When It's Not Enough
Summary: America wanted England to be his so bad. But it seems the only one England sees is France. One-sided USUK, FrUK
Author's Note: This is a companion fic to Their Special Relationship, now from America's POV instead of France's. I'll probably write one from England's POV later on.
Warning(s): Human and Nation names. A bit crack-ish because even with angst, I need to make it just a bit stupid
The thing is, America never thought he would ever fall in love. The very idea seemed quite unappealing, really. Why would anyone want to fall in love? That was what he always thought. As you might know, he quite loved the idea of freedom. F-R-E-E-D-O-M. And the very idea of being in love…feeling that attached to somebody, your heart in their hands to break if they wish, all the trouble just to keep one person…well, that didn't sound very free to him.
So, he wanted freedom from love, or at least that was what he thought.
But then he fell into it; he fell so deeply in it that he could no longer care about his previous doubts because fuck it. If he could have that one person, then he'd want for nothing. With that special person by his side, he would be free from any worries. That was true freedom, if America wanted to be deep about it. The good thing was he wasn't a deep person so nobody needed to hear his musings.
The thing was, Love actually felt good. It felt wonderful, like a fluffy feeling in his chest that wouldn't cease but he didn't want it to cease.
That was the thing. And in the process of falling, he realised another thing. Love should have never been the thing for him to avoid.
Unrequited Love was.
Wasn't it ironic that the one thing standing in the way of America's happiness, standing in the way of America and his love, was the self-proclaimed country of love? With his stupid long blond hair, stupid smirk, stupid language, stupid, stupid, stupid.
Why was England with France? It didn't make any sense. They argued so much; it was hard to see any love between them. They weren't meant for each other, not like how America and England were meant to be with each other. And America hated it, hated the fact that England was with France and not with him.
But that was not because of their political relationship, not at all. The United States of America and the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland may have a good political relationship (a Special Relationship, some might say), which were a little wonky at times, but that had no effect on Alfred's feelings. He might be a Nation, but he was also a man. America wanted the relationship as it benefited the country but Alfred wanted love. If it so happened that he had a Special Relationship with another country that wasn't England, England would still hold his heart in his hands.
Yes, not every single thing he did was the effect of his country's decisions. Although he could say for a fact that he would never go against his people's wants, their needs.
Just like the Revolutionary War. His people had wanted it, had wanted Independence. It had spurred him on do it.
With the cries of injustice from his people, America had had conflicting feelings. For one, he was scared because he would be leaving a source of comfort to him. England was his guardian, he protected him (or was supposed to anyway) and it was frightening to go against him. However, he understood where his people were coming from. He himself had started opening his eyes to the truth. Without proper representation, England was basically oppressing him, wasn't he? It was unfair; why should a continent take orders from an island?
And lastly, the first whispers of rebellion also had awoken the instincts of every country that was deep within him. To become great. That was not possible when he was a colony because the legislation of the Empire will always be for its own interests.
Don't be mistaken though; America had no romantic feelings for England whatsoever before the Revolutionary War, nor during it and not even decades after it. What with the burning down of the White House and not being by his side when he was fighting the Confederacy, tensions were high between America and England. Alfred thought it was silly that England could still hold a grudge against him when he was just fighting for his freedom. It hadn't been personal.
The Revolutionary War had caused a rift between them and although their relations has improved since World War One (which was coincidentally when America's first feelings of love started to blossom), Alfred had to wonder if England could never like him back, just because of that one war.
France on the other hand, who had fought multiple, more violent wars with England (along with helping America win the war in the first place, as well as actually trying to invade England while America had merely wanted to leave) was so easily forgiven that England was actually dating him. It was so unfair!
Despite everything though, despite all he said about France, America didn't hate him. Not really anyway. He was just upset…maybe even a teensy bit jealous. France was a good man if you ignored his frequent gropings and sexual innuendos and if he weren't dating England, America would have no problems with him at all.
But he was, and so America's dislike of him continued to persist. America wanted to break them up because England was his. They were meant for each other, as mentioned before.
America constantly invited England out, hoping that England would start liking him back after spending more time with him. Obviously, he hid his intentions behind the guise that they were just friendly outings. 'Cause even if America couldn't claim to be England's lover, he could at least claim the title of a friend. Maybe even a best friend. Or at least America hoped England cared for him that much.
Either way, watching France with England was painful. The thought of them engaging in any sexual acts made America sick to the stomach. Not cool, dude.
But his brain always conjured the images as America's worries increased and so England and France's relationship shouldn't be allowed to continue.
America wouldn't say it outright no. No. He'll wait.
France will make a mistake one day and once he lets England go… America would be there to grasp on tight.