Christine was surprised at how well her party is going so far.
She had invited Val, Chyna, Matt and Jeff Hardy, and all of DX over. She
had also invited Tammy, Stone Cold, and Mark McGwire, but for some reason
they had not shown up yet. "Damn," Christine says as she looks at her
watch, "Jesse, do you know if Tammy and her guys are going to show up?"
"No sweetie, I don't. Quit worrying, everything is great," he replies
after looking up from his beer, "why don't you sit by me and watch some TV
till they show up? Everyone else is having fun." She thinks about this
for a moment, and decides that it is a whole lot better than sitting and
having Val persistently ask her to be in one of his films. Anyway, there
was always a good reason to be next to Jesse.
About twenty minutes into the movie, the doorbell rings, and Tammy enters alone. "Tammy! Hey, it's about time you get here! Where are Stone Cold and Mark?" Christine asks as she gets up to greet her friend. "Well, they both had to take a flight out to California today. The Nash Bridges people called and asked Steve to be in a few more episodes, and Mark is filming a commercial for a new children's baseball bat. They wanted me to send their apologies for not being here." "Oh it's ok, now come in the party is going great. Make yourself at home," Christine says as she pulls her friend through the door. Tammy had on her favorite dress tonight; it was a tight little black spandex number that Christine knew Val would like. "Oh hell, Tammy, you had better watch out for Val, he's going to like that one," she says as Tammy makes her way towards Jesse. "Hey Jesse, how are you doing tonight?" "I'm doing pretty good, how are you," he asks her. She smiles at him, and asks with a cute little puppy dog look on her face, "Well, I'm doing good, but I could be better. Is there any chance I could get you to introduce me to people? As you know, I'm pretty shy."
Jesse agrees to introduce her to people, and he makes his way around the room. The last person she is introduced to is Val Venis. Val is a charming man; he stands about six feet tall and has a muscular build, and has shoulder length blonde hair. Jesse knows that Tammy doesn't watch a lot of wrestling (except when Stone Cold is on), and he tries to her warn her by saying, "Val is one of the WWF's wrestlers, and he used to be an adult entertainment star." After hearing this, Tammy turns and looks at Jesse with an alarmed look on her face and then asks Val, "Um...how long had you been an actor?" "Baby, I'm still making movies, and how would you like to be my next co-star," he says as he's looking her over. Tammy is very disgusted when she realizes that the man that she had just met asked her to be in a porno movie. "Well, let's get one thing straight right now, Val. I am most certainly not the kind of person that would be in that filth. Even if I were insanely stupid enough to be in porn, I sure as hell would not be in one with you. Anyway, I have a man, and he would kill you if he knew what you just asked me. Now, if you'll excuse me."
"Damn, that's a feisty one", Val thinks to himself as he watches her walk off. In his years as a porn star, he wasn't used to being rejected. All he had to do to get into women's pants was his patented "Hello Ladies" line, still he didn't think this would work on Tammy. She was going to be a bit of a challenge. "I wonder what it would take to get her to accept my offer," he says, not realizing that he was no longer alone. "Val, that piece of ass is out of bounds. That's Stone Cold's woman, and he would kick your ass if he even thought you were looking at her like you are now," Christine said to him, "Now, why don't you ask some other woman to be in your movie. How about that skank Terri, she looks easy." Val looks up at her as she's walking away and thinks, "Well, what the big Valboski wants, the Big Valboski gets...and I want her."
At that moment, Tammy returns from the bathroom and starts mingling with the other guests. Val keeps thinking of how much he wants her to be in his movie when he thinks up a plan and knowing he can't do it alone, he looks around the room for a potential partner in this scheme. He knows that Christine and "Road Dogg" Jesse James won't help him, and he knows that most of the other people are friends with Stone Cold, so he is about to give up when he lays eyes on Bad Ass Billy Gunn. He decides to watch Billy for a while before he decides to talk to him, just to see how Billy is acting tonight. It appears to Val that this will be extremely easy, because Billy is watching Tammy's every move with great enthusiasm. "Billy, I need to talk to you," Val says as he walks up next to Billy and startles him. "Sure thing Val, what do you need," Billy asks, still looking startled. "Well, we can't talk about it here, let's go outside."
"Ok, here is the deal. I want Tammy to be the co-star in my next film with me, and she said no. I have to some how make her change her mind, and I know a great way to do it," he says as he hands Billy a handful of sleeping pills, "I saw that you like her too, if you help me out, I will make sure you are greatly rewarded for your services. All you have to do is slip a few in her drinks tonight." " Gee Val, I dunno," Billy says with a concerned look on his face, "what if Stone Cold finds out?" Val shakes his head, looks at him, and says, "Billy, he won't find out. Now, just do what I told you and everything will be fine."
As the night progresses, Billy grows more confident and starts slipping Tammy the pills in her drinks. Finally, as everyone is deciding to leave, Tammy realizes that she is in no shape to drive. Billy looks towards Val, and he motions to Billy to say something. "I can take her home, I know where Austin lives," he says. "Are you sure Billy? I don't want to burden you," Tammy says drunkenly. "Sure, lets go," he says and smiles at her. As they are heading out, Val motions to Billy to come to him. "Hey, you know where to take her, she won't even know where she's at. The pills will wear off tomorrow, and she won't remember a thing," he says and walks off smiling.
The next morning, Tammy wakes up quite groggy in bed. "Damn, that must have been some party," her husband Mark McGwire says. "Yeah, I barely remember anything. Shit! I had to leave the car at Christine and Road Dogg's house; I was too drunk to drive it. Can you be a sweetie and have Steve take you over to get it?" she says and gives him her best "I'm so frail and innocent look." "Ok sweetheart, you know I will," he says and walks out.
A week passes, and then Billy decides to make a visit to Christine and Road Dogg. "Hey guys, can you do me a favor? Val and I collaborated and made a movie. I was wondering if you guys would watch it and tell me what you think. It's the first porno I've ever filmed!" Christine takes the tape from him, "Thanks Billy, we'll return it after we've watched it," then shuts the door and returns to the living room. "Christ Jesse, they actually found someone to be in the movie with em. Billy asked us to watch this for him and review it. I already give it an F." Jesse smiles at her and puts the tape into the VCR. What they see is a very blasé porno with a soundtrack that sounds like the Godfather made it. Everything about the movie is very boring, except the woman that is in it alarms Christine. "Hey, Dogg, does that woman seem familiar to you? I think I know her." He looks at the woman on the screen for a moment, then responds, "Um...is she from another porno?" "No, I swear to god I know her," Christine says as she pauses the tape right on the woman's face so she can scrutinize it. Jesse lets out a little giggle, because she paused it right on the biggest porn face ever made. Just then, the doorbell rings.
"Hey Stine, I came over to ask if you have some charcoal that I could borrow, and to invite you over to our house for barbecue," Stone Cold asks her. "I think we do, why don't you come on in," she says while motioning him in, "Road Dogg is in the living room if you'd like to visit with him." Stine then walks off to find the charcoal.
Stone Cold looks toward the living room, and sees Jesse sitting on the couch eating a cupcake. "Hey Dogg! What are you up to today," he says as he walks into the living room. He sits down in the chair next to the couch and looks at the TV. "Hey, what are you watching there Dogg? Why is Tammy in it?" Jesse then shoves his entire cupcake in his mouth as an attempt to keep from answering and desperately tries to find the remote so he can turn the TV off. To his horror, the TV comes unpaused, and Stone Cold realizes that he is witnessing his wife in a porno.
It takes a moment for the full effect of the porno to sink in, but when it does, Stone Cold is furious. He grabs Road Dogg by the throat and slams him against the wall, "WHY IS TAMMY IN YOUR PORNO? SPIT OUT THE CUPCAKE AND START TALKIN'!" Christine comes back just in time to hear this, and she spills the charcoal all over the floor. "STEVE! It's not ours, I promise! We didn't even know it was her because of the blonde wig. Please put Jesse down." Stone Cold puts Jesse down, then turns to Christine, "If it isn't yours, where did it come from," he says quite angrily. "Well, Billy brought it over and asked us to tell him what we thought of it, since it was the first porn he had filmed. So don't kill Dogg."
Stone Cold gets a little more pissed off, and turns towards the TV. To his horror, he realizes that the man in the porno, the man that was screwing his wife, is his coworker Val Venis. "I am going to kill them both! But first I need to talk to my darling wife," he says as he grabs the tape and storms out. Christine and Jesse look at each other with a frightened face, and frantically try to call Tammy, who doesn't hear them because she is vacuuming.
When he gets to his house, Tammy can tell that Stone Cold is quite pissed off. "What's wrong, honey," she says with a concerned voice, and he just looks at her with a cold stare and heads towards the den. "Honey? Why aren't you smiling?" At this, he turns around and says very bitterly, "You treat me like a dog and you expect me to smile," and then puts a tape into the VCR. "What's that?" Tammy asks very cautiously, and he just turns around and stares at her with a look that could burn a hole in you. When the tape finally starts to play, at first she only hears the music, "Gotta get it on, Gotta get it on," and then a picture. She is quite alarmed to realize that she is watching a porn tape starring Val Venis and herself. Without breaking his gaze, Stone Cold reaches behind himself and turns the tape off. "Do you mind telling me what in the fuck this is about," he says in a monotone voice, "What in the hell is this crap." Tammy looks at him and steps towards him and says, "I don't know what this is, honey, I swear it!" He looks at her with a disgusted look on his face and says, "Well, this just makes me sick, get out of my fucking face," and storms angrily out of the house.
A few seconds later, Tammy breaks down into tears, then McGwire enters the room wearing a pink apron with frilly lace and carrying a feather duster. "Sweetie, I thought I heard yelling, what's the matter." "I really don't know. Everything was fine, and then Steve showed up VERY pissed off. He put this tape," she says and holds it up, "in the VCR, and it turned out to be a porno...with me in it. I don't know how this happened, Mark, I swear it. I would never touch Val." " Honey, I believe you, I'll go find him and try to calm him down," Mark says as he tries to comfort the crying Tammy, "I'll be back as soon as I can." As Mark is walking towards the door, Tammy looks up and sees that he is still wearing the apron. "Mark, you may want to take that apron off, wouldn't want the neighbors to see it." "Oh shit!" He says sheepishly and takes off the apron before walking out the door.
"I can't believe this shit...I would never be in a porno, especially not with him. God, how will I ever make things right with Steve? Well, I don't want to be here when he gets back, cause he'll be pissed. I wonder if Stine and Road Dogg will let me come over," she thinks to herself as she walks towards the phone and dials Christine's number.
"Dogg? Hey, this is Tammy. Is Christine there? I really need to talk to her." " Yeah, let me get her for you. Is there something wrong, you sound like you're crying," he asks with a concerned tone in his voice. "No, I just really need to talk to Christine, please put her on," she says and then patiently waits for Christine to answer the phone.
"Tammy, hey, Dogg said you sounded upset. What's wrong?" " Well, Steve and I had a minor problem, and I really feel uncomfortable right now," she says while trying to hold back tears, "Can I come stay with you for a couple of days, just until things calm down with Steve?" "Tammy Lorene, you know you don't even have to ask. Do you want Dogg to come and get you, or are you ok to drive?" Tammy thought for a moment and said, "Um, I would feel a lot better if Jesse came to get me. McGwire and Steve are gone right now, so he doesn't need to be worried. I'll be waiting for him." Christine said that Road Dogg would be over in a few minutes and hung up.
When McGwire finally finds Stone Cold, he's at the gym lifting weights. "Hey, Steve, I gotta talk to you man," McGwire says as he starts to spot him, "Tammy has no idea where this came from. Anyway, do you seriously think she would go to Val willingly?" " Mark, come on! Did you actually look at the tape, or did you take that bitch's word for it? She was enjoying it." After he says this, he gets up and walks towards the locker room. "Steve, at least come back to the house and talk to her. She's too good of a woman to just give up on." Stone Cold looks at McGwire and says, "Fine.
I'll go and talk to her. I'm not saying I will forgive her."
Christine looked at Tammy and tried to quickly assess the situation. She looked and acted perfectly fine until you looked at her eyes. She had big purple bags under each eye and they were both so blood shot that she looked like she had been crying for a long time. "Ok, what happened Tammy?" Jesse looked up and started to say something to her, but Christine shot him a look as to say "WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE TAPE". "Well, it's kind of embarrassing. Steve found a tape that had me in a porno with Val Venis. I don't know how in the fuck that happened. I just remember at your party he kept asking me to be in it, and I said no. Then all I remember is waking up the next day really groggy, and I had a horrid hangover." Finally, she couldn't hold in the tears any longer, "Oh Christine, what am I going to do? What if Steve leaves me?" " Well, Tammy, I think you were drugged. I've known you a long time, and I know you would never agree to be in a porno with Val. I'm going to try to go talk to Steve. Do you want Road Dogg to stay with you?" " No, he should probably go with you. I can just stay in my room if it's ok with you."
When McGwire and Stone Cold get home, they find the house empty. "Damn it, she's probably out with him again, the fucking bitch," Stone Cold says in a rage, "when I find that son of a bitch, I'll kill him." "No, I'm sure there's a note around here somewhere, come on, let's look for it," McGwire says quickly to focus Stone Cold's attention elsewhere. As they look through the house, McGwire catches site of the porn in the VCR, and he gets pissed off again. "Fucking shit, I sure as hell don't need to see that again," he says as he plucks the tape out of the VCR, "Wonder where she could be? Well, I know one place she better not be, I'm gonna go find Val."
"Well shit, Jesse, where do you think he'd be? Mark says he left an hour ago to go find Val, and Val isn't home. If you were Stone Cold, where would you go when you're pissed off?" " Christine, that's a silly question. I would go to a bar," Road Dogg said with a smile. They drive around for a while and finally see a club with Stone Cold's truck parked outside. Inside they find him hunched over a beer with a very depressed look on his face. "Steve! Oh my god, I'm glad we found you," Christine says as she sits on the stool next to him, "we have to talk to you about Tammy." "What do you want? She was in a porno with Val, that's all I need to know," he says and looks up at her. Christine can tell that he has been crying for some time. "Well, I believe that she was drugged. She told me that she barely remembers the night of the party, and the next day she woke up quite dazed. I remember myself that Val asked her to be in a movie, but she told him no." Stone Cold seems to ponder this for a moment, and then looks up.
"Christine, get real. She was perfectly conscious in the movie; she looked and sounded like she was enjoying herself. She's just saying she was drugged as a way to cover her ass. Now, leave me alone," he says as he gets up and walks angrily away from her. Christine watches him go, and then looks up at Jesse. "Shit. We have got to find a way to get him to forgive her."
Jen had been at the club for about fifteen minutes when she saw him. "Dwayne, is that Stone Cold," she asked her new husband Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, "he looks upset." "Stone Cold? Are you ok," she says as she walks cautiously up beside him. She could tell she was in for it when he looked up, "Sure! I'm just fine! My wife was in a porno with Val Venis, and I just found out about it. I couldn't be better. Actually, I could be better if I could find his fucking ass." "You mean to tell me, he made a porno with your wife, and was stupid enough to let it get back to your hands?" Then she thought for a moment before saying, "Steve? If you want to get back at Val, I have an idea. Meet me at my house tomorrow, and I'll tell you what it is. We may have to do something that you won't necessarily like, but it's the only way."
The next day, Stone Cold got up early to make the trek to Miami. Jen and the Rock had met around the same time that he and Tammy got together, and it had been a whirlwind relationship for them. They had dated each other for about a month and then decided to get married. "Well, now she gets to live in this huge house," Stone Cold said to himself with a smile as he pulled into their driveway, "she always knew she would marry him."
Jen was sitting outside drinking a glass of tea when he arrived. "Steve! Hi! I sent Dwayne out on some errands so he doesn't find out about our plan. Come on in, and I'll tell you more," she says as she opens the door for him. "Ok, this is the deal. As we both know, the WWF is going to be doing a couple of shows here in Miami this week. Val is having a party at the hotel, but it's a "women only" event. He pulled this off cause he rented a whole floor of the hotel for himself. I myself have been invited, and I can probably get you in. The only catch is, you would have to go dressed as a woman, or you'll never get past the doors. I can help you get dressed up, do you want to do it? I'll understand if you don't want to." "Ok, let me get this straight, the only way I'll probably get a hold of his ass anytime soon is to dress as a woman and go to this party? OH HELL YEAH I'M IN!"
Jen fixes Stone Cold up later that night and then calls Val. "Hey Val baby, I have a question for you. I was wondering if I could bring my friend Cleo to the party. Yes? Hehe, yeah, I guess the more the kinkier. See ya later tonight." As she hangs up the phone, she turns to Stone Cold and says, "Well, you're in. If you want to turn back, you still have time. What do you say?" " No way, I want to go. I want to kick his ass, and this is the only chance I'll have for a while." " Ok, good. I can't believe he did this, I want you to hurt him," she says then looks at him for a moment, "and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive Tammy. I talked to Christine, and we both think Tammy was drugged. I mean, you and Mark are great, why do you think she would stoop so low as to go for Val?? She loves you a lot." "Well, all I know is that she was in it. Till I find out for sure she was drugged, I'm going to assume she was happy to be in the tape. Now, are you sure I look ok. This wig looks fine and everything?" Stone Cold asks Jen while messing with the blonde wig she had set in place on his head. "Steve, you look great. Now, for tonight your name is Cleo, and you were my roommate in college," she says then catches site of his muscular arms, "and you lift weights...a LOT. Ok?" " Yeah, I guess. I hope no one recognizes me."
Val meets them at the door of the hotel when they arrive. "Hello ladies! Jen, I am so glad you came. Who is this beauty with you," he asks while checking out Stone Cold. "Val, this is my friend Cleo, she was my roommate back in college. Cleo, this is Val." " Nice to meet you Val," Cleo says and curtseys. "I have never met a woman as tall as you, and you are built better than Chyna. I'll have fun getting to know you," he says and kisses "Cleo's" hand, "ladies, make yourselves at home. If you need anything, just ask." After he walks off, Stone Cold turns to Jen, "My god, I guess you did pretty good on my make- up, he had NO clue who I was." "Yeah, I know. This is what we'll do, you go and mingle for a little bit, then we'll hang out with Val. Then you can make your move," she says, "I'll be working on getting him drunk."
In about an hour, Stone Cold tires of playing Cleo and decides to go and find Jen. She wasn't at all hard to find, she was sitting on the couch with a VERY drunk Val Venis. "Hey baby, you know the Big Valboski is a lot like a clock. You stick two hands and a face on it, and I'll tell you exactly what time it is," Val says while trying to cop a feel on "Cleo's" ass. "Um, hehe, let me talk to Jen really quick Val, baby. Jen, come here." Jen and Stone Cold walk into an adjoining room, and they try to think up a plan. "How about I just invite him outside, and I'll just beat his ass there," Stone Cold asks her. "Um, well, I was thinking. Do you just want to beat his ass and be done with it, or do you want to totally ruin him?" Stone Cold cracks his knuckles and says, "Well, I like the totally ruining him bit, as long as I get to whoop his ass too." "Ok, how about this. I did a little research before coming here. Edge's room is 302-B. We can have him meet you there and then you can videotape him trying to get it on with Edge. Then you can kick his ass, and Monday on RAW you can show the footage. He just happens to be wrestling Edge then," she says and smiles. "Well, how are we gonna get into his room," "Cleo! I'm shocked! I happen to have a very close friend that goes by The Godfather that is staying in 302-A. I told him of our situation, and he has decided to help us out. A bathroom separates the rooms, and he has picked the lock for us! I told you I have everything covered! Trust me. Now, take this key and go to Godfather's room. Remember; take the bathroom to get into Edge's room. Godfather has a video camera and a decent pair of clothes for you." Stone Cold looks at her surprised and says, "Damn, you had this all planned didn't you?" "Yes, I sure did, now go! I'll give you five minutes to get up there, then I'll send him up."
"Jesus! She was ready for this," he thinks to himself as he opens the door to the Godfather's room and notices the camcorder and his wrestling suit on the bed. After he had these put on, he still had two minutes to get ready. "I hope everything goes ok," he says to himself as he opens the door to Edge's room and quietly steps into the adjoining room. His eyes take a moment to adjust to the darkness, and when they do, he spots Edge asleep in his bed. He waits a moment longer to make sure Edge will not wake up, then unlocks the door to the room. No sooner than he did this and found the perfect place to hide, the door opens, and Val stumbles into the room.
"Hey sexy girl, where are you? Oh!!!! You're already in the bed and waiting for me? Well, get ready, cause you're going to have the night of your life," Val says as he reaches out and starts caressing Edge's shoulder. Stone Cold has to fight hard to keep from laughing as he is taping the events that are unfolding in front of him. "Oooh, baby, why don't you give Val some lovin," he says as he caresses Edge's leg through the sheet and gets into bed with him, "My, you have muscular legs." "God, I hope he doesn't wake up," Stone Cold thinks to himself as Val begins to kiss Edge's neck. "Baby, you sure don't say a lot," Val says as his hand is traveling down Edge's leg, "I know a way to make you moan." To Stone Cold's enjoyment, Val reaches out and seeks Edge's crotch. "Oh my god!! You have a dick," Val screeches and then Stone Cold grabs him by the mouth. "Listen here, you son of a bitch, I'm going to take you out of this room, and you aren't going to say a word. If you wake him up, I'll kill you," Stone Cold says as he drags Val towards the door.
"Can I ask what you two men are doing in our room," asks Edge's girlfriend Amanda when they get outside. "Oh shit! Yeah, Val got drunk and thought he was going into his own room. I saw him going into Edge's room and grabbed him. Sorry to disturb you," Stone Cold says as he tightens his grip on Val's mouth. "Why in the world are you wearing eye shadow Stone Cold?!" "Oh, uh, that's not what you think it is. I got punched and I have a black eye now," he answers quickly while proceeding down the hall.
Jen had been sitting in the lobby for about an hour and a half before she got worried. "Damn, I hope no one caught him," she thinks to herself as she looks at her watch, "well, if he isn't down here soon, I'm gonna have to go and find him." Suddenly, she hears loud laughter in the hallway. "Jen, we've got to go now," Stone Cold says as he stumbles into the lobby, "I need to get back to my truck." "Um, can I ask what's so funny?" "Well, we just need to get out of here before Val wakes back up."
When they get back to Jen's house, Stone Cold walks towards his truck then turns back around, "Well Jen, thanks for your help...make sure you watch RAW Monday," Stone Cold says while showing her the tape, "you'll laugh your ass off."
The next day, Stone Cold shows up at the arena where they are taping RAW. He bumps into Val once before the show starts, and it is apparent that Val doesn't remember a thing about the night before. "Good," Stone Cold thinks to himself, "I want him to be shocked as hell at what I'm going to show." As he is walking around backstage, he accidentally bumps into someone. "Oh, pardon me," he says and is cut short when he notices he's bumped into Ewan McGregor, "what are you doing here, you little son-of-a- bitch??" "I'm looking for Billy Gunn, and the last I checked, this was a free country and I have every right to be here." "Well, just keep away from me you piece of shit," he says and pushes Ewan out of the way. "What would he want to see Billy about," Stone Cold wonders to himself as he walks away, "I don't know what he wants with him, but just as soon as I'm done with Val, I have to talk to him myself."
RAW starts out as normal, Vince and the McMahon family come and do their usual 30 minute banter about whatever wrestler is on the shit list this week. Then, the first match of the night is what Stone Cold is waiting for; Val Venis versus Edge. "Well, I guess now or never," he thinks as he grabs a microphone and walks out on the ramp. As usual, when he walks out, his entrance music starts. Everyone's head shoots towards the ramp as they hear the glass break. "Oh shit, someone is in for it now," Val thinks as he looks at Stone Cold, "wonder who it could be."
"Edge, you may be wondering why I'm out here. I just wanted to show you something that I think you would be interested in," Austin says and then looks towards the Titan Tron, "Roll the tape." Edge's eyes bulge in horror as he witnesses what happened to him in his hotel room the night before. "As you can see, Edge, some rather odd stuff was happening while you were asleep. I'll give you some advice, DTA...especially while you're around Val," he says and then walks back up the ramp and backstage. When he looks back towards the ring, he hears Edge say "You sick fuck," and then starts beating Val up. Austin starts laughing hysterically, and then he sees Edge's girlfriend jump into the ring to assist with the ass kicking. "Well, that part is finished. Now to find Billy," he says to himself and heads to the DX locker room. When he gets into the room, he bumps into Chyna and HHH. "Um...I was wondering if you two can help me find Billy. We have some unfinished business to take care of," he says as he approaches Chyna. "Austin, I'm sorry, but I can't help you find him. I found out about the tape and I'm pretty sure you're going to kill him. As you know, DX sticks up for each other. So, I'm sorry, but I won't let you hurt him," Chyna says hesitantly, knowing that Austin has a very short temper. "Ok, I understand your loyalty Chyna. But I want you to know, if I find him, I'm gonna hurt him. I can't forgive what he's done."
That night after RAW, Austin returns to the house he shares with Mark McGwire and his wife. When he arrives, he hears McGwire on the phone, "Honey...I'll try. I'll talk to him, but you know the attitude he has. He's still pretty pissed off, and he got Val beat up tonight....what? You watched it? Yeah, I think Jen was involved. I can't keep from thinking that it was awfully ironic that he was in the room with a camcorder as this was going down. Oh shit, I think he's here. Honey, I'm gonna have to let you go. I'll try to talk to him about this. Hopefully you'll be home by tonight, I miss you a lot. Ok. Love you too...bye bye." "Just what in the hell were you talking about Mark," Austin asks angrily, "I have an attitude??" "Well, Steve, you have a hell of a temper. And, to answer your question, I have something to show you. I've found proof that Tammy was drugged. Come and look at this," he says and walks towards the den. "While you were at RAW tonight, I decided to look for proof that Tammy was innocent. I didn't know what to look for, but I really didn't believe that she would have consciously been in a porno with Val. Well, I found something interesting. I know you really don't care to watch this again, but you have to see this," McGwire says as he puts the porno into the VCR, "Alright, and listen very closely to this part of the movie. You'll hear some interesting stuff, one of which is a familiar voice in the background. Listen to it and tell me if you know who it is." The section of the tape in question starts in the exact way Stone Cold did NOT want to see, and that is with Val Venis thrusting furiously into his wife. "Steve, I'm sorry you have to see this, but you have to know," Mark says apologetically. As he watches in disgust, Austin can see that Tammy is quickly reaching the verge of orgasm. "Here's the part you need to watch," McGwire says as he turns the volume up. "Steve!!! Don't stop," Tammy screams as the camera pans. As the camera is panning, Stone Cold can hear a familiar say, "I wonder when it's going to wear off." "No, it can't be," he says incredulously, "That's Ewan! He set her up didn't he, that little piece of shit! " "Well, ok, now that we both agree that it's Ewan, do you believe that she was drugged? You heard what he asked. And what are the chances of him having Val Venis and Mr. Ass over at his house? He never showed an interest in wrestling while he was living here. The only time he got into it was after you showed up. I'm telling you, she was drugged. Now, you've got to do something about it."
"God, Christine, I hope Steve doesn't kill Mark for talking to me," Tammy says with a worried tone to her voice. It had been an hour and a half since she had been on the phone with Mark, and she had never been more worried. They had been talking about Steve, and then he showed up. She felt good that Mark had found proof that she hadn't been willing to be in a porn with Val, and that she wasn't thinking clearly, but would Steve listen? "So, Mark believes you now," Road Dogg asks. "Well, he always knew that I was telling the truth, and that I had no idea what was going on. He's just been trying to help me prove it to Steve, cause he knows it would kill me to lose him," Tammy says as she puts the last dish in the dishwasher, "but if everything goes good, I may be out of your hair today." "You know that you can stay here as long as you need to," Christine says from behind her cup of coffee, "I would never send you back to the house if Steve is still pissed off." "Thanks Christine, I really appreciate it. I'm gonna go ahead and go to bed, if anyone calls for me, please, please wake me up," she says as she walks towards the guest bedroom. "Dogg, I don't know what we're gonna do if Mark can't get Steve to listen. It'll kill her." "I don't know Stine, Mark had some good evidence."
The next morning, Christine and Road Dogg are in the kitchen eating breakfast. As Road Dogg goes to bite into his pancake, the doorbell rings. "Hmmm..wonder who that is," he says as he walks towards the door. When he opens the door, he sees Steve standing before him with a dozen roses and a forlorned look on his face. "Awww Steve! You didn't have to buy me roses," Road Dogg says with his eyebrow raised. "Dogg!! Quit being an ass and let him in," Christine yells from in the kitchen. "Hi Jesse," Stone Cold says with a sad look on his face, "it would appear I screwed up.BIG TIME." "Well, we all do sometime, come on in," he says as he opens the door wider, "Tammy is still asleep, but that will give you enough time to tell me and Christine what your plan to get her back is." "Yeah! And it better be good," Christine yells from in the kitchen. "Ok, fine, lets go into the kitchen and discuss this," Steve says with a grin on his face. "Ok, the roses are a start," Christine says when he comes into the kitchen, "but then what are you gonna do?" "Um.I don't know. I'm really not good at this kind of shit. Can you help me out?" Christine looks up at him and smiles, "That is exactly what I was hoping you would say."
A little while later, Tammy wakes up to a kiss. "Wha.who," she says as she slowly comes out of sleep and opens her eyes, "Oh my god, Steve! What are you doing here?!" "Well, sweetheart, I came to apologize. Mark showed me the tape, and he pointed out that Ewan was magically there. I can tell now that you were set up. I'm so sorry, I should have realized that you were telling the truth," he says as he sweeps in for a kiss, "Oh, and I brought you these." "I uh...don't know what to say," Tammy says as she takes the roses and looks into his eyes, "I need to go to the kitchen.I need a drink." As they walk to the kitchen, Tammy notices that Austin is carrying a large bag. "Um, you can sit at the table," she says as she eyes the bag, "I'm surprised Stine and Dogg aren't down here yet." She can't help but be surprised when he says, "Well, they were. They decided that they absolutely had to go to a movie and then go to breakfast." "A movie and breakfast?? Damn, it's only 8a.m. what did they have to go see," she asks in amazement, "let me guess, Gladiator?" After she gets her coffee, she chooses to sit in a chair at the opposite side of the table from Austin, and the entire room gets quiet. They sit in silence, each one stealing a glance at the other, when finally Austin bends and starts rifling around in the paper bag he was carrying with him earlier. When he sits back up, he puts a beer on the table and shyly pushes it over to his wife. Tammy looks at the beer for a moment, then looks up at Austin and bursts into tears. "Shit! That's not the effect I was hoping for," Austin says as he rushes to dry her tears. He sits on his feet before her and wipes her eyes with his shirt. "Austin, I love you so much," she says between sobs, "please don't ever get mad at me again. Being away from you has nearly killed me." At that, he looks at her and a tear rolls down his own face, "Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. I'll never do this to you again," he says as he moves in to kiss her passionately. It takes very little, and soon the heat of their kiss has grown extraordinarily. "Hey baby, how about we move this to the guestroom," Austin pants in her ear, "they're gonna be gone for a while." Tammy looks at him a moment and responds, "Let's go, it's been too long," and moves in for another kiss.
When they finish, Stone Cold sits and watches his wife as she sleeps peacefully on his chest, then he too falls asleep. A couple of hours pass, then he wakes up to a flash. "What the fuck was that," he asks Tammy when she notices she too has woke up." "Jesus, I don't know," she replies before the flash happens again. "God damn it! It's a camera," she screeches when she opens her eyes and sees Christine and Dogg in the doorway to her room, "Christine!! Stop it!!! What in the fuck are you doing!" "Hey! This is a beautiful Kodak moment.now lay back down and let me get a few more," Christine giggles in amusement, "Of course you know you're gonna have to buy us new sheets?" Tammy looks at her and Road Dogg and back to Stone Cold, then bursts into hysterical laughter. Stone Cold looks at her and he starts giggling too, "Sweetheart, do you want me to go get the truck so we can start packing your stuff?" "I thought you'd never ask," she says and kisses him, "If little Miss Camera-Girl would be so kind as to leave for a moment and let you put your clothes on."
As Austin is about to open the front door to go to his car, the doorbell rings. When he opens the door, he can't help but smile. Standing before him looking out at his car is Billy Gunn. "Dogg, I came to ask for the video back. Chyna told me that Austin found out, and I don't want to get my ass kicked," he says before he turns around, "Holy SHIT, AUSTIN!!!" Austin doesn't waste time, and he grabs Billy by the collar and pulls him into the house, "Oh, you don't want to get your ass kicked eh?? Well, you should have thought about that before you drugged my wife, you low-life scum." Christine hears the commotion, and comes around the corner to see what is happening. Seeing that he is kicking Billy's ass, she starts taking more pictures. "Austin, you're just full of Kodak moments today," she says jokingly. "Damn, Tammy, you better come in here and see this," Dogg yells at Tammy, "cause I'm gonna have to try to break it up soon." Tammy's eyes widen in horror as she sees the situation unfolding before her, and she proceeds to try to break it up. Stone Cold stops punching Billy when he sees his wife get dangerously close to the ensuing fight. "That's enough, sweetie, he's paid for his mistake. Why don't we just go home," she says as she places a hand on his cheek, "and I've waited this long to see you, I don't want to have to wait for you to get out of jail after you kill him." Austin looks at her, sighs and looks towards Billy. "Get out of here, you asshole. Don't ever let me catch you around my wife again. I'll kill you if I do," he grumbles as he throws Billy out of the house by the seat of his pants, "Now, we need to get you back home. How many bags do you have?" "Just this one," Tammy says as she turns towards him, "I need to say my goodbyes though. Can I meet you in the truck?" "Sure thing honey," he says as he picks up her bag and leaves. Tammy watches him go, then turns to Christine, "Thank you so much for letting me stay here. And once you gets those pictures developed, I want a copy," she says cheerfully to her friend.
Once they return to their house, Stone Cold races out of the truck and around to Tammy's side. Before she knows what has happened, he sweeps her off of her feet and starts carrying her towards the house. "What are you doing," she laughs loudly. "I'm carrying my wonderful wife back to the home in which she belongs," he says and smiles at her. Mark, who is covered in flour and has a tremendous smile on his face, meets them at the door. "Boy oh boy am I glad to see you," he says when he sees Tammy, "I need some help." "Oh my lord, you've been trying to cook," she says after further inspection of her other husband. "Um.yeah," he says, his smile widening, "I figured I might try to learn, cause I didn't think you'd be back for a while." "It would appear that you're wrong," she says as she looks up at him, "now give me a kiss, I've missed you!"
Later that night, Tammy and Stone Cold discuss the entire porno incident in the den. "Ok, we figured out that Ewan was wanting to get us pissed off at you so we would leave you.therefore giving him a chance to get back into your life. What better way than to get one of my coworkers to drug you, have their way with you, and tape the whole thing," Austin says with anger in his voice. "But his whole plan backfired, didn't it." "Yeah, it sure did. He didn't realize that we would be able to hear him on the tape.and he underestimated the stupidity of Billy Gunn," he says just as he draws her in for a kiss, "he thought he would just sell it to a news crew, cause everyone wants some dirt on our odd 'living arrangements' and our personal lives. He didn't know that Billy would be stupid enough to give the tape to your best friend." "Damn. I wonder if there's a way we can get back at him without causing him physical harm," she thinks to herself, "Steve is always too quick to beat someone up.he doesn't recognize the value of a good mind fuck." Suddenly an idea dawns in Tammy's head, and she turns to look at him. "Baby, do you want to get back at Ewan for what he's done??" "Why hell yes! How would we do it?? You've got my full attention," he says with a smile.
On Wednesday of the next week, Ewan hears a knock on his front door. He hadn't had many visitors since he was kicked out of Tammy's house, so this was a big surprise. "Who is it," Ewan asks. "It's Mark. I've brought over some of your stuff we found at the house.and I have a gift for you from Tammy." When he opens the door, Ewan sees that it is exactly as Mark says. He's standing on the front step with a box of Ewan's clothes, and sitting on top of the clothes is a gift-wrapped box. "What's this for," he asks Mark questioningly. "Oh, Tammy just wanted to give you something," Mark says as he turns to leave, "take care of yourself Ewan."
"Weird.just weird," Ewan says to himself as he watches Mark leave, "what could she have sent to me? I wonder if the porno worked and Stone Cold is gone for good?" As he passes the laundry room, he looks towards the washer and picks up a shirt from the box of clothes and smells it. "Well, they smell clean, but McGwire touched them. I'll go ahead and wash em." After he loads the washer, he turns around and sees the present sitting on the shelf where he left it. "I guess I'll go ahead and see what this is," he says to no one in particular. When he opens the present up, he discovers that it is a videotape with no labels or a box. "Ok.what the fuck. Lets go watch it," he says and heads towards the den.
"God, maybe I shouldn't be so hard on my maids," he says to himself as he enters his rather filthy den, "oh well, you win some, you lose some." Ever since Ewan was kicked out of Tammy's life, he has been living his life in squalor. He had had a few maids, but they all quit after about a week on the job. After he puts the video into the VCR, he sits down on the pile of filth that he calls a couch, digs out the remote control, and presses play. The first thing he sees on the screen is his ex-wife Tammy.
"Ewan, you may be wondering what this tape is all about. Well, you'll soon see. I just wanted to take the time to thank you first before you see it. You see past couple of weeks in my life have been a total living hell, but the make up was heavenly. So, I made this tape just for you because you are the one that caused all of this. So, without further ado, here is your tape."
When the tape finally rolls, he sees that he is watching a porno. The main characters are Tammy, Mark, and Stone Cold. "Oh my god," he says to himself in sick contemplation, "this is like a train wreck, I can't look away from it." Finally, after a record three hours ("Damn, they have stamina," Ewan thinks to himself) the credits start to roll. He sees that the wrestler, "The Godfather" was the camera man and the soundtrack coordinator; Chyna supplied Tammy's wardrobe; and Christine and Road Dogg were the creative team. "Fuck me," he thinks to himself. Just as he is about to turn the tape off, Tammy, Stone Cold, and Mark appear on the screen.
"Ewan we just wanted to tell you, your plan didn't work, ya silly bastard," Stone Cold says into the camera just before planting a deep, passionate kiss on Tammy. "Oh, and you should be glad you got off this easy...next time won't be so fun. For a visual aide, here is what happened to your 'partners in crime'," McGwire says with a grin. Suddenly, pictures of Stone Cold kicking Billy's ass are flashed onto the screen, and they are followed by video captures of Val molesting Edge and then getting his ass kicked on RAW. "Ewan, don't fuck with us anymore," Tammy says into the camera with a snarl. Suddenly, the tape goes black. "Well, I guess that's the end of that," Ewan says as he throws the tape into the garbage.
About twenty minutes into the movie, the doorbell rings, and Tammy enters alone. "Tammy! Hey, it's about time you get here! Where are Stone Cold and Mark?" Christine asks as she gets up to greet her friend. "Well, they both had to take a flight out to California today. The Nash Bridges people called and asked Steve to be in a few more episodes, and Mark is filming a commercial for a new children's baseball bat. They wanted me to send their apologies for not being here." "Oh it's ok, now come in the party is going great. Make yourself at home," Christine says as she pulls her friend through the door. Tammy had on her favorite dress tonight; it was a tight little black spandex number that Christine knew Val would like. "Oh hell, Tammy, you had better watch out for Val, he's going to like that one," she says as Tammy makes her way towards Jesse. "Hey Jesse, how are you doing tonight?" "I'm doing pretty good, how are you," he asks her. She smiles at him, and asks with a cute little puppy dog look on her face, "Well, I'm doing good, but I could be better. Is there any chance I could get you to introduce me to people? As you know, I'm pretty shy."
Jesse agrees to introduce her to people, and he makes his way around the room. The last person she is introduced to is Val Venis. Val is a charming man; he stands about six feet tall and has a muscular build, and has shoulder length blonde hair. Jesse knows that Tammy doesn't watch a lot of wrestling (except when Stone Cold is on), and he tries to her warn her by saying, "Val is one of the WWF's wrestlers, and he used to be an adult entertainment star." After hearing this, Tammy turns and looks at Jesse with an alarmed look on her face and then asks Val, "Um...how long had you been an actor?" "Baby, I'm still making movies, and how would you like to be my next co-star," he says as he's looking her over. Tammy is very disgusted when she realizes that the man that she had just met asked her to be in a porno movie. "Well, let's get one thing straight right now, Val. I am most certainly not the kind of person that would be in that filth. Even if I were insanely stupid enough to be in porn, I sure as hell would not be in one with you. Anyway, I have a man, and he would kill you if he knew what you just asked me. Now, if you'll excuse me."
"Damn, that's a feisty one", Val thinks to himself as he watches her walk off. In his years as a porn star, he wasn't used to being rejected. All he had to do to get into women's pants was his patented "Hello Ladies" line, still he didn't think this would work on Tammy. She was going to be a bit of a challenge. "I wonder what it would take to get her to accept my offer," he says, not realizing that he was no longer alone. "Val, that piece of ass is out of bounds. That's Stone Cold's woman, and he would kick your ass if he even thought you were looking at her like you are now," Christine said to him, "Now, why don't you ask some other woman to be in your movie. How about that skank Terri, she looks easy." Val looks up at her as she's walking away and thinks, "Well, what the big Valboski wants, the Big Valboski gets...and I want her."
At that moment, Tammy returns from the bathroom and starts mingling with the other guests. Val keeps thinking of how much he wants her to be in his movie when he thinks up a plan and knowing he can't do it alone, he looks around the room for a potential partner in this scheme. He knows that Christine and "Road Dogg" Jesse James won't help him, and he knows that most of the other people are friends with Stone Cold, so he is about to give up when he lays eyes on Bad Ass Billy Gunn. He decides to watch Billy for a while before he decides to talk to him, just to see how Billy is acting tonight. It appears to Val that this will be extremely easy, because Billy is watching Tammy's every move with great enthusiasm. "Billy, I need to talk to you," Val says as he walks up next to Billy and startles him. "Sure thing Val, what do you need," Billy asks, still looking startled. "Well, we can't talk about it here, let's go outside."
"Ok, here is the deal. I want Tammy to be the co-star in my next film with me, and she said no. I have to some how make her change her mind, and I know a great way to do it," he says as he hands Billy a handful of sleeping pills, "I saw that you like her too, if you help me out, I will make sure you are greatly rewarded for your services. All you have to do is slip a few in her drinks tonight." " Gee Val, I dunno," Billy says with a concerned look on his face, "what if Stone Cold finds out?" Val shakes his head, looks at him, and says, "Billy, he won't find out. Now, just do what I told you and everything will be fine."
As the night progresses, Billy grows more confident and starts slipping Tammy the pills in her drinks. Finally, as everyone is deciding to leave, Tammy realizes that she is in no shape to drive. Billy looks towards Val, and he motions to Billy to say something. "I can take her home, I know where Austin lives," he says. "Are you sure Billy? I don't want to burden you," Tammy says drunkenly. "Sure, lets go," he says and smiles at her. As they are heading out, Val motions to Billy to come to him. "Hey, you know where to take her, she won't even know where she's at. The pills will wear off tomorrow, and she won't remember a thing," he says and walks off smiling.
The next morning, Tammy wakes up quite groggy in bed. "Damn, that must have been some party," her husband Mark McGwire says. "Yeah, I barely remember anything. Shit! I had to leave the car at Christine and Road Dogg's house; I was too drunk to drive it. Can you be a sweetie and have Steve take you over to get it?" she says and gives him her best "I'm so frail and innocent look." "Ok sweetheart, you know I will," he says and walks out.
A week passes, and then Billy decides to make a visit to Christine and Road Dogg. "Hey guys, can you do me a favor? Val and I collaborated and made a movie. I was wondering if you guys would watch it and tell me what you think. It's the first porno I've ever filmed!" Christine takes the tape from him, "Thanks Billy, we'll return it after we've watched it," then shuts the door and returns to the living room. "Christ Jesse, they actually found someone to be in the movie with em. Billy asked us to watch this for him and review it. I already give it an F." Jesse smiles at her and puts the tape into the VCR. What they see is a very blasé porno with a soundtrack that sounds like the Godfather made it. Everything about the movie is very boring, except the woman that is in it alarms Christine. "Hey, Dogg, does that woman seem familiar to you? I think I know her." He looks at the woman on the screen for a moment, then responds, "Um...is she from another porno?" "No, I swear to god I know her," Christine says as she pauses the tape right on the woman's face so she can scrutinize it. Jesse lets out a little giggle, because she paused it right on the biggest porn face ever made. Just then, the doorbell rings.
"Hey Stine, I came over to ask if you have some charcoal that I could borrow, and to invite you over to our house for barbecue," Stone Cold asks her. "I think we do, why don't you come on in," she says while motioning him in, "Road Dogg is in the living room if you'd like to visit with him." Stine then walks off to find the charcoal.
Stone Cold looks toward the living room, and sees Jesse sitting on the couch eating a cupcake. "Hey Dogg! What are you up to today," he says as he walks into the living room. He sits down in the chair next to the couch and looks at the TV. "Hey, what are you watching there Dogg? Why is Tammy in it?" Jesse then shoves his entire cupcake in his mouth as an attempt to keep from answering and desperately tries to find the remote so he can turn the TV off. To his horror, the TV comes unpaused, and Stone Cold realizes that he is witnessing his wife in a porno.
It takes a moment for the full effect of the porno to sink in, but when it does, Stone Cold is furious. He grabs Road Dogg by the throat and slams him against the wall, "WHY IS TAMMY IN YOUR PORNO? SPIT OUT THE CUPCAKE AND START TALKIN'!" Christine comes back just in time to hear this, and she spills the charcoal all over the floor. "STEVE! It's not ours, I promise! We didn't even know it was her because of the blonde wig. Please put Jesse down." Stone Cold puts Jesse down, then turns to Christine, "If it isn't yours, where did it come from," he says quite angrily. "Well, Billy brought it over and asked us to tell him what we thought of it, since it was the first porn he had filmed. So don't kill Dogg."
Stone Cold gets a little more pissed off, and turns towards the TV. To his horror, he realizes that the man in the porno, the man that was screwing his wife, is his coworker Val Venis. "I am going to kill them both! But first I need to talk to my darling wife," he says as he grabs the tape and storms out. Christine and Jesse look at each other with a frightened face, and frantically try to call Tammy, who doesn't hear them because she is vacuuming.
When he gets to his house, Tammy can tell that Stone Cold is quite pissed off. "What's wrong, honey," she says with a concerned voice, and he just looks at her with a cold stare and heads towards the den. "Honey? Why aren't you smiling?" At this, he turns around and says very bitterly, "You treat me like a dog and you expect me to smile," and then puts a tape into the VCR. "What's that?" Tammy asks very cautiously, and he just turns around and stares at her with a look that could burn a hole in you. When the tape finally starts to play, at first she only hears the music, "Gotta get it on, Gotta get it on," and then a picture. She is quite alarmed to realize that she is watching a porn tape starring Val Venis and herself. Without breaking his gaze, Stone Cold reaches behind himself and turns the tape off. "Do you mind telling me what in the fuck this is about," he says in a monotone voice, "What in the hell is this crap." Tammy looks at him and steps towards him and says, "I don't know what this is, honey, I swear it!" He looks at her with a disgusted look on his face and says, "Well, this just makes me sick, get out of my fucking face," and storms angrily out of the house.
A few seconds later, Tammy breaks down into tears, then McGwire enters the room wearing a pink apron with frilly lace and carrying a feather duster. "Sweetie, I thought I heard yelling, what's the matter." "I really don't know. Everything was fine, and then Steve showed up VERY pissed off. He put this tape," she says and holds it up, "in the VCR, and it turned out to be a porno...with me in it. I don't know how this happened, Mark, I swear it. I would never touch Val." " Honey, I believe you, I'll go find him and try to calm him down," Mark says as he tries to comfort the crying Tammy, "I'll be back as soon as I can." As Mark is walking towards the door, Tammy looks up and sees that he is still wearing the apron. "Mark, you may want to take that apron off, wouldn't want the neighbors to see it." "Oh shit!" He says sheepishly and takes off the apron before walking out the door.
"I can't believe this shit...I would never be in a porno, especially not with him. God, how will I ever make things right with Steve? Well, I don't want to be here when he gets back, cause he'll be pissed. I wonder if Stine and Road Dogg will let me come over," she thinks to herself as she walks towards the phone and dials Christine's number.
"Dogg? Hey, this is Tammy. Is Christine there? I really need to talk to her." " Yeah, let me get her for you. Is there something wrong, you sound like you're crying," he asks with a concerned tone in his voice. "No, I just really need to talk to Christine, please put her on," she says and then patiently waits for Christine to answer the phone.
"Tammy, hey, Dogg said you sounded upset. What's wrong?" " Well, Steve and I had a minor problem, and I really feel uncomfortable right now," she says while trying to hold back tears, "Can I come stay with you for a couple of days, just until things calm down with Steve?" "Tammy Lorene, you know you don't even have to ask. Do you want Dogg to come and get you, or are you ok to drive?" Tammy thought for a moment and said, "Um, I would feel a lot better if Jesse came to get me. McGwire and Steve are gone right now, so he doesn't need to be worried. I'll be waiting for him." Christine said that Road Dogg would be over in a few minutes and hung up.
When McGwire finally finds Stone Cold, he's at the gym lifting weights. "Hey, Steve, I gotta talk to you man," McGwire says as he starts to spot him, "Tammy has no idea where this came from. Anyway, do you seriously think she would go to Val willingly?" " Mark, come on! Did you actually look at the tape, or did you take that bitch's word for it? She was enjoying it." After he says this, he gets up and walks towards the locker room. "Steve, at least come back to the house and talk to her. She's too good of a woman to just give up on." Stone Cold looks at McGwire and says, "Fine.
I'll go and talk to her. I'm not saying I will forgive her."
Christine looked at Tammy and tried to quickly assess the situation. She looked and acted perfectly fine until you looked at her eyes. She had big purple bags under each eye and they were both so blood shot that she looked like she had been crying for a long time. "Ok, what happened Tammy?" Jesse looked up and started to say something to her, but Christine shot him a look as to say "WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE TAPE". "Well, it's kind of embarrassing. Steve found a tape that had me in a porno with Val Venis. I don't know how in the fuck that happened. I just remember at your party he kept asking me to be in it, and I said no. Then all I remember is waking up the next day really groggy, and I had a horrid hangover." Finally, she couldn't hold in the tears any longer, "Oh Christine, what am I going to do? What if Steve leaves me?" " Well, Tammy, I think you were drugged. I've known you a long time, and I know you would never agree to be in a porno with Val. I'm going to try to go talk to Steve. Do you want Road Dogg to stay with you?" " No, he should probably go with you. I can just stay in my room if it's ok with you."
When McGwire and Stone Cold get home, they find the house empty. "Damn it, she's probably out with him again, the fucking bitch," Stone Cold says in a rage, "when I find that son of a bitch, I'll kill him." "No, I'm sure there's a note around here somewhere, come on, let's look for it," McGwire says quickly to focus Stone Cold's attention elsewhere. As they look through the house, McGwire catches site of the porn in the VCR, and he gets pissed off again. "Fucking shit, I sure as hell don't need to see that again," he says as he plucks the tape out of the VCR, "Wonder where she could be? Well, I know one place she better not be, I'm gonna go find Val."
"Well shit, Jesse, where do you think he'd be? Mark says he left an hour ago to go find Val, and Val isn't home. If you were Stone Cold, where would you go when you're pissed off?" " Christine, that's a silly question. I would go to a bar," Road Dogg said with a smile. They drive around for a while and finally see a club with Stone Cold's truck parked outside. Inside they find him hunched over a beer with a very depressed look on his face. "Steve! Oh my god, I'm glad we found you," Christine says as she sits on the stool next to him, "we have to talk to you about Tammy." "What do you want? She was in a porno with Val, that's all I need to know," he says and looks up at her. Christine can tell that he has been crying for some time. "Well, I believe that she was drugged. She told me that she barely remembers the night of the party, and the next day she woke up quite dazed. I remember myself that Val asked her to be in a movie, but she told him no." Stone Cold seems to ponder this for a moment, and then looks up.
"Christine, get real. She was perfectly conscious in the movie; she looked and sounded like she was enjoying herself. She's just saying she was drugged as a way to cover her ass. Now, leave me alone," he says as he gets up and walks angrily away from her. Christine watches him go, and then looks up at Jesse. "Shit. We have got to find a way to get him to forgive her."
Jen had been at the club for about fifteen minutes when she saw him. "Dwayne, is that Stone Cold," she asked her new husband Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, "he looks upset." "Stone Cold? Are you ok," she says as she walks cautiously up beside him. She could tell she was in for it when he looked up, "Sure! I'm just fine! My wife was in a porno with Val Venis, and I just found out about it. I couldn't be better. Actually, I could be better if I could find his fucking ass." "You mean to tell me, he made a porno with your wife, and was stupid enough to let it get back to your hands?" Then she thought for a moment before saying, "Steve? If you want to get back at Val, I have an idea. Meet me at my house tomorrow, and I'll tell you what it is. We may have to do something that you won't necessarily like, but it's the only way."
The next day, Stone Cold got up early to make the trek to Miami. Jen and the Rock had met around the same time that he and Tammy got together, and it had been a whirlwind relationship for them. They had dated each other for about a month and then decided to get married. "Well, now she gets to live in this huge house," Stone Cold said to himself with a smile as he pulled into their driveway, "she always knew she would marry him."
Jen was sitting outside drinking a glass of tea when he arrived. "Steve! Hi! I sent Dwayne out on some errands so he doesn't find out about our plan. Come on in, and I'll tell you more," she says as she opens the door for him. "Ok, this is the deal. As we both know, the WWF is going to be doing a couple of shows here in Miami this week. Val is having a party at the hotel, but it's a "women only" event. He pulled this off cause he rented a whole floor of the hotel for himself. I myself have been invited, and I can probably get you in. The only catch is, you would have to go dressed as a woman, or you'll never get past the doors. I can help you get dressed up, do you want to do it? I'll understand if you don't want to." "Ok, let me get this straight, the only way I'll probably get a hold of his ass anytime soon is to dress as a woman and go to this party? OH HELL YEAH I'M IN!"
Jen fixes Stone Cold up later that night and then calls Val. "Hey Val baby, I have a question for you. I was wondering if I could bring my friend Cleo to the party. Yes? Hehe, yeah, I guess the more the kinkier. See ya later tonight." As she hangs up the phone, she turns to Stone Cold and says, "Well, you're in. If you want to turn back, you still have time. What do you say?" " No way, I want to go. I want to kick his ass, and this is the only chance I'll have for a while." " Ok, good. I can't believe he did this, I want you to hurt him," she says then looks at him for a moment, "and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive Tammy. I talked to Christine, and we both think Tammy was drugged. I mean, you and Mark are great, why do you think she would stoop so low as to go for Val?? She loves you a lot." "Well, all I know is that she was in it. Till I find out for sure she was drugged, I'm going to assume she was happy to be in the tape. Now, are you sure I look ok. This wig looks fine and everything?" Stone Cold asks Jen while messing with the blonde wig she had set in place on his head. "Steve, you look great. Now, for tonight your name is Cleo, and you were my roommate in college," she says then catches site of his muscular arms, "and you lift weights...a LOT. Ok?" " Yeah, I guess. I hope no one recognizes me."
Val meets them at the door of the hotel when they arrive. "Hello ladies! Jen, I am so glad you came. Who is this beauty with you," he asks while checking out Stone Cold. "Val, this is my friend Cleo, she was my roommate back in college. Cleo, this is Val." " Nice to meet you Val," Cleo says and curtseys. "I have never met a woman as tall as you, and you are built better than Chyna. I'll have fun getting to know you," he says and kisses "Cleo's" hand, "ladies, make yourselves at home. If you need anything, just ask." After he walks off, Stone Cold turns to Jen, "My god, I guess you did pretty good on my make- up, he had NO clue who I was." "Yeah, I know. This is what we'll do, you go and mingle for a little bit, then we'll hang out with Val. Then you can make your move," she says, "I'll be working on getting him drunk."
In about an hour, Stone Cold tires of playing Cleo and decides to go and find Jen. She wasn't at all hard to find, she was sitting on the couch with a VERY drunk Val Venis. "Hey baby, you know the Big Valboski is a lot like a clock. You stick two hands and a face on it, and I'll tell you exactly what time it is," Val says while trying to cop a feel on "Cleo's" ass. "Um, hehe, let me talk to Jen really quick Val, baby. Jen, come here." Jen and Stone Cold walk into an adjoining room, and they try to think up a plan. "How about I just invite him outside, and I'll just beat his ass there," Stone Cold asks her. "Um, well, I was thinking. Do you just want to beat his ass and be done with it, or do you want to totally ruin him?" Stone Cold cracks his knuckles and says, "Well, I like the totally ruining him bit, as long as I get to whoop his ass too." "Ok, how about this. I did a little research before coming here. Edge's room is 302-B. We can have him meet you there and then you can videotape him trying to get it on with Edge. Then you can kick his ass, and Monday on RAW you can show the footage. He just happens to be wrestling Edge then," she says and smiles. "Well, how are we gonna get into his room," "Cleo! I'm shocked! I happen to have a very close friend that goes by The Godfather that is staying in 302-A. I told him of our situation, and he has decided to help us out. A bathroom separates the rooms, and he has picked the lock for us! I told you I have everything covered! Trust me. Now, take this key and go to Godfather's room. Remember; take the bathroom to get into Edge's room. Godfather has a video camera and a decent pair of clothes for you." Stone Cold looks at her surprised and says, "Damn, you had this all planned didn't you?" "Yes, I sure did, now go! I'll give you five minutes to get up there, then I'll send him up."
"Jesus! She was ready for this," he thinks to himself as he opens the door to the Godfather's room and notices the camcorder and his wrestling suit on the bed. After he had these put on, he still had two minutes to get ready. "I hope everything goes ok," he says to himself as he opens the door to Edge's room and quietly steps into the adjoining room. His eyes take a moment to adjust to the darkness, and when they do, he spots Edge asleep in his bed. He waits a moment longer to make sure Edge will not wake up, then unlocks the door to the room. No sooner than he did this and found the perfect place to hide, the door opens, and Val stumbles into the room.
"Hey sexy girl, where are you? Oh!!!! You're already in the bed and waiting for me? Well, get ready, cause you're going to have the night of your life," Val says as he reaches out and starts caressing Edge's shoulder. Stone Cold has to fight hard to keep from laughing as he is taping the events that are unfolding in front of him. "Oooh, baby, why don't you give Val some lovin," he says as he caresses Edge's leg through the sheet and gets into bed with him, "My, you have muscular legs." "God, I hope he doesn't wake up," Stone Cold thinks to himself as Val begins to kiss Edge's neck. "Baby, you sure don't say a lot," Val says as his hand is traveling down Edge's leg, "I know a way to make you moan." To Stone Cold's enjoyment, Val reaches out and seeks Edge's crotch. "Oh my god!! You have a dick," Val screeches and then Stone Cold grabs him by the mouth. "Listen here, you son of a bitch, I'm going to take you out of this room, and you aren't going to say a word. If you wake him up, I'll kill you," Stone Cold says as he drags Val towards the door.
"Can I ask what you two men are doing in our room," asks Edge's girlfriend Amanda when they get outside. "Oh shit! Yeah, Val got drunk and thought he was going into his own room. I saw him going into Edge's room and grabbed him. Sorry to disturb you," Stone Cold says as he tightens his grip on Val's mouth. "Why in the world are you wearing eye shadow Stone Cold?!" "Oh, uh, that's not what you think it is. I got punched and I have a black eye now," he answers quickly while proceeding down the hall.
Jen had been sitting in the lobby for about an hour and a half before she got worried. "Damn, I hope no one caught him," she thinks to herself as she looks at her watch, "well, if he isn't down here soon, I'm gonna have to go and find him." Suddenly, she hears loud laughter in the hallway. "Jen, we've got to go now," Stone Cold says as he stumbles into the lobby, "I need to get back to my truck." "Um, can I ask what's so funny?" "Well, we just need to get out of here before Val wakes back up."
When they get back to Jen's house, Stone Cold walks towards his truck then turns back around, "Well Jen, thanks for your help...make sure you watch RAW Monday," Stone Cold says while showing her the tape, "you'll laugh your ass off."
The next day, Stone Cold shows up at the arena where they are taping RAW. He bumps into Val once before the show starts, and it is apparent that Val doesn't remember a thing about the night before. "Good," Stone Cold thinks to himself, "I want him to be shocked as hell at what I'm going to show." As he is walking around backstage, he accidentally bumps into someone. "Oh, pardon me," he says and is cut short when he notices he's bumped into Ewan McGregor, "what are you doing here, you little son-of-a- bitch??" "I'm looking for Billy Gunn, and the last I checked, this was a free country and I have every right to be here." "Well, just keep away from me you piece of shit," he says and pushes Ewan out of the way. "What would he want to see Billy about," Stone Cold wonders to himself as he walks away, "I don't know what he wants with him, but just as soon as I'm done with Val, I have to talk to him myself."
RAW starts out as normal, Vince and the McMahon family come and do their usual 30 minute banter about whatever wrestler is on the shit list this week. Then, the first match of the night is what Stone Cold is waiting for; Val Venis versus Edge. "Well, I guess now or never," he thinks as he grabs a microphone and walks out on the ramp. As usual, when he walks out, his entrance music starts. Everyone's head shoots towards the ramp as they hear the glass break. "Oh shit, someone is in for it now," Val thinks as he looks at Stone Cold, "wonder who it could be."
"Edge, you may be wondering why I'm out here. I just wanted to show you something that I think you would be interested in," Austin says and then looks towards the Titan Tron, "Roll the tape." Edge's eyes bulge in horror as he witnesses what happened to him in his hotel room the night before. "As you can see, Edge, some rather odd stuff was happening while you were asleep. I'll give you some advice, DTA...especially while you're around Val," he says and then walks back up the ramp and backstage. When he looks back towards the ring, he hears Edge say "You sick fuck," and then starts beating Val up. Austin starts laughing hysterically, and then he sees Edge's girlfriend jump into the ring to assist with the ass kicking. "Well, that part is finished. Now to find Billy," he says to himself and heads to the DX locker room. When he gets into the room, he bumps into Chyna and HHH. "Um...I was wondering if you two can help me find Billy. We have some unfinished business to take care of," he says as he approaches Chyna. "Austin, I'm sorry, but I can't help you find him. I found out about the tape and I'm pretty sure you're going to kill him. As you know, DX sticks up for each other. So, I'm sorry, but I won't let you hurt him," Chyna says hesitantly, knowing that Austin has a very short temper. "Ok, I understand your loyalty Chyna. But I want you to know, if I find him, I'm gonna hurt him. I can't forgive what he's done."
That night after RAW, Austin returns to the house he shares with Mark McGwire and his wife. When he arrives, he hears McGwire on the phone, "Honey...I'll try. I'll talk to him, but you know the attitude he has. He's still pretty pissed off, and he got Val beat up tonight....what? You watched it? Yeah, I think Jen was involved. I can't keep from thinking that it was awfully ironic that he was in the room with a camcorder as this was going down. Oh shit, I think he's here. Honey, I'm gonna have to let you go. I'll try to talk to him about this. Hopefully you'll be home by tonight, I miss you a lot. Ok. Love you too...bye bye." "Just what in the hell were you talking about Mark," Austin asks angrily, "I have an attitude??" "Well, Steve, you have a hell of a temper. And, to answer your question, I have something to show you. I've found proof that Tammy was drugged. Come and look at this," he says and walks towards the den. "While you were at RAW tonight, I decided to look for proof that Tammy was innocent. I didn't know what to look for, but I really didn't believe that she would have consciously been in a porno with Val. Well, I found something interesting. I know you really don't care to watch this again, but you have to see this," McGwire says as he puts the porno into the VCR, "Alright, and listen very closely to this part of the movie. You'll hear some interesting stuff, one of which is a familiar voice in the background. Listen to it and tell me if you know who it is." The section of the tape in question starts in the exact way Stone Cold did NOT want to see, and that is with Val Venis thrusting furiously into his wife. "Steve, I'm sorry you have to see this, but you have to know," Mark says apologetically. As he watches in disgust, Austin can see that Tammy is quickly reaching the verge of orgasm. "Here's the part you need to watch," McGwire says as he turns the volume up. "Steve!!! Don't stop," Tammy screams as the camera pans. As the camera is panning, Stone Cold can hear a familiar say, "I wonder when it's going to wear off." "No, it can't be," he says incredulously, "That's Ewan! He set her up didn't he, that little piece of shit! " "Well, ok, now that we both agree that it's Ewan, do you believe that she was drugged? You heard what he asked. And what are the chances of him having Val Venis and Mr. Ass over at his house? He never showed an interest in wrestling while he was living here. The only time he got into it was after you showed up. I'm telling you, she was drugged. Now, you've got to do something about it."
"God, Christine, I hope Steve doesn't kill Mark for talking to me," Tammy says with a worried tone to her voice. It had been an hour and a half since she had been on the phone with Mark, and she had never been more worried. They had been talking about Steve, and then he showed up. She felt good that Mark had found proof that she hadn't been willing to be in a porn with Val, and that she wasn't thinking clearly, but would Steve listen? "So, Mark believes you now," Road Dogg asks. "Well, he always knew that I was telling the truth, and that I had no idea what was going on. He's just been trying to help me prove it to Steve, cause he knows it would kill me to lose him," Tammy says as she puts the last dish in the dishwasher, "but if everything goes good, I may be out of your hair today." "You know that you can stay here as long as you need to," Christine says from behind her cup of coffee, "I would never send you back to the house if Steve is still pissed off." "Thanks Christine, I really appreciate it. I'm gonna go ahead and go to bed, if anyone calls for me, please, please wake me up," she says as she walks towards the guest bedroom. "Dogg, I don't know what we're gonna do if Mark can't get Steve to listen. It'll kill her." "I don't know Stine, Mark had some good evidence."
The next morning, Christine and Road Dogg are in the kitchen eating breakfast. As Road Dogg goes to bite into his pancake, the doorbell rings. "Hmmm..wonder who that is," he says as he walks towards the door. When he opens the door, he sees Steve standing before him with a dozen roses and a forlorned look on his face. "Awww Steve! You didn't have to buy me roses," Road Dogg says with his eyebrow raised. "Dogg!! Quit being an ass and let him in," Christine yells from in the kitchen. "Hi Jesse," Stone Cold says with a sad look on his face, "it would appear I screwed up.BIG TIME." "Well, we all do sometime, come on in," he says as he opens the door wider, "Tammy is still asleep, but that will give you enough time to tell me and Christine what your plan to get her back is." "Yeah! And it better be good," Christine yells from in the kitchen. "Ok, fine, lets go into the kitchen and discuss this," Steve says with a grin on his face. "Ok, the roses are a start," Christine says when he comes into the kitchen, "but then what are you gonna do?" "Um.I don't know. I'm really not good at this kind of shit. Can you help me out?" Christine looks up at him and smiles, "That is exactly what I was hoping you would say."
A little while later, Tammy wakes up to a kiss. "Wha.who," she says as she slowly comes out of sleep and opens her eyes, "Oh my god, Steve! What are you doing here?!" "Well, sweetheart, I came to apologize. Mark showed me the tape, and he pointed out that Ewan was magically there. I can tell now that you were set up. I'm so sorry, I should have realized that you were telling the truth," he says as he sweeps in for a kiss, "Oh, and I brought you these." "I uh...don't know what to say," Tammy says as she takes the roses and looks into his eyes, "I need to go to the kitchen.I need a drink." As they walk to the kitchen, Tammy notices that Austin is carrying a large bag. "Um, you can sit at the table," she says as she eyes the bag, "I'm surprised Stine and Dogg aren't down here yet." She can't help but be surprised when he says, "Well, they were. They decided that they absolutely had to go to a movie and then go to breakfast." "A movie and breakfast?? Damn, it's only 8a.m. what did they have to go see," she asks in amazement, "let me guess, Gladiator?" After she gets her coffee, she chooses to sit in a chair at the opposite side of the table from Austin, and the entire room gets quiet. They sit in silence, each one stealing a glance at the other, when finally Austin bends and starts rifling around in the paper bag he was carrying with him earlier. When he sits back up, he puts a beer on the table and shyly pushes it over to his wife. Tammy looks at the beer for a moment, then looks up at Austin and bursts into tears. "Shit! That's not the effect I was hoping for," Austin says as he rushes to dry her tears. He sits on his feet before her and wipes her eyes with his shirt. "Austin, I love you so much," she says between sobs, "please don't ever get mad at me again. Being away from you has nearly killed me." At that, he looks at her and a tear rolls down his own face, "Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. I'll never do this to you again," he says as he moves in to kiss her passionately. It takes very little, and soon the heat of their kiss has grown extraordinarily. "Hey baby, how about we move this to the guestroom," Austin pants in her ear, "they're gonna be gone for a while." Tammy looks at him a moment and responds, "Let's go, it's been too long," and moves in for another kiss.
When they finish, Stone Cold sits and watches his wife as she sleeps peacefully on his chest, then he too falls asleep. A couple of hours pass, then he wakes up to a flash. "What the fuck was that," he asks Tammy when she notices she too has woke up." "Jesus, I don't know," she replies before the flash happens again. "God damn it! It's a camera," she screeches when she opens her eyes and sees Christine and Dogg in the doorway to her room, "Christine!! Stop it!!! What in the fuck are you doing!" "Hey! This is a beautiful Kodak moment.now lay back down and let me get a few more," Christine giggles in amusement, "Of course you know you're gonna have to buy us new sheets?" Tammy looks at her and Road Dogg and back to Stone Cold, then bursts into hysterical laughter. Stone Cold looks at her and he starts giggling too, "Sweetheart, do you want me to go get the truck so we can start packing your stuff?" "I thought you'd never ask," she says and kisses him, "If little Miss Camera-Girl would be so kind as to leave for a moment and let you put your clothes on."
As Austin is about to open the front door to go to his car, the doorbell rings. When he opens the door, he can't help but smile. Standing before him looking out at his car is Billy Gunn. "Dogg, I came to ask for the video back. Chyna told me that Austin found out, and I don't want to get my ass kicked," he says before he turns around, "Holy SHIT, AUSTIN!!!" Austin doesn't waste time, and he grabs Billy by the collar and pulls him into the house, "Oh, you don't want to get your ass kicked eh?? Well, you should have thought about that before you drugged my wife, you low-life scum." Christine hears the commotion, and comes around the corner to see what is happening. Seeing that he is kicking Billy's ass, she starts taking more pictures. "Austin, you're just full of Kodak moments today," she says jokingly. "Damn, Tammy, you better come in here and see this," Dogg yells at Tammy, "cause I'm gonna have to try to break it up soon." Tammy's eyes widen in horror as she sees the situation unfolding before her, and she proceeds to try to break it up. Stone Cold stops punching Billy when he sees his wife get dangerously close to the ensuing fight. "That's enough, sweetie, he's paid for his mistake. Why don't we just go home," she says as she places a hand on his cheek, "and I've waited this long to see you, I don't want to have to wait for you to get out of jail after you kill him." Austin looks at her, sighs and looks towards Billy. "Get out of here, you asshole. Don't ever let me catch you around my wife again. I'll kill you if I do," he grumbles as he throws Billy out of the house by the seat of his pants, "Now, we need to get you back home. How many bags do you have?" "Just this one," Tammy says as she turns towards him, "I need to say my goodbyes though. Can I meet you in the truck?" "Sure thing honey," he says as he picks up her bag and leaves. Tammy watches him go, then turns to Christine, "Thank you so much for letting me stay here. And once you gets those pictures developed, I want a copy," she says cheerfully to her friend.
Once they return to their house, Stone Cold races out of the truck and around to Tammy's side. Before she knows what has happened, he sweeps her off of her feet and starts carrying her towards the house. "What are you doing," she laughs loudly. "I'm carrying my wonderful wife back to the home in which she belongs," he says and smiles at her. Mark, who is covered in flour and has a tremendous smile on his face, meets them at the door. "Boy oh boy am I glad to see you," he says when he sees Tammy, "I need some help." "Oh my lord, you've been trying to cook," she says after further inspection of her other husband. "Um.yeah," he says, his smile widening, "I figured I might try to learn, cause I didn't think you'd be back for a while." "It would appear that you're wrong," she says as she looks up at him, "now give me a kiss, I've missed you!"
Later that night, Tammy and Stone Cold discuss the entire porno incident in the den. "Ok, we figured out that Ewan was wanting to get us pissed off at you so we would leave you.therefore giving him a chance to get back into your life. What better way than to get one of my coworkers to drug you, have their way with you, and tape the whole thing," Austin says with anger in his voice. "But his whole plan backfired, didn't it." "Yeah, it sure did. He didn't realize that we would be able to hear him on the tape.and he underestimated the stupidity of Billy Gunn," he says just as he draws her in for a kiss, "he thought he would just sell it to a news crew, cause everyone wants some dirt on our odd 'living arrangements' and our personal lives. He didn't know that Billy would be stupid enough to give the tape to your best friend." "Damn. I wonder if there's a way we can get back at him without causing him physical harm," she thinks to herself, "Steve is always too quick to beat someone up.he doesn't recognize the value of a good mind fuck." Suddenly an idea dawns in Tammy's head, and she turns to look at him. "Baby, do you want to get back at Ewan for what he's done??" "Why hell yes! How would we do it?? You've got my full attention," he says with a smile.
On Wednesday of the next week, Ewan hears a knock on his front door. He hadn't had many visitors since he was kicked out of Tammy's house, so this was a big surprise. "Who is it," Ewan asks. "It's Mark. I've brought over some of your stuff we found at the house.and I have a gift for you from Tammy." When he opens the door, Ewan sees that it is exactly as Mark says. He's standing on the front step with a box of Ewan's clothes, and sitting on top of the clothes is a gift-wrapped box. "What's this for," he asks Mark questioningly. "Oh, Tammy just wanted to give you something," Mark says as he turns to leave, "take care of yourself Ewan."
"Weird.just weird," Ewan says to himself as he watches Mark leave, "what could she have sent to me? I wonder if the porno worked and Stone Cold is gone for good?" As he passes the laundry room, he looks towards the washer and picks up a shirt from the box of clothes and smells it. "Well, they smell clean, but McGwire touched them. I'll go ahead and wash em." After he loads the washer, he turns around and sees the present sitting on the shelf where he left it. "I guess I'll go ahead and see what this is," he says to no one in particular. When he opens the present up, he discovers that it is a videotape with no labels or a box. "Ok.what the fuck. Lets go watch it," he says and heads towards the den.
"God, maybe I shouldn't be so hard on my maids," he says to himself as he enters his rather filthy den, "oh well, you win some, you lose some." Ever since Ewan was kicked out of Tammy's life, he has been living his life in squalor. He had had a few maids, but they all quit after about a week on the job. After he puts the video into the VCR, he sits down on the pile of filth that he calls a couch, digs out the remote control, and presses play. The first thing he sees on the screen is his ex-wife Tammy.
"Ewan, you may be wondering what this tape is all about. Well, you'll soon see. I just wanted to take the time to thank you first before you see it. You see past couple of weeks in my life have been a total living hell, but the make up was heavenly. So, I made this tape just for you because you are the one that caused all of this. So, without further ado, here is your tape."
When the tape finally rolls, he sees that he is watching a porno. The main characters are Tammy, Mark, and Stone Cold. "Oh my god," he says to himself in sick contemplation, "this is like a train wreck, I can't look away from it." Finally, after a record three hours ("Damn, they have stamina," Ewan thinks to himself) the credits start to roll. He sees that the wrestler, "The Godfather" was the camera man and the soundtrack coordinator; Chyna supplied Tammy's wardrobe; and Christine and Road Dogg were the creative team. "Fuck me," he thinks to himself. Just as he is about to turn the tape off, Tammy, Stone Cold, and Mark appear on the screen.
"Ewan we just wanted to tell you, your plan didn't work, ya silly bastard," Stone Cold says into the camera just before planting a deep, passionate kiss on Tammy. "Oh, and you should be glad you got off this easy...next time won't be so fun. For a visual aide, here is what happened to your 'partners in crime'," McGwire says with a grin. Suddenly, pictures of Stone Cold kicking Billy's ass are flashed onto the screen, and they are followed by video captures of Val molesting Edge and then getting his ass kicked on RAW. "Ewan, don't fuck with us anymore," Tammy says into the camera with a snarl. Suddenly, the tape goes black. "Well, I guess that's the end of that," Ewan says as he throws the tape into the garbage.