Author's Note: First Fan-Fic, so please be cruelly honest.
This is set somewhere between where Eli and Imogen are already good friends, and Clare has not yet achieved a relationship with Jake.
Read and please review what you think of this? This is a one-shot; complete.
Stolen Glances
The freezing air gently brushed the ringlets of her curls against the apples of her cheeks, and she heaved a couple breaths of air as she stuffed both her hands inside her pockets. From afar, she could see Jake parking his truck at around the corner. She also noticed the three girls whom hastily walked up to greet him with warming smiles.
Clare gave a soft sigh and shook her head, realizing that it really was nothing.
"See. No big deal."
It really didn't matter at the moment—not yet, at least—all she was really concerned about was getting her mind off HIM.
The steps to school didn't feel like it was worth it anymore. Nothing was being looked forward to except when the final bell would ring and she could go home to be alone. Loneliness began to be a friend that greeted her warmly with open arms, where she found comfort and remedy.
She frustratingly shook her lock as she attempted to open her locker. It wouldn't open and after several tries, she decided she had given up, and would later ask Alli if she could borrow her notes.
And with that thought, her eyes scanned the hallways, giving indifferent glances all around searching for her best friend. There were Adam and Dave speaking with Sav at one end, Jake chatting with the three girls, and teachers hurrying to class with sheets of paper clutched to their sides. Yet, no sign of Alli.
But then, an eerie hesitation overcame her when she thought something different had caught her eyes. Her heart rate began to falter as she gasped a short breath of air. The hesitation had evolved into confusion, distress, and jealousy.
The sound was familiar and difficult to digest. It represented a past she desired to escape; it was her wish to create the sound and it frightened her of the meaning it could have held. But, when she paused and took in the moment to realize, the feeling was too painfully palpable.
HIS cheeks were tugging a smile as HIS eyes glistened with amusement she was not able to understand or accept just yet. Eli was happy.
Clare's eyes shifted to the unique girl beside him and realized that she was laughing too.
The smile on his face made Clare want to be happy as well. She wanted to congratulate Eli for moving on and not dealing with the heartbreak left for her to spare. But, her distressed emotions took over. She frowned. Clare shamefully desired that all the heartbreak that consumed her momentarily would utterly bring HIM down with her. After all, that is the quality she adored most from him—through turmoil and trouble, Eli waited for her at ease, able to relieve her pain. Through her gold and glory days, Eli stood there with his support. Now all this was gone. These moments were vanished—Clare was alone.
All she ever felt like was a vase filled with water. A fragile vase with a crack threatening to let the water left inside to gush out, and emotions to uncontrollably flow with her alone to clean the mess that she had unintentionally made.
Yet, there he was—chin up, smiling, reeking of a new risen confidence. Well, at least in her eyes.
Where was the pain? Was it hiding in the inner crevices of his soul? Or, she thought it was gone.
The struggle it was to keep looking at the both of them had not reached its final point.
His smile—displeasing to her eyes at the very sight.
The seconds took their time to allow her to experience the various emotions surge throughout her in an aching sensation.
Something inside of her had shattered the warmth and confidence she had left. The security that she had embraced before was draining away to be left empty. Only confusion and envy began to fill it in.
There were crowds of students passing by her, but she felt a feeling of solitude consuming her slowly. The bile in her throat began to rise and she couldn't swallow it as hard as she tried. An excruciating pain in her chest was beginning to form, and she thought it was pathetic. It hurt to blink and to chew the inside of her cheek; all of her energy was being used to breathe.
There was plenty of emotion etched on his face and to her dismay she hadn't caused it. The jealousy was tangible and selfish, and she was fully aware of it too.
But she was done putting the blame on herself. Screw being considerate, she wanted to scream again. Only this time, instead of yelling how he had quickly erased her from his memory, she wanted to scream of how he was a liar.
"I don't have feelings at all."
Joy was filling the empty canvas that he had once represented. He stood still and tapped his cane against the floor as he took more steps to be later joined by Fiona. He gave her a small smirk as they then proceeded to walk and talk.
Either he was telling the truth and he was referring to her and only her alone, or he stopped taking his medication, or he simply lied.
It didn't matter.
The love was still there and Jake couldn't solve it this time with a breathtaking kiss. However, she could swallow in her pain and deny that she was feeling this.
Clare could deny the unresolved feelings, and say that she was fine. Everyone would believe her, and she would get away with it. She was thankful for the hundredth time in her life that the human mind and emotions were a personal advantage.
She could hear their footsteps, the click of his cane, and the struggle each limp of his echoed. She didn't budge, and breathing didn't seem like an option anymore.
Her body was stoic and her face tried to surpass a smile which came out as a pout. Her eyes flickered to the tile floor, and for a stupid moment she dared to raise her head.
Then it happened.
Their eyes met and she could still feel a spark, and she swore she had seen it in his eyes as well. But, it quickly changed once he tore his vision away from her and gave out a tired sigh.
He was tired of her. She could feel it. He was over her because he was bored of being in like—or whatever he actually felt—with her.
Her curiosities, desires, and feelings were exchanged with one glance. She inwardly cursed at herself for giving too much away with one look.
Closure is what she needs—Jake was right. But it still hurt and it still sucked. And, she'll keep denying it, because she was good at it and this she knew.
Her eyes gave an uncontrolled last glance at him as he limped away with the girl who made him smile by his side. She didn't know what it meant, but she knew that she didn't have the right to care or wonder anymore.
"Clare?"
She turned her head to her side and saw Alli weirdly glancing, almost accusing her of seeming strange.
"Hey." Clare said in almost a whisper.
Alli scanned her briefly, and cocked an eyebrow at her, "What are you doing standing here? The bell already rang."
Alli was right, and Clare quickly saw people walking inside classrooms and shuffling into different directions.
"I was looking for you." Clare replied with an absent mind.
"Mhm." Alli crossed her arms and gave a steady grin, "Sure you were—come on we're gonna be late."
Alli walked ahead and Clare still stood in shock, as if she was waiting for the moment to really sink in.
"Clare!" Alli yelled from the other side of the hallway. Clare turned around and her eyes met with Alli's, who carefully asked, "Are ya' alright?"
It was the hardest thing to do, but she denied everything, and smiled, "Yeah, um—perfect."
"Are you happy now?"
Not yet, but I'll get there.
Author's Note: Any kind of good/bad review would be greatly appreciated. (: