Hi, all! May eighth has rolled around surprisingly quickly. Doesn't feel like five minutes since last year's write for this exact occasion. Well, I hope you're ready to see what happens.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games, its characters, or its world. All rights go to Suzanne Collins, and I am not Suzanne. I just like playing around with her characters.
Johanna's voice fills the peaceful atmosphere of the Mellark household like a wrecking ball in a wooden building. "Hey! Brainless! Where've you gone?! You'd better be clothed!" she bellows.
"If I say I'm not, will you leave me alone?" Katniss grumbles.
"No," Johanna says. "Ideally, you'd be dressed, but I don't really care if you're not. Time to give you my gift for your birthday."
"That depends on what it is," Katniss says. "I remember the first time you gave me a gift. It was a night of vomiting acid and a severe hangover. Do it again, I'll set Haymitch on you."
"Cute. You think that old man can stop me getting you wasted," Johanna chuckles. "Come on, Mockingjay, we've got a bar to drink dry, and I've even asked the uptight stick to come with us."
"Oh, come on! You're not forcing her to come into this horror you've got planned!" Katniss groans. "She's all sweet and pure! You're not ruining her!"
"If anyone's ruined around here, it's Trinket," Johanna scoffs. "Her sense of humour is broken, and she taught me everything I've taught you."
"She's the sweetest out of our bunch, Jo, getting me to believe that Effie's even worse than you is going to take one hell of a lot of convincing," Katniss scoffs.
"Then get up and get dressed, and I'll prove to you that she's not sweet or pure at all. You'll have to come to see what she's really like when she's not in Mom Mode," Johanna says casually. "Be downstairs in ten."
Katniss groans and drags herself up. She's already had a long day of hunting, then being forced into a meal with Haymitch and Peeta, both of whom will be taking care of Willow, and now she understands why they stuffed her with food. She picks out a dark red evening gown that drops to the floor, and red ballet flats, then pins her hair back, and shoves on a bit of eyeliner to make it look like she's made an effort, then stomps downstairs to face Johanna, a glare taking up her whole face. "Here," she snarls.
"Great. And you don't look like a teenage boy who hasn't washed his sweat pants," Johanna crows, seemingly pleased with getting Katniss out of bed. "Now move, Brainless, Trinket's almost ready."
As they leave the house, they hear Haymitch bellowing "You're not going out in that!"
"I am! What's so bad about this?!" they hear Effie scream back. "It's not showing my bits off!"
"Sit down, and tell me the same thing truthfully!" he roars. "At least put a skirt on!"
"This is a dress!" Effie shrieks. "Honestly! You're my husband, not my father! Save this for if you ever get a daughter!"
"You're giving off the wrong impression! Going getting wasted in what's basically a tunic and wriggling around on a dancefloor with a load of kids in their early twenties is going to get you into trouble!" Haymitch roars.
"She's not getting out until she's decent by Haymitch's standards," Katniss chuckles quietly.
"Nah, she is," Johanna says, then walks in, yelling "Trinkie! Ready to go?!"
"No!" Haymitch bellows. Katniss runs in, and her jaw immediately drops at the sight of Effie, who's wearing a short, black silk dress, fishnet tights that don't really hide the weird bruises over her thighs that Katniss can't make sense of, and knee-high, black leather, stiletto heeled boots. Her hair's curled loosely around her shoulders, and her makeup is smoky, and overstated for what she wears now. "See? Even the girl thinks you look like a tramp!"
"Excuse me?!" Effie screeches, so loudly and so highly pitched that Willow covers her ears and whimpers. "You did not just call me a tramp, Haymitch Abernathy, you did not!"
"No, I didn't, I said you look like a tramp!" he roars. "And you're going upstairs, and putting a goddamn skirt on!"
"Leave her alone, old man, she looks hot," Johanna scoffs. "It's a night out. If she can't look trampy with us, who can she look trampy with? Actually, don't answer that. Leave her alone, we'll make sure she doesn't do anyone other than you."
"Thank you," Effie huffs, gesturing to Johanna. "And I stand by what I said. You're not my father, you're supposed to be my husband, and if I want to go out looking like this, I will, and you're not stopping me."
"Want me to get your dad involved, sweetheart?" Haymitch snarls. "Because I will. You don't have to look like that to go out. Look at the girl. She's decent."
"I'm leaving, and if I don't come home tonight, I'm staying with Jo in her hotel room," Effie growls. "I won't have you ruin Katniss's birthday night out with your weird dominance problem."
She grabs Johanna and Katniss and yanks them out of the house, barely pausing for her handbag. Once out, Johanna starts laughing and asks "What's his deal?"
"He seems to be of the mind that a married woman can't go out in a short skirt for fear of attracting men," Effie grates out, her jaw tightly clenched. "I'm very tempted to drink more than he ever could tonight, and give him hell tomorrow with my hangover."
"Damn, Trinket, who knew you had it in you?" Johanna chuckles, then looks her over. "I might get you some aphrodisiacs before I send you home. Give him moral problems too."
"Please do, I want to give him a reason to be mad at me for once. Anyone would think he'd be happy that I'm getting out for a change," Effie sighs. "Oh, Katniss, darling, that reminds me! Your gift."
"You didn't have to get me anything," Katniss says awkwardly. "You know how weird I get with gifts."
"Yes, but I don't see any reason not to give you a gift on your birthday. Now, hands out, eyes closed," she orders.
Obediently, Katniss shuts her eyes, and a soft thing is placed in her hands. She opens her eyes to see a long, black, wool cardigan that'll keep her warm all the time, but is still pretty enough to be worn with her red dress. "Wow," Katniss murmurs. "Thanks, Effie."
She slips it on and sighs happily. Effie looks nervous for a minute, then says "If you're not happy-"
"I love it," Katniss blurts out. "It's soft and warm, and it fits. You'll probably never see me out of it. So stop worrying."
Effie smiles slightly, then hugs both her and Johanna, despite Johanna's wriggling. "Come on, then. Let's all go get so soaked that we can't even crawl home, give our men something to whine about," she says happily.
Katniss cringes a bit, but Johanna and Effie seem far too enthusiastic for this. Once the bar's in sight, she perks up a bit, and allows the older two to drag her in.
"I mean, it's not like Willie can help, hic, being loud," Katniss slurs, downing her fourteenth shot of tequila in almost as many minutes. "She just yells... And it, hic, reminds me of when she was, hic, born. She just yelled."
"Yeah, we know, you told us that five times now," Johanna chuckles, still a lot less wasted than Katniss, despite drinking more.
"She just yells all the time. That's why, hic, I was so gra-gate-grow... Happy when, hic, Effie said she'd tea-hic-ch Wills the alpha-ulpha-orca... Hic, letters," Katniss mumbles.
"Maybe some water, dear?" Effie suggests, sliding her own glass over to Katniss. "Detoxify your system a little?"
"Nah, nah, I'm a good," Katniss mumbles. "Thank, though. Hey, barman, another round of shots?"
The barman nods, and Johanna says "You should probably have some water if you want to do more shots, Brainless."
"I'm not brain-bri-Brian mess," Katniss slurs loudly.
"Who the hell's Brian?" Johanna chuckles. "I said Brainless."
"Oh, don't," Effie giggles, her eyes a little glassy. "She does have a brain. Stop picking on her obliviousness, and tell me about those aphrodisiacs you suggested."
Johanna grins and fishes a packet of pills from her bag. "These are meant for getting you in the mood when you wouldn't normally be," she says smugly. "They work wonders."
"How long do they take to kick in?" Effie asks interestedly.
"About an hour," Johanna says. "We'll have to do a few more shots, get you as smashed as the brainless one, then you take three of these, and give the old man hell."
"Do you have to, hic, drug her?" Katniss mumbles as the barman gives them their round of shots. "Divide them, Jo?"
Johanna splits the shots between them, and signals the barman for more. She splits the next round too, and says "Okay, go."
Katniss has trouble even lifting hers. Johanna downs them all in under five minutes, and Effie has finished hers in three. She signals the barman and asks "Please can we have three fishbowls?"
He grins at her and goes to make their cocktails, and Katniss asks "Why we need fishes?"
"We don't," Effie says mischievously. "Just the bowls."
When the bowls of blue cocktail are set in front of them, Effie hands over the money for everything they've bought tonight, and Katniss asks "What we do?"
"You pick this up," Johanna tells her, guiding her hands to the bowl. "And you drink everything in it. Trinket'll demonstrate, won't you?"
"Absolutely," Effie giggles. "Here, I'll take those pills now."
Johanna gives Effie four pills and says "Take them with that," then smirks as Effie puts all four pills into her mouth.
"Watch and learn, Katniss," Effie giggles past the pills, then discards the straw and starts chugging the cocktail straight from the bowl, not spilling a drop, choking, or even seeming to breathe. She's drained it in less than two minutes, and puts the bowl down with a self-satisfied grin. "See?"
"Haymitch tea-too-tot... Made you know lots of things," Katniss slurs, clearly impressed.
Effie smiles, then stretches. "Your go, Jo," she giggles, a fair bit past tipsy now.
Johanna chugs her own with a similar speed to Effie's, then turns to Katniss. "Go on then, Girl on Fire. Make us proud," she chuckles.
"I will, hic, never ma-mang man-gage anything as fast as that," Katniss mutters, picking up her bowl.
"You can do it," Effie tells her. "Hurry, though, I'm starting to feel these aphrodisiacs kicking in, and I'm desperate for my husband."
"Gross," Katniss mutters, then starts chugging the cocktail.
"You should tell her more about your sex life, we might annihilate her," Johanna chuckles, a little bit tipsy herself after that. "Barman? Can I get a round of absinthe shots for the girls and me?"
He nods, and sets up their shots. "Are you trying to kill us?" Effie asks.
"Only a bit," Johanna deadpans. The barman brings their shots, and Johanna pays him. "I swear we'll be out after these."
He laughs and says "I hope you three have someone picking you up."
"We're old enough to handle ourselves," Effie says, with a degree of confidence, watching while Katniss finishes her drink. "How are you doing, dear?"
"After hearing that you want Haymitch, I need more than just that," Katniss grumbles.
"The most coherent sentence you've put together since shot ten," Effie sighs dramatically. "It just had to be thrown at my married life."
Johanna divides the shots and asks "Ready?"
The other two nod, and they down as many shots as they can in minutes. Almost immediately, Katniss heaves, and Johanna and Effie bolt to their feet and carry her out. The mildly cool air of the streets hits them, and Johanna and Effie feel a little clearer immediately. Katniss, however, retches once, and relaxes. "No more abs..." Katniss mumbles.
"I'll be staying with the Mockingjay tonight," Johanna sighs. "Are you?"
"No, thank you, my hangover sunglasses are in my bedside table," Effie mumbles. "I do hope the alcohol is out of my body by tomorrow evening. And don't expect to see me before midday tomorrow, especially not if there's no coffee."
They half drag Katniss home, and Johanna deposits Effie in her hallway before dragging a passed out Katniss into her own home. From across the street, she can hear Haymitch yelling at Effie, and two little babies screaming. She lies Katniss on the sofa, then flops on the chair, grinning to herself. All in all, she'd say she gave Katniss a birthday to remember.
Well, that was a fun ride. They're going to regret that when they wake up. See what I mean, though? I love thinking of Effie and Johanna on nights out.
As always, please let me know what you thought of this, if you have any requests, constructive criticisms, or questions, drop it all in the comments below. Much love and happiness to you all. Cat xxx