Slipping Away

I felt you slipping away.

I watched as you slipped away each dawn to join the new humans, the strange creatures who looked like you—who are you.

I watched as each dawn melted into midday and then into dusk—sometimes even night—when you would return to the troop.

I stayed back, letting you be with your own kind, trying never to show how much it hurt.

I pretended I was at peace with your leaving to be with the humans, more and more each day, and I must have succeeded, for you never suspected otherwise.

I even began to believe it myself. It was how it was. It was how it should be. I should be at peace with it.

After all, I'd seen mothers having to let go of their children before, let them wander to find a troop, a home of their own.

You were doing the same, only you were with your own kind.

I left you alone to be with the humans, I never dreamed of holding you back.

As long as you were happy, then that was all it mattered.

As long as you were content, as long as you found a home with your own kind, then that was all that mattered.

Your happiness always mattered to me—always.

And still, I felt you slip away with each passing day.

And still, I refused to let my pain show—I wanted you to believe I would be at peace—that I was already at peace.

I needed to learn to let you go, to let you see the truth of your past, something I should have done long ago, so I did.

A mother's sacrifice.

I led you to the place where I found you, unable to speak as you followed. I feared if I tried to speak, I would fail to hold on to what remained of my strength.

Strength that was waning faster than the light at dusk.

I let you discover the place where I found you, where your true mother and father had perished, and the picture that showed who your true parents were.

I let you piece together the puzzle of your past, and you did.

I told you your happiness was what mattered—I would never dream of demanding you stay or forget.

I left you alone to decide, turning away to walk back out into the night, still clinging on to the tiniest bit of strength I had left in me.

When I heard your footfalls behind me, hope nevertheless woke again in my heart—but I knew before turning to face you that you had made your decision.

You would join your own kind.

And with that last shred of hope gone, so was the last of my energy holding the last of my inner strength together.

When your eyes met mine, I knew you saw all the sadness that had been in my heart all this time.

I didn't wish you to see my grief—I didn't want that would be how you would last remember me.

So I looked away, hoping you might pass by, to join your own kind once again for good.

But you didn't—you weren't fooled for a moment.

Were you fooled all that time that I was completely at peace now that you had found your kind at last?

Now I wasn't so sure—perhaps you hadn't been fooled all along.

No, you were never easy to fool.

You knew when I wasn't myself, and I hadn't been myself.

You crouch down to my level, your eyes never leaving mine as you promise that I will always be your mother.

And that's when I know what I should've known all along—you had never truly slipped away.

Not now, not ever.

[A/N]: The first line of this fic, "I felt you slipping away" was inspired by a heartbreaking line of dialogue from "Supergirl" which, obviously, is the furthest you can get from Tarzan! Regardless, it served as a sort of writing prompt to myself.