A/N: Okay, so right now I'm sitting on my bed killing time while my car is in the shop and I can't go anywhere. So what do I do? Write a ridiculous fan fiction about what I've been obsessed with for two months now (sad eh?). Anywho, please realize this is purely a joke about the book, and a thing my friends and I joked about for a while.
Based off Victor Hugo's novel Notre Dame de Paris, or Hunchback of Notre Dame, plus has Disney twists (especially Clopin). Enjoy and realize that I own nothing other than my insanity.
A MAN AND HIS GOAT
"Hello fine readers!" Clopin Trouillefou shouted out to his audience, blatantly breaking the fourth wall, "And welcome to the hidden ending of Notre Dame De Paris or, as the crazed Mary Sue like fan girls know it, Hunchback of Notre Dame!" Squeals of the crowd roared as a band of Clopin fan girls swooned towards the brilliant performer in front of them. "Now, many of you haven't read the book that Victor Hugo wrote about the lovable hunchback known as Quasimodo," He started.
"Wait there's a book?!"One stupid fangirl in the audience shouted. Clopin momentarily lost his smile to rolling his eyes, but then returned to his oration.
"But there is one character out there who makes the ending of the book, a bloodbath to most characters, quite humorous. To begin, we need to know who this wonderful character is. Pierre Gringoire!" Suddenly, as soon as his name was shouted, a loud rumble was heard. Clopin stopped to see thousands of fan girls, not his own mind you, rush in.
"GRINGOIRE!!!" They all shouted, their eyes gushing with tears of love and joy. Clopin looked down at them shocked, suddenly he grew angry.
"Whoa, wait a minute! How does he have more fan girls than me?" Then suddenly, a jab from the authoress put him back on track. "Anyway! Gringiore married Esmeralda in a weird gypsy ritual, thanks to moi, but she does not love him. As the novel progresses, he begins to fall in love with someone else, or more accurately, something." Clopin raised his finger to raise suspense.
"Who?!" They all shouted, even the Gringiore fan girls who only knew him from the play/musical.
"Get ready!" Suspense rose to an all new level. "DJALI THE GOAT!!" He shouted. Suddenly their were peals of laughter and gasps.
"What?!" The Disney fan girls asked.
"Now now, I that's not the best part. In the end, we come to our climax, now I promise not to ruin to much of the ending to you, but Gringiore escapes with his love. Now I have thoroughly explained the personas played before you, but I bring to you the love affair of Djali and Gringoire!" Clopin shouted, moving out of the way so the audience could see the actors behind.
"So let me get this straight," The priest rubbed his temples in confusion, "you want me to marry you, Pierre Gringoire, to this… goat?" He asked. Djali bleated happily, unknowing what the two were plotting.
"Yes! Marry me to my love, my amour, my paramour, Djali the lovable goat!" He sighed, looking at Djali fondly. The priest raised his eyebrow.
"I do believe bestiality is a sin, is it not?" He asked. Gringoire gasped and pulled Djali into his arms.
"How DARE you call Djali a beast! She is an angel from heaven above trapped in the body of a goat! She is my love and I will marry her!" He cried, petting Djali, who was lovingly eating Gringoire's brown hair.
"An angel? In a goat?"
"Precisely! Now, I want to marry this goat reverend! Marry us now!" He ordered. The priest seemed to contemplate the damage of marrying this insane gentlemen to his goat, and could only find that if he didn't, this man would quite possibly go even more insane, so he pulled out his bible and began the ceremony.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to marry this man to his…" he despised having to say the next word, "goat." He spat. Gringoire was too busy whispering promises of love to his new bride to notice the resentment.
The ceremony continued, including the sharing of wine, and the receiving of vows, Djali's of course being in goat's bleating. However, some trouble did come up, the exchanging of rings.
"Do you have a ring for your… bride?" He asked the groom. He shook his head then seemed to remember something.
"Ah! I have this earring that La Esmeralda gave me!" He cried, pulling it out of his ear and sticking it through the goat, who cried in pain. The goat then proceeded to kick and buck around, knocking over a table, a pew, and to the priest's discontent, an altar holding the holy book. The priest growled, ran his hand through his hair, then decided he had had enough.
"AGH!" He groaned, "BY the powers vested in me I now pronounce you man and goat! Not get out of gods house immediately!" He ordered. Gringoire smiled, content with the marriage, the grabbed his now calm bride and carried her like a groom would to a human bride. As they walked through the wooden double doors, Gringoire whispered into his new brides ear:
"Now on to the honeymoon…"
Djali gave a nervous bleat.
"And that ladies and gentlemen, is our performance! I hope you enjoyed reading about the love affair of a man and his goat! Now maybe some of you will be interested in the book, no?" Clopin asked, appearing to his audience. Suddenly, the director of the play, our authoress walked out onto the stage.
"Wait a minute, aren't you supposed to be dead?" She asked him. He looked at her with wide, nervous eyes.
"Well…." He stuttered, then quickly turned back to the audience, "Good night everyone!" He shouted before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.
A/N: Blame it on boredom, but I must say the idea makes me laugh, nothing is more of a Romeo and Juliet story than Gringoire with Djali… Poor goat… that sounds like a horrible honeymoon.
Oh, by the way, the Idea for the Gringoire fan girls comes from the fact that I seem to find as many of them as I do Clopin fan girls so I had to include them.