Disclaimer: Blitz: Pay attention, I'm only gonna say this once; I don't own any of the characters I'm using in this fic, and because I ran out of witty disclaimer things to say, this is the only one you're gonna see
Nathan: Won't you get in trouble for that?
Blitz: Hope not, anyway do you know why you're here?
Nathan: No I have no idea! All you said was that if I came with you there would be pizza dammit!
Blitz: Relax! You'll get your pizza, anyway do you remember my story 'Nathan's time to shine'?
Nathan: Yeah?
Blitz: Well after a bit of thought and some nice reviews, I decided to turn it into a series! (Special thanks to youknowandy and Biofreak659 for said reviews)
Nathan: But...you're writing's pretty hit or miss, wouldn't it be better to just walk away with a win under your belt?
Blitz: Shut up, practice makes perfect, right?
Nathan: Yeah but this could end up really good or really bad...
Blitz: Ah shaddup! Anyways, enjoy the show, everyone!
Rent, DLC, and Flower Power?
Nathan Graves took his regular seat at the Castlevania Badass Protagonist's Club, being the last one to arrive, as usual. Simon Belmont wasn't pleased, but after a few months of repeating himself, he gave up on scolding Nathan for being late all the time.
"Look who finally decided to show up." Soma groaned, normally he couldn't care less if Nathan was on time or not, but today he was two hours late! And because of Simon's 'No starting until everyone is here' rule, they just sat around doing nothing! Poor Jonathan fell asleep and fell out of his seat, hitting his head on the floor. Said hunter was now holding an ice pack to his head while trying to remember the alphabet.
"Sorry, I had something to take care of before I came here..." Nathan apologized weakly.
"Did it involve card games again?" Juste asked bluntly.
"Oh yeah! See the Dragon's Collide structure deck came out and I wanted to get mine before they were sold out! I was surprised at how long the line was." Nathan replied excitedly, getting his fellow club members groan and complain loudly. Richter was banging his head on the table, Juste began shaking his head, and even Simon had a hard time containing himself.
"So did you manage to get one?" Charlotte asked politely, despite being just as annoyed as everyone else.
"You kidding? I got three! You can't pick up just one of any-" Nathan began when he felt the Alucard sword being held against his neck.
"Perhaps it would be best if you saved this explanation for later, we have things to attend to." Alucard said darkly, suddenly appearing behind Nathan. Nathan gulped before nodding, as much as he loved card games, he didn't wanna lose his life on account of them.
"Thank you, vice president Alucard." Simon said before signaling for everyone to pay attention.
"We have only one item on the agenda today-"
"Actually, if I may, president Simon?" Alucard asked, actually cutting off someone for once in his life.
"It concerns our current location." He added politely.
"Very well, you have to floor." Alucard nodded before pulling a postcard out from his pocket.
"My father has contacted me concerning our commandeering Castlevania for our club activities." He said bluntly. Leon Belmont raised his hand, and when Alucard acknowledged him, he asked his question.
"Where is your father? We have heard nothing of him ever since we kicked him and Death out of here." He asked. Soma smirked before adding his own thoughts.
"It wasn't so much 'we kicked them out' as much as it was 'they bitched out and ran like punks'." Alucard glared at the young man before turning his attention back to Leon's question.
"My father and Death are currently in the Bahamas, according to this postcard." He replied while handing Simon the card, it was your standard postcard with little palm trees and the little 'wish you were here!' message on it.
"What is this about rent I'm reading, vice president?" He asked with a confused look on his face. Alucard turned back to the president of their little club with an embarrassed look on his face, something that wasn't like him at all.
"Well you see, we have been in here for a while now and it's no surprise that my father would want some compensation...and he did have a reason for asking for rent payment all of a sudden." He explained. Nathan took a look around the meeting room, everyone was pretty angry at Dracula's sudden request for payment.
"Why don't we just go kick his ass?" Julius Belmont asked.
"I'm pretty sure my man Grant DaNasty could hook us up with tickets." Trevor added, giving a high five to the youngest-but-somehow-older-than-every-other-Belmont.
"Now I can finally get that tan!" Charlotte said happily.
"Which you desperately need..." Jonathan added stupidly. Charlotte glared at him before smacking him over the head with a particularly heavy book.
"This sounds like you all just want an excuse to go to the shore." Shanoa said darkly, getting everyone to shudder in fear. Even her voice was enough to make the men go through reverse puberty, she was that scary. Before anyone had a chance to make a mess of themselves, Nathan spoke up.
"So how come he wants money all of a sudden, vice president?" He asked.
"Apparently Death has been arrested, and my father needs the money to pay for his bail." The silence that filled the room was eerie, to say the least.
"Death got...arrested?" Maria asked, like she didn't just hear what Alucard just said.
"Correct." More slience. Everyone looked at each other with amused looks on their faces. Soma was the first to crack.
"AHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO WAY! THAT'S TOO FUNNY!" He shouted before falling onto the floor in a fit of laughter. Soon everyone followed suit. Charlotte began to bang her hand on the table while trying not to laugh too loudly. Maria and Shanoa began to follow her lead, while Leon nearly wet himself in his own fit. Trevor spit out his drink at Juste by accident, but Juste didn't care because he was too busy laughing as well. Even Simon let out a chuckle or two. Richter was laughing the loudest alongside Soma, Nathan, and Jonathan (Who had finally regained consciousness after his run in with Charlotte's book of doom).
"How did this happen?" The blue jacket wearing hunter asked. Alucard sighed before beginning his story.
"Well..."
At the Bahamas...
"What is this foolishness, mortal?" The grim reaper asked loudly, he was being handcuffed by a police officer who was not at all intimidated by the reaper.
"It's against the law to harass children in such a manner. Now come on, into the car." He muttered with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"That little monster took my arm and began playing fetch with his dog! He had that fright coming!" Death shouted, trying not to end up in the police car.
"I know kids today have little to no manners, but you should have taken it up with his parents, NOT dangle him over a pit of eternal hellfire for all to see." The officer explained while still trying to put Death in the car.
"That arm had my ice cream in it! I was hot as hell! And it had sprinkles in it! Do you know how long I had to wait in line? I'm the grim reaper, dammit!" Death shouted pretty loudly, getting the attention of a few bystanders.
"Sure you are, buddy...now...get. In. The. Car!" The cop struggled to put the reaper in the car when suddenly he broke free of his grasp.
"Not in this lifetime, mortal!" Death shouted before floating away.
"They always try to run, unbelievable..." The cop groaned before radioing for backup.
"This is officer Lundberg, requesting assistance. Suspect has escaped and is currently flying...yes, flying...towards the hotel district. Suspect is a skeletal looking person wearing a cloak with Hawaiian floral print on it. He claims to be the grim reaper. Yes, the crazies do come out this time of year...can I just have my backup already? Thank you." And with that, the officer was off, sirens wailing.
"Mommy? Is the crazy man going to go to jail?" A random little girl asked.
"I'm sure they will honey." Her mother replied.
A few hours later...
"STOP RESISTING!" A cop yelled at Death, who had already lost his arm to a few police dogs.
"I STOPPED RESISTING A WHILE AGO, DAMMIT!" He shouted in anger. Despite the fact that he gave up a while ago, the cops were making a good example of police brutality out of him. He had been pepper sprayed, tazed, and beaten with nightsticks.
"GIVE US YOUR ARMS!" Another cop shouted, trying to handcuff him.
"I can't! Your dogs have them!" Death pleaded while said dogs were having fun chewing on him bony arms. The police decided enough was enough, and beat Death with the nightsticks until he passed out.
"My father said Death called later that night asking him to bail him out, and that he was a little afraid of how his cellmate was looking at him." Alucard continued. Everyone was still laughing their heads off until Simon finally spoke up.
"Very well, I don't mind sending Dracula payment every now and again." He said before clearing his throat, getting everyone's attention.
"But we will have to figure out a way to make money then, we don't actually DO anything here but if we are to keep this going we will need funds...that and I would like to order pizza every now and again." He added.
"PIZZA HUT! PIZZA HUT! PIZZA HUT!" Nathan shouted all of a sudden, Jonathan and Soma joined him in his chant before Simon glared at them. They sat down and shut up, allowing the president to continue.
"In order to do this I propose that we continue debating on topics our fans send us, I admit the fanmail is beginning to pile up and we should probably get to it." He said, pointing to a large pile of mail in the corner.
"Now back to our topic before Alucard's story, I wished to discuss the downloadable content of Harmony of Despair. Anybody have anything to say?" Simon asked the crowd. Nathan raised his hand before anyone else.
"Nathan?"
"Yeah, just one thing...WHY AREN'T I IN THAT GAME?" He shouted. Everyone looked at him in confusion.
"Why would you be in the game?" Juste asked politely.
"Maybe because my battle system is one of the most unique in Castlevania history?" Nathan retorted angrily, first he had to prove his game was a beast, and now this. He was really starting to get depressed over his lack of recognition.
"Explain." Alucard stated bluntly.
"Well let's think of it this way; everyone in the game has something interesting about the way they fight. Soma, you have your souls." Soma nodded smugly.
"Vice president, you have your dark magic. Charlotte has her own spells, Shanoa has her glyphs, Yoko has...different spells, and even that Getsu Fuma guy is in there! Simon fights old school, while Jonathan, Richter, and Julius have different martial art styles and the vampire killer. And maria can even summon freakin monsters!" Nathan explained with the subjects of his speech all nodding respectively.
"Now keeping all of that in mind, wouldn't the DSS system be a nice touch? And because I use a different whip I wouldn't be another Belmont clone!"
"Well that is true but...you're still not that popular..." Trevor tried to point out as politely as he could.
"That and some of your powers are kind of gay." Leon added. Nathan began to fume a little bit.
"What was that, pretty boy?" He asked the first Belmont, Leon threw his hands up defensively.
"Relax, just think though; who uses a rose whip? Flowers in battle? Really?" Leon explained. Everyone knew Leon was a little old school, but everyone eventually came to the conclusion that if it hurts, it works. Leon though, kept his old school train of thought.
"It is kind of fruity..." Soma added. Nathan pulled out his cell phone and dialed some number.
"Hello, Kurama? Could you do me a favor real quick?" Nathan asked the person on the other end of the line. (For those unaware, Kurama is from Yu-Yu Hakusho! A pretty badass anime, and he uses his rose based whip in battle along with other flowery attacks. A complete boss.)
"Thanks, I'm gonna put you on speakerphone." And with one button press everyone could hear the squealing of women coming from the other end.
"Kurama, isn't using flowers in battle badass?" Nathan asked.
"My fangirls seem to think so." Kurama replied, trying to speak over the screams of the women around him.
"Thanks, I'll catch up with you later."
"No problem." Nathan ended the call before turning to Leon and Soma.
"Convinced?" He asked. Soma scratched his head but Leon simply groaned before responding.
"Still not convinced." Nathan sighed loudly before calling someone else.
"Hello? Seireitei? Could you patch me through to squad six? I need to speak with it's captain...my name? Nathan Graves...yeah, he'll know who I am, thank you." Everyone looked at him, wondering what kind of person Nathan was calling this time.
"Hello, Captain Kuchiki? Yeah, there are some people here that doubt the power of flowers...yeah I know they just LOOK like...umm...wait, you don't need to-" Nathan didn't get to finish his statement because suddenly a senkaimon (Portal) opened up in the room. Nathan gulped before turning to it, while everyone else just stared. Out of the portal stepped one Byakuya Kuchiki, captain of squad six. (From Bleach, of course.)
"Nathan, it has been a while." He said with a stoicness that rivaled Alucard's.
"Y-yeah...look, you didn't have to come, you know." Nathan said weakly. Byakuya shook his head before replying.
"My pride will not allow such insults." He said before turning to the others.
"Who here is the cause of this argument?" He asked, everyone immediately pointed to Leon and Soma.
"I see, I ask that everyone else please the room." Everyone stared before Nathan began shoving everyone out.
"Just shut up and do what he says!"
"No one said anything..."
"Shut up!" Soon Byakuya was alone in the room with Soma and Leon, while everyone waited outside.
"What's about to happen?" Jonathan asked Nathan.
"You don't wanna know..." Nathan replied before Charlotte began to press her ear against the door. Jonathan and Nathan followed her lead, and soon everyone was listening to what was going on.
"Bankai...Senbonzakura Kageyoshi...scatter..." They heard Byakuya's voice say calmly.
"What the-? GAH!" Leon shouted.
"HELP ME! MOMMY!" Soma shouted as well. Everyone outside winced while Alucard broke into a cold sweat.
"I get the feeling the price for rent will rise when my father hears of this..." He muttered. Soon, Byakuya stepped outside holding a check in his hands.
"This should cover the damages." He said before stepping through another senkaimon. Simon looked at the check before smiling happily.
"This should cover rent and then some!" He said while everyone looked inside the meeting room. Leon laid on the table bleeding profusely while Soma was laid over a chair in the same state.
"Damn...he really went all out this time." Nathan shuddered while Juste began to break down.
"My decorations...ruined! This will take a lifetime to fix!" He shouted before crying.
Blitz: There you have it dear readers! The first chapter of the club meetings!
Nathan: How are the other chapters gonna be?
Blitz: That's where the readers come in, see I'm gonna leave this alone for a week. In that time I'm hoping readers will review and leave ideas and topics for you guys to talk about next week. I'll try to tackle at least 3 each time.
Nathan: And if no one reviews?
Blitz: I'll just make up something then. But who wants another disaster like today?
Nathan: Good point...um...readers? Help...?