Christmas

by All-Things-TMNT

I wanted to make everything better, I wanted to right all the wrongs I had done. I never expected that atoning for my mistakes would cost me my life...but if it was in the better interest of my family, I would do it. My life was my Christmas gift to them.

1. Chapter 1

This night had done a complete 180.
I seriously for the life of me couldn't figure out how any of this had happened.
Hours ago I was at home fighting with my conscience. Then I was blowing off steam on a run. Then I was visiting a friend.
And now? Now I'm fighting for my life.
This enemy, this monster that wanted to take me out definitely had the upper hand here.
Every strategy I thought of, he countered. Every attack I had, he was familiar with.
He knew me.
It was like he was one of Karai's Footbots, adapting to my every move.
But he's had years of adapting, because he'd learned everything I learned as I was learning it.

***Post-Slash and Destroy.

Leonardo's P.O.V.

Holidays were a big deal to my family.
Donnie was always more interested in New Years Eve and the Fourth of July. Growing up, he'd been fascinated by fireworks and how they worked.
Raph loved Halloween so much, he kept a Jack-o'-lantern in his room year round. That one night of the year where we could be seen and accepted, it was huge to him…and you know, scaring little kids was always fun…
Thanksgiving meant a lot to Mikey because he loved cooking. Master Splinter rarely cooked for us, leaving Mikey more in charge of food, but on Thanksgiving he helped Mikey out. And I think Mikey really enjoyed getting to spend the extra time with our father doing something aside from training.
Obon Week, or just Bon, was Master Splinter's most revered holiday. In Japan, the Bon Festival is a week used to honor the dead, mainly one's ancestors. I think more than anything, he used it as a week to pay homage to his wife, Tang Shen and, up until recently, his daughter Miwa…though now he and I knew Miwa was alive.
For me, I couldn't ever really pick a favorite holiday…they all meant the same thing to me: family time. I really did love the whole family theme of holidays, as cliché as it sounded. My favorite season, though, was autumn, just because everything seemed so relaxed and calm.
All the holidays were special to us, but as a family, Christmas always stood out.
As children, of course we couldn't see it as anything more than gifts. We never got much, but Sensei did his best to get us the things we wanted. Somehow each year, he'd be able to get us presents.
We even all believed in Santa. We'd write letters to him, leave out small treats for him on Christmas Eve. Some years, we'd even stay up as late as we could to try to see him. It was a lot of fun for us as kids, until one year when Donnie actually built cameras, and we saw Master Splinter putting out the presents for us…
Raph didn't talk to Sensei for almost three full weeks he was so mad when he found out. Mikey was pretty upset, and refused to believe the tapes were real. Donnie was more factual about the situation, telling us he'd known it was statistically impossible. Yep, even at a young age, Donnie used science to prove everything.
I was neutral about it, neither mad nor happy. I just respected Master Splinter for trying to give us as much of a normal children's life as possible, even though we were not normal. And part of me believed it was special for him too, getting to raise the children he'd never gotten to raise.
We were definitely all different on the issue, but we never let Sensei know what we knew until we were eleven.
Still, that never stopped us from loving Christmas, mainly because Master Splinter never stopped giving us presents. And when we got older, we started giving presents to each other as well.
We were petty limited to what we could get. Every year we just made stuff for each other with what we had. Donnie of course always gave the best presents, because he could invent the coolest stuff…not that it was a competition.
…Okay, it was basically a competition. But we're brothers, of course we had to outdo each other.
At the heart of that competition, though, it really was about our family, and all being together. No one in our home was ever in a bad mood at Christmas time.
But this year was different for three main reasons.
One, we were finally allowed to go to the surface, meaning we were able to get actual gifts.
Two, we had a human friend, April, who could help us buy legitimate gifts.
And three, Raph couldn't seem to cheer up this year.
All of us knew why; it was his first holiday in years without Spike.
A few weeks prior, Raph had confiscated Donnie's experimental mutagen, and Spike had exposed himself to it. And unexpectedly, Spike went after all of us, wanting us dead because of the way we had treated Raph on occasion. (Whenever we'd upset Raph, he'd talk to Spike about it, never realizing Spike was taking all of his words to heart, and hating Donnie, Mikey and I more and more every time…)
When Spike saw that Raph was going to choose us over him, Spike even went after Raph. And that hurt Raph pretty badly.
Spike was Raph's best friend, and none of us could replace that.
The first few days, after Master Splinter had talked to Raph, he seemed somewhat okay. He interacted with us, played games with us, etc. But on about the fourth or fifth day after we lost Spike, Mikey had upset him. Usually when that happened, he'd go in his room for an hour or two, vent to Spike, and come out okay. That night he went in his room and didn't come out for hours, still in a bad mood when we finally did see him again.
He'd lost his emotional outlet, and that was hurting him greatly.
The way Raph had seen it, Spike was dead, and he would never see him again. Though Spike was still very much alive, just different in form, Raph thought that he would never get to see his pet turtle, his best friend again.
The weeks up until now, December 22nd, he'd been moping, often snapping with fits of anger. Not even the holiday season could cheer him up.
"Raph, come help us!" Mikey shouted excitedly.
Donnie, April, Mikey and I were setting up our Christmas tree. I used butterfly knives to trim it while the other two sifted through our box of ornaments and April untangled the lights. Another benefit of having a human friend this year, she could use her fingers to untangle all the wires, which was pretty difficult for us…
Raph stayed on the couch, reading.
"I don't really wanna," he said, barely putting any effort into his response.
I knew why he was sad; it was his first Christmas without Spike. The next year was going to filled with "firsts without Spike," and Raph was gonna need some help to get through them. But he was also going to need the time to mourn as well. I understood this, so I said nothing.
Mikey, however, was determined.
"Stop being a party pooper, dude," he sang happily.
"Mikey, I said no," Raph spoke a little harder.
Those bursts of anger I mentioned earlier, they usually happened in these moments: when Mikey would start pestering Raph…awesome for the holidays, especially when April was over…
"Man, somebody's being a holiday downer," Mikey commented, walking over to Raph and draping tinsel on him.
Mikey had basically just lit the fuse of a bomb.
Three…Two…One…
Raph grabbed the tinsel and shot up from his seat glaring at all of us. He threw it on the ground and stomped on it with his foot.
"I don't want to celebrate shit," he declared. "So Mikey, and all of you, just leave me alone."
With that, he stormed off to his room and slammed the door loudly. The sound echoed throughout the lair.
We were all silent as Mikey turned back to us.
"I just wanted him to cheer up…" Mikey looked back at us sadly. "It's Christmas, no one should be in a bad mood…"
"We know, Mikey," Donnie said, turning his attention to a stunned April. "Raph's still struggling with the whole Slash thing."
"I get that," Mikey said. "But it seems like nothing we do can cheer him up."
It was true. Donnie and Mikey had been trying to cheer Raph up constantly since that night. I did little things here and there like taking his plate when he was done eating or letting him win every time in our training sessions, but ultimately, I gave Raph his space. I thought he needed that more than anything else.
"One of you guys should go talk to him," April said quietly.
We all looked at her. Had she not seen what had happened?
"I mean, obviously he's pretty beat up," she pointed out. "He needs you guys, he just won't admit it. My dad taught me that, in terms of psychology, this kind of behavior is usually a cry for help."
"I don't wanna get hurt again," Mikey muttered. "Last time I tried to talk to him, Raph threw empty spray cans at me until I left his room."
"Hah," Donnie laughed sarcastically. "I wish it was empty spray cans for me. I got a skateboard to the shell."
They all paused and looked over at me, waiting to see what blunt object Raph had rejected me with.
"Uh…" was all I could say.
"Guess you're up, Leo," April said.
"I'd rather let him just have his time and work it out," I defended. "I think this is something he needs to get past on his own."
"Leo, Raph needs you right now," she pointed out. "I mean, aside from our similar taste in music, Raph and I don't have that much in common. Donnie and Mikey already tried. It's up to you dude."
April was right; I hadn't done anything to try to help. I thought isolation was the best way to solve the problem, but I had really been ignoring it and hoping it would go away.
Raph did need us. He did need me.
"Anyways, I gotta get going," April said.
"What?!" Donnie exclaimed, but instantly calmed himself down. "Uh…why…?"
Nice save there, Donnie…
"I have to do some packing, my aunt and I are going out of town in a few days to see some family," she answered. "It's only a two day trip, but I haven't even opened my suitcase yet."
I had to give April credit; at first, she seemed nervous when Donnie had outbursts like that. She knew he liked her, and it made her a bit awkward in the beginning. But she'd adapted well to it, and she never let Donnie know that she knew.
"I'll bring you home," Donnie said, walking towards the Shellraiser.
April hugged Mikey and I goodbye.
"Go talk to Raph," she told me again before she left.
I sighed, not really sure what to expect from the conversation I would have with him. I didn't even know where to start.
Hey, Raph, you've been moping a lot lately and I know you're still upset about Spike but it's time to move on.
Yeah, I could see that going well…
When they both left, Mikey and I were standing there in silence, both of us waiting for the other to do something. Realization that I had to act first hit me. I was the leader, the leader goes first.
God did I hate being the leader some times…
"You finish up the tree, Mikey," I said, bending down to pick up all of April's newly untangled lights and handing them to him.
He instantly perked up and nodded, returning to his work.
I looked at Raph's closed door for a few seconds before I actually walked to it. The guilt of not trying to help Raph was starting to hit me.
How horrible was I? No wonder Raph complained about me to Spike…
I knocked quite timidly, though I knew it wasn't going to mean anything. When I received no response, I opened the door slowly and stuck my head in.
All the lights were off and Raph was lying on his bed looking up at the ceiling. I noticed Spike's mini bed was still on top of Raph's nightstand next to him.
"I told you guys to leave me alone," he sighed, aggravated.
I didn't stop. I entered his room and closed the door behind me.
He looked up to me glaring, but looked confused when he saw it was me.
"What do you want, Fearless?" he didn't let my surprise visit deter him from his bad mood.
I hated that nickname, but I kept my reactions even. I didn't want to make the situation any worse.
"Just to talk," I told him, kneeling on the floor in the center of his room and facing him.
"Hah," he laughed bitterly. "Yeah, okay, Leo. Whatever."
"I can't talk to you?" I challenged.
"No, you probably can't."
I wasn't even in a full minute and I was already failing miserably. But failure was something I never accepted plainly.
"Why can't I?" I demanded.
I tried really hard not to let my frustration get the better of me, but some of it leaked into my voice.
"You know what?" he asked, sitting up to face me. "You're right, you can talk to me. And that's the problem."
"What do you—"
"All of you can talk to me," he started raising his voice. "You can go on and on and on. But that's all any of you ever do.
"In your heads, 'talking to me' means telling me how you feel. All of you always tell me everything I should do, but do you ever ask about how I feel? No, none of you do, because you're all busy talking all the time. You don't let me talk. You don't listen to me.
"And that's why it hurts so badly, Leo, because I know that's the real reason why you're in here. I lost the one person who did listen. Don't you dare tell me he was just a pet, because he wasn't. He was more than that. He would do what none of you ever did.
"It's to a point where I don't even want to try to talk to you guys, because even if I did, it wouldn't help. You can run out of this room and tell Donnie and Mikey everything that I just told you, and it wouldn't matter. You'd only listen to me from this point on because I yelled at you.
"So get out of my room, Leo. I have no fucking desire to be talked at by any of you right now."
I was speechless and frozen sitting there in the middle of his room. I was angry and appalled, but not at him. I was mad at myself because I realized his words were true.
Especially for me: I always told Raph what to do. Even in situations I knew I was right, I still never gave him the chance to speak.
I awkwardly stood up and walked to the door or his bedroom. I gripped the doorknob and stopped half way turning to face him.
"Why haven't you ever told me that before?" I asked lowly.
"That's the thing, Leo," he said, turning to lay on his side so that his back was to me. "I have told you that before."
His words hit me hard, and I stepped out of his room quickly.
Once I closed the door, I tried to think back to the last time Raph could have told me that.
It was that day…the day Spike got mutated… When Mikey and I were playing our game tournament.
I was playing my round when he told me that…
"Try seeing my side for once!"
He did ask me to hear him out. I was too focused on my game…
And the worst older brother in the world goes to…Leonardo Hamato…
I slowly made my way into the living room, noticing that Mikey wasn't in there. My eyes spotted presents as they had begun to pile up in groups under the tree.
Each year we organized our presents by giver. My presents to my family stayed in a pile, Donnie's stayed in his, and etc.
I looked over my gifts, trying to cheer myself up. I had gotten some pretty good things that year. Thanks to April's help, I had gotten Donnie a new set of tools for his lab, a cookbook with over 750 different ways to make pizzas for Mikey, a new teapot set for Sensei. I had even gotten April a Tanto blade, incase she ever needed it…and to build up her little arsenal of ninja weapons. She was way too excited to get her Tessen and never wanted anything else. Every good ninja was trained on multiple weapons, and it seemed like April needed to start off slow. I needed to get her something else.
I looked over my gifts with sad pride. But that was when I realized, I only had four out of the five that I needed.
I remembered Raph's present was the last thing I had to get, and I hadn't gotten it yet…mainly because I didn't know what to get him. I hadn't been able to ask him what he wanted that year, because he'd spent the weeks leading up to Christmas moping.
With all his words playing in the back of my mind, I knew I had to go above and beyond to get him something really special. Not that an object could make up for all the times I'd let him down, but because I wanted him to know I was going to try to starting from there.
But what could I get him? What was something that could partially take some of the pain away?
I spent the next day and a half trying to figure it out.
I investigated into Donnie and Mikey's gifts for him. Mikey had gotten him a new set of the Modern Ninja magazines he'd ruined a few weeks prior, and plastic cover cases for them so that they wouldn't get damaged again. Donnie made him some kind of scale for his punching bag, so he could know exactly how hard and fast he hit it.
How was I supposed to compete with those? Or get him something more meaningful?
It was now Christmas Eve and I still had nothing to give.
I thought about getting him a new pet turtle, but I realized it was probably too soon for that, and that it probably wouldn't help. Losing Spike was one thing, but trying to replace him was a whole different thing. A mistake I wasn't going to make.
But at that point, making a mistake probably would have been better than having nothing…
The sun had just set and I was going out for one last run, just to see if I could get anything.
My brothers were all siting in the living room doing different things.
"Leo, where are you going?" Mikey asked me as I was exiting the lair.
Raph looked up at me. We hadn't spoken in two days.
"Just for a quick run," I told him keeping my eyes off of Raph.
"Leo, it's 13 degrees outside," Donnie warned. "You really shouldn't go out. I think the city can handle us skipping one night of patrolling. And it's Christmas, take the night off."
"I won't be long," I told them. "And I have my T-phone if you guys need me."
I didn't want to tell them the real reason I was going out. Not having a gift for Raph on Christmas Eve was pretty pathetic.
The moment I hit the surface, I started shivering. It might have been 13 degrees, but it felt like -20. To a cold-blooded reptile, I guess that's how it would be…
I needed to go fast not only because I was on limited time, but because I was going to get sick if I didn't.
The only problem was…I had no ideas to go on.
I didn't really know what to do, so I called April. We didn't have the closest relationship, but I knew I could go to her for advice that my brothers couldn't give me.
"Hello?" she answered.
"Hey, April," I replied.
"Leo? To what do I owe the honor?"
"Can I come over…?" I asked her, trying not to sound too pathetic.
I was running out in the cold with no ideas on what to get for Raph.
"Umm, yeah, I guess," she said like she wasn't really paying attention. "Try to hurry, though. I'm leaving in a few minutes."
"I don't really have to come over," I told her, not wanting to mess up anything she was doing. "It's okay."
"No, no! I definitely wanna see you so I can give you guys your presents. I just finished wrapping them, and I've got about an hour before I go so come on over!"
"Alright," I smiled. "Thanks."
So now I at least had somewhere to start. I made my way over to her apartment, running as fast as I could so I would stay warm. The warm never really came, but I felt like if I stayed still for too long, I'd end up frozen.
Thankfully, it didn't take me long to get to April's house, because it started snowing when I was halfway there.
I tapped on the glass of her window. She opened it quickly and let me in to her room. Aside from Space Heroes, the greatest thing ever created was a heater…
"Hey," I chattered through my teeth.
"Geeze, Leo, you're freezing," April remarked as she hugged me but let me go instantly.
"Well, ya know, when you're cold blooded, it happens," I sighed.
"So how did your talk with Raph go?" She asked, turning back to her suitcase.
"It…uh, didn't go well," I said sitting on her bed.
"Oh, wow," April remarked. "He must really be upset."
"Yeah, he is," I bit my tongue back.
I didn't know whether or not I should have told her what he said to me, about us never listening to him. I still hadn't told Donnie and Mikey because he was right. Had I told them, they would have only listened from guilt. He deserved more than that.
"Did he say anything to you?" she asked.
The conversation we'd had was replaying in my head. Two days had passed, but I still remembered it word for word.
"Just that he didn't want to talk about anything," I said quietly, not wanting to be specific.
"I hate when people are sad at Christmas time," April sighed. "You know I met the sweetest little girl today who was totally unexcited about Christmas? Like, she was only four or five, and all kids that age should be excited about this time of year."
"What happened?" I asked her, fully intending to be a better listener not just for Raph, but also for everyone.
I start handing her the folded clothes from her bed to help her pack while she spoke.
"My school does this whole 'Project Christmas' thing every year," she said. "We open the school and allow a lot of the kids from the kindergarten and daycare centers to come. They have sign ups in the office and we can all volunteer to go into school on December 24th for a few hours to run some craft stuff. You know, like a big Christmas themed field trip. It's fun, my dad and I used to volunteer together every year…"
She paused, and I gave her a second. I put my hand on her shoulder and told her that if she needed to cry she could. She just shook her head.
"This year, I got paired up with this little girl," she continued her story. "Cutest little thing, and she was so sweet. She just turned five, and she loved me right away. But what was weird was that she said she didn't have any friends anymore.
"I asked her what she meant by 'anymore,' and she said everybody started making fun of her when she told them about her new imaginary friend… When I asked her what her friend's name was, and she said she didn't wanna tell me because she was scared that I would laugh at her too. And she hadn't seen her friend since he left the first night she met him."
"Man, that's horrible…" I commented.
I really did feel bad for the little girl, whoever she was. I mentally and unintentionally connected her to Raph. How it felt being unaccepted by people you were surrounded with…
I felt terrible again. I really did.
But that's why I was there. I was just waiting for a moment to get off topic so I could ask April what she thought a good present for Raph would be.
"The saddest thing, though, was when she got to see the guy who dresses like Santa," she said trying to zip her suitcase. "When she sat on his lap and he asked her what she wanted to Christmas, she said she wanted her 'friend to come back'. I don't think she thought he was imaginary."
Poor kid. I thought being a teenager was hard, but growing up with no friends…and when your imaginary friends don't want to play with you…Ouch.
"I took a picture with her on my T-phone," April said grabbing it from her nightstand.
She sat next to me going through apps on her phone trying to find the pictures. I wasn't really watching her. I was looking all over her room, trying to form some kind of a gift idea.
Finding inspiration for a gift idea for your hot-tempered and slightly depressed brother in a teenage girl's bedroom isn't exactly the easiest thing, though.
I was getting nowhere, and it was getting late on Christmas Eve. How in the world was I supposed to tell Raph I didn't have a present for him, especially after a fight and two days of no communication afterwards?
"Here it is," April said, shoving the phone in my face.
My eyes refocused to the little glowing screen in front of me.
I stiffened. My head didn't want to believe what I was seeing.
My heart sank as I realized I knew exactly who this little girl was.
I used one hand to wipe my eyes, and looked again. The picture was the same.
This girl was the one who had the mutagen canister and forced me to have a tea party with her in order to get it back…

***
"Are there other talking turtles like you?" She had asked me curiously.
"Nope, just me! Mr. Imaginary Turtle!" I had told her.
Raph and Spike crashed through the ceiling, and were out of the room just as quickly as they'd gotten in there.
Instinctually I looked directly at the little girl making sure she wasn't hit by anything. She watched Raph and the giant mutated monster turtle struggle with huge sparkling eyes. I couldn't tell if she was afraid or amused. I'd never really interacted with children before, so I didn't know how to read this little girl.
Raph didn't stay in the room for very long. He and the other turtle were gone within seconds.
Once I realized she was okay, my leadership instincts and my need to protect my brothers overtook me. I grabbed the mutagen canister to ensure that I completed my mission and jumped out the gaping hole in her room.
"Next time I'll bring the tea!" I falsely promised her.
"Bye Mr. Turtle!" she shouted.
I quickly looked back to see her smiling. She was happy…?
How was it that this little girl wasn't afraid of me, or what she had just seen?
My head turned back around as I heard Slash roar loudly, and saw him going after Raph again.
The girl became out of sight, out of mind.
And I never even asked her for her name.

I felt sick looking at the picture. I could practically feel all the blood drain out of my face and a shiver went up my spine. It wasn't due to the cold.
This sweet little girl knew I existed, and she was being made fun of because she tried to tell her friends about me. I thought, when it was all happening, that if she ever talked about me, no one was going to take it seriously. Or that she would have forgotten about it.
I guess leaving a giant, gaping hole in her roof and ceiling was kind of a huge reminder.
The back of my head was wondering how she could have possibly explained that to her dad…
But more to the point, she was miserable because of me. I had popped into her life and made a huge mess. And she was only five years old…
So that was two lives I ruined. I was on a roll. I wondered who's was next.
"Uh, Leo," April said waving her hand in my face. "You kinda look like you're gonna pass out…are you okay?"
I couldn't force myself to speak. I was too lost in my own dismay.
Before April could say anything else, a small knock sounded on her door. Both of us looked to the door of her bedroom, stunned.
"April, honey, you ready to go?" a female voice asked.
I assumed it was her aunt.
I didn't waste any time. I grabbed her suitcase, shot up and dove for the window, throwing myself onto the fire escape before April even turned back around.
"Uh, yeah!" she exclaimed. "I just, uh, need another minute!"
"Alright, I'll be in the car downstairs sweetie."
I heard footsteps marching away from the door, but I didn't reenter the room. April had to leave and that was that.
She turned back around to face me, but seeing that I had moved outside, she walked over to the window. She spotted her suitcase in my hand.
"I'll bring this downstairs for you," I told her. "It's pretty heavy for a two day trip."
"Thanks," she smiled, hugged me from inside the window. "Keep trying to talk to Raph. If anyone can get through to him, it's you Leo."
"Yeah, uh huh," I said lamely.
I was totally distracted by my thoughts. Half of my head was on Raph, the other half on Sophia.
"Before I forget, those over there," she pointed to a pile of presents in the corner of the room. "They're for you guys. You can take them back home with you."
"I think I'm gonna stay out for a little while longer…" I replied. "I need to clear my head a little bit."
She looked down at the thermometer on her windowsill.
"Try not to stay out too long, Leo," She warned. "It's already freezing and it's supposed to get colder. But I'm gonna leave this window unlocked, so whenever you can, come back and pick them up."
The cold was the last thing on my mind. Every thought in my brain was overshadowed by guilt.
"Okay," I gave her a forced smile. "Come see us when you get back so we can give you yours."
She nodded, and closed the window.
I leapt down the fire escape and placed her suitcase on the stairs leading up to her front door. I then hid in the alley to make sure she picked it up when she got outside.
Once both her and her aunt were in the car, I watched them drive off and climbed back up to the rooftops once they were out of my line of sight.
I checked my T-phone for the time. It was only 9:52.
I still would have time to try to find Raph a present…but I had something else to do as well.
I kept my mind shut off as best as I could as I crossed the city. I tried not to think of what a horrible brother, and a horrible person I had been.
Donnie had once said some things are just beyond our control. I both believed and agreed with him. And maybe it wasn't my fault that the little girl, Sophia had talked about me to her friends and that ruined her friendships… Maybe I wasn't in control of this situation, and didn't have to justify it.
But then again, had I been better, the mutagen wouldn't have ever fallen into her possession and I wouldn't have had to expose myself. If I had been able to grab it with my grappling hook before she'd walked through the door. Or maybe if I'd just refused to play the game with her, taken the canister and jumped out the window before her dad could have heard her scream. Or maybe if I'd actually had pinkies…
My mind was overrun with thousands of ways I could have prevented the situation. I was totally at fault for this, this was completely in my control.
Some leader…some person I was.
No, I wasn't fully human. I was only half human. And I liked to think that even though I wasn't fully human, I was still an infinite number of times better than the Shredder or any other human I had ever fought.
But that wasn't an excuse to behave the way I had been. I had pushed Raph to the side, and I had forced my existence into the life of a child who was suffering because of that.
I was horrible. I was no better than the Shredder, hurting people I cared about and anyone else who I came into contact with.
I deserved to feel like this, and it wasn't right for me to believe anything else.
I couldn't imagine the pain I had caused both Raph and this little girl. All I knew was that I had to make it right.
Slow lightly fell from the sky as I jumped from rooftop to rooftop. I had assumed that running was going to keep me warm but it didn't help much. Still, I had too much raging in my head to pay the temperature too much attention.
Too much raging in my head to really pay attention to anything.
I hadn't even realized I had already crossed half of the city and made it to my destination.
Sophia's apartment was across the street from the roof I was standing on. I could see bricks of a brighter red now filling where the giant hole Raph and Spike had created was.
Well, at least they got that fixed…
I tacked "destruction of property" onto my rapidly growing list of reasons why I was terrible.
I took a couple steps back and sprang forward, launching myself towards the rooftop. I cleared the gap easily and was relieve to again see that repairs had been made. So again, it took some of the sting out of being the world's worst person.
I silently descended the fire escape and looked through the window…and felt immensely creepy doing so.
But I wasn't there to be creepy. I was there to apologize and that's all.
The pale pink wallpaper was now covered with little pieces of paper. I squinted my eyes to see they were drawings. All of them different, and a lot of them had a giant green blob with a blue line in the middle.
I assumed that was me…awkward.
My eyes scanned the dimly lit room for Sophia, but I didn't see her. Maybe they weren't home. That was bad because I knew myself well enough to know that my conscience was going to relentlessly bother me until I saw this child again and apologized to her.
So I resolved to wait out on the fire escape until I knew she was home.
…And I had to convince myself that wasn't weird at all.
It didn't really work, though. It was a matter of conscience over creepiness.
My conscience won.
A little bit of snow had begun to pile on me as I shivered waiting on that fire escape. I was that desperate to make myself a better person.
Thankfully, it took no more than five minutes for her to enter her room. I bounced up and peaked through the window when I heard her door creak open.
And my stealth instincts took over as I realized she wasn't alone. A man, the man I recognized as her father, was following right behind her.
I kept myself hidden under the windowsill, watching as the father tried to put her in bed.
And I noticed her eyes were puffy and red…
She had been crying?
"Sohpia," her father pleaded, though he also sounded annoyed. "Please just let it go. Santa doesn't bring presents to liars, you know, and he's supposed to come tonight…"
"Why can't any of you guys just believe me?" she cried, rubbing her eyes.
"Because whatever you think happened isn't possible!" He father exploded.
I jumped back a little bit. His outburst had startled me.
It wasn't my place to see what was happening in these people's personal lives…but I listened anyway.
"And until you tell me the truth about what happened to your room, you will be punished," he continued to yell. "I did not have the money to fix these walls, Sophia. You wouldn't understand, but the people at daddy's insurance company couldn't help me pay for it because I didn't know what to tell them."
"Tell them what I told you!" she pleaded, scared.
"SOPHIA, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GIANT TALKING TURTLES!" he screamed.
Two things happened in that moment. One, my heart sank as I realized it was my place to listen to this conversation. Two, this innocent little girl shrank back into a fetal position on her bed and cried.
I really had ruined her life.
"If you want to continue to lie to me, than you go right the fuck ahead!" her father didn't let up despite her obvious fear.
I was terrified I was going to have to jump in and intervene. Did I want to expose myself again? No. The only reason I was there was because Sophia already knew I was real. But if I had to stop her father from doing anything rash, I was going to.
This little girl wasn't lying, and if it came down to a wire, I'd let this man know that.
"You better tell me the truth soon, Sophia," her father whispered as coldly as the snow falling on me.
It sounded like a threat. I braced myself to jump through the window…
With that, the man left the room and slammed the door. I was so grateful I didn't have to attack him. I was seriously convinced he was going to do something…
I relaxed from my defensive crouch and looked back to the sobbing little girl. She was absolutely miserable.
Look at what I had done…
I was there to make the guilt go away. Seeing the actual damage I had caused first hand was like feeding gasoline to an open flame. My entire body was consumed by burning guilt.
And my heart was broken for this child who I had unintentionally destroyed.
There wasn't any thought anymore. I lightly tapped on the glass of her window.
Her glazed eyes shot up and instantly met mine. And her mouth fell open in shock.
She moved very slowly, coming towards me and opening the window as high as she could for me…but she was short so I had to open it all the way.
The heat that ventilated out of the room was so welcoming, and I jumped in before she even invited me. I slammed the window shut before anymore cold could get in.
Warm air met my freezing skin and I shivered, trying to adapt to the drastic temperature difference between this room and outside.
I mentally thanked the universe for fixing this girl's wall and ceiling. She would have frozen to death for sure…
"M—Mm—Mr.—" she struggled to speak through her tears and surprised state. "Mr. turtle?"
I looked down at her eyes. This little girl, barely five years old, already understood pain and rejection better than people over twice my age. And it was my fault…
Her eyes glistened with more tears and more hurt than I could comprehend.
There were countless ways to apologize spinning around in my head, and I felt like saying all of them still wouldn't have been enough to express the regret I felt to her.
"I forgot to bring the tea…" was all I could say, remembering my promise.
She didn't speak. A new wave of tears spilled from her eyes as she reached her tiny hand out to me. I knelt before her, already knowing what she wanted.
She wanted to know I was real.
Sophia placed her small hand on my plastron near my heart. I watched as her eyes widened, and some faint amount of pain disappeared from them. Not a lot but enough to notice.
I smiled sadly at her, nodding.
She quickly threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly. I was slightly taken aback by her strength; she had a serious grip for a five year old…
"I knew you were real, I knew you were real!" she chanted.
"Yeah, I am," I hushed her, trying to calm her down.
Her squealing was getting louder and louder, and I knew I had to calm her down. I couldn't let her dad know I existed if I didn't have a need to.
A child knowing is one thing. They'll more than likely forget as their age increased and they learned to like new things rather than imaginary friends. Adults, though…well, I wasn't in the mood to be dissected in a government lab.
"Oh gosh, Mr. Turtle!" she didn't quiet down. "I can't believe you came back! My daddy said you weren't real, but I knew you were!"
She finally released me and took two steps back. She kept getting more excited, which meant more voice volume. If I couldn't calm her down, it wouldn't be good…
Sophia was practically bouncing up and down with happiness, which was good. It eased my conscience a lot to see how happy I was making her. It was bad because I would have to leave if she attracted any attention to the room. And I definitely didn't want to leave without an apology…
"I told all of my friends about you, but they—" she stopped herself.
Her face completely fell when she mentioned her friends.
"All of my old friends didn't believe in you…" she said sadly.
She looked back up to me with hopeful, tear-filled eyes.
"But now everyone else can see that you're real," she said. "And then they'll want to be friends with me again! And then my daddy won't be mad anymore, and we can—"
"Sophia," I cut her off.
She instantly silenced herself. I think she was shocked that I knew her name.
As much as I wanted to help her with her friends and her father, I couldn't jeopardize my family's safety like that. What would happen if everyone she told found out there really was a giant talking turtle in the city? They'd be after me. On top of that, I didn't doubt she also spoke about Raph and Spike. There was clearly more than just me, and who knew what lengths people would go to find my family if they ever did come after me.
Over all the guilt I felt, all the pain I caused this little girl…my family came first. They always would, and I could never feel bad about wanting to protect my family.
"Only you can know about me," I told her.
She didn't respond. She just looked up at me.
And though she wasn't speaking, her eyes asked a million questions.
"If other people knew I was real, I wouldn't ever be able to come back again," I told her honestly. "It's for my safety."
I prayed that this five-year-old child could understand that. From what I could tell, children had a way of ignoring logic and doing what they wanted.
If Sophia chose to ignore me, I could have left that room and never felt bad about it again, because I gave it my best effort and I had a duty to keep my family safe over everything else.
She was quiet for a few moments just looking at me. I could tell she was weighing the choice in her head, and I honestly expected her to yell for her father.
I mentally prepared myself to spring for the window.
"Okay, Mr. Turtle," she finally said, surprising me.
I let out a sigh of relief and smiled at her. She smiled right back, and I knew there was going to be an interrogation…
"How did you know my name, Mr. Turtle?" she confirmed my thoughts, starting right away.
"I, uh…" I tried to search for something believable.
If April could know we existed, Sophia was going to want to be able to tell other people too…
"Where are the other two turtles?" she continued without giving me actual answering time. "What's with the thing around your head and why is it blue? Are those real swords? Can I hold one? Where do you live? Do you have a family?"
"That's a lot of questions!" I pointed out to her, trying to calm her down.
She was getting way too excited again, but she stopped talking and waited for my answers.
I gave her everything but her original question, thinking she would drop it.
"One of those other turtles was my brother, and he's at our home. My father gave me this mask because it's what ninjas wear and blue is my favorite color. Yes, they're real and they're not swords. They're called Katanas. No, you can't hold one because they're sharp, heavy, and too dangerous. I live in a secret place that I can't tell you about. Yes, I have three brothers and a father."
I sucked in a breath at the end of my final answer. I didn't realize I was talking so fast.
Sophia didn't skip a beat.
"What is a ninja? Was that fat blue turtle your brother too? What's your favorite food? Do you like to watch TV? Have you ever—"
"I can't answer so many questions!" I cut her off, not wanting to delve into every personal aspect about myself.
The fact that my presence alone was able to cheer her up so much was a huge weight off of my shoulders. I still owed her the apology, though.
"Can I ask one more?" she begged.
"Sure," I said.
"What is your name?" she asked.
"Leonardo," I told her.
She raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips together.
"Leo-nar-do?" she tried to pronounce my name, and failed.
I smiled at the attempt; it was kind of adorable. And it reminded me of the first time Mikey tried to pronounce my name when we were about her age.
"Lemon-are-do?" he would say.
"Jest call 'em Leo," Raph insisted.
That was how my nickname came about…and Mikey still didn't get it right away.
"Weo!" he would say.
"My friends call me Leo," I told her, trying to make it easier for her.
She seemed dissatisfied with my nickname.
"You can call me Mr. Turtle if it makes you feel better," I said.
I didn't really like the name 'Mr. Turtle,' but she was little so I could put up with it for her sake.
She smiled sweetly and nodded.
"My friends didn't call me Sophia," she informed me. "They used to call me Sophie. You can call me that if you want to."
I nodded, my stomach churning at the fact that she considered us friends. I wasn't opposed to the idea of being a friend to her…
I just didn't deserve it, and I knew that.
This little girl was unknowingly breaking my heart. She was kind and so innocent. When I had first met her, she annoyed me by forcing me to play teatime with her. But in all reality, that was nothing. All she did was waste a couple of minutes of my time.
In the end, it was me who had hurt her. She didn't deserve to lose all of her friends and be constantly yelled at by her father because of me.
"Alright, Sophie," I said reluctantly.
Using the name that was reserved for her friends…it stung a little.
She surprised me by suddenly grabbing my hand and pulling me over to her wall to where all of her drawings were displayed.
"I drew these for you," she proudly showed off her work.
There were multiple drawings of what appeared to be a turtle all over the place. From outside the window, they weren't as clear. Close up, they were pretty detailed. She even got the pattern on my shell right…
"Wow," I struggled for words. "These are awesome, thank you."
My existence had consumed this child's life, and I was starting to regret having gone back. The longer I was there, the more I realized how much worse it was.
"Why did you draw so many?" I asked curiously.
"The doctor asked me to," she said, pulling one specific drawing down.
Ice shot through every vein in my body. I was colder in that moment than I had been outside all night.
There was only one type of doctor I knew she could have been talking about…
"Here," she said, smiling and handing me the paper. "This one's my favorite. I was saving it to give you for Christmas."
I took is and looked carefully at it. It was clearly her and I, with red Santa hats on, and a Christmas tree.
What amazed me was that she got so much detail about me correct, including the color of my skin…I was more of a leaf green compared to my brothers…
I was undoubtedly going to get amazing presents tomorrow. Donnie was going to have invented me some Space Heroes type gadget like he always did. Mikey was going to have made me some kind of crazy project, Raph was going to give me weapons, and Splinter would give me something traditional Japanese. But this drawing, it meant more than those.
My family got my gifts because it was obligatory. Nothing required this girl to make me this.
This drawing was pure, innocent just like this little girl was.
I did not deserve this drawing.
This simple piece of paper was worth ten of me, and then some.
The longer I was there, the more I struggled to find an apology suitable for Sophie.
And I suddenly wanted to leave, so badly, feeling inadequate and not needing to stay here and mess up her life anymore.
"…Do you not like it?" she asked, misreading my silence.
"No!" I snapped. "Thank you so much. I love it, "I really do."
She perked up again at my words. It didn't take much to cheer her up.
But in the back of my head, her drawing reminded me of two things: one, I still had nothing for Raph and two, I didn't have anything to give her.
"I don't have anything for you," I told her sheepishly.
She just shook her head.
"It's okay! You came back to see me and that's all I need. Santa will bring me presents tonight."
The second she said Santa, she squeaked and hopped up, running to a side door in grab something.
I watched the door confused.
She emerged from what I assumed was her closet wrapped up in a pink jacket, black earmuffs, and mismatched boots. It hit me that she wanted to go outside.
"Let's go outside and look for Santa, Mr. Turtle!" she beamed with excitement.
I definitely had not expected this sad attempt for an apology to turn into me staying here this long. And I could think of a couple of reasons why taking her out of her room would be the worst thing to do…
"I really don't have the time…" I said quietly.
And I don't want you to freeze to death…
Her bottom lip stuck out in a pouty manner.
"Just a few minutes, Mr. Turtle," she begged me. "For Christmas."
I bit my lip, but rationalized in my head. I did owe her this, and sitting with her on the roof for a few minutes couldn't have been too bad. She was wrapped up enough to stay warm.
"PLEASE…" she begged, kneeling at my feet.
Guilt is the most powerful driving force in the world…
"A few minutes only…" I told her, cracking.
She wasted no time after my response. She jumped to her feet, grabbed my hand again started tugging me towards her door.
"We can't go that way," I told her, pulling her back. "Remember, your dad can't see me."
"Oh…how do we go outside then?"
I took a deep breath, not believing what I was doing. Very slowly, I held out my arms.
She smiled, grabbed a pink blanket off the top of her bed, and jumped in my arms. I spun her around so I was piggybacking her weight on my shell. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I gently carried her out the window and up the fire escape. When we made it to the roof, I let her down gently and looked up at the sky. It was completely overcast, and the snowfall had definitely increased.
I sighed. What was I doing? Even if Santa was real, there was no way we could have ever seen him…but Sophie was excited and this was my repentance.
I told myself that ten minutes would be more than enough. I would take her back inside, apologize, and be on my way.
Sophie plopped down on a small pile of snow and looked over to me, inviting her to sit next to her. I took my place, absolutely freezing by the time I sat down Indian style next to her.
She handed me the blanket she took off of her bed. I accepted it and quickly wrapped up in it.
"Do you think we'll see Santa?" she asked, turning her attention to the sky.
"I dunno, maybe," I told her, looking up as well.
It became silent as we both watched the endless snowfall from the sky. Two minutes had passed and I noticed that she was shivering. She looked over to me.
"Can I sit on your lap?" she asked.
…Too far, too weird.
As if being out here with her wasn't weird enough already…
"Uh," I started to awkwardly protest.
She wasn't going to take no for an answer, and she wasn't even going to give me the chance to say it.
She forced her way onto my lap and leaned against my plastron, rewrapping the blanket around us both. She gradually stopped shaking as the seconds ticked by.
I used my hands to balance myself. I was careful not to touch her…that would have been seriously too much for me to handle.
I really wasn't being creepy or anything. She was a kid, and little kids always wanted attention like this.
I would give her seven more minutes out here, and then I would leave.
So I took the opportunity to say what I had to say.
"Sorry about your wall," I told her softly, looking back up to the New York skyline. "And your friends, and your dad. I didn't really mean for any of that to happen."
"It's okay, Mr. Turtle," she said, yawning.
What? It was okay? All of those tears and all of that pain was okay? All of the friends she'd lost and the screaming she endured? The fact that she had to go to a therapist because of me was okay?
This little girl was crazy. I didn't know a single soul on earth who could have plainly accepted everything she had gone through and forgiven it so gracefully.
"You came back," she pointed out. "That was really enough."
"Why is that enough?" I asked her, not really sure what kind of answer she could have given me.
"It shows that you were really sorry and that you really wanna make it better," she spoke with wisdom from beyond her years. "I don't know anybody that would have tried as hard as you did. When people leave, they don't always come back. My mommy still hasn't come back. My friends haven't come back. Everybody needs someone to love and accept them. You came back, you're my friend, and you accept me…that's all I wanted for Christmas. A friend."
She snuggled further into me, and I looked down at her.
This little five-year-old girl knew more about life and love more than people who were four times her age.
I looked back up and let her words sink in. Despite how horrible I had felt over, I began to feel a sense of peace and understanding.
And I knew exactly what I was going to get Raph for Christmas.
Snow continued to fall as I slightly shivered, but the cold was the last thing on my mind. I sat there and let the feelings of comfort wash over me. I had felt completely awful for two days, and this wonderful little girl—my friend made me feel better. And I couldn't thank her enough for that.
It didn't take long for me to realize that Sophie's breathing had become completely rhythmic. I looked down to see her sleeping peacefully. Very slowly, I cradled her in my arms and walked back down the fire escape.
I tucked her into her bed.
"Merry Christmas, Sophie," I whispered to her.
I was careful to be silent as I exited her room. I didn't want to wake her up.
The cold air blasted me as I tightly closed the window behind me for the last time.
My T-phone buzzed the second I got up to the roof. I pulled it up and checked it. It was weather alert? I didn't know Donnie had programmed the T-phones to do that, pretty sweet. I made a mental not to compliment him on that when I got home.
According to my T-phone, it was now 4 degrees and a blizzard was coming. Thankfully, it was only 11:13 at night. I had only been out for three hours, though it felt more like seven with everything that had happened…
Still, I knew I had to get home. I slid my T-phone back into its slot on my belt. And I jumped back to the building across the street.
Snow was starting to come down harder, and the wind began picking up gradually. In my head I was mapping out the fastest route to take…
"Would you look at how adorable that is," a voice startled me from behind.
I spun around and drew my swords in one fluid motion. There was nothing, no one behind me. Still, I stayed 100% alert just as Sensei had taught me to do. I felt uneasy at the disembodied voice.
It was a voice that I knew. Dark and bitter, not exactly one I could name off the tip of my tongue. But it was familiar.
I tightened my grip on the hilt of my swords…
"The Fearless Leader likes to have play time with little girls," the voice came from behind me again.
I wheeled around again to face nothing. The voice was so close to me when it spoke…how could there be nothing there.
"How cute," the voice whispered to me.
That time I couldn't turn around. Something grabbed me and effortlessly tossed me to the other side of the roof. I kept my arms extended and the blades of my swords away from me as I flew, careful not to get cut. I finally smashed into the wall around the ledge and came to a halt. While I wasn't in searing pain, I definitely didn't feel good.
I hopped back on my feet, defensive. Whatever— whoever hit me had a lot of power.
The rooftop was empty, and I was alone…
No, something definitely hit me. Something hit me hard, and it apparently had the ability to turn invisible…
Again, a blow to the back of my shell sent me flying. I crashed into a satellite dish, the metal cut into my arm and blood spilled out of it.
"Ahh," I clenched my teeth, because that time it did hurt.
I sat myself up right and gripped my arm, trying to stop the bleeding.
"You think that hurts, yer in fer one hell of a night!" the voice laughed from before me.
I shot up, determined not to miss my attacker this time.
What I saw forced my jaw to drop.
There before me stood Spike, grinning wickedly down at me.
"Spike?" I stupidly asked aloud.
"Heh, didn't ya get the memo, Lame-o-nardo?" Spike said, hoisting me up effortlessly bu my neck. "Name's Slash now."
He threw me a third time and I slammed into a wall. The blow stunned me slightly as I fell onto the ground. I think I hit my head…
Slash was way bigger and obviously way more powerful than me. I didn't stand a chance against him, and I needed my brothers. I started fumbling for my T-phone…
But I looked up to see Slash watching me, not coming at me again.
I instantly stopped myself. That was what he wanted.
He was going to use me to lure out Raph, Donnie and Mikey.
No way was I going to fall for that.
I pushed myself up and stood before him on my slightly shaking legs, ignoring the pain in my arm and head. How I still managed to keep my swords through all of those attacks, I don't know, but I gripped them tightly and crouched down.
I shook my head, relaying a silent message that he wasn't going to use me to hurt my family.
His smirk fell and he glared at me, crouching to match my position.
"You think yer strong 'nough to take me down?" he mocked. "Heh, ain't no way."
I knew how to deal with this type of threat. Master Splinter had once taught us not to fight the armor, but to fight the man inside. It was a psychological matter. And I knew exactly how to get into Slash's head…
I had to get into Spike's head.
I didn't give him the satisfaction of a response right away, and that clearly annoyed him. His eyes grew darker with anger, and he growled lowly at me.
That was when I decided to speak.
"So Raph's doing fine," I told him happily. "I know you guys kinda lost touch after he pushed you off a building…"
"HE DIDN'T PUSH ME, HE TRIED TO GRAB ME!" Slash roared angrily.
"We played a couple of video games," I continued, ignoring him. "Ate some pizza, it really didn't take much to get him over you, Spike.
"But that's to be expected, right? You were just a pet, how could you ever mean more than family?"
That did it, Slash snapped. He charged at me in a fit of rage.
I was glad to know my plan worked, because that was exactly what I expected him to do. I was taken off by how much faster he actually was rather than how fast I anticipated him to be…
I didn't have time to dodge like I thought I was going to be able to. He grabbed me by my left arm as I was jumping out of the way and swung me over his head, slamming me down onto the rooftop.
I felt like I was paralyzed for a few seconds, unable to move looking up at him. I was dizzy and I couldn't feel anything.
And then the pain hit me in a massive wave. It was like a surge of feeling came over my body.
I shook my head, trying to stop the world from spinning.
That time, I definitely hit my head.
Slash lifted my limp body by my arm and held me in front of him. I could only stare at him while I tried to get my body to work again.
"Haven't ya learned what kinda trouble that mouth a yers will get you into?" he spit in my face.
He tossed me to the side and looked over at something in the distance.
…Or something across the street.
No.
"Call yer brothers out here or I'm goin' for that little twerp over there," he threatened me.
So even after I made things better for Sophie, she was still in trouble again because of me…like hell I was going to let Slash actually touch her, though.
But I didn't want him to touch my brothers, either.
I had to keep this about me and him. I had to ignore how badly I knew he was going to hurt me, how long he was going to take to kill me. One life in exchange for my brothers and Sophie's safety was well worth it.
I was finally able to push myself up again.
"Why waste your time on three at once?" I asked him.
"Ya mean four?" Slash shot back.
"No, Spike, we both know you don't want to hurt Raph," I told him. "You can pretend to hate him all you want but we all know you still want him on your side."
"…I told ya it's Slash now," he didn't deny my words.
And that was all I needed for my plan.
"So why only go for three at the same time?" I asked him, trying to make my voice persuasive. "Let's be honest here, you want my other brothers and I. And you want me more than both Donnie and Mikeycombined. You were robbed of that chance a few weeks ago. Here it is now, just you and me."
He looked over me, lips pursed. I could tell he was strongly considering my words, because he knew I was right. But he was still hesitant, and I had to get rid of that.
"I won't defend," I told him honestly.
I threw my swords down and stood out in plain sight for him to see. I discarded my tanto blade that was hidden in my wrist wrap, and did a 360 spin for him to see I had nothing to hide.
"You can do whatever you want to me right now," I said, inching towards him. "You can hurt me however badly you want, you can kill me. This is what you want, and you know that."
He slightly smiled at my mention of the word kill, and he nodded.
25% of me was relieved that he took my offer. 25% of me knew I was about to be tortured to death.
The rest of me was relieved knowing that my brothers and Sophie wouldn't have to go through this.
I stood there, watching him and waiting for the pain. I was debating on wither or not to close my eyes, but I resolved to keep them open. I wanted to know when it was coming.
"Not here," he announced to me.
He pointed to the east. From what I could see through the snow storm, the harbor was only a few blocks away.
"After you," he chimed.
He knew if I walked behind him, I would have tried to run. Maybe I could still outrun him in the front…
No, I knew I couldn't even attempt, because he would go after Sophie if I did.
I couldn't let that happen.
I trudged forward in front of him, not excited for what was going to happen the second we got to the harbor. But I did my job; I protected the people I loved.
And if I had to die like this, maybe I wasn't such a bad person after all.
Maybe I was the good person Sophie believed I was.
I hopped down off of the roof and landed at the edge of the water. The water was like black glass as snowflakes fell into it.
I could see my sad, fearful expression.
Slash didn't give me much time to think about it. He grabbed my from behind and threw me into some crates nearby. I smashed into the wooden boxes, and my shell broken them apart. It hurt, but not a lot.
I tried to lie to myself and say that Slash would work quickly due to his eagerness, but I knew he had every intention of taking his time.
He hoisted me up by my arm like he had before and punched me straight in my plastron. It knocked the wind out of me, and I struggled to catch my breath as he kept assaulting me with punches.
When he was through with that, he tossed me to the left, and kicked me around as soon as I stopped rolling.
I was a toy to him, every hit was getting harder and harder.
And every hit was getting more and more painful.
My body ached as he tossed me around effortlessly. I had to fight against all my instincts not to defend against any of the blows. If I made one false move, I knew he'd go after Sophie or my brothers…
In the middle of his game of soccer with me, I could feel my T-phone vibrating nonstop. Someone was calling me.
I was afraid Slash would hear it, so I threw the phone off to the side when he wasn't looking. It slid and crashed into a wall of cargo boxes, and kept vibrating.
My attention was drawn back as Slash's foot stomped hard on my plastron, and I heard some kind of sick crunching sound.
I gasped, and that was when the pain hit.
Something was broken, a rib maybe…but God did it hurt.
I screamed out as pain radiated throughout my chest. I wrapped my arms around myself and shook trying to block the pain that I felt, but it stung so badly.
Shit, shit, shit…
I was trying to retain my reaction as much as I could, I couldn't go back on my deal of not defending myself.
But the pain was horrible.
Slash didn't react other than laughing. Well thank God one of us found this hilarious, because it fucking hurt.
"Givin' up, Lame-o-nardo?" he taunted me with the stupid nickname Raph had given me. "We're just getting' started. How many ribs are in a body? Twelve?"
He stomped down on me again and I heard the sick snapping noise again.
And again, more pain than I thought was possible spread throughout my chest.
I couldn't describe it if I tried. It was like fire burning me, and ice freezing me all at the same time. It stung so badly.
"Two down, ten to go, right?"
I couldn't speak; I couldn't take away the right to his vendetta. Not without putting my family and my friend at risk.
But I couldn't hold back the screaming as he slammed down on me again.
I didn't want to scream and let him know how bad it hurt. I didn't want to give him that pleasure, but I couldn't stop it. It was the closest thing to relief I could feel.
I think Slash got bored with the whole rib-breaking thing, because seconds ticked by and I felt no more stomping. I lied there and choked on coughs and tears and pain.
God, so much pain…
I stayed as still as I possibly could, trying to lessen the hurt.
Slowly, because he obviously knew movement was the worst, Slash used his foot to flip me over. The slower he moved me, the more it hurt.
I was laying on my plastron, the weight of my shell pressing down on my broken ribs.
Slash kept rolling me over, putting the pressure on and taking it off constantly.
It was getting harder and harder to breathe.
And the rolling stopped.
I was practically hyperventilating by the time I landed on my back again, and so thankful for a second of stillness.
One second was all I got though.
Slash's fingernails dug into my skin, drawing blood as he lifted me up to look at me.
I glared back at him with tears in my eyes. I wasn't crying, no. But my eyes were definitely burning with tears of pain.
"How are you better than him?" he questioned me. "Raph is stronger than you, look how weak you are. What about you is so much better?"
I couldn't give him an answer, for a few reasons.
One, anything I said could have set him off and two, I never really knew the answer myself. Sensei still hadn't ever told me the reason he made me the leader…
I was punished for my silence by being dropped to the ground.
I hit the ground hard and in an uncomfortable position.
At that point, it became all about breathing. I could fight against the pain all I wanted, but breathing was the real challenge now.
Slash circled around me and assessed my condition.
"Yer pathetic, Leo," he spit down at me, using my name for the first time all night.
His foot slammed into my face and I felt my head slam back into something behind me.
I blinked multiple times; black spots were slowly popping up in my vision. I knew exactly what that meant: a concussion.
"Someone as pathetic as you deserves to die a pathetic death."
Stay awake, stay awake, stay awake…
I felt pressure on my left arm. I looked over to see Slash using my wrist wrap to tie something to me…an anchor I think. Well, we were at a shipyard. That made sense.
Everything had to keep making sense, because everything was getting fuzzy and dark.
Then my right arm was moving, but nothing was being tied to it. It was just stretched out.
I tried to see what he was doing to me when I heard that noise again.
The sound of something snapping.
And my eyes were forced wide open as I realized he'd shattered my right arm bone.
I screamed louder than before. I literally screamed louder than I ever had in my life.
The pain in my chest was nothing compared to this. I realized that my ribs were merely broken. My right arm was completely shattered, fragmented.
I screamed out words I swore I'd never use in front of another person.
But I felt justified because this was not a person.
This was a monster.
The tears I'd been fighting finally spilled out.