Witness
~o~
Jesse didn't do nerves.
He knew the ins and outs of every performance he went into; always prepared but never complacent; single minded to the point of ruthless obsession. This was his world. He worked damn hard, fought dirty, owned every spotlight, stole every scene, and had complete and utter confidence in his own talent. This was what he did. Winning was what he did. He never felt more at home, more at ease, than on a stage – working to ensure his own success.
No, he had no doubts about their victory tonight. The number was perfect; they never did anything less. Every synchronised move, spin and lift rehearsed over and over, down to their aching bones and past the point of exhaustion; screaming joints and bruised muscles faultlessly concealed behind those ever dazzling smiles. And with him on leading vocals, naturally, he was certain they would easily do the iconic song justice and thus secure their rightful place at the top. Again.
Still…he was restless.
There was an unsettled energy stirring through his body, a tension deep within his chest that he couldn't quite pinpoint. He could feel it in the back of his mind: images, voices and lost touches, all struggling to crack the cold granite of the buried vault and break to the surface of his thoughts.
He shook his head. He couldn't afford to get distracted. Not now – not at the most crucial moment.
He usually got a thrill off the stress and anticipation, but this time the noise of his teammates had become so grating that he had finally stormed out of their dressing room in search of solitude, exiting in such a manner that almost dared anyone to try and come after him. Even Giselle had taken the hint, most unlike her, though no doubt she would track him down soon enough.
The corridors were quiet now. Everyone was inside, watching the first of the acts make their bid for glory; a pleasure that would ultimately be denied to them; a crown they couldn't hope to steal. Not while he was around anyway, he amended with a smirk. Hell, next year was anyone's game. Maybe even… The smirk faded into a frown as Jesse clenched his jaw and quickly shut down that particular train of thought. Not entirely successfully.
He'd only caught a glimpse.
In the crush of crowded corridors and frantic backstage preparation – a snatched glance of long, sleek waves, laughing lips and sparkling eyes, alight with that same glint of competition he recognised so well.
Of course, he'd known that she had to be somewhere inside the building, the inescapable knowledge of her presence had been silently taunting him for hours, but the confirmation had almost caught him by surprise. He'd hesitated for only a moment, fighting the echo of abandoned memories that twitched at his fingers, pinching his gaze, before he abruptly turned and allowed them both to be swallowed up in the sea of jostling bodies once more. He refused to wait for her eyes to break from her teammates and find his; not wanting to know if that happiness was a façade that would slip; unwilling to risk the chance that it wouldn't.
Besides, he wasn't overly keen to confront New Directions, en masse, if he could help it. After his team's little stunt, he was under no illusions and knew that hostilities were brimming very close to the surface. The fact was that, despite the bickering and bullying, they protected their own. Deep down, there was a twisted sense of loyalty there, and his final humiliation had crossed some unspoken line that had allowed them all to unite as a single faction against a mutual enemy.
Ironically, the spy from Vocal Adrenaline had somehow managed to bring the abrasive misfits of New Directions closer together.
It almost made him laugh.
He dimly registered the muffled sound of applause ahead of him and had the vague notion that he should start thinking about heading back. They still had time, they were the final act up tonight, a lucky draw in the line up that always worked to their advantage, but Shelby would kill him if he turned up late to her little pre-show lecture.
He sighed, running a distracted hand through his tousled curls; something that he seemed to be doing unusually frequently today – and he couldn't understand exactly why.
This was nothing he hadn't done before. The drive and discipline of performing was ingrained in his blood, the art of showmanship came naturally to him, and yet something about this particular time was…amiss. Something had thrown off his internal equilibrium; a minor disruption, nothing he couldn't handle, but still rare enough for it to bother him.
Shaking himself out of his thoughts, he looked up and promptly realised he had wandered his way back out to the entrance foyer. Movement suddenly caught his eye and he smoothly stepped back into the relative shelter of the hallway behind him, masking his presence, as he watched two other figures emerge from the opposite side, talking to each other in low tones, an air of nervous excitement following their footsteps.
They quickly split up and took their places outside the theatre doors, obviously waiting for their cue to make a grand entrance. It was a tactic he had seen them do once before. On another fateful night that now felt like so long ago. A different life.
He watched as she smoothed down the front of her dress, dark locks falling over her bare shoulders in soft ribbons. He still remembered the feel of those loose curls wrapped around his fingers, tugging gently in a private game of tease. His gaze dropped lower to leisurely take in her whole figure, an unconscious habit he enjoyed too much to give up now. He'd always considered gold to be tacky, but it somehow almost worked on her; the cheap, shiny fabric catching the light to create a warm glow against her skin that seemed to compliment her.
She turned her head to cast a look over at her companion, a shy smile of encouragement on her lips as she met his gaze. Jesse's eyes narrowed briefly as they followed hers to the boy who stood next to her, a sour resentment snapping through him before he could control it, taking him aback with its force.
The duetting partners stepped closer together, an uncharacteristically focused expression on his features, while she lightly twisted her hands together in a betrayal of awkward nerves.
"Break a leg," she said brightly as they came to stand in front of each other.
All was quiet on the other side of the doors, both of them acutely aware that it was only moments until they would be singing for the survival of their precious club.
He glanced away from her for the briefest second, as if finally coming to a decision, before coming back to meet her expectant face.
"I love you."
The words were blurted out in a single, rushed breath; an abrupt declaration of what each player in their little drama had known all along. The end game they had all been waiting for.
The whole situation was a tired cliché, pathetically predictable, but that didn't stop the painful twinge that wrenched deep in his gut at the solid confirmation of it all. Incredible really, the difference one solitary letter could make. A switch in tenses; the same truth uttered with hope and promise instead of anger and regret.
A beginning instead of an end.
She blinked in surprise, before a glowing smile spread slowly across her lips, an aching beauty in her face that he couldn't bear to witness.
Jesse cursed ever stumbling into this intimate moment; wondered why he had felt so compelled to linger, just to steal another glimpse of her – the girl he had walked away from. Setting his jaw tightly, he turned his shoulder and silently disappeared back into the maze of corridors, his quick stride determinedly taking him away before he was forced to hear her response.
Somewhere inside, he felt his heart darken a little bit more, and found that he didn't even care.
~o~
AN: Okay, I'm missing Jesse like crazy this season, and I know everyone else is too (hopelessly devoted shippers as we are!) I'm constantly looking to detect lingering traces of his presence in the show to try and convince myself Rachel hasn't *completely* forgotten him and the incredible romance they shared. So, in that vain, I've decided to make a collection of one shots centering around a series of missed/deleted/stolen or amended scenes featuring Jesse or a Jesse-bent perspective. I love Season Two, but it would just be so much more magic with Jesse/Jon in it! These will probably be posted individually at the moment, but I will indicate which are a part of the collection and which aren't (though you will probably be able to tell!) And actually, they can equally stand alone as well. Just my way of trying to ease the missage a little :)
And I just couldn't resist inserting Jesse into this scene from "Journey". It was his last official episode with Rachel after all (so far) and I can't help feeling they should have done so much more with it. Sorry again for the angst! Jeez, I really need to try and write some fluff for these two before I end up depressing myself! ;)
As always, thanks for reading and I love to hear what you think. Interested in more?