No Turning Back
Alright folks... this is my first ever fanfiction. So please be gentle with any criticism or comments. Hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks! (As much as I wish I did, I do not own Criminal Minds.)
* Takes place after "Forever People" *
JJ sat on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands. While Will paced back and forth in front of her.
They were both frustrated and exhausted.
Their relationship had been very tense for some time.
After the discussion she had with Spence while on the cult case in Boulder City, and gaining some closure from looking over the file and making the decision to put it all behind her for good. The next step to doing that, meant her exposing something she'd kept secret for five long years... Will needed to know about the baby...
Will didn't take the news very well. He suggested that the miscarriage was her own fault, because she shouldn't have accepted the position in Afghanistan in the first place. She resented him for that. And things spiraled from there...
"We can't keep doing this, Will." She sighed, with her head still in her hands.
"You're right. We need some time... I need some time."
JJ lifted her head to look at him, he could see the exhaustion in her face.
"Take Henry to your Mother's in the morning. It's late we shouldn't wake him..." Will said, sounding sure of himself. JJ blinked, frozen by his words...
"Wh... what are you going to do?" she slowly let out
"I'm leavin', Cher. We both know this can't go on. Not like this."
He had his hands on his hips and he looked JJ square in the eye. She looked around the room. The bed they shared, the family photos... and in that moment, she exhaled. A sense of relief washed over her, when she realized it was all over. Finally everything would be behind her. The loss of her child, her abduction and torture, and now, her marriage that had began for all the wrong reasons, but was ending for the right one.
"You're right..." she said glancing down while standing to her feet. "Where will you go?" she asked
"I'll get a room for now, until I find a place." She nodded and crossed her arms "We'll figure this all out, Cher. I promise."
He reached for her folded arms, gently pulled them apart & moved forward to softly embrace her. She hugged him back and closed her eyes. As he slowly stroked her back he spoke softly as he said "It'll all work out. We're parents to a perfect little boy and that was meant to be. We found each other to bring him into this world. I guess we just ain't fit to be together... that part we didn't get right... but we'll be alright, Cher." She pulled away from Will and simply said "Yeah... yeah we will."
After Will left JJ felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. Her nightmares about her abduction had subsided. And she was able to focus better at work and spend more time with Henry. Things were finally coming together in her life and she could finally breathe again. She was ready to move on and find herself again.
She had been spending more time with Spence. He had always been her best friend, but their discussion in Nevada is what made her realize what she hadn't ever seen before. It helped her to see what she'd always know, but never admitted to herself. Her life was finally going in the right direction and she only had one person to thank for that... Spence. It was time. They'd both spent too many years too afraid of what she knew to be true.
The team was on their red-eye flight back to VA from their most recent case. JJ sat quietly while watching Spence sleep beside her. She was on a bit of a high because they had managed to take down the unsub without anyone getting hurt. She smiled inwardly. She began to ponder how much things would be different... She was staring off, allowing her mind to daydream. She was startled out of her thoughts by a sleepy-eyed Spence looking at her, asking "What are you thinking about?"
Looking at him from her daze, she smiled slightly and said "I need to tell you something. Do you think we could go somewhere when we land?" His head cleared as he became more fully awake. He cleared his throat and looked into her eyes deeply with concern. "Of coarse, JJ. Absolutely. Anything you need, I'm here for you. You know that." She reached for his hand and gave it a firm squeeze. "Thank you, Spence." He squeezed back and smiled as they approached their landing.
Her mind raced as she stood behind him while he unlocked the door to his apartment. 'It's too late to get cold feet now...' she thought. They stepped through his door, and set down their go-bags and briefcases. Their car ride was mostly silent and he'd been studying her face and trying to determine if what she needed to tell him would be good or bad news. He couldn't tell, and he grew slightly concerned. Now they stood in his dining room and he reached out to touch her shoulder and said "What's wrong, JJ?" She shook out of her thoughts and turned around to look into his piercing eyes and she said plain and simply, "Will and I have separated." His mouth fell open slightly from shock. "Oh my god, JJ. I had no idea, I'm so sorry." He gripped her shoulder sympathetically. "Do you mind if I ask what happened?" She sighed and allowed her shoulders to drop as she relaxed a bit from her nervousness. Spencer had that effect on her. She felt comfortable around him. Safe and secure, but in a soothing way. It felt so right... more right than anything she'd ever felt before with anyone else. She could see his concern in his eyes.
She stammered while glancing down "Well... It... it was a lot of things, Spence... he blamed me for losing the baby..."
"He what?!" Spencer almost blurted out. Her eyes darted back up with surprise. He immediately apologized for his reaction. "I'm so sorry, that was inappropriate..." "No, Spence, it wasn't. That is an appropriate reaction. The reaction you had, when I told you was an appropriate one. But it's not just that though... It's... it..." Her nerves began to creep up and she felt back start to tense again. She had to look away from his gorgeous eyes, if she was going to continue on with any composure. She turned from him and took a couple steps towards the kitchen.
"Maybe we should have a drink...?" She said nervously. "Oh, of course! How rude of me!" as he breezed past her into his kitchen. "I don't keep any alcohol, but I can make some tea?" She nodded "Sure. That's perfect" As he began filling the tea kettle, she looked at him and said "Spence, I don't think you realize how much you helped me... with everything." He set the kettle on the stove and turned it on. Then he looked up and step closer to her. He looked her over, searching her eyes.
"I want to understand how you're feeling... what you're going through. I can't imagine the immense loss you must have felt losing a child."
She exhaled. His words... he doesn't even realize...
She slowly turned around & took a step toward him. Standing face to face, she reached to hold both of his hands down in front of them. She squeezed them gently, reassuringly... while searching his deep hazel eyes to see if they held a fragment of the emotions she was feeling in that moment.
She squeezed her eyes closed and inhaled deeply, almost to give herself the courage to speak...
"That's what I'm trying to tell you, Spence. You already understand better than anyone ever could. You've had to suffer the same immense emptiness that only comes from losing someone you love... someone haven't even had the chance to meet..."
He examined her expressions, repeated her words in his genius mind, trying to understand what she could possibly be implying...
She could see the slightly unsure look on his face, she knew she had to make herself clear. It was now or never. She had never felt so vulnerable in her entire life.
"We've both loved and lost, Spence... This time, I'm not going to lose love again..."
In that moment she released his hands, and brought them up to cup his face. She then swiftly closed the gap between them and gently pressed her lips against his. A soft moan escaping her as she did. Startled, for a brief second, Spencer took the smallest half stumble backward into the wall behind him. Once her lips landed on his he realized something he never imagined could become reality, suddenly was reality. This was real, and he wasn't going to miss his opportunity again. Not now... not after everything they've been through... Immediately, his instinct took over he he quickly reached his hands up to cup her face and began to kiss her back. This caused another slight moan to emit from deep in her throat, which encouraged Spencer to continue... He moved his hands to her hips and quickly turned them around, so she was now the one pressed against the wall. He paused briefly, looking deep into her brilliantly blue eyes, that were currently spilling with emotion. Silently asking her with his eyes what he desperately needed to know before he gave his heart to his first love... She could see it in his eyes...
"Spence... It's you. You're the one. I wasn't sure until now, but I know. I know, Spence. I love you."
"JJ... I... are you...?" A concerned expression pushing on his face
"Don't you feel it too?" She whispered...
JJ starting to feel slightly unsure of herself all of the sudden... what if she had been too bold... what if she ruined everything?
He saw her doubt and in that moment he knew he needed to show her. She needed to know. They'd waited long enough...
He brought his hands up and gently held the back of her neck while he firmly pressed his lips to hers. With much more fervor and passion in this kiss, than the previous... their breathing increased. Then he pulled away just far enough that he could see her face. He eyes remained closed briefly, her lips were swollen from his kiss, and her face was flushed from passion... he'd never seen her like this. He knew without a doubt in that moment that she meant what she said... and in that moment he decided to completely expose his heart to her... He stared deep into her eyes, and spoke so closely to her that she could feel his hot breath against her lips.
"I love you... I love you, JJ..."
A slow grin crept on her lips at the joy of hearing those words.
Her grin, gave him the approval he desired... which brought a slow grin to his face.
He bent back down to capture her lips with his. With more confidence this time, he sought entrance to her mouth with the tip of his tongue. She eagerly granted it to him, and their tongues began to dance. Her hands moved from roaming his broad back and shoulders to gripping his hips. She pulled him towards her, pressing his body to hers and thrusting her groin into his. At that moment she gasped in pleasure when she felt his erection press into her. He moved from kissing her lips, to the slight angle of her jaw, to the gentle curve of her neck. Places he'd always admired, but never had the chance to explore. He knew he was going to remember every detail of this. While she panted and moaned, he tasted her delicate skin, then he'd breathe over those sensitive areas, sending shivers throughout her.
Her legs almost gave out from beneath her. She couldn't believe this was happening, it's not like anything she had ever imagined... it was so much more. She had never been this aroused... this hot for anyone, ever.
He pulled her closer to keep her from falling. He pulled his face away, to look at her...
"Hey... are you OK?" he asked
"I've never been more OK in my life. This is where I belong, Spence. Here... with you..."
Those words made one of Spencer's wide, bright, boyishly-handsome smiles spread across his face.
At that moment they were startled apart from each other, by the whistle of the tea kettle.