All characters, franchises, whatever belong to their respective owners.
o-O-o INVASIONSTART!
Hoshi: Those of you that know me from the SSB fandom and my recent invasion on the KH fandom, yeah, I'M INVADING DISSIDIA NOW! Yay! Thanks again to my creator's kouhai, chibi-sunrise on DeviantArt for letting me use her picture as the cover!
Warning: SquallXCloud. Cloud crossdresses. And Squall's a dirty lil' perv.
o-O-o CRYANDBEGFORMERCY.
"It's your birthday, right? I want you to have this." The man with green eyes and long black hair was smiling at him as he presented him with a machine gun that wasn't all that different from the one he used. "I've never seen you shoot with that gunblade thing of yours, but I think this suits you just fine. You'll probably get the hang of it."
"…what does it matter if it's my birthday?" 'How do you even know?' was more of what he wanted to say, actually.
"You've got another year on your path to bein' a man, Squall." The man with the machine gun pointed out in that bright and cheery way of his that made him want to run.
"…whatever." He conceded.
o-O-o
"Hey, Squall, wake up!" another cheery voice exclaimed. He groaned, and got up to see Zidane smiling back at him. While he wanted to wonder about that man he kept seeing in his dreams, he knew it was better to be wary of whatever Zidane was planning at the moment.
'Nothing good comes from that smile.'
"Cosmos said it was your birthday today!" The boy declared, practically bouncing on his heels.
"How would she know?" he dared to ask.
"I don't know." Zidane replied as he hung upside down from the tree branch outside of the tent by his tail. "But she's probably not wrong. All-knowing goddess and all, you know." Squall followed him out of the tent and glared at the sunlight getting in his eyes.
"What does it matter if it's my birthday?" He asked, attempting to blink the light away. Zidane promptly fell out of the tree. After whining about how his tail hurt, he turned to look at Squall with a serious expression on his face.
"What do you mean, it doesn't matter?! It's your birthday! That means…I have to get you a present!" the boy realized as he ran off somewhere to find something suitable.
"Hey, don't just-!" Squall sighed. Manikins might be in the area, but there's no way he'd catch up to Zidane. Kid's speed rivaled Onion Knight and Tidus, after all.
'I wonder where Bartz is.'
Just then, a chocobo raced past him warking loudly.
"…" Squall blinked. "Since when did we have chocobo here…?"
"Waaaaait…! –huff, huff- Darn it!" and there was Bartz, following the chocobo. He stopped, panting as he pressed his hands against his slightly bent knees. He looked up, and his eyes brightened as he spotted something on the ground.
"Should I ask why you were harassing a chocobo?" he asked a question he didn't expect an answer to. Bartz picked up a yellow feather triumphantly before fitting a small silver ring around the pointed tip of it.
"Ta-daa! It's a good luck charm like Boco's feather! Now, you can have your own." He handed it to Squall who took it reluctantly. "Happy birthday!" he exclaimed brightly.
"At least it's not as nasty-looking as your feather." The taller brunet commented.
"Won't pull punches even on your birthday, huh Squall?"
o-O-o
Squall didn't expect to meet any of the other Cosmos warriors on his travels, but they just kept turning up somehow. They had gifted him with extra potions, trade materials, dropped weapons and equipment they couldn't use (and sometimes weapons and equipment that he couldn't use either), and a few other unusual items. Firion had given him a flower that he found sprouted somewhere. Squall wasn't sure what kind of flower it was, and as admittedly pretty as it was, he didn't exactly need it or want to carry it around with him, but he didn't want to offend the other warrior. Tidus had given him an extra blitzball. Squall had no qualms offending him, but Tidus, in that annoyingly cheery way, pushed the gift on him in such a way that Squall had to keep the stupid, useless thing.
He sighed. Had they all found him because Cosmos was guiding them to him? Why did Cosmos care?
'When did I become such a pushover?' he thought with disdain.
And then some blonde girl in a purple dress practically flew over him before a manikin smashed into him. He growled and cleaved the thing in two. As it shattered, he turned around to see if Terra was all right, except…
Well, it wasn't Terra.
The blond that was not Terra used the large blade that was not Terra's as leverage to pull himself who was not Terra up as he who was not Terra panted in exhaustion.
"Why are you wearing a dress?" was the first thing Squall asked. Cloud, who was not Terra, looked up at him, eyes flashing.
'He's not angry, is he?' Cloud raised the blade in his hand up in a stance Squall was familiar with.
"Stars…" small meteorites circled the air above and around the blond as he swung the blade in circles.
'He's angry. He's very angry.' Squall thought as he ducked behind something.
"…rain down!" The meteorites crashed into an area much farther away than Squall thought it would. He then heard a garbled scream seconds later, before Cloud dashed off to the sound. Squall saw the manikin at that point when Cloud cut into it in a way he knew all too well. "This ends here!" Cloud yelled as he slashed it at every which angle while it was still in the air. Once his feet hit the ground, an explosion let loose where the manikin was as it shattered. "Hmph." The blond turned to look at him. It took Squall all of two seconds to realize that he was still hiding behind something, and he walked out, straightening himself up to regain his composure.
"So…why are you wearing the dress?" he asked again. Cloud walked towards him calmly.
'He's going to kill me.'
"Here." Cloud handed him a strange-looking blade. Squall took it, and now that he got a good look at it… "Happy birthday."
"An Excalibur?! How…? You…?"
"I finally got that bastard to drop it, but then I got attacked by those two manikins. Thanks for killing that other one by the way. And, I did wear this crap," Cloud looked down at his ensemble with disgust as he stressed those last two words, "partly because I wanted to get it and also partly because they told me you liked it when I dressed this way."
…
It took Squall all of two seconds to realize who 'they' were. He was going to introduce Bartz and Zidane to his Lionheart when he found them… Mostly Zidane, though. It doesn't take a genius to know that Zidane probably set this up as a suitable present of some sort…even though Cloud did it partly to get this hell of a weapon. He resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.
He would not admit to Cloud that he liked the idea of Cloud wearing a dress. Crossdressing didn't make him get it up, but he couldn't deny Cloud looked appealing in it. He didn't really like looking at Cloud's face, though, since Cloud looked eerily feminine, or Cloud's chest, since the fake breasts made him look even more so. The dress wrapped nicely around his abdomen, though. The main reason was because Cloud usually wore those baggy, unflattering pants of his since they were comfortable and all. The dress had a slit down the middle between Cloud's legs, so he'd catch a glimpse of them whenever Cloud jumped or kicked really high or ran. The slit was not high enough to reveal Cloud's underwear, but they showed off his thighs, so he didn't mind.
And besides, when Cloud dashed towards that manikin and omnislashed the unfortunate thing, Squall got a very nice view of his panties (Stripes, who would have thought?). It was weird to think of a man wearing women's underwear as sexy, but it did a hell of a good job framing that perfect ass of his.
So what did Squall do instead of admitting it?
He crossed his arms, looked away, and silently prayed he wasn't blushing.
"You've got some weird kinks for a kid." Cloud teased. Squall glared at him as the blush escaped.
"You're the one who put the dress on." He uncrossed his arms. "Someone get a new hobby?" Cloud's eyes flashed as he narrowed them.
"I don't exactly enjoy this kind of thing, you know." He crossed his arms and looked away in a fashion that mimicked Squall's earlier actions. "Hmph. Maybe I'll just take the dress off."
"That would probably convince mm-!" the words died in Squall's throat as Cloud unzipped the dress's back. He then slipped the dress's straps off his shoulders as he slowly pulled it off in front of him. The fake cleavage fell forward with the dress, revealing Cloud's chest through the transparent lingerie he wore under the dress. Squall practically jumped forward and pushed it back onto Cloud's chest. "I didn't mean for you to take it off in front of me."
"We're both men, I don't see what your face is getting so red for." Cloud said nonchalantly with a hint of amusement thrown in.
"That may be so, but isn't Terra in your group? It wouldn't do for her to walk in on a man undressing. She'd probably hit you with a really heavy ice block for alleged sexual harassment while she's screaming too." He was amazed that his reasoning sounded so calm and logical.
"Hm…that's a good point." Cloud contemplated as he slipped the dress back on. Squall walked behind him, failing to avert his eyes from how the zipper revealed some of Cloud's underwear as he zipped it back up. 'Speaking of my group, I should probably see if they're all right or not.'
"Thanks for the sword." Squall muttered.
"Squall."
"Wha-?!" He had just turned to look at the older warrior when said warrior had leaned in to kiss him. He was probably blushing, and he knew it. Cloud had pulled away after a little bit; it was a fairly chaste kiss after all. While he had mostly enjoyed it, Squall was somewhat disturbed by the fact that Cloud's face still looked way too feminine whether it was up close or not. The only constant was the fact that Cloud's eyes glowed blue.
"Pervert." The blond deadpanned before turning on his stiletto heels and leaving.
"What?" was Squall's brilliant reply.
o-O-o
"Soooo, did you enjoy my present?" Zidane asked Squall as he bounced on his heels.
"Just…don't do it again." He was torn between hurting the kid with his Lionheart and thanking him. While he would've felt some satisfaction by doing the former, he also thought the latter would better fit his mood right now. He settled on neither.
"But you got off on it, didn't you?"
'Resist urge to hurt…'
o-O-o
Avoiding Zidane so that he wouldn't cause a premature death, Squall ended up somewhere that looked a lot like Ultimecia's castle what with the gears and the winding rail thing and the…
"Happy Birthday, young Squall."
…and the Ultimecia.
He turned to see the witch as he summoned his Lionheart. After what he did with Cloud, there was no way he'd let her ruin his birthday. She'd be lucky if he didn't cut her down in the middle of one of her monologues.
o-O-o
Hoshi: I would say that I really shouldn't be such a perv in my first Dissidia fic and oneshot BL, but Squall's the perv, so it's not my fault.
KN: I feel as though you've sacrificed plot for coherency and unrandomness.
Hoshi: At least I'm not writing porn! Well, I would if we had an Archive of Our Own account. Can we get one?!