BELLA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

A/N : I am a long time fan fiction reader that decided to put up or shut up. Hopefully I don't disappoint you.

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight and I do this not for profit but for fun.

Prologue

"Look at me Edward."

I cringed inwardly, watching my beloved scan the horizon, his eyes looking everywhere and anywhere except at the scene in front of him. . .and me. Just once I wished he would loose his level headiness and yell at me, show me some sort of emotion, punish me like I knew, even a small part of him, yearned to do.

"Edward let me explain."

I reached out apprehensively to the shirt sleeve in front of me, not sure what to expect. Was he going to disappear before my very eyes, was he going to explode, was he going to continue to pretend the scene in front of him wasn't happening.

Sometimes I felt like that insecure child in high school again.

"There is nothing to explain Isabella, you did what you thought you had to."

The cold flat monotone of his voice combined with the formality of my full name from his lips sliced through me like a knife. Nothing hurt me worse then Edward's disappointment, even after all these years. He was my still my everything and I was still proving myself unworthy of his love.

In all honesty, what could I say to justify what just had transpired, what I just had done. I had not only cursed myself, in one swift move I had cursed my whole family.

"Nessie. . .she was so upset after the accident. . .Jacob and I thought she was ready to drive. . .but you know she get's so distracted so easily."

I faltered, horrified at my mouth's useless running. There was no justification in my actions. My red eyes were only to telling of that.

Helplessly I threw my shield forward around my husband. If only maybe he could see where words failed me, maybe he could understand. The heat of the moment, the panic of the situation, the fear of Jacob so plainly evident and worse the utter wreckage of our precious miracle daughter's mental stability. Beautiful Nessie who we had pledged to never suffer again after her tumultuous childhood had been so distraught, so utterly destroyed by what could be only described as an accident that my maternal instinct had kicked in, gone into overdrive, proceeded in place of common sense and did what needed to done to spare her any pain.

Once again, do I think before I act - hell no, that would be a sign of maturity.

Hesitantly, I raised my eyes from the body cradled in my arms, to my husband.

I watched that beautiful face I laid next to in our marital bed every night scrunch up in pain as he undoubtedly watched the last twenty minutes of my life in his head . My wordless flood of today's events weren't lost on him but I still felt no relief by our common knowledge of proceedings. No matter what had just happened, today I took my first life and changed my first human into a vampire.

Hardly a day of celebration.

"I know why you did what you did. . .but Bella . . .he should have died."

I was Bella again but felt only marginal comfort by it. My beloved sounded so miserable how could I feel any relief.

"It would have killed her, she is so young to have blood on her hands."

He nodded mutely and our attention turned to the man in my arms who began to thrash violently. I knew only to well the venom from my eternal kiss was only starting its decent into my victim's system. He had many hours more of pain to endure before any relief was found.

"Edward, it might not be as bad as you think."

"Bella to spare us from the Volturi he is now our responsibility."

I nodded mutely. I couldn't think of the Volturi just now, this life, this man, had a family and friends and I just took it all away from him in one swift move. This man had a future and dreams that would likely never be able to be fulfilled. This man had once been a friend - would he be a friend again once he found out what I had done. Vampirism had been easy for me because I had Edward and Nessie and a new family. Could he ever find anything as wonderful to make this okay. Could I be strong enough to last through his newborn years and help him find some measure of personal comfort.

"He always did want a kiss from you."

I groaned at Edward's lame attempt at humor fell flat. Neither he nor I could take light in anything about today. This was bad and would only get worse before it got better. Our family, our life, our daughter and now Mike Newton. . .I have just damned us to an eternity with Mike Newton.