If Only I Could, a harry potter fanfic

bTitle:/b If Only I Could

bAuthor/Artist:/b lj user="janealpha"

bPrompt:/b #56 Draco should be happy to be Harry Potter's mate, after all it's an honor to be mated to (creature), especially for purebloods. But, even though Harry dotes on him, loves him and even got rid of the Weasleys for him, he is only content. He has tried so many times to fall in love with the green eyed man, so many times, but he cannot because deep inside he knows that he never would have chosen Harry if he had another choice, so he pretends to be happy and in love.

bPairing:/b Harry/Draco

bCreature:/b Aswang or Asuwang wiki/Aswang

bWord Count:/b 2416

bRating:/b PG-13

bWarnings:/b (highlight to read) *span style="background-color:white;color:white;" Hints of MPREG, Blood sucking./span*

bDisclaimer:/b This creation is based on characters and situations created and owned by J. K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made, no copyright or trademark infringement, or offense is intended. All characters depicted in sexual situations are above the age of consent.

bNotes:/b Thank you to my Beta Kiss for stepping in last minute and doing such a fine job.

bSummary:/b

Draco had tried to be a good husband and he'd tried ever so hard to fall in love.

He was 24 years old and in the prime of his life though Draco's life hadn't turned out quite as he had expected. Perhaps during the war he hadn't had much hope as to how his life would turn out; yet he thought if Voldemort was gone that his life could be whatever he wanted it to be. He had dared to dream that his life would finally be his own. The blond had dreamed of a life where he would be free to be who he wanted to be, free to see who he wanted to see, and most certainly free to marry whom he wanted to marry (as long as his parents approved of course). That was not how Draco Malfoy's post war life had turned out.

When it had been announced in the Prophet, the week before he was due to return to Hogwarts to finish off his final year, that Harry Potter was Aswang the whole Wizarding world had been abuzz. It was common knowledge amongst purebloods that the Potter's had Aswang blood in their line. Just as the Malfoy's had Veela blood, though it had not manifested in either family for generations, centuries even. Draco remembered thinking, 'of course it would happen to Potter', while he sipped his earl grey and chuckled at the speculation that Millicent Bullstrode was Potter's mate.

Aswangers were often mistaken for Vampires though were, in fact, very different. Yes, it was true that they fed on human blood, but only the blood of their mate and no more than once a month. Their magical abilities were enhanced, which explained why Potter was so powerful, but the creature blood in no way made them 'evil' or 'untrustworthy'. Oh, and most importantly they weren't dead. The Potter's inherited dark messy hair and pale skin and that was what gave them away as Aswangers; there had never been any need to point out what gave the Veela blood away in the Malfoys.

He had expected Harry to look different for some reason and was quite shocked to see him board the train looking completely normal as he had all the time Draco had known him. Draco had scoffed when he noticed that many of the purebloods on the train where around Potters compartment; even the Slytherins. It was the highest honour amongst Purebloods to be mated to a creature though Draco didn't see the appeal.

It wasn't until January of that year that anything strange happened in his life. Flowers and other small trinkets began to turn up, whether they be on his pillow at night, his trunk in the morning, or in his school bag throughout the day. At the time he was dating Blaise Zabini but when he confronted his boyfriend about why he was leaving these things about the boy had been puzzled; and then insanely jealous. Draco had been puzzled too, he was easily the most hated person in the school, had been all but ignored since his return, so who would be going so much out of their way to leave these things for him?

The declaration arrived in March; a Declaration of Marriage from Harry Potter. Draco had almost burned the thing but of course a copy had been sent to his mother as well so it would have been a pretty pointless task.

"What's the meaning of this?" Draco had stormed across the courtyard the morning he had received the declaration after he spotted Potter, with his band of Merry Gryffindors. He left a confused Blaise following in his wake and caused the whole courtyard to stop and watch them when he shoved the piece of paper into Potter's chest.

The brunet calmly captured the declaration before it could flutter to the floor and folded it up neatly before holding it towards Draco. "It's a Declaration of Marriage."

In any other situation Draco would have relished in the disgusted look of shock on Weasley's face and the unshed tears of hurt that sprung to the corners of Weaslette's eyes. He noticed Granger put a comforting arm around the other girl's shoulders while simultaneously placing an arm on her boyfriends arm to stop him from interrupting his and Potter's confrontation. "I know what it is, Potter. I want to know why you sent it to me?"

Potter, with his arm still outstretched with the declaration, simply said. "You're my mate, Draco." The blond felt a hand on his elbow as if trying to pull him away from the situation and turned slightly to see Blaise. He felt a flash of guilt whip through him as he realised that his boyfriend didn't deserve to find out this way. He turned back to face the emerald eyed brunet and found him snarling at Draco's dark skinned boyfriend. "And I will stop at nothing to have you."

He looked back at Draco then and the world seemed to stand still as if the whole courtyard was caught up in the tension from their argument. Finally, Draco made the first move. He stepped forward and snatched the declaration from Potter's hand, grabbed Blaise, and stormed back up to the castle.

It was a week after the confrontation when he heard from his mother who explained that she had had to visit his father in Azkaban before making up her mind on recent developments. His mother, or rather his father, had decided that Draco should accept the marriage as it was a better match than they could have hoped for with their current social standing being what it was. Draco hadn't been surprised but asked his mother to arrange a meeting with the family lawyer as he would prefer a contract being drawn up before he agreed to anything.

"We're breaking up then?" It wasn't really a question and Draco knew it. They were locked away in their dormitory.

"I don't want to." Blaise had smiled at that and they had spent a final bittersweet night together. Afterwards the boy had placed a ring box in his hand telling him that he had planned to ask him to marry him. Draco had cried himself to sleep that night.

He and Harry were married in July, two weeks after finishing school, in a lavish and over-the-top ceremony organised by his mother and paid for from the Potter's Gringotts vault.

It was hard to believe that they had been married for five years next week.

Draco had tried to be a good husband and he'd tried ever so hard to fall in love.

He wasn't sure why he had so much trouble falling in love with Harry. The man had been the perfect partner from the moment they said 'I do'. He had doted on Draco trying his best to make him happy, and he did make Draco happy. He'd given up his home to move into Malfoy Manor he'd given up his friends and surrogate family simply because Draco hadn't liked them. Harry Potter had done everything humanly possible to make him happy. Oh, but don't start feeling sorry for him yet Draco had had to give up things too. No extra marital relations had been written in scratchy handwriting by Potter on the first review of the marriage contract and that they would share a marital bed every night. So much for palming him off with a wing on the opposite side of the house then. After a few weeks Draco didn't much mind the whole monogamy clause... The sex was good. More than good, it was bloody amazing. Then a couple of months later Harry muttered the dreaded words, 'I love you', he whispered them sweetly one night after a particularly exhausting round of coupling. Draco had wanted to say them back, really he did, but he just didn't love Harry.

Four years later and Draco still didn't love his husband. They had fallen into a sort of routine. Harry would spend the days out working at Gringotts as a curse breaker and Draco would spend his days, milling about the manor, or going out for luncheons with his friends, or helping his mother organise balls to help the family claw their way back up the social ladder. That's when Harry had asked for the one thing Draco could give him.

Familiar arms wrapped round his waist and a chin rested on his shoulder so he was able to read the guest list Draco was revising for the summer ball. "Your mother's had you busy today, then?" Harry asked kissing Draco's cheek.

"Very much so, so busy in fact, that I will want to do nothing than curl up in bed tonight." Harry gave a disbelieving snort which made Draco smirk.

Harry withdrew himself a little from the blond and tugged him up by his hand. "Come. I have something for you." Draco couldn't help but smile. Harry was always surprising him with expensive little presents.

"That sounds ominous." He followed him anyway all the way across the manor to the room next to their own. Harry stood back then to let Draco precede him through the door. He didn't go very far though stopping dead when he saw the cream cot in the middle of the room. "Harry, why..."

"I want to have you bear my child, Draco." And how could he say no to that. The one thing that he could actually give Harry.

Here he was 12 months later sat at home looking after his eight week old son. Scorpius James Potter-Malfoy. The end of the Malfoy name as they all knew it. From now on the two lines would be forever entwined in names until the horrifying day when someone decided to drop one of them. God, he hoped it would be Potter.

Harry was due home soon and tonight was feeding night. Draco finished giving Scorpius his bottle then stood up tucking the cover securely around the baby. The halls could be draughty this time of year. He hummed a little tune as he carried his son to his bedroom. Carefully he placed him in his crib satisfied with himself when Scorpius remained asleep. The blond watched the baby for a couple of minutes to make sure he really was settled before creeping out of the room as quietly as possible. He waved his wand at the door casting a one-way silencing charm so that his son wouldn't be disturbed by the noises in the manor.

"Kreacher!" The house elf popped in to view almost instantly.

"Yes Master Draco." He bowed. Kreacher had been a much more reliable house elf now he was serving under the Blacks again.

"If Scorpius wakes tonight before Master Harry and I you are to take him to Mistress Malfoy. Is that understood?" Draco cast a quick monitoring charm on the room just incase. Harry might need him tonight but Scorpius needed him more.

"Tonight is Master Harry's feeding night. Kreacher will take Young Master to Mistress Malfoy if he wakes." The elf gave a final bow before disappearing with a click of his fingers.

Draco knew that Harry would arrive home in the next half hour so he began his usual preparations. He placed the blood replenishing potion on the nightstand... An essential after a couple of mishaps early on in their marriage where Draco had passed out from blood loss. Then the blond stripped off his clothes and jumped under the covers. No sooner had he got comfortable did he hear footsteps approaching their room.

Harry entered in a frenzy clearly already half gone. As he got closer to the bed Draco could see his fangs glinting in the soft candle light. They didn't speak as Harry crawled on the bed and over to the blond. Draco closed his eyes as Harry positioned himself over the top of Draco leaning down and sniffing his neck. He let out a groan as his mate's smell filled his senses. Draco moaned when he felt Harry's tongue lapping at his neck. Anti-septic he knew. Then Harry bit down and Draco moaned in pleasure.

There coupling was rough as it always was during feeding but it left Draco feeling satisfied. He was pulled against Harry's chest fighting sleep. "I love you." The man whispered into his blond locks. Draco didn't answer but gave Harry's chest a tired kiss.

"Do you think you will ever love me, Draco?" The blond felt his blood run cold. He knew that Harry knew he didn't love him but had never before confronted him

"Isn't this enough?" Wasn't it enough that he had granted Harry's every wish? That he had given him a son?

"It is. I just wish you loved me."

"I love you for giving me Scorpius. I have tried to love you for you."

"I know. I'm thankful for that." Draco's chest ached for Harry. He couldn't imagine the pain he felt knowing that the man he loved did not nor probably never would love him back.

"I have done you a great wrong, Harry." The blond whispered into Harry's chest.

"You've done nothing but make me happy." Harry's arms tightened round him. Ever the protective mate.

"I took your friends, your family, away from you." All those years ago when he had entered the bond he had asked Harry to stop seeing them out of spite. He was a man now. Harry made him strong enough to face his mistakes.

"You're all the family I need."

"You're wrong. You deserve to be loved, I thought I could love you, but I can't." Harry was trying to quiet him with 'sshs'. "No. Tomorrow you will take our son to the Weasley's and show him off. You will take tea with them, talk about their lives, and be loved. Then you will come home and tell me all about it and I will listen."

The room was quiet for a while until Harry whispered "Thank you."

Draco didn't reply but in the morning he sent an Owl off to the Weasleys apologising for keeping Harry from them and asked them to welcome him back into their hearts. The reply he received simply said 'Always'.

Later after Scorpius had been put to bed Draco listened as he was told all about the numerous Weasley's lives. He listened as he was told how much Scorpius had been loved. He listened as he was told how happy Harry was.

He had finally given Harry the love he needed. Even if the love wasn't from himself.