Author's Note: This is a challenge fanfic. And to get the correct effect please read all of Gimli and Pippin's lines in a ridiculously stereotypical Scottish accent.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own any of these characters (though I am working on purchasing Dominic Monaghan from New Line), they are the property of Warner Bros. and New Line, respectively.
------The Challenge------
Fandom: Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings
Rating: any
Rules (in no order):
- There must be a love pentagon.
- Someone must tell a "So a hobbit walks into a bar" joke.
- Legolas must get a mohawk.
- The Fellowship must sing a cheesy Broadway song.
- Someone must mention/wear a French maid's uniform.
- Ron must discover the true meanings of condoms and snow.
- Dumbledore must reference Princess Leia from Star Wars, resulting in much confusion among non-Muggles.
------The Story------
(Pippin, Merry, Ron, Sam, Legolas, and Gimli are all sitting on the curb in front of a pub)
Ron: (grumbling angrily)
This author is so bias; I'm the only character from Harry Potter here. (looks up and shakes his fist) Damn you, you geeky Lord of the Rings fanatic!!!
Gimli: (brandishing his axe)
And just what is so geeky about being obsessed with Lord of the Rings?
Ron:
Erm...nothing...
Pippin:
Oh, come off it, you two! Don't you see that the author is purposely putting us here together because we are all subordinate characters? No offense everyone.
Merry:
None taken, you hunka hunka burnin' hobbit.
Pippin:
Merry, I told you to stop sneaking puffs from Aragorn's pipe!
(Merry smiles and looks very out of it, he and Pippin begin making-out)
Ron:
Anyway…what about Hermione? She's a sub-sub-subor-
Sam:
Subordinate.
Ron:
Yeah, she's a subordinate thingy too.
Merry: (pauses his make-out session for the moment)
Honestly, you humans are so daft. Would Hermioninnie really be in a pub?
(at that moment Hermione walks out of the pub behind them and makes a hasty exit, stage left; the characters, who most likely are stoned/drunk out of the bejesus, don't notice)
Ron:
It's Hermione.
Merry: (mockingly)
Sorry, didn't mean to insult your girlfriend.
Ron: (turns red)
She's not my girlfriend.
Merry:
Well…if you're single!
(Merry edges closer to Ron and tries that yawn and your arm around someone move)
Pippin:
Nooooo!!! Merry!!!
Legolas:
Must you all be so openly gay?
Pippin: (still upset over the loss of Merry)
Well, it's better than being closedly gay, Mr. Homophobic-pants!
Legolas:
Hah! I don't even wear pants!
Ron:
Underwear either! Oops...
Legolas:
RON!!!
Merry: (shocked)
Ron, you're cheating on me?!
Ron:
Um...oops.
(awkward silence)
Pippin:
So a hobbit walks into a bar-
Merry: (smacks him with a rolled-up newspaper)
No, bad Pippin.
Gimli: (who was, previously, pretty quiet for once)
Legolas! What am I supposed to tell Draco?!
Legolas:
Oh, that...
Sam:
What do you mean Draco?
Gimli:
You mean you didn't know about the threesome?
Sam: (tearing)
No, not Draco too! This is too soon after Frodo left me for that tree!!!
(Sam has a nervous breakdown)
Pippin:
It's okay, Sam. I'm here for you.
Sam:
Pippin, get your hand off my ass! Wait, no...forget I said that.
------Intermission------
(the fellowship [Aragorn, Boromir, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, Gimli, and Gandalf for you steeoopid non-LotR fanatics] enter in tight leather pants, or a tight leather tunic in Legolas' case, and do select scenes from Riverdance while singing It's a Hard Knock Life)
------Now Back to the Story------
Dumbledore:
Now what have we all learned from this Riverdance incident?
Legolas:
Never try a DIY mohawk kit? (he points to his new, slightly lopsided 'do)
Dumbledore:
No.
Ron:
Condom + snow = bad?
Dumbledore:
No!
Merry:
Boromir looks really hot in leather?
Dumbledore:
NO!!! Actually, now that you mention it...but, you know, Princess Leia in a French maid's uniform is-
Legolas:
Wait, back up, Princess who?!
(yet another awkward silence)
Pippin: (opens his mouth to say something)
Merry: (smacks him, yet again, with a rolled-up newspaper)
No, bad Pippin.
Dumbledore: (sighs annoyedly)
Honestly, elves sometimes...you know, Princess Leia from Star Wars!
Legolas:
Star Search?
Dumbledore:
No, Star Wars.
Legolas:
Star Trek?
Dumbledore:
Close, but no.
Legolas:
Muffin?
Dumbledore:
I think I'd better quit while I'm ahead.
(the author decides to end the story to avoid further flaming from Legolas fans)
Pippin:
So a hobbit walks into a bar...OUCH! (laughs so hard that he dies. Oh well, no one will miss him...except maybe Merry...or Sam...)
------The End------
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own any of these characters (though I am working on purchasing Dominic Monaghan from New Line), they are the property of Warner Bros. and New Line, respectively.
------The Challenge------
Fandom: Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings
Rating: any
Rules (in no order):
- There must be a love pentagon.
- Someone must tell a "So a hobbit walks into a bar" joke.
- Legolas must get a mohawk.
- The Fellowship must sing a cheesy Broadway song.
- Someone must mention/wear a French maid's uniform.
- Ron must discover the true meanings of condoms and snow.
- Dumbledore must reference Princess Leia from Star Wars, resulting in much confusion among non-Muggles.
------The Story------
(Pippin, Merry, Ron, Sam, Legolas, and Gimli are all sitting on the curb in front of a pub)
Ron: (grumbling angrily)
This author is so bias; I'm the only character from Harry Potter here. (looks up and shakes his fist) Damn you, you geeky Lord of the Rings fanatic!!!
Gimli: (brandishing his axe)
And just what is so geeky about being obsessed with Lord of the Rings?
Ron:
Erm...nothing...
Pippin:
Oh, come off it, you two! Don't you see that the author is purposely putting us here together because we are all subordinate characters? No offense everyone.
Merry:
None taken, you hunka hunka burnin' hobbit.
Pippin:
Merry, I told you to stop sneaking puffs from Aragorn's pipe!
(Merry smiles and looks very out of it, he and Pippin begin making-out)
Ron:
Anyway…what about Hermione? She's a sub-sub-subor-
Sam:
Subordinate.
Ron:
Yeah, she's a subordinate thingy too.
Merry: (pauses his make-out session for the moment)
Honestly, you humans are so daft. Would Hermioninnie really be in a pub?
(at that moment Hermione walks out of the pub behind them and makes a hasty exit, stage left; the characters, who most likely are stoned/drunk out of the bejesus, don't notice)
Ron:
It's Hermione.
Merry: (mockingly)
Sorry, didn't mean to insult your girlfriend.
Ron: (turns red)
She's not my girlfriend.
Merry:
Well…if you're single!
(Merry edges closer to Ron and tries that yawn and your arm around someone move)
Pippin:
Nooooo!!! Merry!!!
Legolas:
Must you all be so openly gay?
Pippin: (still upset over the loss of Merry)
Well, it's better than being closedly gay, Mr. Homophobic-pants!
Legolas:
Hah! I don't even wear pants!
Ron:
Underwear either! Oops...
Legolas:
RON!!!
Merry: (shocked)
Ron, you're cheating on me?!
Ron:
Um...oops.
(awkward silence)
Pippin:
So a hobbit walks into a bar-
Merry: (smacks him with a rolled-up newspaper)
No, bad Pippin.
Gimli: (who was, previously, pretty quiet for once)
Legolas! What am I supposed to tell Draco?!
Legolas:
Oh, that...
Sam:
What do you mean Draco?
Gimli:
You mean you didn't know about the threesome?
Sam: (tearing)
No, not Draco too! This is too soon after Frodo left me for that tree!!!
(Sam has a nervous breakdown)
Pippin:
It's okay, Sam. I'm here for you.
Sam:
Pippin, get your hand off my ass! Wait, no...forget I said that.
------Intermission------
(the fellowship [Aragorn, Boromir, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, Gimli, and Gandalf for you steeoopid non-LotR fanatics] enter in tight leather pants, or a tight leather tunic in Legolas' case, and do select scenes from Riverdance while singing It's a Hard Knock Life)
------Now Back to the Story------
Dumbledore:
Now what have we all learned from this Riverdance incident?
Legolas:
Never try a DIY mohawk kit? (he points to his new, slightly lopsided 'do)
Dumbledore:
No.
Ron:
Condom + snow = bad?
Dumbledore:
No!
Merry:
Boromir looks really hot in leather?
Dumbledore:
NO!!! Actually, now that you mention it...but, you know, Princess Leia in a French maid's uniform is-
Legolas:
Wait, back up, Princess who?!
(yet another awkward silence)
Pippin: (opens his mouth to say something)
Merry: (smacks him, yet again, with a rolled-up newspaper)
No, bad Pippin.
Dumbledore: (sighs annoyedly)
Honestly, elves sometimes...you know, Princess Leia from Star Wars!
Legolas:
Star Search?
Dumbledore:
No, Star Wars.
Legolas:
Star Trek?
Dumbledore:
Close, but no.
Legolas:
Muffin?
Dumbledore:
I think I'd better quit while I'm ahead.
(the author decides to end the story to avoid further flaming from Legolas fans)
Pippin:
So a hobbit walks into a bar...OUCH! (laughs so hard that he dies. Oh well, no one will miss him...except maybe Merry...or Sam...)
------The End------