A/N: Hello, loves! Here's another song fic for Tarrant and Alice. This ones a bit angsty, and not that lovey dovey. If it's not your cup of tea, I'm pitifully sorry! Typically, my stories for them are about them being perfectly happy. Not this time. More of a darker story for today! Haha enjoy and REVIEW!
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING TO DO WITH ALICE IN WONDERLAND NOR THE SONG BY SABI. OWNED RIGHTFULLY BY THEIR CREATORS.
I tried to control it,
Tried to maintain it,
Tried to contain it,
I thought he'd be over-joyed to see me. I thought that once I'd returned, he'd greet me back with welcome arms.
His demeanor begged to differ.
He was colder, and more quiet.
Don't get me wrong, when I first got back, he was extremely excited. His usual bright green-eyed self, smiling down to me.
I thought things were going great, I even thought we'd sort of developed ourselves a relationship.
It felt, in a way, like he was courting me. But I knew it didn't work that way in Underland.
So I didn't know what to say or do, the moment he'd kissed me.
It was blissful, and delightful the few days after, but things seemed to spiral down like the rabbit hole.
I noticed he wasn't always there with me when we talked. Naturally, he wasn't ever totally there, but he seemed even more distant at times.
I knew it was partially my fault. I did talk about my home a lot, and I'm sure he was nervous everytime I talked about it.
But he seemed to get so.. angry. It actually, frightened me.
I wasn't a perfect angel either. I knew I tested his nerves, but I should know better. I was raised to be a proper lady, but I knew I was always defiant.
I tried to control my temper, but sometimes he yelled about such things that made no sense.
I remember when he accused me for not being the proper woman I claimed to be raised as. He should have known better himself though! I was never proper! I was a Champion for goodness sake'!
Flashback:
"What is wrong with you?" I asked him, hurt that he wouldn't speak with me. He was closed up, and his eyes a faded grey.
"Why didn't you say anything?" He asked, but only annoying me even more. Why did he have to be so damn phague?
"About what, Tarrant!" I shouted suddenly, my nerves getting the best of me. He pushed himself off of the kitchen chair, and stalked dangerously close to me.
"You let that man at the Castle stand ever so close to you. Nearly this close," He huffed, his face leaned down to the tip of my nose, fear escalading in my heart, "Wouldn't you say?"
"He was trying to tell me something, but the crowd was too loud so he told me in my ear! I swear!" I urged, but he shook his head the whole time I spoke.
"Didn't they teach you to know better, than to let a man so close?" He growled, making me feel like a dog. Of course they had, but was he trying to make me feel guilty? Really?
"Honestly.." I huffed, but he remained in front of me, his arms blocking me from walking away.
"Excuse me." I whispered, and saw his eyes flash a soft orange. Anger.
"Now the proper lady, shines through?" He asked, and I rolled me arms. I shoved his chest away from me, and he let me walk away.
End of Flashback:
I remember he came to me later that night, begging for forgiveness. He swore that he didn't know what had over come him.
But this type of occurrence happened often, I'd soon find out.
But I failed terribly,
And I don't know what to do,
I was running through the twisted, forest path. I didn't know where I was going, but I wanted to get away from him.
He himself told me to run. I saw a frightened child in his eyes, but also saw a maniac man in them too.
His anger was worsening each day, and he told me to just run when I saw him like this.
I don't understand why I let him treat me this way, but I knew it was because he was the only thing I loved now.
Sure I loved my mother, and always loved my sister. But it was different. I survived without them.
Without Tarrant, I had no idea what to do.
I felt like an awful person, hurting him the way I had earlier.
I told him he was cruel and a maniac. I watched his eyes flicker between pure wrath, to pure sadness.
My heart flickered with pure regret, with each shine of his glimmering eyes.
I should have known better, he knew that he had his issues and so did I.
But something was confusing me, he seemed to be bitter about something. I just didn't understand what yet.
I tried to hold back,
And accept the fact,
We ain't perfect,
The blanket was wrapped around our bodies, and I was curled up on his lap.
He had grabbed me after he yelled at me again, pulling me into his arms.
He had apologized hundreds of times, and sat on his red armchair in the Windmill.
He rocked me, and told me he was trying so hard to contain his bursts of madness.
"Alice, I swear. I'll stop. Something.. somethings off kilter! That's it! Something's just knocked off, making me extra strange. Please don't leave me, Alice.. Please." He begged and begged and I hugged him tighter.
We sat for what felt like hours, just whispering to each other, telling each other it would work out in the end.
But something still felt foreign in his behavior to me, and I didn't really like it all that much.
But what we got goin' on might leave us both with bruises,
I slammed the door to his bathroom, and heard him banging on the door.
He was demanding that I'd open the door, and that he was so sorry.
I stood up, looking in the extravagant mirror, and saw the red splotch on my right cheek.
All I had done was tell him to stop rambling on and on, my head was throbbing.
He hadn't taken it as lightly as I thought he would.
"Alice, I'm sorry! I don't know what came over me! Please understand! Alice, love, open the door!" He urged, and I heard the emotion in his voice.
My face was soaked with tears, and I debated if I should open the door.
I knew that his anger had passed now, so he probably wouldn't do anything.
But what right did he have to see me again? None, and I was angry now.
He'd taken it too far. And I felt a strange surge of red, hot, flesh-burning hatred.
I ran to the door, and unlocked it, swinging it wide open. He tried to reach out for me, but I lunged at him.
He coughed when I shoved his chest harshly, and his eyes flashed a deep red.
The next minutes we spent struggling against each other, everything blurry.
I felt my nails collide with his porcelain white skin. And I felt him trying to calm me down.
Finally, I realized I had broken down, and he was holding my quaking body to his.
"We have got to stop this, Alice dear." He spoke calmly. I nodded, and realized how wild our love for each other really was. Dangerous, in fact.
Neither one of us wanted either one to say goodbye,
But both of us keep hittin'
Keep on on screaming and we don't know why we're in love,
Our relationship had turned into a strange romantic romp.
After each fight or encounter with each other, we always ended it with our furious kisses.
He always overpowered me with his touches, and our anger disappeared each time.
His desire, and his aroused scent always made my nerves settle, and mine did the same for his.
We both understood that this wasn't healthy, because each fight we always said something we didn't actually mean.
I told him, I would leave Underland.
He told me, he didn't give a damn whether or not I stayed or went.
But in our hearts, we knew I wouldn't go anywhere.
And if I did, he'd go insane. Completely insane.
Damn!
This wild heart of mine,
It's gon' get me in trouble,
Damn!
This wild heart of mine,
It's gon' get me in trouble,
Our friends weren't oblivious to what was going on. They knew something strange was up with us.
When we weren't alone, were completely normal.
Tarrant, his usual bubbly-self, and full of questions and riddles.
Me, my normal curious-self, intrigued by his silly notions.
But if they crept on us, when we were alone, they saw our bitter attitudes.
Our strange, and out-of-character moments. And they felt awkward around us.
Mally wasn't around as often, and even the White Queen avoided us when she saw us.
I knew it hurt her to see us treat each other this way.
And I knew that we couldn't keep doing this to ourselves, nor to them.
I encountered him last night, and sat on his bed.
He looked at my face, and I saw that welcoming bright green color that I loved dearly.
"What's wrong my dear Alice?" He asked me, and I shivered, thinking about the awful things he'd call me if I made him angry tonight. But to hell with it,
"What's going on with us, Tarrant? Where are we going with this? I hate treating you this way, and you know yourself that I'm not being treated perfectly either." I spoke calmly, scanning his eyes for a change.
But they only paled to a depressed color. He knew I was right, and he sighed deeply.
"I don't like it either Alice. But I don't know what to do." He spoke truthfully.
He reached out and pulled me into his chest and I whispered more to myself than to him,
"I don't know either."
I'm out so I folded,
Bad hand - so I'm throwing it all in,
My shoulders were being shaken gently, and I peeked open my left eye. I realized I was still in Tarrant's bedroom, and that I must have fallen asleep last night.
I saw his pale hand on my arm, and his cute smile looking down at me.
"It's past 11 o'clock Alice, and we can't miss tea-time!" He spoke quietly, and I giggled. This was the Tarrant I was in love with.
These were the moments I lived for.
"Come quickly! I have a present for you. I have been feeling awful lately for fighting with you, so I saw it as an opportunity to make it up to you, seeing as how I know you love presents and surprises-"
"Hatter!" I spoke finally, his rambling having gone on too long. I smiled warmly when he shook his head quickly.
"Ahem.. I am fine." He grinned sheepishly, and I sat up, and he pulled me off the bed.
I walked bare-foot through the hallways, and he jogged down to the front door. He bounced on his toes impatiently, like a giddy young boy.
I ran up to him, and saw a mannequin that looked to be my size, out on the cobblestone path.
On it was a beautiful blue dress, the skirts ruffles a deeper blue than the rest, and two white lace gloves to match it.
But the best part was the hat on the mannequin's head, a hat almost identical to Tarrant's.
It was adorably magnificent, and it was even a bluish hue to it.
However on mine was a pretty white sash tied around it, the edges a gorgeous lace.
"Tarrant..." I whispered, barely able to speak. I was overcome with emotion.
He was always angry and told me countless times, if he someone asked him to create a hat like his for them, and he'd done it for me.
"I thought it'd be fun to see a woman wearing something like mine, and since you're sort of my woman.. in a sense.. I mean if you don't want to wear it-"
Before he finished his ramble of words, I had tiptoed on the cold ground, to put the hat on my head.
A perfect fit, just my size.
"Perfect Alice size." Tarrant grinned, seeming to have read my mind.
It's no one to blame,
Too young in the game for this whirl wind,
He was hunched over the sink, and alone in his house. He was sobbing uncontrollaby, and I was running away into the forest once again.
This was our routine, each damn time we fought.
I ran, and he suffered his maniac driven thoughts.
Now, we were just arguing about stupid things.
Stupid, childish, and even immature things.
Sure, I was young, but I wasn't so young that I should act this way.
I suddenly stopped in my footsteps, and a person flashed across my mind.
My poor Father. If he ever saw me acting this way, he'd turn over in his grave and I knew it.
I needed to change this, now. Right this instant.
Tarrant stood up straight and thought of his dead mother.
He knew better also. If his mother knew how he was treating the woman he loved... She'd be heartbroken.
He needed to go find her, tell her he was done with these stupid quarrels. Right then.
Let's try to hold back,
And accept the fact - We ain't perfect,
Cause I love ya,
At least I think I do,
Alice turned around, ready to head back to their home, but realized just how far she'd actually ran.
She had no idea where to go, so she just stuck with her instincts.
She followed a familar path, but after a few moments, realized she was back where she had started.
She fell to her knees, and the burning tears fell from her cerculean eyes.
Tarrant was running quickly from his home, hoping that she hadn't gone to far.
He ran for what felt like half an' hour, and realized she was no where near him.
A depressing thought crossed his mind.
Had she left for good now? Oh god, please no.
He punched a tree branch beside his body, and felt like giving up.
Neither one of us wanted either one to say goodbye,
But both of us keep hittin'
Keep on on screaming and we don't know why we're in love,
Alice dragged herself from the ground, and took a different path, and decided to yell out for her Hatter.
Maybe he was looking for her.
"Highly possible.." She whispered to herself guiltily, realizing he was always the one running back to her. She had always waited for him. And she knew that probably hurt his stressed heart.
She vowed from this moment, she'd treat him better. Treat herself better.
Tarrant thought angrily, that he always had to reach out for her, to find her.
But he knew, Alice knew no better, she'd never trusted a man after her father died, and he didn't blame her. Not really.
He wanted to make things right, patch it up for good. He was frightened of how she was becoming.
She was thin, and her skin lost her usually beautiful glow.
He himself had thinned out too, and she told him once that his reddish spots under his eyes had darkened.
They weren't healthy, and they needed to grow up and deal with it themselves.
Damn!
This wild heart of mine,
It's gon' get me in trouble,
Damn!
This wild heart of mine,
It's gon' get me in trouble,
It was getting dark out, and Alice was tired. And to make matters completely worse, she felt a few raindrops land on her already tear-stained face.
She shivered, and thought about if she had just stayed there with him. If she had calmed him down herself.
But she also knew it just wasn't that easy. He was so frightening when he got angry.
She never thought that such a sweet, innocent, and quirky man could get so angry, his ever changing eyes turning evil colors.
It was strange and foreign to her at first, but now she was used to it.
He also didn't expect such a curious, and calm girl to get so loud, her voice growing hoarse each day because of yelling with him.
They didn't even understand why they yelled. It's like their mouths controlled their actions, their minds completely shut off.
She collapsed to the ground, her bottom landing on a rock. She leaned onto her elbows, and rocked back and forth as it began to pour down onto her.
Realization struck her, that maybe this was all just a test. A test to see if they should stay together?
No, it was obvious that they should. They were simply perfect for each other.
Perhaps, it was simply just their stubborn attitudes, scared to let a new person into their lives. Even though they were closer ever than before.
Her neck snapped up suddenly, when she thought she heard her name being called.
She didn't hear it again, so she looked down to the ground.
Tarrant was breathing heavily, fear setting in that he might not find her.
He was resulting to just yelling out for her now.
What was he going to do, if she actually left? No. She simply couldn't have! She would've said goodbye first!
But he had being treating her so badly.. Maybe her heart was hardened over finally, and didn't care about him.
"Alice! Please!" He suddenly screamed, and waited to hear a reply.
He sighed loudly, and decided to walk back. He turned around, but froze in the cold rain.
"Tarrant?" He heard yelled out. He jogged to the voices whereabouts, and saw a blonde figure face the other direction on a rock.
"Alice!" He croaked out, and she jumped to her feet. They locked eyes, and she hesitated. Was she dreaming? No, of course not.
They both ran at the same time, adrenaline hitting their systems all in one sweep.
Alice nearly slipped, but landed in Tarrant's soaking arms.
She felt his strong stomach and muscles through his soaked button shirt, and shivered suddenly. Not from the cool air either.
"I'm done with this, Tarrant." She spoke, and Tarrant stopped breathing for a moment. She quickly spoke again. "I mean the arguing. I know you love me, and you know I love you. We can't treat each other this way anymore. It's hurting us both too much."
He feverently nodded his head, agreeing with her, pulling her up into his arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and they stood their holding each other for the longest time.
"Promise me, that if we do fight again, one of us will catch it before it gets to bad. Please? I'll try my best to do that too, but you know how silly I am, Alice dear." Tarrant whispered to her, just so that she could hear him. She nodded quickly and kissed his cheek.
Look me in the eyes,
And tell me with no lies,
That you feel the same,
Look me in the eyes,
And tell me with no lies,
That you can be a better man,
But I don't think you could,
Alice and Tarrant lay sprawled out on his bed sheet.
Beside the king sized mattress were their soaking wet clothing, and shoes.
They breath was heavy, and they slowly became sleepy.
Alice broke the silence, and tucked her naked body into his own.
"I can't believe I let you do that to me." She spoke, half serious, half teasingly.
He only smirked even more at his Alice.
"I can't believe you're still here with this crazy mad-man!" He giggled, but Alice blushed when his arms brushed her breasts when he pulled her into his neck.
"Don't be silly." She whispered, "What do you think I'd do without you? I'm just as crazy." She smiled, and he pushed back her now dry hair,
"Simply mad. Magnificently mad, no! Gloriously mad. Beautifully mad you could say-"
"Hatter." She whispered, and he blinked furiously.
"I'm fine." She laughed and kissed him once more, before sleep took her from consciousness.
"Goodnight, Alice." Tarrant's lispy voice spoke, a tear rolling down his face.
Not an angry tear, not even a sad tear.
But one simple, happy tear, for his Champion.
His Alice.
Damn!
This wild heart of mine,
It's gon' get me in trouble,
Damn!
This wild heart of mine,
It's gon' get me in trouble,
A/N: There you go guys! Hope you enjoyed it! Please review and tell me if you loved it or not! Hopefully you loved it... :) P.S. I know my stories tend to be a bit angsty, but I try to not let them end too sad. I guess I'm just drawn to the dramatic stories, yes? Hope you are too! Thanks again for reading!