Hope

by iluvwillschuester

My heart stopped and my breath caught in my throat. She was married…Emma was married. In that moment, all hope was gone. A hope is just a silent wish that your heart makes. The thing is as much as I can try to convince my head to be over Emma, my heart will never be. My heart keeps hoping for her and well, my head always ends up giving in.

Hope

Author's Note- Hi everybody! This is my first attempt to write in the first-person point of view, so I hope I didn't do too badly. This takes place in Special Education right after Emma tells Will that she married Carl in Vegas. This one-shot is dedicated to my friend, MrsWemmaMorrison, merry Christmas! Here's the story, enjoy! ;)

Will's POV

My heart stopped and my breath caught in my throat. The entire world stopped, and nothing else seemed to matter. It registered in my brain; what had been a faraway nightmare had just played out in front of my own eyes. She was married…Emma was married. I could literally hear my heart breaking in my chest, and I felt sick to my stomach. How could this have happened? Emma got married to Carl, in Vegas of all places. It, it, just wasn't fair. How could she throw away everything we ever had? Well, at least what I thought we had. It was really all over. My vision blurred and I could only make out one thing –Emma. Her wedding ring shined and I felt another pang in my chest. Could she not see what this was doing to me? I don't think she understood how I felt about her. I would jump buildings for Emma or fly her to the moon if I could. Just as I thought we might be on the road to recovery, she announces that she's married…to another man. I wish it could be me, though. I wish I could've gotten down on one knee for her and claimed my everlasting love for Emma.

In that moment, all hope was gone. After last year's Regionals when she announced that she was seeing Carl, I thought it would blow over. I thought that there was still hope. I was wrong. Funny thing was, I couldn't let go of this hope. All through summer, I missed her and longed until September when I could see her again. When September rolled around, Emma told me she was still dating Carl. I knew I had to fight for her. Sometimes, I just wanted to give up this battle. But then, I would remember her face and suddenly I was ready for war. So, I continued being her friend. A shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with, someone who would listen, I would try to be everything that Emma needed. Every time I saw her, I got that warm, fuzzy, feeling that shot from my toes to my lopsided smile. Surely, she was always the reason for that smile. But, she was also the reason behind every tear shed, every sleepless night, and every sense of false hope. You see, I kept hoping that Emma would leave Carl and come back to me. Hoping that this wasn't the end, that there would be a new beginning for us; one that would last forever. I was hoping that this was just a rough patch in our relationship; one that we'd tell our kids about once they were grown. I kept building up this false hope so much that it hurt. I kept telling myself that it would get better; consoling myself like I would towards a troubled student. It'll get better, Will, don't worry. Well, it didn't get better.

Eventually with every smile Emma gave me or every time that I could make her cheeks a dark scarlet, I unconsciously gave myself false hope. I was doing as they said; hoping for the best. Up until now, I hadn't realized just how much hope I had thrown into this. All the little smiles and blushes piled up, big time. The little strings of hope eventually turning into a huge pile, one that was too big to cut down. It was like a snowstorm. At first, there's just little flurries falling through the sky, and no one pays attention. Then you look at your window and –bam, snowstorm. The stupid snow's piled up to your window, so deep that you can't even walk. Well, by now I'm so deep in snow that I can't even find my way back home. I hated that. I hated that I was lost without her. I hated that during Sectionals, I kept looking over to the empty seat next to me; expecting to see her. I couldn't even function properly without her around. I got lost on my way to the bathroom and the glee club had to send Rachel to find me, true story. I had come to realize how alone I had felt within in these past few months. Without Emma, it seemed that nothing had meaning anymore. What really killed me though was how easily she seemed to move on without me. Look at her, not even a year after our break-up and she's already married. Then look at me; looking at her and hoping with all my heart that she'll realize just how much I love her.

My heart breaks a little more every time I see Emma with Carl. When her face lights up as she tells me about their fun weekends, and I hope that someday in the future I can make her happy like that. If you've never experienced a broken heart, I envy you. It's an indescribable pain, like there's no joy in the world anymore…because your entire world just left you for another guy. I'm embarrassed to admit that I have cried over Emma –a lot. I lie in bed thinking of her and the hope that sometimes, sometimes, I'm the last thought that enters her brain before she sleeps. I stare at my ceiling and before I can stop myself, my eyes are welling up and tears are cascading down my cheeks. Before I know it, I'm on digging through my cell phone and computer; going through all the old emails, texts, statuses, and voicemails. Some nights, when it's really bad, I call her number just to hear her voice on the answering machine. I never, ever leave a message though. I don't know if Emma can tell how many times I've called her number, if she can then she's never mentioned it to me. I miss her so much, if only Emma knew what this is doing to me. I'm falling apart, looking at the past and she's not even looking back.

I don't think I can stop myself from hoping for Emma. A hope is just a silent wish that your heart makes. The thing is as much as I can try to convince my head to be over Emma, my heart will never be. My heart keeps hoping for her and well, my head always ends up giving in. I can't even pretend that I'm over her. I still look at her every day like it's the first time I laid my hazel eyes upon her brown ones. I guess no one can really control what they hope for. Our hearts always know what we want, even if our head pretends it doesn't. So, there went my stupid, broken, heart building up all this hope in my head. My head started to believe in this false hope. I actually started believing that Emma would someday be with me again. I was hopelessly in love, hopelessly yet every fiber of my body hoping. Sad thing was that this moment, this moment where Emma told me she got married, it crushed my heart but it didn't crush my hope. To the reasonable person all hope was gone but to me, the hoping had only just begun. Now, I had a reason to hope. The reason being her wedding ring, now was the time to hope that things would change, now more than ever. I may just end up building false hope again but I know I can never stop hoping for Emma because what we had was definitely not false. It was real, more real than anything I'd experienced. The kind of love that blinded you, yet opened your eyes at the same time. I can't stop hoping, I can never stop. Besides the fact that it's uncontrollable, I don't want to stop. I don't want to stop hoping for Emma and I can't stop. They say if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't it never was. But, hey, I can only hope for the best.

So what did you think? Good or bad? Boring or interesting? Please let me know in a review! MrsWemmaMorrison, I hope you enjoyed this! Merry Christmas! Please everyone review since it's just a one-shot! ;)