American Pie: Hogwarts Style
Alicia78
Chapter 1: The Job
Disclaimer: I do not own any of JK Rowling's characters or plot elements or any plot elements taking from the movie American Pie.
A/N: Hope you enjoy, please R&R. I go off the story a bit more later on.
Our seventh and final year at Hogwarts was drawing to an end, and it was fan-bloody-tastic. Well, to most of us anyways. My mate Moony was sitting next to the lake with his fucking ball and chain. Well, they weren't married yet, but that girl was a real prude, I'm telling you. They had been going out all year, and they hadn't even fucked yet. Don't ask me why, I haven't a fucking clue.
"C'mon, it's the last one of Black's parties, we have to go," Moony said. Of course they have to fucking go! My parties were the shit, and this one being the last one, was going to be notorious throughout all of all of Hogwarts history.
"Why? All that happens at his Black's parties are that people get bloody wasted and shag," Emmeline replied. Isn't that the entire point of a party? What fun is a party without firewhiskey and sex?
"Yeah, alright," the fucking pushover agreed. Oh well, I knew they'd come anyways, the always did.
"No come on, Remus, open it!" Emmeline squealed. And not the kind of squeal a girl gives you when she's being pleasured; this was one of those annoying squeals you get from stuck up girls who need to pull large sticks out of their arses.
"It's a bloody thick roll of parchment, Emmy, you got the job."
"Just open it, alright?"
"Dear Ms. Vance: we are sorry to inform you that after the grueling application process, reviewing your exemplary OWL scores and recommendations from your teachers, making you sit through three interviews, and saying 'we can safely welcome you to the Daily Profit', that you did not get the job…"
"Shut up!" Emmeline squealed again, hitting him on the shoulder and laughing.
"Congratulations Emmy!" Moony said, reaching out to hug her.
"Ahhh! I love you!" Emmeline giggled, so excited she could hardly contain herself. Moony froze at those words. I can't say that I didn't see this coming—she was bound to tell him those three dreaded words at some point. They had, after all, been going out for a year. That's why I prefer one night with a girl, a week at tops, it helps me avoid that shit. Thankfully, Moony held his tongue, and didn't return the favour. Thank God he's not as much of a blundering idiot as I thought he was.
After that conversation, it wasn't surprising that Moony came sprinting up to our dorm room, panting when he finally came in.
"What's up?" James asked, looking up from the letter he was writing to his pen pal in France, who was coming up this weekend for my blowout.
"She said it," Moony panted, still out of breath.
"Said what?" I asked, looking up from Lily Evan's Head Girl badge, which I was currently improving.
"She said she loved me," Moony said, looking horrorstruck.
"Holy shit Moony! You're really in it deep!" Prongs gasped, setting down his quill.
I however, wasn't surprised. "Can you honestly say you didn't see this coming?" I asked the inconsistent gits.
"No," they answered in unison.
"Dude, you've been going out with the girl for a fucking year now and you haven't shagged yet. You've gotten yourself into a real relationship. You're screwed man."
"Piss it," Lupin groaned, diving toward his bed.