He never touched you. No hugs, no kisses, no smiles of encouragement just "look out for your brother." So you gotta wonder, what are you worth? How can you prove your worth? Follow ever order, look after your brother, love him and your father even if Father doesn't love us back.
But your brother did or so you thought. You looked after him, loved him but he left you just like Mom in that fire. You were always caught between him and Father, Sergeant really, when they fought. You gave up your dreams so you could stay and shoulder their burdens but your brother left and then your father and now you're lost. It has been proved at last, you are not worth staying with, loving. So you bent and stretched your soul for both of them and it was never enough and now your soul is twisted and it just hurts.
But you keep pretending, ever since you started speaking again 'cause you know Mom would have wanted you to be brave you have been pretending. Thousand megawatt smile and witty remarks convince everyone that your life is just swell. So you keep your game face on and no one notices you "masking all that nasty pain." And sometimes only really good days you can burry it enough that even you believe it for one glorious second.
The world is dangerous and people can leave you forever, you have known that since Mom. Every second of every day you are aware of the dangers lurking in the dark. It is a crushing responsibility and your damaged physique can barely handle it. Your childhood ended with your mother and now you save people like her sure, but it will never make you worthy in their eyes. Why wouldn't they just love you?