A/N: A new fic. Whoopee… ^_^ And guess what? Inu Yasha is only an extra here! And Sesshoumaru is younger than Kagome! And also, it's a Mir/Kag. If ya don't like it, then you can always not read it. ^_^ It's gonna be voiced by Kagome!
Disclaimer: The story where I got my story belongs to Maya O. Calico while the characters do not belong to be either. So please don't sue me.
Chapter 1:
February 1, (past midnight, my room)
Has anybody seen my self-esteem?
I think I may have tossed her out on her nice, decent, well-mannered ass in the trashcan, together with the empty bottle of Gato Negro Merlot I swallowed to the last drop last night. A girl can do that-lose things when she's had a little too much to drink. And I don't drink. Well, OK, but only when the occasion calls for it; like New Year's Eve, or at the annual gang out-of-town thingie in Tagaytay/Baguio/Tali Beach which legitimizes drunken bonding.
Or now that Kouga, the guy I've been thinking about/ breathing for every waking hour of this past year, has told me, "This isn't working." Like our relationship was the windup toy that came from his Happy meal-the hopping hamburger he was so amused with in the beginning. When it suddenly refused to walk/ roll/ jump, he didn't want it anymore.
It was an occasion that literally begged for inebriation, if you ask me. Medical Science has confirmed that alcohol is indeed a great anesthetic. And boy, I so don't need to feel this pain right now. Bottoms up, then.
Don't worry: I'm pretty sure the million and one soiled, balled-up wads of tissue that got in the trash can ahead of my self-esteem cushioned her fall. Otherwise, I would have heard her scream or painfully simper at the least.
But then again, my self-esteem has always been the polite one.
Always doing the right thing. Covering her mouth when she coughed. Saying "I'm sorry" when she inadvertently stepped on someone's toes or intercepted somebody's cab in the taxi line at Glorietta.
Blurting out "excuse me" after she coughed –even if she was the only person in the room.
Forgiving her super busy boyfriend if he didn't call when he said he would. Like those nights Kouga insisted on drinking with the boys/dinner with his family/basketball with his officemates instead of seeing a chick flick/trying out this new food place/watching a new VCD of an old film like Singing In the Rain with his girlfriend. Each time he was unfortunately supposed to be somewhere else, my self-esteem sagged just a bit only to recover and chirpily answer. "That's okay, Babe."
After all, I patiently assumed he was being in his proverbial "cave", wanting to be his primal lonely self.
And boy, my self-esteem was quite the bouncy kind.
She always had the right things to say to a friend who had failed miserably-whether that friend lost a parent, a job, a boyfriend. My self-esteem had that proactive go-go manner of Stephen "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" Covey or Deepak "Seven Spiritual Laws" Chopra.
Or, God forbid that sappy Bo "You can have a Beautiful Life" Sanchez.
In short, she was disgustingly perfect.
And all it took for her self-esteem to shrink from its former size XL to a diminutive, breathe-constricting size XXS where three words: "This isn't working."
I want to curl up and cry myself to sleep—again. See previous entry for a reason.
(previous entry)
January 31, 5:41 a.m.
I'm giddy in manner of a ten-year-old on the morning of her birthday. Except that it's not my birthday today.
It's my anniversary! Not month-sary, but anniversary as in one year of coupled bliss with Kouga Kakeshi!
I slipped on my black slacks, cardigan and Nike sneaks just in time for 6:15 mass. Thanksgiving time, you know. Have a bit more time to muse about joys of couple hood.
Except for Hojo—pseudo-boyfriend-slash-pen pal in second year high school- Kouga is my first real relationship. I mean, hello, Hojo and I exchanged nothing but letters and shy glances the few times we actually met.
But Kouga and I, well, we've exchanged… so much more. In fact, he has been the topic of conversation with just about anyone who was willing to listen. Can't help it-I'm stricken with a terminal case of Kouga-mentionitis. With mom, during our monthly overseas calls. With Yura-best bud and requisite beautiful friend-who's very impressed with our love affair to date. (The fact that Yura hasn't been with the same guy for more than six months puts my 364-day love affair with Kouga on level with Historical biggies like Edsa Dos, the legalization of annulment in the Philippines and the invention of the low-riser thing.) With Inu Yasha-male best friend fascinated by hanyous and youkais-who suspects Kouga is really a wolf demon in lawyer's clothing.
Same day, 9:04 am
Subjected Father (You pick name) to Kouga-mentionitis at confessional this a.m.
"Bless me father, for I have sinned," I croaked.
"Yes, my child," Father (You pick name) replied from behind the webbed window. "What are your sins."
I paused—I was hoping my voice would sound unrecognizable to Father, who is probably onto me and the "sins" I regularly 'fess up to him month after month. But given slight distortion on my audio at 6 am, I was pretty sure he couldn't tell it was me, Kagome Higurashi, guilty of the following transgressions, namely:
"I've had impure thoughts about my boyfriend, Father…"
"Go on, my child…"
"…and I've engaged in deep kissing with him a couple of times…"
"Go on…"
"…and I've allowed him to, uhm, sort of touch me… below my neck, Father…"
The good priest let out a heavy sigh.
"My child," he said, slowly and gently. "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak…"
I hear you, Father! I hear you!
Can I help it that Kouga is tall, handsome and built like Tom Cruise at his prime? Pretty sure any girl in her right frame of mind would likewise be tempted. And isn't that what penance is for?
"God knows your heart, your intention to do the holy thing…"
Amen, Father. I would like to stay a virgin until I am married but I can't help enjoying make out sessions with my boy. I'm only human, right?
"But you've got to do your part and not put yourself in tempting situations, my child."
Now how do I do that, pray tell? Especially with a romantic candlelit dinner and very probable hot-and-heavy kissing session in cards tonight.
Oh Father, forgive me!
"How's that, Father?"
"Do not stare at the wine when it is red," he said ambiguously.
Sounds like a secret Church code I should already know now that I am a 23-year-old Catholic. Perhaps it's Father (You pick name)'s poetic/biblical way of saying "Thou shalt not have sex"?
"For your penance, say one Our Father, 10 Hail Marys and one Glory Be, my child…"
"Thank you, Father," I said meekly.
"God Bless you, Kagome." He replied.
I'm so busted.
Same day, 7:08 pm
One of the rare nights in my life Yura convinced me to wear mascara, and she unwittingly lent me one of the non-smear proof variety.
Rule number 1: Never experiment with new makeup techniques on night of big date. Unless it's a fundraiser for the World Wildlife Fund and you've decided to come as a wasted panda/raccoon.
I have other plans, though. I want to look drop-dead gorgeous in manner of Hollywood star walking down the red carpet during Oscar night (and hopefully doesn't trip). Or maybe at least a rung above average for this one evening.
I rummaged for baby oil and cotton balls to repair my unsuccessful attempt to achieve this season's smoky eye (courtesy of M magazine's "New Year, New You" issue). Kouga will be here in 16 minutes, but I'm not even half-way to scintillating! Hopefully, the Little Black Dress sprawled on my bed will make all the difference.
Good luck to me! I will be a dazzling diva when I meet my prince in the lobby.
* * * * * * * * * * *
It was 7:30 on the dot when I got his text message:
Kouga: I'm downstairs at the lobby.
As usual. My punctual, perfect sweetie. I thumbed back my reply: On my way down. See you. ;-)
I searched for my keys, locked up the apartment and ran to the elevator in my bare feet, my three-inch stilettos in one hand, my handbag in the other. I felt like Dorothy (Renee Zellwegger) in that scene from Jerry McGuire when she ran to meet Jerry (Tom Cruise) in the street.
Pretty Black Dress, check
Black cardigan, check
Rosy cheeks and breathless anticipation, check
Updo with loose tendrils, check
Lithe, sylph-like silhouette, check
Well, give or take an extra 10 pounds. But Yura reassured me The Dress gave me the illusion of slimness. She helped picked me out, saying I deserved a little splurge on the momentous occasion.
In the elevator, I closed my eyes and ran a finger across the smooth ceramic mug, tracing a slightly raised swirl of paint on the surface. Like I was blind and reading Braille. Kouga is going to love this, I whispered to myself.
Twenty floors down later, I sashayed across the lobby, trying to look as sexy and comfortable in my heels, visualizing Kouga's expression upon seeing how extra special I looked tonight.
"This isn't a dress, it's an Audrey Hepburn movie," I sighed to myself like a mantra. "I am an Audrey Hepburn movie. I am an Audrey Hepburn movie…"
Gasps! Kouga looked very handsome.
"Hey," I smiled from the top step of the front entrance, tilting my head for extra-'cuting' effect.
"Hey," he grinned back from the driver's seat of his car which was purring in the drive way. "Let's hurry or we'll lose our reservation at Viet Kong."
I teetered down the steps and deposited myself on the leather seat next to him. I kissed his clean-shaven cheek as he twiddled with the radio, finding a station. God, he smelled good-like musk, soap and clean air-conditioning.
Kouga settled on what sounded like a basketball game.
"Got a thousand pesos bet riding on this game, so hope you don't mind if I listen to the last three minutes," he said.
"No prob, hunny," I said, then raised my hand to fondle the back of his neck. Kouga leaned towards me, his hand running down my right shoulder, down my back to the base of my spine, then what felt like my, my, uhm, my butt?
"Kouga!" I giggled. "Can you wait till later? I just got in the car!"
He looked puzzled. "Huh?" he asked, slightly peeved. "I was just checking if you sat on my cell phone. Can you feel it?"
"Oh—no, I can't." I felt my face slightly burn.
"Sorry," he laughed, rubbing my back. "I could have sworn I left it on the seat-"
"Aaaaaah!" I yelped, as I felt a vibration under my thigh. I reached underneath my butt to fish out Kouga's Ericsson Mobile. One text message received.
Kouga grabbed it from my hand with the lightning-speed reflexes that made him a college hoop hottie.
"There you are!" he said, looking very happy and relieved to see his phone. Kouga replied to the text with frantic thumb moves, before he turned to me.
"Office stuff," he smiled. "I'm starved, are you?"
~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~
Kouga seemed a little preoccupied all throughout dinner.
His phone was busy beeping messages all night. Most of the time, he looked up from his cang cua boc tom (shrimp on crab legs) to answer a text message. Ever since he'd been hired as a junior associate at Damyo, Kakeshi and Doku- his father's law firm-he'd been too busy to just hang out with me. Some days, he'd call to say he couldn't come over because Mr. X and his mistress en route to the airport.
Dame control, he says, I say, it's fine.
Meanwhile, I limited my food intake to Vietnamese spring rolls and soup for fear that I'd pop out of my dress. Give optins, I decided to just chew the fact.
"Inu Yasha is inviting all of us to their house in Subic (a great place found in the Philippines where Ocean Adventure is located) on Saturday," I said in my most sweet/flirty (not in a bad slutty way). "Let's go!"
"Who's us?" he chewed.
"Well, there's you and me, Naraku and Yura and Sango."
He wrinkled his nose at the name of Naraku. "Can't, have work."
"On a Saturday?" I said, almost disbelievingly.
"I might be off to Cebu (where I think Boracay Beach is nearly located, but not inside the place's vicinity-it's a beach with pure white sand) for a convention."
"This Saturday?" I couldn't believe it.
"Whenever you guys are doing Subic. But you go." He simply told me.
"You don't like my friends, Babe?"
"Kagome, don't start." He said in a warning tone.
"That's OK, I won't go if you won't go."
"What are we? Joined at the hip?"
Then somewhere between dessert and Vietnamese coffee, Kouga said those three words. "This isn't working."
At first, I assumed Kouga was referring to a defective strainer through which hot water dripped. I efficiently inspected the faulty utensil.
"It's fine, Babe," I told him sweetly, after realizing it was in perfect condition. I fluttered my mascara'd lashes (with extra curling power), but caught something in my eyes instead.
"I didn't mean that," Kouga said impatiently, his dark gaze drilling holes in my banh dua ca ramen (coconut flan with caramel). Politeness being one of my virtues, I pursued this line of conversation not knowing I was driving a stake deeper into my heart. I mean, I didn't exactly expect to hear those three words given the warm glow of tea lights on our faces, the soft guitar strains serenading us and my attempts to look above-average for the evening: For once, I wasn't wearing my trademark black slacks and black hoodie pullover that camouflaged me on my fat days (everyday of my life since I turned 15).
"What isn't working, babe?"
Long pause.
Finally, Kouga looked up. "Us."
Was I hearing this right? Was Kouga Kakeshi breaking up with me on our—gasp!—first year anniversary?
I was too taken aback to have thoughts of some depth. The only thing that came to my mind was that, I would have saved the Php 3,699 (I think around 69 dollars-79) I spent on The Little Black Dress. I absentmindedly ran my hand over my lap to feel the fabric.
Kouga tried to break it to me as gently as he could. "I feel this last year has been a landmark year in my life, Kagome. I passed the bar and I'm in a job that's the envy of every guy in my batch…" he said his eyes downcast. "And had it not been for you, I wouldn't have sobered up and really buckled down to study and keep going when I was at my lowest."
I felt a lump quiver in my throat as I recalled our very first meeting a little over a year ago. A serendipitous encounter that I thought was the start of something very good, real and lasting. And I was right. Until this moment.
"Kagome, I am at a crossroads and I feet the need to appeal for a recess from our relationship."
"A what?" I asked.
"A recess." He mumbled.
Ah, yes. Lawyerspeak for 'a break'
From then on, there was no stopping the litany of legalese pouring out of his mouth. For a split second, I wondered how many years I'd get for stabbing a lawyer with a dessert fork.
"But why? I thought we were fine," I implored softly.
"Correction, your honor, I beg to disagree," he replied, raising his palm up at me. "You thought we were OK. But you made the conclusion on insufficient evidence." I would have loved punched him the gut if I didn't love him.
"But I thought you loved me," I said, ignoring his previous statement. Getting mildly desperate perhaps. "You said I was the wittiest girl you've ever met, that no one made you laugh the way I did… and that U had the cutest laugh."
"But you've changed, Kagome." He said, matter-of-factly.
Last time I checked, I was the same old Kagome he met at the Breakfast Club. Didn't he appreciate me watching his monthly basketball games instead of going out with Yura, Sango and Inu Yasha? All his family lunches? And all the other times I was available when he needed me?
"These days, I fee like your world revolves around me, like I'm the only person who can make you happy," said Kouga. "When I can't be with you, I feel guilty because I know you're just staying home watching some sappy 80's movie on HBO…"
"Don't you like that?" I asked. I felt I had just shacked a window marked "Break glass in case of sheer desperation."
"The part where you watch all day sappy movies?" I asked me stupidly and I was more than tempted to whack him on the head. I shook my head.
He sighed as realization hit him. "Oh Kagome, you're soooo nice…"
Somehow, the last statement didn't feel like a compliment. More like a character defect disguised as a well-meaning phrase.
He plowed on. "And I can't deal with the pressures of my work and…" he bowed his head. "making you happy."
~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~
For a moment, I couldn't breathe. Like I'd been smothered with a pillow in my sleep.
"You know…" Kouga smiled. "I haven't heard you laugh all night."
I looked him in the eye, holding back every tear that threatened to escape my ducts. Then I opened my mouth, hoping to tell him what was what in my thought bubble: "Would you laugh if someone was breaking up with you, you stupid git?"
But I couldn't say it. All I could do was listen to the drip, drip, drip of his coffee. (After all, we had established early on that, yes, the strainer was working.)
"I need to be alone for a while, Kagome." He finally said.
His words cut through the silence like a Bushido Blade, the weapon Japanese samurai used when they felt compelled to kill themselves.
"Kags, please say something…"
Oh Kami. Kouga was using the nickname. Like he always did when he was desperate.
"My coffee needs more condensed milk," I muttered. Kouga tensely waved a waiter over to serve me.
I sucked in my breathe, straightened up, then asked him, "How much time do you need?"
"I don't know…" Kouga said, burying his face in his big hands. "Don't wait for me, Kags."
Then his phone beeped a message.
I knew I had to let Kouga be. Relationship gurus like John Gray, Margie Holmes and Tita Dulce have all advised their dear readers the same thing: Let him go—if he comes back he's yours. If not, he was never meant to be. Or was that Sharon Cuneta's memorable line in Dear Heart? Oh, whatever.
Later that night, after he had dropped me off and hurriedly sped away, I reached into my bag for the anniversary gift I had painstakingly painted, glazed and wrapped at Color Me Mine in Shangri-la Mall. At the bottom of the ceramic mug, I had scribbled five words in the hopes Kouga would read them every tie he drained his morning cup of coffee. It read: "Love, Your Latte Day Saint."
End Of Chapter
Long chap for in my terms, ne? ^_^ Well, I hope that's good enough. And if ya have any suggestions, there's always that little review button down there. ^_^ Also, you can tell me what you think… refer to the review button again. ^_^ there are some grammatical errors, I'm aware of that, but that's the style they were talking so it was intended to be that way. ^_^
A bit of info:
Shangri-la Mall is this really big mall where lots of Actors and Actresses drop by. Mostly because of the fact there is an acting studio there where I took acting lessons just this summer of 2003. ^_^ It's a really great place, for all those Filipinos there and tourists. ^_^
Boracay- it's a tourist's feast place. Because it's really famous for its white sand and beautiful scenery. I know because I live in the country where it is located and I used to go there to sketch and put in oil painting the scenes I drew. ^_^
Also, I guess you're all thinking: Why put Kouga in that place when Inu Yasha's more suitable? A simple answer: it's too used and I'm trying not to be cliché. And as I've said, before, I'm a firm believer that every body has good in them that's why Yura became Kagome's friend. And while making reading the actual story, she fitted so well and I also have an assigned character for Kikyo. So please no flames and also, please review!!!
It took me three painstaking hours an hour after my 3hour painstaking lesson in Tae Kwon Do to write this. But I'm happy I take the lessons. ^_^ It's great in keeping me in shape. ^_-
So bye bye! And if ya need more data, review and I'll put some info in the next chap for ya!
P.S. This story is from Maya O. Calico and I decided to twist it a bit and make it anime-ish is because it's a really good book, but I don't think it will be sold in other countries because I myself had to translate a lot of words in this chap because it's half Tagalog. ^_^
Psst…
You see that button there?
*rolls eyes* yeah, the one on your right!!!
Yep, click it… don't be afraid…
Yes, you can do it! It's a must you review after reading a fic!
There! That wasn't so bad, no wasn't it? (Attempt to sound like a mommy trying to purr her baby after promising an injection would hurt a bit but was thinking it would hurt a lot)