I- Secret
iQuiet, Quiet, Loud/i
They keep each other like a secret. They trade kisses in the dark. They brush the tops of their hands across each others when they pass in the hallway. They look like they're single to the rest of the world and they lie to their friends. Neither of them know how they entered into this little agreement of silence. But each one knows why they keep it. Finn lives in fear that she'll realize how much better she is than him. That like Quinn and Rachel, she'll find the boy that deserves her. Mercedes keeps her mouth shut because she knows what happens to girls like her who are with guys like him. That if she said it out loud, someone would try and take him away.
But secrets only last long enough to make you ready for them. The truth of them glows on her skin and shines on his face. When he's almost falling asleep in class, he starts singing Billie Holiday under his breath and when she gets bored she hums the theme to iSuper Mario Bro/i. She started wearing high collars so she doesn't have to explain the faint marks he left on her skin. He blushes when Puck notices the light pink stripes down his back. Soon Puck corners her in the music room and warns her that if she breaks Finn's heart, he will cut a bitch.
And just like that, they aren't a secret. They're real. Fingers laced together, kissing in the hallway, talk-that-way-about-my-girl-and-I-will-end-you, meet the parents kind of real. And neither of them can even remember why being quiet seemed like such a good idea.
II- Read
iWhen The Rainbow Is Enuf/i
The one of the things about Mercedes that Finn loves is her bookshelf. It's so high that even he has to stand on his tiptoes to see the top shelf. It's littered with mismatched frames filled with smiling pictures of the people she loves. Cd's overflow in large piles, singing the songs that she sings when she's all by herself. Knickknacks dot the edge and remind him of carnivals and kissing booths and the start of everything. Her books are always perfect. Neatly lined up and in alphabetical order by genre. She has everything. Her bookshelf reminds him of her. He sees her in the titles. He sees the shy girl that curls up with iAre you there God, it's me Margret?/i. He sees the girl with the wicked sense of humor that cackles wildly while reading iHunter S. Thompson /i or iChuck Palahniuk/i. He sees the girl with her dark framed glasses, eyes sparkling with tears, as she reads iMaya Angeloui and iNtozake Shange/i. He sees the girl that sparks of girl power and buys a pair of roller skates after reading iDerby Girl/i.
Sometimes she lets him take a few of her books home. She never complains that he takes forever to read them or the fact that after he's done, she has to explain almost the entire thing to him anyway. She lets him read her stories and he's as grateful for that as he is about the nights spent learning the lines of her skin. Her books are windows into who she is. Even when he's a little bit slow and sometimes forgets or folds down the corners, she's always willing to let him read.
III- Burn
iJill Scott and Misunderstandings/i
Pain is something Mercedes Jones is very familiar with. She knows the way it feels when your heart cracks and it takes a piece of your soul to fix it. She knows that she was always supposed to lose him. His goofy grin and awkward stance were never hers to hold forever. Girls like her don't end up with guys like him. She's the one that he'll look back on when he's telling stories of all the girls that danced though his life. She's the one that his beautiful, thin, perfect wife will giggle about in ten years. She's the one that will be ithe time he went slumming/i. She knew all this but she still couldn't make herself not love him.
His hands roamed over her body like they were meant to be there. They found places she didn't even know existed and she was pretty sure no one else would be able to find them. He smiled at her like she meant something to him. That's why seeing him huddled close to Rachel by his locker almost breaks her. His head is down, almost touching her forehead and it looks like they're whispering. Watching his strong arms fold around Rachel's thin shoulders reminds her of all the ways she doesn't measure up. Tears prickle behind her eyes but she can't look away. His eyes catch hers across the hall and his face lights up. His excited walk tells her that he's got big news and she hates that she knows that.
"Baby, you'll never guess what Rachel managed to pull off for us." Finn is beaming and his excitement leaves him blind about her discomfort. He pulls two tickets from his back pocket and waves them in her face.
"Two tickets to Jill Scott... with sneaky entry because the club is over 18... and a meet and greet because one of her dads knows a guy who knows a guy."
"That's what you've been so sneaky about?"
"Course, babe. It wasn't for sure and I wanted to surprise you."
As he pulls her into a deep kiss, the tears fall down her cheeks. She knows what pain feels like. She's been dealing with it and bracing for it all her life. It's what she thought was waiting for her at every turn. It was the thing that Finn was never the cause of. She's not used to the idea of someone she loves not hurting her.
Love is something she's not very familiar with. But Finn makes it feel like it's something he's willing to give her forever. He tucks her under his arm and throws his shoulders back like he's got the most beautiful girl in the whole school by his side. Every time he does, she gets closer to thinking that he might be right.
IV- Teach
iSnare and Kick Drums/i
Finn tells her that it's really easy. That ihe/i managed to learned it so how hard could it be? Dancing requires rhythm and she could easily master the cadence of different vocal styles, so she really didn't think it would be a problem. She really doesn't get why Mr Schue wants her to play a drum solo during the costume change but she's learned a long time ago to take the spotlight and solos wherever she can get them. For the good of the club, Finn offers to help.
The Hudson house is small and feels like a home. She wonders what it's like to live somewhere that isn't filled with light that burns your eyes and parents that spend less time there than the cleaning lady. His house smells like flowers and is warm with the sounds of Carole cooking dinner.
He shows her what she's supposed to do. Losing his awkward fidgeting and behind the drum set he looks like a god. Heat pools in her belly and she curses the way his touch sends shivers running up her arm. His strong hands guide her and his breath is hot on the back of her neck. When she finally settles into the shaky feeling, she gets it. It sounds like it's supposed to sound and she actually feels cool.
She jumps up and pulls him into a tight hug. She tries to pull back but is held firm by his arms. His lips are warm on hers and his face flushes when Carole calls that it's time for dinner. They share Chicken Parmesan and hold hands under the table.
In the end she's not entirely sure why Mr Schue thought they needed a drum solo but she is sure that it was the best idea he ever had.
V- Beg
iPinned Wrists/i
The first time he hears the harsh, broken whisper he knows that he's never heard anything so beautiful. They're on his bed and his arms are bracing themselves on either side of her head. Her soft body is plaint beneath him and she shudders as she accepts each teasing thrust. She grumbles at the way their clothing impedes the friction and starts to match his thrusts.
A questing hand snakes down to his zipper but Finn locks his fingers around her wrist before pressing both of her hands down against the bed. He feels the moment she surrenders to him and fits himself firmly between her splayed thighs. Her skirt rides up her leg as Finn pushes down harder on her wrists and Mercedes arches into his next tiny movement. The thin cotton of her panties brush the cool denim of his jeans and he feels all his control break. He brings his hips forward in a sharp thrust and feels heat pool in his belly as her eyes shoot open in shocked pleasure.
He rolls his hip firmly against her and feels the tingling sensation at the base of his spine. She's fighting against his hold, trying to lean up to kiss him but she settles for curling her fingertips over the soft skin on the top of his hand. Her compliance is rewarded by a bruising kiss before he pulls back and juts his hips forward. He watches as she comes undone. The silent scream that falls from her open mouth and the violent rolling sounds of her begging for more. Her pupils are wide and her cheeks are tinted with a soft pink color. It makes him think of all the other places she's pink. He guides her hand to the front of his pants and smiles as her eager hand fumbles with the top button.
He's the only one that has ever seen the way her body squirms when she's touched the right way. He thinks that's one thing he will always be grateful for.
VI- Pure
iSilver and Gold/i
Her dress matches the pure white blanket of snow that dampens the ends of her train as she walks into the church. The purple roses in her hair smell like springtime and are a sharp contrast to the cold January weather. She almost doesn't feel the way Kurt's hands fumble with the finishing touches of her look. All she can see is the woman that is looking back at her from the mirror. Her dark skin makes the white of the dress seem even more vivid. The soft silk hides the small marks that Finn had sucked onto her skin two nights before and she's wearing his father's wedding ring around her neck on a thin gold chain. Her little sister keeps saying that the gold clashes with the sterling roses and the silver jewelry accents but she can't bring herself to take it off. Finn had given it to her on the five year anniversary of their first date and it hasn't left her skin since.
In the end she knows that she should feel nervous. She should feel everyone's eyes on her as she walks down the aisle. But that's the day she learns about feeling like someone only has eyes for you.
Finn looks like a nerdy James Bond in his tux and his eyes sparkle with unshed tears. His shaky voice whispers words she wasn't sure she'd ever hear and she gets it.
They are the two things that were never supposed to fit. Too big for this world and the kind of people that didn't care about gold clashing with silver or snow on the bottom of your dress. They were the ones that could stand in front of two hundred people and only see each other.
VI- Taint
iPrivate/i
She always been the one that would worry about what others would say about them. She spent hours convincing him that being with her in public would hurt him, taint his social standing more than glee already did. Lima was not the most progressive town and interracial relationship are still a very hot button issue. It hurts her to see the pin thin cheerleaders hitting on him every day that he seems single.
Jealously burns in the bottom of her stomach when Sam and Quinn kiss goodbye in the hallway or when Mike and Tina cuddle between classes. She wants to scream about the fact Finn chose her. That she's the one he shares his secrets with and comforts him when he wakes up terrified from his dog nightmare.
She loves the fact that she knows about his dog nightmare. He knows how she likes her tea and she knows that mushrooms make him break out in hives. He knows that she would rather spend a Friday night reading him short passages from her favorite books than rocking out at Santana's weekend parties. She knows that he doesn't mind not going to those parties. But part of her wonders what it would be like to walking into one of them on Finn's arm. To watch him play beer pong with Puck and take care of him when he gets a bit too tipsy. She wonders if he would take her upstairs to make out. Would he care if someone said something about it?
In the end though it comes down to Rachel's wayward hands on Finn's ass and her shiny lips on his neck. That's what finally made her realize that she needed people to know about what they had. Frankly, that bitch needed to recognize that Finn was hers.
When she pushed him back into the locker, the metal echoed louder than she thought it would and she cringed as she felt all the eyes in the hall turn to him. She asked his permission with her eyes and they softened with surprise. She slams her lips up into his and pulls him forward. His hands fall to all the familiar places and it's obvious to everyone that it's not their first kiss.
From behind her, Mercedes can hear Rachel's surprised mumblings and the whispers from the pack of cheerleader a few feet away. Ahead of her all she sees is the door that leads into the sunshine and Finn smiling at her in a way he usually saves for when they're alone.
She deserves beer pong and knowing his secrets. She deserves cuddling between classes and kissing goodbye before in the halls. She deserves party night make out sessions and school dances.
She deserves love and she deserves Finn.