Sonic's Super Sexy Adventure
It was a quiet morning in the world of Mobius (and by that, I mean the silly version of Mobius with the Sonic says segments, where penis is pronounced PINGAS sometimes, and all that other wacky junk), and in the great fortress of Dr. Robotnik, all was normal. Robotnik was just waking up at the time, letting out a massive yawn and looking up towards the window, the morning sun shining brightly upon him. "Ah, what a lovely day to attempt to destroy Sonic again." he said, rubbing his eye. It was then that he noticed a rather large tent in the bed, made by none other than his... Um... Well, you know. "Well well, what do we have here?" asked Robotnik, "looks like someone wants to play this morning. Heh heh, ok then, let's go into my "toy" closet and see what we can find." With that said, he hopped out of bed in the same costume he always wore every single day, and headed off to a door next to his bed. Upon opening it, it revealed the entrance to a vast maze of shelves and "toys", which he gladly stepped into to find something to play with.
To the doctor, this is an everyday activity to him. It was pretty normal for him to have a huge tent in the morning, and it was also quite ordinary for him to go into his vast maze of toys whenever he was horny for something to play with, since it was much more fun playing with toys than playing without them. Now, normally, he would have found something nice by now, but for some reason, he just couldn't find something that interested him. Mile after mile he walked, and as he continued on, nothing caught his eye. From the greatest and largest of sex machines, to the smallest and simple gadgets, absolutely nothing was of interest to him. After a good three hours, he returned from the maze still horny, and unsatisfied. By the time he returned, his two robot goons, Scratch and Grounder, had brought him fresh pancakes for breakfast. But the moment they saw Robotnik and the large bump in the crotch area in his suit, they knew something was up.
"Hey Dr. Robotnik!" asked Grounder, surprised at the sight of Robotnik's huge boner, "what is wrong with your dinky?"
"Yeah, Dr. Robotnik! Normally, you would have taken care of that morning wood by now. What's wrong?" asked Scratch.
"Oh, I am as surprised as you are, my loyal (but stupid) henchmen. After so many years, I have finally grown BORED of my collection. I have used each toy at least sixty six times." Robotnik replied, letting out a sigh and plopping his fat ass on his bed, sitting upon his bed with a rather sad look on his ugly face.
"Why not get some new toys?" suggested Grounder as he ate Robotnik's pancakes.
"That's just it, Grounder. I have gotten EVERY toy that ever existed. There just isn't anything new that would be worth adding to my collection these days."
"Aw, don't worry Dr. Robotnik," Scratch said, trying to make the Doctor feel better, "you could always use Grounder's nose for pleasure until you find something of interest."
"That won't be necessary," Robotnik replied, "I am no longer in the mood." He then sighed in disappointment, got up, and left for his lab. As he left, his two goons watched, feeling rather sorry for him.
"Poor Dr. Robotnik..." said Grounder, licking the plate that had Robotnik's pancakes clean.
Meanwhile, back in the lab, Robotnik was simply looking through his super-mega-de-dooper-over nine thousand-telescope, looking for a small village to take his frustration out on. As he did that, though, he caught a glimpse of what looked like a blue dot with an orange dot in the distance. Zooming in, he found out that it was that pesky blue fag, Sonic the Hedgehog and his friend, Tails the Fox. Yet, there was something odd about Sonic today. Besides the fact that he was running far slower than usual, he also had an odd object between his legs. Something that looked like... A large PINGAS with the hugest par of nuts he ever saw.
"Gee Tails," asked Sonic to his flying friend, trying so hard to drag his giant weenie with him, dragging it along the ground and getting it all dirty, "it sure is a pain carrying this thing everywhere. That's the last time I go to a party hosted by Sonichu, that sick fuck."
"It's a good thing I didn't go into his magic closet like you, or I would have ended up with a vagina!" replied Tails, staring in awe at that big hot dog of Sonic's.
"Yeah, yeah, very funny Tails. How about you give me a hand instead of staring at it all day?"
"Ok then Sonic, hold on tight!" Tails replied as he let Sonic grab onto his feet, lifting him and his ding-dong into the air with all his might, and carried him home.
After seeing such a sight, Robotnik had suddenly discovered what he wanted to add to his vast collection! He began to jump for joy after his discovery, the loud thumping of his jumping soon getting the attention of his robots. "Hey Dr. Robotnik, what's going on?" asked Grounder as he wiped his face clean of maple syrup with Scratch's tail feathers, "has something happened that made you upset?"
"Oh, no no no, Grounder. Those were no angry jumps. Rather, they were jumps for joy, since I have found something that makes my PINGAS wiggle."
"What have you found, Dr. Robotnik sir?" asked Scratch, unaware that Grounder is using his tail feathers to wipe his face.
"Today, I have made an amazing discovery! I have seen the largest wanker in the world! And that wanker belongs to a pesky blue rodent that I hate..." Robotnik said, showing his henchmen what he saw on his master computer.
"So?" asked both Robotnik's robot goons, cutting him off in the middle of his speech.
"Silence! I wasn't finished yet! As I was saying, I want to have that dong for myself..."
"EWWW, Robotnik, you're not thinking of sleeping with your arch enemy, are you?" asked Grounder in a concerned tone, nearly losing his breakfast.
"NO! Why would I do something like that? The idea I had in mind is to send you bolts-for-brains after Sonic and CUT OFF HIS DICK, and then return it to me, so that I may preserve it and add it to my collection." said Robotnik to his robots, a sinister smile forming on his face.
"But how will we catch him? He's just too fast for us!" Scratch told Robotnik, Grounder nodding in agreement shortly afterwards.
"Too fast? Bah, that's old news now. Since that giant weenie appeared between his legs, he has become ten times as slow! It shouldn't be that hard to catch him now. Here, take this hedge clipper, and go find yourself a few of my other gadgets to take with you. I want that PINGAS by any means necessary, so don't screw up! Oh, and while you are at it, make sure to crush that pest after you steal his manhood away."
"YES SIR!" said the robots, grabbing the clipper and a few simple gizmos and quickly dashing out the door on a hunt for Sonic's hot dog. As they left, Robotnik began to laugh an evil laugh like most bad guys do when something evil is about to happen (Of course).
Much later, Grounder and Scratch were at a cross road not far from Robotnik's fortress, trying to pick a trap for Sonic. "How about we use this bear trap, Scratch?" suggested Grounder, holding up a rather scary bear trap.
"A bear trap? Are you crazy? We are supposed to capture Sonic with his dick intact, not chomp his dick off! We should use something that will keep his wanker intact, like this super sticky paper. We nail this to the ground, and the moment Sonic steps on it, POW! We got him."
"Hey, I am not crazy! My idea is a great idea, unlike your idea. You can't cripple him with sticky paper..." Grounder said, crossing his arms.
"In case you didn't notice, Sonic's dink is so huge now, it drags along the ground! If it gets caught in your bear trap, it would get so mangled, that Robotnik would turn you into scrap metal for breaking it."
"Hey, wait a second... If his penis drags along the ground, wouldn't that mean using sticky paper is a bad idea too? Think about it, it's really sticky, meaning it wouldn't come off really easily at all. And if you are unable to take it off, Robotnik would turn YOU into scrap metal."
"Oh no, I didn't think of that! Ohh, this is harder than I thought. How are we going to catch Sonic without damaging the goods?" Scratch said, trying to think of something. As Scratch thought hard, Grounder looked down at the ground, and saw a nice rock. He then bended over and picked it up, and showed it to Scratch.
"How about we use this?" Grounder asked.
"Grounder, you're a genius! If we throw this rock hard enough at him, it would knock him out, and we could easily lop off his weenie. Great thinking, Grounder!"
Moments after they came up with such a brilliant plan, they could hear what sounded like Tails the Fox flying not far from where they were. So they quickly dived behind a large rock and waited to see who it was. They soon found out it WAS Tails, who was carrying Sonic around. "Ugh, Sonic, I'm getting tired... Can we stop and rest?" asked Tails, him having trouble keeping steady in the air.
"Come on, buddy, just a little longer. We are almost home." Sonic replied, trying to encourage Tails to keep flying. As they passed by the rock the two robots were hiding behind, Grounder began to take aim. It was a little hard for him to hit a moving target, especially one that couldn't keep a straight course in the sky.
"Come on, come on!" Scratch said, not wanting to lose sight of Sonic, "Keep a steady aim and make sure to hit Sonic. Don't miss!"
"Don't rush me!" replied Grounder, who took his time aiming. It was a really intense moment for him. After a few more seconds of waiting, he finally threw the rock with all his might. But alas, even with all that time he took aiming, it was all in vain, for once the rock was launched, rather than heading for Sonic, it hit Tails in the head instead. Tails went out like a light the moment that rock smacked him in the face, sending him and Sonic (along with Sonic's huge dong) falling down to the ground faster than Hitler's empire. Then, with a loud thump, they both hit the ground. Sonic and his PINGAS were lucky to be alive and well, besides a few bruises here and there. But Tails, on the other hand, was not looking too good. As Sonic got up to check up on his little friend, he soon realised that Tails was not looking good at all (mainly due to the fact that Tails was in a pool of blood).
"Tails?.. Tails?... Are you ok, buddy?" Sonic asked, his hand on Tail's mangled shoulder. He had no response. "Oh, Tails... What have I done? I worked you far too hard... I'm so sorry." said Sonic, kneeling in front of his poor friend, his wanker pretty much crushing Tail's corpse.
"Come on, Grounder! Let's grab some more rocks and stone him to death before he gets away." Scratch ordered, picking up a few rocks along with Grounder, later coming out of hiding to face Sonic.
"We got you NOW, Sonic!" exclaimed Grounder as he got ready to throw a rock at Sonic. Sonic turned to see them the moment he heard Grounder, and decided that it was time to flee. With all his strength, he ran away from the goons, who were throwing wave after wave of stones at him, many of them hitting Sonic rather hard. And the fact that he had to drag that huge dink with him as he went didn't help at all. Thankfully though, after much running, he was able to get away from Scratch and Grounder, soon finding himself lost in some old factory area of some sort. Although he was safe now, he knew they would soon come looking for him there. So he decided to wander into one of the factory buildings, trying to find a place to hide and think before he did anything else.
Meanwhile, Grounder and Scratch were looking for Sonic, them too soon finding themselves in the abandoned factory area. It was very vast with many factory structures, and really quite old and dusty. They both had a feeling that Sonic must have hid somewhere around here, so they decided to search the area. "Ok, Grounder," Scratch said, pointing towards a building that appeared to be on the verge of collapse, "you go and check in that storage building, while I check the backup power plant."
"Hey, why do I have to go into what seems like a really dangerous building and you don't?" asked Grounder after he had a rare moment of careful thought.
"Because unlike me, you have a drill which can save your sorry butt should that building collapse on you. If I were to go in there, if it fell upon me, it would be the END of me! Now get moving, we have to find that pest before he disappears! I know he must be around here somewhere."
"But.. But.. Oh, all right. I'll check the incredibly dangerous building." Grounder said, crossing his arms like a grumpy bot and making his way towards the storage building, while Scratch walked over to the backup power plant to check there.
As the badniks looked around the factory area, Sonic was hiding in the factory office of factory number two, trying to think up a plan before he gets caught. "Come on, Sonic, think! There has to be a way to get out of here somehow... If only I didn't have this huge dong, I could have just dashed out of here no problem. But since I am stuck with this thing, I guess I'm just going to have to find another way to get outta here." He thought and he thought, walking in circles and dragging his dinky around the floor as he went. But alas, nothing. He couldn't just sneak around outside, since that would be hard to do in the daytime. And he couldn't just swap hiding places in this vast factory zone forever, since it would not only be tiring, but with two robots out looking for him, the plan wouldn't work well for very long. Even trying to fight them wouldn't be a good idea, since attempting to build a trap would be difficult with such a huge wanker slowing him down, plus all the noise he might make making a trap could alert them to his location. Then, just as he was about to give up and admit defeat, he noticed something in an open closet that he failed to see before. Hidden behind a bunch of work uniforms in the closet was what looked like the key to getting out alive: A HUGE trench coat, big enough for his weenie and him, with room to spare. Sonic knew those morons wouldn't be able to tell if it was him or not with this trench coat covering his entire body, so he quickly grabbed it and put it on, and then slapped on a construction helmet to hide his head (and by that, I mean the one between his shoulders, not his legs). It was now or never, so he quickly made his way out and attempted to flee the factory area.
The moment he got out, it looked clear of those goons. But a few dozen steps later, he saw the two near his only exit discussing something. For some reason, Scratch looked rather fried. "Well, he wasn't in that old storage place," reported Grounder to Scratch, "How did you do?"
"Well, he sure wasn't at the backup power plant. And no wonder too, since it is incredibly hazardous there!"
"Let's hope this plan works..." thought Sonic, walking closer to his way out, hoping they won't notice him. He continued to move towards the exit, trying to be as unnoticeable as possible. But as soon as he got near them, they noticed right away.
"Hey, have you seen a blue hedgehog with a huge PINGAS?" asked Scratch, not even bothering to introduce himself.
"Uhh.. No. I-I don't recall seeing anyone like that." replied Sonic, most uneasy about talking to them.
"Really? He isn't that hard to miss," said Scratch, "besides the fact that he is a blue hedgehog with red shoes and white gloves, he has this dick that is so incredibly long, it's as long as me lying flat on the ground!"
"Yeah!" Grounder said, continuing from where Scratch left off, "and it is as wide as my big butt. He also has this large set of nuts the size of watermelons. They aren't hard to spot. Just look between his legs, and- HEY! Don't poke me with that huge thing! That's completely uncalled for..."
"What?" Sonic replied, unaware that he suddenly got a mega boner from all this describing.
"Grounder, you numbnut! Can't you see that is the wanker we are after!" Scratch said as he swiped the helmet off Sonic, revealing the truth of who he really was. "Let's get em!"
Once again, Sonic had begun to flee for his life, avoiding the rocks Scratch and Grounder were throwing at him. Sonic ran with all the energy he got, dodging most of the rocks thrown at him and carrying that dong more easily then last time. But alas, just as things were going his way, the unexpected happened...
As the robots chased Sonic, Grounder picked another rock out from his storage compartment within his chest, and lobbed it with skilful hit and run tactical aim. Although he was aiming for a head shot, he instead ended up smacking Sonic's family jewels instead, causing Sonic to cry out in pain and fall over, the pain so awful he couldn't get up. "Grounder, you got em! You got Sonic!" Scratch cheered, quickly heading over to the fallen hog and holding him down.
"Wow, really? What a lucky shot!" Grounder replied in amazement.
"Oh, shut up and get over here! We got a job to do."
"Oh, right. Just give me a second." said Grounder, who reached into his chest storage compartment and grabbed his hedge clipper. He then moved over to Sonic and readied his clippers for what may be the bloodiest mess he ever made.
"Don't worry, Sonic. This will only hurt... FOR EVER! HA HA HAH HAH HA!"
As Scratch laughed, Sonic watched in terror at what was about to happen, unable to free himself from Scratch's grasp. Closer and closer Grounder's clippers got, Sonic sweating bullets knowing what pain will come from this event. And then, once in position...
... Grounder lopped it off.
Sonic let out a girly scream as an unimaginable pain was felt, a bloody mess was made, and several pounds were lost. Grounder then took a big plastic bag from his chest storage and grabbed that huge bloody wiener, and tossed it in. "Come on, Grounder. Let's return to Dr. Robotnik's fortress and get this little dong modified." said Scratch, wiping the blood off his hands with Sonic's clean glove.
"But, what about Sonic? Shouldn't we finish him off?"
"Nah, leave him here to bleed to death. With all the blood he is losing, I don't think it will be long till he passes on." Grounder then nodded in agreement, and the two robots went on their way, their mission done.
After a long walk home, they gave Robotnik the bag and a report on Sonic's status. It should be no surprise that the doctor was shocked at this report, since this is the first time in years they did a good job at anything! He was overjoyed with the news that Sonic and Tails, after so long, are FINALLY laying on the ground cold and lifeless. And best of all, he has Sonics floppy wanker in his grasp. All he had to do now was transform the little dink into his next plaything, and then he will have a nice new toy to play with for the next few weeks until something new comes along.
The next day, he had finally finished the modifications to his toy, and it passed his requirements with flying colors.
... Oh, and he completely took over the world as well, turning it into his dream utopia, with Scratch and Grounder as his most trusted, um, janitors.
What? Where you really expecting them to finally get that promotion they always wanted? Yeah, like THAT was ever gonna happen.
The end