Author's Note: This is a repost of a story I had up along time ago. I have had a beta look at it and now here it is again for you to enjoy.
This fic is done for now but I would like to do two more chapters. Someone requested I write more to it and I will eventually but I have to watch the episodes needed again and find a transcript.
Thanks to Sarah Loui for taking a look at it.
Let me know if you liked it or hated it. Reviews make me smile.
Allan stood outside the camp looking in, no longer part of something greater than himself. He was afraid of having nowhere to go once the King returned, that he had lost everything that was important to him before he saw how much it meant to him. He saw now how much he was jealous of Robin and Will. Djaq would never be his, she loved Will, and anyone could see that Robin's life and lands were not in his future.
Gisborne had taken everything, his friends, his place in the world, Robin's respect and even the respect he was beginning to have for himself. The worst of it was he, Allan, had given Gisborne the tools to do it. When he was one of Robin's men, people saw him and respected him. Now that was all gone and he was a nobody again. Only this time he was a traitor as well as a liar.
A liar; that was what he was when he met Robin the first time in the woods. Allan had always relied on his tongue to get him out of trouble and that day it failed him. Luckily Robin had been there to save his hand. Then Allan was caught again this time for stealing bread in the market. Just when it seemed he would lose his hand again there was the same man.
This time they called him a Lord. Allan's hope had swelled, this man had saved him once and he would do it again. So he had called out he was from Locksley as well. Robin had looked to him, his eyes sad as he told him, 'I can not save the others and I fear you will share their fate.' Then Robin had walked away, defeated that another man would die tomorrow thinking he could have saved him.
Allan had seen Robin at his hanging the next day. He and the other three had stood on the gallows as Robin read out their charges and sentences. He had looked to Robin with disbelief that this was really the end. He was going to die and this man, Robin of Locksley, who could save him, was going to do nothing. It was funny, of all the ways Allan thought he would die, this was not one of them, stabbed in a card game perhaps yes, but not hanging. He looked at Robin one last time before the sack was placed over his head. He had taken a deep breath knowing it was the end.
When the fake priest had spoken up, Allan thought that they would be saved, but the Sheriff had not believed any of it. The stool was knocked out from under him, the rope pulling tight around his neck. Allan felt his life slowly ebbing away and then he heard Robin's voice, 'People of Nottingham', and then he was falling to the floor of the gallows. Allan had lain there breathing in and out glad to be alive. He didn't hearing the rest of what Robin had to say. Instead thoughts ran through his mind. "I am alive. He saved me again. I owe him my life and my allegiance." Then the crowd had pulled him down from the gallows and pulled off his hood.
Allan had followed Robin from that day. That was until he made the worst mistake of his life, the betrayal of his saviour and hero. More importantly he had betrayed his best friend, Will Scarlet. Will had shown Allan a new way to live and Allan had lived up to his example for a while, but when it mattered most, Allan had crumbled, unlike Roy.
Roy was the last one of the gang anyone would have guessed to go down shouting his loyalty to Robin Hood, but he had. Allan closed his eyes as the memory of Roy's death came back to him. His shouts as the soldiers hacked at him with swords, 'I fight for Robin Hood'.
Roy had been the first of the gang to fall at the Sheriff's hand and he died with honour, honour that Allan never had. Roy had prevailed and given his life for them, while Allan had crumbled.
He had thought he was stronger than that, but Allan was wrong, because of his cowardice Roger of Stoke was dead. It was not the same as when he could not save his brother, that had been the Sheriff playing games with Robin. The Sheriff had known that nothing could hurt or harm Robin more than knowing he was too late to save those boys.
No, Roger of Stoke's blood stained his hands as though he had drawn the dagger across the man's throat himself. When Gisborne told him of Roger's death, Allan had seen the day he would give Marian up as the spy in the castle.
Soon Gisborne would figure out that someone was giving Robin information, just as Allan was doing for him. When that day came he would be sending Marian to her death. Not even Gisborne could save Marian when that day came. He had known at that moment that he could not condemn another to death and so he had to get out now. Before he killed Marian or one of the others.
It was then Allan realized that no money in the world would bring back the people his deceit killed, especially if he caused the death of one of the gang. His information was not nothing he was putting the others in danger. Robin was right, harmless lies, innocent betrayals don't exist. If any of them had died, their blood would be on his hands, as well as Roger's.
Then before he had a chance to redeem himself Robin discovered that there was a spy and set out to find out who it was. Allan had known time was running out and he had no way to stop it.
Now that he had been discovered, it would have been so easy to turn and walk away. Allan had his money and a chance for a new life somewhere else. The money was stained with blood and betrayal. He had hidden it in a hollow tree and Allan thought about leaving it there, but too many needed it and he could not be a coward any longer. Now all he had to do was figure out a way to get the money to Robin.
He opened his eyes when he heard a voice separate itself from the others. Allan looked up to see Djaq leave the camp heading to the stream with a bucket. Will would win her heart, if he did not already hold it. Allan had realized that when Will declared his love for her.
Will was everything he was not, a skilled craftsman, quiet and now loyal. Even as Robin publicly declared Will a traitor and beaten him, his friend had still trusted Robin to follow his plan and had not turned on Robin.
He followed Djaq quietly hoping she would not discover him and he would be able to watch her, see her for the last time before he completed his betrayal. There was no choices left for him, he had lost his place in the gang. Now only one path lay before him.
At the stream, Djaq bent over to fill her bucket and froze, "Allan, come out. I am alone."
In the brush, Allan turned to leave. He had only two reasons for coming and he had accomplished one, he had seen Djaq and now he had to do the other. His hand flexed, he could leave the money here and leave without seeing her. She would find it when she came looking for him. Before he could leave she spoke again.
"I know you are there." Djaq spoke without looking at where he hid, but she knew exactly where he was.
Suddenly he needed to know if she forgave him, that she understood his fear. He knew it was not an excuse for what he had done, but he needed to have that one thing. Allan stood and came out of his hiding place.
Djaq watched Allan as he came closer. He was a broken man, who stood at the edge of a cliff. He was capable of falling either way, for good or evil. From his words that day she had known that he was the traitor. Djaq had done nothing hoping that Allan would find the courage to admit his mistake and tell Robin. It would have been better that way for everyone, but his courage had failed him. A silence filled the space between them.
"I am sorry. I needed to know you forgive me. " He would not look up and met her eyes.
"I told you that day, you are a good man Allan and I still believe it, but it is not my forgiveness you really seek."
Allan met her gaze momentarily and then looked back down at the forest floor.
"Robin will kill me if he saw me again. I'm a coward, I betrayed him and the gang. I no longer want this." He held out the bag of money to her. His payment for his harmless lies and innocent betrayals.
Djaq reached out to take it and their hands touched. Allan pulled his away quickly and the money fell to the ground between them. He looked up to meet Djaq's eye once more, smiled a sad smile, turned, and walked away.
She watched him go with tears in her eyes. Which way would he choose, she did not know.
Once he was far enough away, Allan collapsed on the ground and gave into his tears. There was nothing left to do but embrace the only path left to him. Robin was right everything they did was a choice and now he would make his and hope for a chance of redemption.
So what did you think? Use the little button and let me know.
If I get enough of a response it may spur me into writing the other two parts I have in my head. One his talk with Wil and how he needed his forgiveness for what he had done and the other how he feels when Robin allows him back into the fold and how it will effect his choices in the future.