Mixing Up The Pieces

Peace. That's what I feel, no, it's more than that. There's no pain, no anger, no sorrow. I'm lost in the tranquility of the space that seems to occupy me; I don't occupy it. It's just Xena and I, sitting in a field of poppies. She looks different somehow, I can't quite put my finger on it.

'Gabrielle.' Her voice is different; so much lighter than it used to be.

'Xena, where are we?'

'Elysian fields?' She's not sure either but I get the point.

'What happened?' I should be sad that we've died, but I'm not.

'Caesar crucified us.' Her finger tips reach out and graze my cheek. She seems lost in the very act of touching me. I can't remember what happened, and a part of me knows I should be asking questions; I just can't be bothered.

'I'm sorry I took you away from your son.' There's sadness in her voice. Despite the great tranquility that must be seeping into her veins, she still holds onto guilt and remorse.

'I should be sad shouldn't I?' She doesn't answer as her fingers continue to trace across my jawline.

'Don't get too comfortable girls.' Hades walks up to us from out of nowhere. Xena sighs heavily.

'What is it this time?' Her eyes fall as her fingers drop from their gentle exploration of my cheek.

'This wasn't supposed to happen. Ares interference has caused an outcome that the Fates are not happy with.'

'What does that mean?' I don't want to leave this peacefulness.

'That means you two are going back.'

'And what about Ares?' Xena asks, her eyes catching mine.

'He won't be bothering you for a while. Father was not happy.' He chuckles to himself.

'And the catch?' Xena asks, giving him a glare. He smiles widely at her.

'That, you find out later. Oh, and don't worry about Caesar, he was his own downfall.' He turns with a smirk and walks away.

'Xena, we're going back?' She merely nods at me. 'I don't think I want to.'

'I don't want to either sweetheart.' I smile at her little term of affection.

'What's going to happen to us?'

'I honestly don't know.' I throw my arms around her body and cling to her for dear life.

'We'll still be together won't we?'

'Of course.' She responds as if it's a completely ludicrous question.

Is time passing us right now? Here there is no concept of the passing of anything, it just is. We're going back to a world so full of turmoil and chaos and another chance to die painfully. My son, he needs me I know that.

'Hold on to me.' She whispers in my ear. Suddenly I feel like we're slowly falling through a void of darkness. I squeeze my eyes shut as the feeling of total tranquility slowly drains from my body. It feels like an eternity and it feels like a few seconds; but eventually I feel ground beneath me once again.

I sit up, gasping for air that I didn't realize I had missed. It's dark, but a moon shines right above my head, blanketing me in soft light. Was I dreaming? Looking around I find I'm by myself but my body is crusted in dried blood. Is this mine? I don't see Xena, and I don't even think im in the camp. I was dreaming right? But this blood, and ow….

Lifting my hands to my eyes, I see the marks my palms bare. My whole body hurts, as if it is one big bruise. This wasn't a dream was it? There's a rustle behind me as Xena appears from out of the dark depths of the trees. I make a slow ascent to my feet, my eyes never leaving her beautiful form.

'Xena?'

'It's over.' I'm confused by this statement.

'What?' It hurts to move but I manage a slow shuffle forward. Xena stands still, unmoving as she watches me.

'I'm ready to go home.'

'Just like that?' Her face twists in confusion.

'Do you remember anything?' I remember that she left me.

'What happened?' I ask, surveying my own body once again.

'Ares gave you to Caesar. He was trying to use you as a way to get me back.'

'We died?' I ask but I know that we did.

'Yes.'

'So you didn't take his offer?'

'No.' There's a faint remembrance of the peace and tranquility that I felt as we sat in the Elysian fields.

'Where are we?'

'Not far from where the Roman camp was.' I suddenly feel exhausted, the need to sleep is overwhelming.

'It's never really over is it?'

'With Caesar it is.' She's only validating my fears.

'Xena… I'm not your home; I'm not your salvation anymore. I never was.' She finally moves towards me, grasping me by my biceps.

'Don't say that, don't ever say that.' Rage burns in her eyes, her grip getting painfully tight. 'Everything that has happened to you is because of me. You've suffered enough because of me. But I can't leave you. You are my family Gabrielle.' Her voice softens to barely a whisper.

'Xena….' I don't know what to say to her. For once, words refuse to come to me. Sigh. 'Can we go home now?' I miss my son, and I feel guilty for having left him in the first place.

'Gabrielle I..'

'No.' I cut her off. Now is not the time for this, or maybe it is but I'm just too tired. 'Can we just find some place where I can clean myself up?' I look up at her, my eyes watering of their own free will. Xena nods quietly, letting go of my arms as she turns back towards the trees.

We walk in silence; not touching or even being very close. The moon glows as bright as the sun, lighting the forest up around us. In very little time we arrive at what looks like a small lake. I'm sure the water is freezing but I don't care. I need to wash away everything that has happened.

I delicately strip from my clothes, leaving them on the bank as I gingerly step into the water. It's warmer than I thought it would be, soothing my body as it surrounds me. As I wash away the dried blood I don't find any wounds, but faint scars remain on my palms and feet. Everything hurts despite the lack of wounds. I'm glad I can't remember what exactly happened; I don't think it was particularly good.

I look over to the bank where Xena sits in front of a large fire. She's staring at her own palms, rubbing them as if trying to wipe away the scars. There's an emptiness inside me that I never had before, the loss of peace I yearn to feel again.