A/N: Claire's thoughts, set at the end of 1x21 ("The Hard Part"), in Kirby Plaza. Moment of clarity. Written off a prompt from my very good friend, Misao, whom I love and adore, and in turn dedicated to her because she's just that amazing.
Prompt: "On the inside I realize that I'm the one confused."
Claire brushed past Peter and sat down, sighing heavily. He glanced at her and she rolled her eyes and looked away, clutching her purse protectively. Peter sighed in turn and walked away, muttering to Claire he was going to try to find Ted. Claire nodded absently, but didn't look at him.
She was mad. She was in New York, far away from her family and her life, running from God knows what with a gun in her purse. She wanted to run, to go home, to be normal. But Peter insisted that she had to help him save the world. It was insane – she was sure it could only end badly.
Then again, being "normal" hadn't gone so well for her either.
She glanced around at the people near her, thinking about her family. About how much she'd hurt them – hurt her mom, hurt her dad, just by trying to be someone she wasn't. Trying to be normal. With a jolt, she realized that maybe Peter wasn't the crazy one.
She looked around again and thought about the last six months. About the secrets, the lies, everything she said and did to try and make herself seem normal. About the filmed suicide attempts which she knew would fail from the beginning. About how she secretly feared them, secretly wished one of them would take. How she was primarily just curious to see how far she could push herself. She thought about everything that had happened to bring her here. About Zach, Jackie, the Haitian, Peter. About destiny. Peter kept saying they all had a destiny. Maybe he was right. Maybe they really were supposed to save the world.
But, how? She was scared. She couldn't get hurt, but other people could. Her family did. What if they were hurt even more? What if she made a mistake and all of New York exploded? What would happen to them then? What would happen to her?
She blinked back tears and searched around the square for Peter, but he was out of her sight. She suddenly felt scared. Peter was the only person who she felt could protect her.
But you can't get hurt, she argued with herself.
Maybe not, but there are other things that could happen to me, she replied.
Like what?
I don't know.
It was the thought that scared her most. Unknown dangers lurked around her constantly. She was always hiding from something just out of sight. Running from something just beyond reach. All she wanted was just to be normal again.
But that was impossible. She was so very far from normal.
Her mother's voice kept running through her head. "We come up against all kinds of fires in our lives, and when we test ourselves and face our fears, we usually don't get burned. You are very wise, sweetheart. Whatever it is you did, I'm proud of you." She wished to God she could hear that voice now. Hoped, maybe, the next time she heard it, it would be telling her again that she was proud.
She prayed her dad was okay. He'd been shot for her. Hurt, to keep her safe. She owed so much to him and she didn't even know where he was. She would've given anything to have him next to her, calling her Claire Bear.
She even would've been happy to see Lyle.
But they were safe. She hoped. She prayed. They were safe because she was here. Exactly where she wanted to run from. Exactly where Peter told her she was so desperately needed.
Needed. There were people depending on her. People like her. Peter never appeared to have a longing for normality. Her priorities needed shifting. Zach had once told her to 'embrace her inner freak'. She thought they'd gotten it right. She'd been so confused. She was part of something here. She was needed.
She realized now that she'd been wrong. Here she was, trying to save herself, when Peter was risking everything to try and save everyone else. It had to be done. And she had to help. For her family. She guessed it really was her destiny.
But it scared her. It really scared her. She wasn't sure she was strong enough for it. And, oh, how she wished her daddy was with her. Just to see him and she would feel stronger.
Less vulnerable.
Peter marched back over to her, calling on his way, "There's no sign of him." When he reached her, he saw the tears on her face and asked, concerned, "What's wrong?"
Claire sniffed and looked up at him, then began. "I'm not normal." It was obvious, but it was the truth, and it needed to be said. "I tried to pretend that I was, and I just hurt everyone – my mom, my dad. I ruined everything because of what I am. I hated it." She sniffed a little, grieving for her mistakes, and looked up at him. "But you," she said, thinking about his courage, "when I met you, I finally felt like I was a part of something."
He smiled a little lopsidedly. "That's funny," he said, a tiny laugh lacing his words. "I felt the same thing when I met you." He brushed the tears from her face gently.
Smiling slightly, Claire glanced aside, then did a double take at what she saw.
"Dad," she breathed, almost not daring to believe it. But it was him. She stood and ran to him. "Dad!"
He looked as shocked as she was, and he opened his arms, calling her name and enveloping her protectively with his arms. She held him tightly as he kissed her head and breathed into her hair the words she had so longed to hear. "I love you, Claire Bear."
Maybe she was strong enough for destiny after all.