1Title: Lost & Found (1?)
Author: Tigereyes320
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica Other character mentions
Word Count: 3102
Rating: PG-13 – R for Language
Summary: Part one of a future fic with the discovery that Veronica was indeed raped. This is a fic about possible fall-out from that act

Spoilers: Set after season 2 ends
Warnings: None.
Author's Note: Thanks so much to phoenixrae for betaing this for me

"Watch me Mommy!"

Veronica looked up from her book, as she sat in the lounger by the pool. "Be careful baby."

A smirk she'd know anywhere crossed his face. "I'm not a baby. Watch me jump in."

"I'm watching." Veronica said as she saw her son take a running leap into the pool. The splash of water never came. She looked around the pool her little boy was nowhere to be found. "Baby where did you go? Come on sweetie, it isn't nice to scare Mommy."

All of a sudden Veronica jerked awake as she sat up suddenly. A second later pain followed. She groaned as she fell back on the pillows in the hospital bed.

"Hey you're awake." A familiar voice said beside her.

"Dad? What am I doing in the hospital?"

"Honey, you were in a car accident. You and Logan were on your way to have dinner at the apartment and you were broad sided."

"Logan, where's Logan Dad? Is he okay?"

"He's fine. You were the one we were worried about. The truck hit you on your side. Logan just went to get us some coffee. He's barely left your side. You aren't supposed to scare your old man like that."

"Sorry. So, I'm okay?" Veronica saw a shadow of grief pass over her fathers' face. "Dad?"

"You have some bumps and bruises. You dislocated your shoulder, but it's healing nicely. You also had quite a bump on your head."

"Dad you aren't telling me something. What is it?"

"Veronica did you know you were pregnant?"

"Pregnant? No I'm not pregnant, Logan and I are very-did you say were?"

Keith felt his eyes shine as he nodded.

"I lost my baby? I was pregnant?"

"The doctor figured you were about eight weeks along. Since Logan knew nothing about it, I figured you hadn't gotten a chance to tell him. Veronica did you know you were pregnant?"

"No, I didn't even realize. Dad he doesn't think I wasn't going to have it, does he?"

"I don't know sweetie. It tore him apart I know that. I won't say I didn't know you two were involved sexually, but I thought you were being more careful. At least until you two were out of college."

"It must have been when Logan took me to Catalina. On our first official date we were supposed to go to Catalina on his dad's boat. He wanted to recreate that moment. We have been careful, Dad. Logan's very insistent on me finishing school on time. He says he has to stay on your good side now that you're going to be related. My ring! Where's my engagement ring?"

"I have it right here babe." Logan said as he came in through the door with two cups of lousy-but-at-least-it's-hot hospital coffee.

Keith stood up, and stretched. "I have some calls to make now that you're awake. You had quite a few people worried young lady. I'll tell everyone to wait until tomorrow to come see you. I'll come by a little later."

Logan sat down in the chair that had so recently been abandoned by Keith. He reached out and traced the side of her face with his fingers. "Don't scare me like that again okay?"

"I didn't know."

"You didn't know you being hurt would scare me?"

"I didn't know about the baby. I need you to believe me. I wouldn't have kept something like that from you. Please tell me you know that."

"I don't think you would keep something like that from me, but Veronica I remember the fight we had about kids."

"I do too. I still say that I'm right. Neither of us are our parents."

"I don't know if I want to risk putting a child through what I did."

"We agreed no permanent decisions. You wouldn't say definitely no, and I wouldn't say absolutely yes. Logan we're getting married in June, we're only 22 years old. There is plenty of time for us to have children in the future. I just wanted you to know that I wouldn't have made any decision about the baby without you."

"I guess a part of me was worried you'd found out and were afraid to tell me. That maybe because of what I said you thought you'd have to have an abortion."

"I would have kept him."

"Him? Honey you weren't far enough along to know the sex of the baby. I asked in case you might want to know. The doctors have also said you're healing with no complications, so if we want to have children there should be no problems."

"I saw him in my dream. He was so beautiful Logan. He looked just like you, right down to the smirk."

"Really?"

"He had my eyes; he was playing in the pool. He was telling me he's not a baby. He looked so healthy and happy as if he didn't have single worry in the world. His only concern was me watching him jump in the pool."

"I bet he was as tenacious as you."

"Logan?"

"I realized I really want that. I never thought I would want marriage and a family. I want them both with you. I want children and I want them with you. If that isn't what you want, I need you to tell me now."

"Veronica, I don't know if I'm ready to be a father."

"I'm not saying today or even a year from today. I need to know that in a few of years we'll be telling our friends and family that a new Echolls will be arriving. I don't want you to agree because this is what I want. If you don't want to repeat the mistakes Aaron made, then you have to want to be a father."

"Veronica, I-"

"No, don't answer me now. I want you to go home and think about it. Really think about it. If your answer is yes, then I want you to come back and give me my ring back. If it's no then we have to decide where to go from there. I know you love me and I love you too, but if we both want different things, we will tear each other apart. I don't want that for you or me. I want forever with you Logan, but if we aren't honest with each other about what that forever is going to include, we'll end up divorced and bitter. Please think about what I've said."

"I love you Veronica, I want you happy."

"I'm happy when you are, and if we have children when that isn't what you want, we'd be hurting them more then anything Aaron did to you. Children deserve to be wanted and loved."

"I'm coming back to check on you in the morning."

"I know you will. Please Logan, think about what I've said. I don't need your answer tomorrow, but I need it soon."

Logan nodded to her as he leaned up to kiss her forehead. He walked out of the room and let the door shut behind him.

Veronica watched him leave and turned her head to the window. "If you don't tell me you want a family, I have to try to see if I can live my life without you."

Logan left the hospital room in a fog; he barely remembered telling Keith he needed to get some air. He got into his car it was a rental until he could purchase a newer edition of his beloved Xterra. Big Bird the second as Veronica would be calling it. He picked up the phone and dialed a number, when it was picked up; he spoke without waiting for a greeting. "It's me. Can I come over right now? I really need to talk to someone."

After he got an affirmative, he disconnected the phone and headed out of the Neptune Memorial Hospital, he drove on pure memory. It only took him a few minutes to reach the beach house. He got out of his car and saw a man not much older then himself holding a small little girl. She quickly squirmed from his grasp.

"Unca Logan!" She screamed as she launched herself at him.

He caught her mid jump, "Hiya squirt."

"Where's Auntie Vee?"

Logan exchanged a look with Duncan; at his nod he told her the truth. "Lilly, she was in an accident. She's fine but she got knocked around a bit and they are keeping her at the hospital for a couple of days."

"She be okay for the wedding? I been practicin and practicin."

"She'll be fine and you will be the most beautiful flower girl in the world. Since they won't let you visit why don't you draw her a picture and I'll give it to her when I see her tomorrow."

"Oh-tay. Lemme down so I can start it."

"There you go." As soon as Logan put her down Lilly raced to her room to get started.

"Hey man, how are you?" Duncan asked as he saw his daughter streak by

"Not good."

"Come on in, coffee is fresh."

A few minutes later they were sitting at the kitchen counter. Duncan didn't say anything at first. After all guys weren't supposed to talk about their feelings.

"Do you ever regret taking Lilly?" Logan asked suddenly.

"What?"

"Do you ever regret having her and then having to steal her away? Until you could convince the Manning's to give you custody of her. It took you two years before you could come home. Was it worth it?"

"Logan what's going on?"

"Veronica was pregnant, and she-we lost the baby. From what the doctor said, she was about six weeks or so. She didn't even know she was pregnant."

"I'm sorry man."

"When I asked her to marry me I told her I didn't think I would want kids. She wasn't sure if she wanted them either. We agreed to use birth control and talk about it later. Now she says she definitely wants children, not necessarily this year, but she definitely wants them. She wants me to decide if children are what I want; if they aren't then she wants to end it with me."

"Are you asking for my advice? You and Veronica are crazy about each other. I wish I hadn't been a part of keeping you two apart. Why don't you want kids Logan? Lilly is crazy about you."

"But that's Lilly."

"Logan, my little brat, is a very good judge of character. She gets that from her mother. So are animals. Did you ever notice how your family never kept a pet?"

"Yeah, my dad didn't like them."

"No Logan, they didn't like your dad. They knew what he was like. Children are the same way; they have an inner radar. What about Cassidy?"

"What about Cassidy?"

"You and Veronica have spent time with Dick's son. You helped Dick out a lot when Madison dropped that kid off and never looked back. He's crazy about you."

"I could still turn into Aaron."

"Yes you could, but Logan for your kids to be hurt. Veronica would have to turn into your Mom. Can you really see her allowing you to hurt her or your kids? Unlike your father you know you're capable of hurting them. When you get mad instead of taking it out on others you usually break something. Make adjustments. Talk to somebody."

"I have been."

"You have?"

"I've been seeing a therapist for almost four years now."

"I didn't know that. Veronica never said anything."

"She doesn't know. She thinks I'm talking to my accountant."

"You've been going to a therapist for four years and you've never told her. Why?"

"Has Veronica told you everything that happened on the roof that night?"

"As far as I know."

"Did she tell you she found out she had actually been raped?"

Duncan sat down hard on a stool, "What? No."

"Cassidy raped her. She was out of it because Madison gave her the drink Dick had given her. I don't know if it was before you got there or after. I think it was before. I had to talk to somebody because I was afraid to touch her. She doesn't remember that night. So in her head she knows she made love with you, but her heart knew what had happened. I was afraid that if it got serious, I don't know, I guess figured if I could talk my own guilt out. I could help her."

"Logan what guilt?"

"I brought the GHB to the party, hell I went with Sean and Luke to TJ to get it. I started the damn salt lick. I played a part in it. If I had told her the truth about my alibi, maybe she wouldn't have run away from me so much. Maybe I could have talked to her instead of burning down a pool. We wouldn't have broken up. You two wouldn't have gotten back together. Maybe I could have been with you on that field trip and never gotten involved with Kendall. All of us would have been in that Limo, including Meg."

"Logan, I know Veronica doesn't blame you for that night at Shelley's."

"I blame me! So I went to someone so I could vent. I didn't want to scare Veronica away again. I didn't want to give her another reason to leave me."

"So what have you talked about?"

"Everything about my father and his abuse. To how I felt about Lilly and my mother. Veronica has been discussed in a lot of sessions."

"Have you thought about talking to your therapist about this?"

"I did."

"So what's the problem?"

"I'm afraid she won't believe me if I tell her I want kids with her."

"Do you want kids?"

"Only with her. I'm only telling you this, but last year before I asked her to marry me, I thought about getting her pregnant. I figured she'd be more likely to say yes if we were having a baby."

"I'm glad you realized that was not a good idea. Logan you would have had a child."

"I know. Can't you just see her? A miniature version of Veronica, blonde hair, blue eyes, sassy, and annoyingly tenacious. With none of the shadows in her eyes."

"I think if you tell Veronica everything you just told me, she'll believe you when you say you want kids. Hell, I can't wait. You'll be wrapped around the little finger of two tiny blondes with that head tilt."

"I think Veronica has her heart set on a little boy. You really think I can do this?"

"I know you can."

"So how are you and Lizzie doing?"

"Don't try to change the subject. We're good. It still feels weird to be dating my daughters' aunt. It's working for us. She's not Meg."

"Dating? Is that what were calling it?"

"Not going there, man. So is it true what I heard about Dick and Mac?"

"That they are hot and heavy? That would be a yes according to Veronica."

"How does she know these things?"

"In this instance she went by Mac's to pick up some paperwork and Dick came out of the bathroom."

"That doesn't mean anything?"

"He came out stark naked."

"That would mean something."

"Yeah that's what Veronica said too. Of course according to her, she and Mac were more embarrassed than Dick was."

"Dick is never embarrassed. Dick and Mac that just seems weird."

"They started hanging out together the summer after senior year. Veronica said it was because they both loved Cassidy, they needed to be around someone else who loved him. I don't know when it got more serious. I know she came running when she found out about Dick having a son. I still have a hard time equating the guy I knew, with the one I saw that night on the roof. Veronica still sometimes has nightmares about that night. She wakes up with a scream and won't calm down until she's heard Keith's voice."

"She talked with somebody after it happened didn't she?"

"Yeah Keith insisted on it. I don't know what she has or hasn't discussed with her. I know originally Veronica wasn't interested in marriage at all. I finally wore her down."

"I think you know where you have to go."

Logan suddenly stood up and smiled, "I got it. I really go it."

"What have you got?"

"I know how to convince Veronica. Thanks, for all the help."

"Anytime. Besides, I don't want to disappoint my little girl. She can't wait to be your flower girl. Tell Veronica I'll be by to see her this evening."

"I will. I'll see you then." Logan said as he left Duncan's place and headed into town. It took him four stores but he found what he was looking for.

When he got back to the hospital, he found Veronica asleep. He set up his gifts and sat back down and waited. As he was waiting the doctor came in.

"Mr. Echolls?"

"Yes?"

"I was wondering if we could talk outside."

"Certainly," said Logan as he got up and followed the doctor outside. "Is Veronica okay?"

"Yes and no, I got Veronica's permission to speak with you about anything that came up. I'm not sure how to put this Mr-"

"Call me Logan, please."

"All right Logan, you are aware of the pregnancy?"

"Yes."

"I haven't told Veronica this yet. She would have lost the baby regardless. It was ectopic pregnancy. Do you what that is?"

"Yes it means the baby was in the fallopian tube right, instead of the uterus?"

"Yes you're very well informed."

"I watch a lot of ER reruns. What aren't you saying?"

"It looks like Veronica had PID, sorry pelvic inflammatory disease, it sometimes happens with women who have an STD that goes untreated. I understand Veronica was treated about four years ago for Chlamydia."

"Yes."

"Logan do you know when she contracted it?"

"December of 2003, she was drugged at a party and was raped. Law enforcement didn't help. She didn't find out she had the STD until April of 2006. Is there a problem?"

"Women who don't get diagnosed right away with Chlamydia have a 40 chance of developing a PID. PID can severely hamper a woman ability to conceive and carry a child to term."

"Doctor are you telling me, we have to go in there and tell her she's never going to have the little boy she dreamed about? That we won't be able to have children?"

"Not exactly, Veronica is going to have to go through a battery of tests to see how much damage there is and how bad it is. In my opinion, as sad as the miscarriage is, it would have been worse for her to lose the baby later, it would have caused more damage. Some ectopic pregnancies are so bad the women end up having to have hysterectomies. Veronica is young and strong and it could be the damage is minimal. I truly believe Veronica should be able to conceive and carry a child to term. However I'm going to call in a specialist. I'm going to schedule her tests for tomorrow, I'll be back later to explain all this to her."

"Should I take her to a specialist?"

"Let's see what the tests say first, and take it from there. You're welcome to tell her all of this if you think she'll take it better coming from you. You can have me paged if necessary."

"Thanks." So how exactly do I tell the woman I love I want children with her. Then in the same breath tell her we might have difficulty conceiving due to her being raped because of drugs I brought to a party. Logan went back in and sat down beside Veronica's bed.

"Logan?"

"Hi baby."

"What are you doing here?"

"You asked me a question and I have your answer. I also have a question for you."

"What is it?"

"What would happen if we found out I couldn't give you a baby?"

"What?"

"I want children with you baby. I want a little girl with blonde hair and her mommy's head tilt, I'd like my son to have your eyes. What would happen if after we got married and wanted to start our family we found out I couldn't give you those babies? Would you leave me? Would you hate me if it was because of something I did?"

"No, I love you Logan. There are kids out there that need a home, if we want children and can't have our own we'll adopt. Are you saying you really want kids?"

"With you yes. Here is another hard question. What if you couldn't have children? Would you still want to adopt?"

"What aren't you telling me Logan? When I miscarried were there complications? Logan! Tell me I want to know." Veronica said starting to panic.

"Veronica calm down. The doctor came in when you were asleep. Since you had cleared him to talk about medical problems to me, he told me a few things. Baby, the pregnancy was ectopic, we would have lost the baby regardless of the accident. When they examined you they found some damage due to a PID you had developed, because of the Chlamydia you were infected with. They have scheduled you for a battery of tests tomorrow, so they can find out how extensive the damage is. The good thing is because they found out about it early we have more options. The doctor seems confident that we will be able to have kids."

"You mean I might be able to have a child, but there is a chance I won't."

"Veronica, look at me!" Logan waited until she looked at him before continuing, "I swear to you if we don't like what the doctor says, or they don't give us enough options, I will find you, us the specialist who will give us the options we want. I promise, you will have our baby if that's what you want."

"It's my fault"

"No, it's my fault. I brought that damn GHB to the party. I'm the one who declared open season on you. I set it all in motion. Baby I'm so sorry. If there was one day I would give anything to do over that would be the day. You should be asking yourself why you are even with me when I did this to you."

"Because you can't see the future, you had no idea what would happen that night. I know you would never have allowed a rape. We aren't going to assign blame. We can't changed what happened in the past. We'll let the doctors run their tests and go from there. I'm just glad you want kids."

"There is something else I should have told you a long time ago."

"What?"

"I've been seeing a therapist for a few years now."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to do it on my own. I didn't do it to impress you. I needed help dealing with things."

"Your feelings toward your dad?"

"No my feelings of guilt because of what happened to you at Shelly's party."

"Logan, I've told you. It isn't your fault. What I got drugged with came from Luke, not you. I don't blame him either. It was a horrible night all around. I know you regret any part you may have played in it."

"That night could cost us something you want."

"No that night cost me my innocence in a lot of things. I hold part of the blame in what is happening now. I should have immediately gone to my doctor and gotten examined and tested for STD's. If I had I wouldn't have gotten the infection that could keep us from having children."

"Veronica if you hadn't been raped; you wouldn't have gotten Chlamydia, which gave you the infection to begin with."

"This is getting us nowhere, Logan. I'm not going to dwell on this. Look at us we beat the odds, we're getting married in a few months. If we can beat the odds once we can do it again. We're going to have our family Logan, I know it."

"Then I guess we'll see what the doctor says after tomorrow's tests."

"I'm going to be right, just you wait."

"What do you want if you're right?"

"I want four kids if I'm right."

"We can have four if you're wrong. I just don't want you thinking these results change anything about us. Veronica if you think for one second, if those tests come back not giving us the results we want, you're leaving me, think again. We are getting married on June 30, 2010 if I have I have to hogtie you to the alter. There are so many options out there, I'm not even going to list them all. Promise me Veronica, no matter what we are getting married."

"I promise, I will be a vision in white on June 30th as I walk down the aisle to you. You're sure about this?"

"Veronica I want us, you and me, if we can have kids great. If we can't, and you still want them then we will have a houseful of children. But you are the only woman I want to raise them with. Now we are done going around in circles with this conversation. You're Dad is going to be coming by. I'll take your meeting with the wedding coordinator. She doesn't look like J-Lo does she?"

"No, she doesn't."

"I'm going to see you in the morning. Your Dad will bring you Luigi's for dinner."

"Logan, you don't have to baby-sit me."

"I'm not. I want to be here when they perform the tests and we get our answers. Don't look like that, please. We're in this together. Now do I need to know anything specific for this meeting with J-Lo?"

"Her name isn't J-Lo, it's Marcie, and the planner I've been using for the wedding is on my desk in the study. It's the big white one. You sure you want to do this?"

"Yes now you rest I'll take this meeting, and we will be all set. I'll come back early tomorrow and be here when they do the tests. Veronica I know the odds are against us now, but when haven't they been. If this is what we want we'll have it. Just like we wanted this relationship and now we have it."

"Another words, don't worry until there is something to worry about."

"Exactly, I'll see you in the morning. I love you."

"I love you too."

The next day

"Mr. Echolls, Logan you can come back in now." The nurse said with a smile. "The doctor will be in, in a few minutes to discuss the results of the tests.

Logan went in to sit beside Veronica's bed. She looked exhausted. "Maybe we should have waited to do these tests?"

"No, blood work and full gynecological exams are never fun. Plus I really have to go to the bathroom after they made me drink all that water. Logan?"

"No we agreed, we aren't going to think the worst unless the worst actually happens. Even if we get bad news we can go to specialist's and get second opinions. They do lots of new stuff in Europe. Okay?"

"Okay." Veronica said just as the doctor came in, there was a nurse behind her that was rolling in a machine.

"Hi, is it all right if I call you Veronica and Logan?" When they nodded she continued, "My name is Dr. Neva Sanders. I'm a gynecologist, I happen to work primarily with women who have been unknowingly given an STD by a partner at some time, and because they don't know, their fertility is compromised."
"Now Veronica, I've looked over your medical records, I understand that you were raped when you were sixteen."

Veronica nodded. "I went to a party, and was given GHB I then passed out. A year and a half later I was given misinformation, I was lead to believe I had, granted I was out of it and so was he, consensual sex with my ex. It was about a year later the Chlamydia was diagnosed. A few weeks after that I discovered I had actually been raped before I had sex with my ex. Since I had been given the antibiotics for the STD and I have had pelvic exams before I thought I was fine."

"Unfortunately Chlamydia for women is an insidious disease. There often are no symptoms to tell a woman something is wrong."

"So what do Veronica's test show?" Logan asked grabbing Veronica's hand.

"That there is significant scarring. This machine is an ultrasound and with it I can show you how Veronica's fallopian tubes are enlarged, which is indicative of the appearance of scar tissue. Your uterus and ovaries though are good. It means through IVF you could carry a child to term."

"So I can have children?"

"Yes and no. I would have to perform a laroscopy to be more sure of the results. But Veronica, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this but you have little to no chance of ever becoming pregnant again naturally. If you did become pregnant naturally you have a 75 chance of an ectopic pregnancy. You'd lose the child and possibly your life with an ectopic pregnancy."