Rachel Karen Marie was ensconced on the sofa in her London flat, watching her TV, munching her way through a packet of Smiths Crisps, as usual. She grimaced slightly, feeling rather bloated, vowing "I'll give up eating crisps...tomorrow!" God, she was lonely; maybe she should get a cat, or a dog, or a hamster, for company...
She could hear sounds coming from the neighbouring house: arguing, swearing, and the "thunk" of someone being hit with a frying-pan. She knew the 4 residents were young male students. Her lips briefly compressed with anger as she reflected that she was STILL awaiting the return of 7 cups she had lent the ginger punk, weeks ago! But then she started to smile as she admitted that she would like to see him again, as he was rather gorgeous.
"Right, I'm going next-door; I've got a good excuse!" Rachel resolved, getting up, finding her best jewellery, and applying a touch of lipstick. As she rang the doorbell, she could hear a young anarchist's voice declaring "I hope that's not the fascist come to check we've got a TV licence!" A short man answered the door and let her in, saying "Why no, our visitor is much more attractive! Why baby, you'd make a good change from my inflatable companion." As she entered, she found 4 pairs of eyes riveted on her. She addressed the punk: "I gave you 7 cups of sugar, you may remember, and I'd like my crockery back, please!" He looked rather anxious, as if he were desperately trying to think of an explanation; then he noticed her wink, and realised that she had an ulterior motive for her visit. Rachel boldly continued: "I'd like to get to the bottom of this," deliberately scanning her eyes below Vyvyan's "Very Metal" jacket, to his denim-clad backside. "Cheeky!" commented Mike.
"Now, where did we put her cups, Vyv?" pondered Neil, as if he didn't know quite well that they had all become fuel for the fire. He then kindly announced "I'll give you one of mine, to compensate!" He brought down a teacup, which spoke: "Hooray, from now on I'm going to be sipped from by a lovely lady, instead of a smelly hippy!" Rachel giggled; this household was clearly like no other in the world! Fortunately she remembered her manners, and thanked Neil for his generosity, whilst still making eyes at Vyvyan.
Neil started searching for a bag of lentils, whilst Rick hummed the Cliff Richard hit Baby you're Dynamite. Vyvyan asked Rachel "Would you like to see my room?" whereupon she became so excited that her eyes were glittering as brightly as the stars on Vyvyan's forehead. They held hands and went upstairs together, managing to restrain from tearing each other's clothes off until they were in the bedroom. SPG was told "You'll have to sleep downstairs, mate!" By the morning, Vyv was confident he would be safe from any future virgin-seeking vampires.