Clarke decided to leave in the middle of the night, when everyone was sleeping. Bellamy's hands were no longer around her throat, but it had felt harder to breathe since then, and she didn't think it was just because of the ring of bruises that had already formed. The psychosis had come and gone. Clarke didn't know how soon it would come again, if it would at all, but she didn't want to linger long enough for it to again.

Unfortunately, those memories were still there, the look in Bellamy's eyes as he told her he didn't need her - something she had known for a while now. But she was caught by the hatred there, the pure hatred. When she'd woken up from cryo, and it was just the two of them, she'd almost forgotten that she'd betrayed her friends, almost gotten them killed, and that she was hated by the people she had once called family. And then Emori, Murphy, Raven, Shaw - then they woke up, and there was no forgetting anymore, not when they were always right there to remind her what she did.

But Bellamy, he'd hidden it so well. She'd almost thought it was just water under the bridge. Or maybe she'd just wished that - but clearly she was wrong. She was wrong about a lot of things. When they'd woken up after the psychosis, Clarke's throat had ached, and Bellamy looked at her with some sort of indecipherable expression. "Clarke," he'd said, his voice low and troubled, but then he'd felt the stab wound she'd given him earlier, and there were more pressing issues at hand. Like figuring out how any of them were going to look each other in the eyes after what they'd said and done.

Luckily, or maybe unluckily, Abby and the others came down, and Clarke didn't have to be the one to wrap Bellamy's wound. Playing doctor with any of her old friends felt like more deja vu than Clarke could handle. It had been a long time since she was their medic, tasked with taking care of every cut, bruise, broken arm and grounder arrow, that they'd endured on the ground, before anyone else had landed, when it was just the 100 against the rest of the stupid, violent world. They weren't those kids anymore.

The suns were starting to set and they were setting up camp inside the old school by the time they had all licked their wounds and gone over the formalities. So when Bellamy came looking for her later, Clarke pretended to be asleep. She heard him talking in a low voice to Jackson, careful not to wake her. "Is she okay?"

"She's sleeping."

"Yes, but…" She heard him sigh. "Has anyone checked her… her neck? For damage?"

There was a pause. "There'll be time in the morning."

After two minutes of silence, Clarke figured that they were gone. And then hours passed, and she hadn't moved, hadn't even opened her eyes, but she hadn't fallen asleep either. Everyone had settled down in mats on the ground around her. Once their breathing had evened out, she'd found herself enacting a plan she hadn't even allowed herself to think about until she was in the middle of doing it. But it had been in the back of her mind all day. She was leaving.

Clarke sat up, blinking in the darkness, waiting for her eyes to adjust. Bellamy, Murphy, Raven and Abby slept in the room with her. A little farther away were Echo, Emori, Octavia, Jackson. She'd have to be quiet. Her mom was a light sleeper, and Bellamy jerked awake at the slightest sound, but Clarke knew from experience that Raven and Murphy could sleep through almost anything. Or maybe she didn't know that anymore; maybe they'd changed. Either way, she slipped off her shoes into her hand and crept quietly through the dark. She paused at the stack of supplies, wondering what she should take, what she'd need.

In the end, she settled on a gun. She knew she'd need a gun. The food, the water, she'd leave that to her people, who would notice it missing. Of course, they'd notice the gun missing too, but Clarke hoped they'd forgive her for that at least. This was the last betrayal to them she'd make.

And then she was ready. Just like that. A year spent with them, six years waiting for them to come back, and now Clarke was going to leave them forever, her people. Her friends. Her family, once upon a time. But what was the use in stalling? She felt for her dagger in her pocket, the only thing she'd managed to take with her from Earth.

Clarke almost stepped away before something caught her eye. A radio. She shouldn't. She really shouldn't. After all, they didn't have that many. But her fingers curled around it anyway and she slipped it into her pocket. Bellamy stirred behind her and Clarke froze, for one heart-stopping moment, thinking he'd wake up and catch her and make all of this harder than it needed to be. But then he settled back down and she could breathe again.

No wasting time now. She slipped out the door and into the cool night air. It was easier to breathe out here. She put her shoes back on. She was only ten feet away from the door when she heard a voice behind her. "Leaving without telling anybody? Classic Clarke Griffin move."

Clarke's stomach sank. It took her a second to understand what Murphy was referring to, but when she did, she turned around, slowly. He was standing an arm's length away from her. Either he'd gotten stealthier or she would need to work on her survival skills more because she hadn't heard a thing. "You weren't even there after Mount Weather, Murphy."

"No, but I've heard the stories." They stood there a moment in the silence. They were a few feet apart, but it felt like he was far away, maybe so far she could never cross the distance between them. It was funny. She had known her friends wouldn't be happy with her, but she was surprised that Murphy seemed to be taking it hardest, after Raven. But maybe it wasn't so weird. Cockroaches protect their own. So when she left Bellamy in that pit, she was putting Murphy's family at risk. Clarke wouldn't have forgiven herself either.

"This isn't like that," she finally said, but the words sounded weak even to her.

Murphy laughed, but it wasn't a happy sound. "So, why now? Or were you just planning on leaving while we were sleeping since the moment you got out of cryo?"

Clarke wished he would just let her go in peace. She didn't know if there was anything she could say to him that would make him understand so she just settled for the truth. "You were there today. You saw me trying to - you saw how the eclipse affected me." As she mentioned her psychosis, Murphy shifted a little, looking a little less sure of himself. "I heard my mom telling me that I was the toxin. And that if I wanted to get rid of it, I needed to eliminate myself." Clarke shrugged. "There's more than one way to do that."

"But that was a hallucination."

"It didn't come from nowhere."

Murphy paused. Clarke took the opportunity to take a small step back, closer to her escape. "Do you think Bellamy would agree?" he said, catching her by surprise. "That you're toxic?"

Clarke blinked, taken aback, and then reached up and gingerly touched the bruises around her neck, still pulsing with pain. "These didn't come from nowhere either."

"So that's it? You're just gonna go off on your own in the middle of the night? Clarke, this planet is dangerous. You saw what happened to Shaw."

Clarke looked away. She was glad she wouldn't have to tell Raven she couldn't save him. "I was on my own for six years on Earth, and I'm still standing."

"Yeah, but that was Earth. You don't even know what's edible here. And what if there's another eclipse?"

If Clarke didn't know better, she'd almost say he cared whether she lived or died. "My psychosis only makes me want to hurt myself. And I won't want to do that if I'm far away enough that I can't hurt anyone anymore."

"And if you're wrong?"

Clarke shrugged. "Then I'm wrong."

There was a heavy silence. Nothing left to say. Clarke was leaving - he couldn't change her mind, and he knew that now and Murphy wasn't one to beg. Not that he'd have any reason to. So Clarke turned around and started walking again. She heard his voice behind her. "Be careful." She stopped, turning, waiting for him to say more. Murphy was looking away, down at the ground. "Just don't get yourself killed or anything," he muttered. "We don't want Bellamy to lose his freaking mind. We've got enough to deal with."

Clarke shook her head, turning again, speaking over her shoulder as she walked. "I'll be fine. And so will Bellamy. It won't be the first time I died. And he recovered just fine the last time around."