(Short Version)
By signing this document you signify your agreement in the hypothetically temporary lending of your physical form (i.e. body) to another member of the Stargate program or under special circumstances to a non-member who has been granted special permissions.
You waive all rights to punitive action against Stargate Command, no matter what activity your body engaged in during your absence. These possible activities include, but are not limited to…
Excessive drinking of alcohol
Excessive eating in general, including accidental ingestion of allergens by the visiting consciousness.
Illegal drug use*
Reckless activities causing physical harm including
Broken bones
Chemical burns
Radiation Poisoning
Death
All variant forms of sexual intercourse** including
Adultery
Homosexuality
Extra-Terrestrial Sex
Bestiality
Incest (the physical body being related to the sexual partner)
Incest (the current mind being related to the sexual partner)
(see also reckless activities)
*please note any legal consequences fall on the current occupant of the body due to national security concerns. We will not help you.
**any physical consequences to sexual contact including, unplanned pregnancy, emotional issues, marital fall-out, physical damage and/or contracting an STD whether local or extra-terrestrial; are solely the problem of the current occupant of said effected body. If you contract Jaffa Rot then Stargate medial personal will supply you with the requisite cream, but the cost will be deducted from your (i.e. the effected physical body's) paycheck.
date filed _
sign your name here _
Please attach a 16F form signifying your next of kin and a 2H form designating your medical wishes in case of extreme injury either physical or mental.
Stargate Command would like to thank you for participating in this volunteer program.
Have a nice day!
Brody rolled his eyes at the inescapable bureaucracy of it all. But there was no point in fighting it. He signed.
He hoped whoever got his body didn't royally screw up Destiny's systems while he was gone...
WEDNESDAY
"Mister Brody!" Rush shouted loudly the moment he entered.
"What now?" Brody asked, "In case you haven't noticed, I'm actually on time for once."
"And I wish to complement you on that fact, Mr. Brody" Rush said, "In fact I'm thrilled to have you back after that incompetent nincompoop Stargate Command expected me to let run unsupervised over the ship in your absence. What was his name, again?"
"Turnbull?" Brody guessed at the airman's name. As they'd technically never met his name hadn't meant much to him at the time.
"Anyway, glad to have you back, Brody." Rush said.
"You're not going to ...hug me or anything?" Brody asked.
"Do I look like Commander Young to you?" Rush scowled and walked away, leaving Brody to pencil in the latest entries in his list...
To Do List- Monday Tuesday Wednesday
.get yelled at by Rush for being late. Again.
. Refine paper recipe. Rush is complaining about the texture being too gummy.
.De-gunk the air filters
. Re-wire the starboard weapons platforms so that it no longer points strait at the bridge.
. get yelled at by Rush for raising the light levels to a more human level.
. find a faster route through the ship to work; avoid getting trapped in the elevator with Park.
.repair the repair droid. (not a problem! - Airman Turner)
.work at raising ship light levels without having to recharge in every single star we pass.
. get yelled at by Rush for raising the light levels to a more human level. (that guy really is a piece of work isn't he? - Airman Turner
.inventory the booze to find out exactly how many bottles Young has been pilfering every week.
. FINALLY tell Volker that I love him.
Brody scowled at the final entry on his list and began amending it.
... FINALLY tell Volker that I love him.
.find out who's been messing with my list and kill them.
.re-repair the repair droid that the temp using my body messed up.
THURSDAY
"Honestly man, I don't know what you're complaining about." Volker said, "The last time I swapped bodies was with McKay and when I came back I had a nice black & blue shiner from James. Having to clean up a few miss-wired panels and hunt down a demented repair droid is child's play compared to having to apologize for comments someone else made while they were in your body to a woman who could twist your neck off like a chicken."
"She knew it wasn't you all the time." Brody guessed, "She probably just wanted to mess with you a little bit."
"Maybe. But I talked to one guy back at Stargate Command who's been sleeping on his couch for six weeks after his wife found pictures on Facebook of his body snuggling up to a couple of blonds in a bar somewhere."
"Yikes." Brody commented.
"Exactly." Volker said, "Count yourself lucky my friend."
Brody watched Volker walk away and returned to counting the items on his never-ending To-Do list.
To Do List- Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday
.get yelled at by Rush for being late. Again.
. Refine paper recipe. Rush is complaining about the texture being too gummy. Finally!
.De-gunk the air filters
. Re-wire the starboard weapons platforms so that it no longer points strait at the bridge.
. get yelled at by Rush for raising the light levels to a more human level.
. find a faster route through the ship to work; avoid getting trapped in the elevator with Park.
.repair the repair droid. (not a problem! - Airman Turner)
.work at raising ship light levels without having to recharge in every single star we pass.
. get yelled at by Rush for raising the light levels to a more human level. (that guy really is a piece of work isn't he? - Airman Turner
.inventory the booze to find out exactly how many bottles Young has been pilfering every week.
. FINALLY tell Volker that I love him. No need he tells ME everyday!
.find out who's been messing with my list and kill them. I think it was probably Eli. He better watch his back.
.re-repair the repair droid the temp using my body messed up.
. Find more reliable source of rubber for condoms. Apparently the tree sap stuff we picked up on the last planet just isn't cutting it.
. get yelled at by Rush for not being Eli.
. Cut back on the booze.
.get yelled at by Rush for writing lists when I should be working.
. Stop writing to do lists.
Brody added a firm period to the last entry, crumpled the list up and tossed it into a nearby trashcan.
O
several minutes later...
Nicholas Rush hunched down over the trashcan and clucked his tongue angrily as he rescued the list from the trash and carefully flattened it out before turning it over and beginning his own To-Do List with...
Item 1: Lecture Mr. Brody on necessity of conserving our limited resources.
Item 2: Lecture Eli on the evils of sloth and the pleasurable satisfaction of a job well done.
Item 3: Play chess with Franklin's avatar.
Item 4: Have Brody fix the hull breach in section 42 so I can stop running into Park every morning on my way to work.
Item 5: Talk to Young about personal space and how he's using too much of it.
Item 5: Confess to Brody that I was the one who messed with his list...
...HA! Rush grinned and scratched out the last item. Some things are just best left undone. He decided as he carefully pocketed the valuable scrap of paper and went on with his work.
THE END