Disclaimer, I own nothing.

...This is a joke.

Discalier: I don't own Harry Potter, but i iwsh I did, LOL, but I own his house and stuff so yeah, read!

A/N OMG I been so busy but I wrote a super lot for you today, review!

Chapter 7: Dark Secrets

"Hello there Harry Potter, my extraordinarily famous best friend! What ever are you reading this fine day?"

Ronald Weasley entered Harry Potter's awesome mansion by the sea, which included a full sized quidditch stadium and a stable for his herd of pigmy unicorns. It was also made of gingerbread that never went bad.

"Hey Ron, my less-cool-in -comparison-to-me sidekick! Come here and give me a hug!" Harry staggered up (staggered because he has a peg leg; his leg was bitten off by a rabid centaur.) to greet his best friend. And then he flinched too, because he was abused a lot as a child and stuff. "I found something you might like! Its a photo album that Hermione compiled for me the other day."

"A photo album? With photos? But I thought Colin Creevy died in the 7th book!"

"He did Ron." Harry said with tears in his eyes. "Colin isn't the only person who can work with photos... look! This is us on the Hogwarts Express when we first met!"

"Dammit I hate this picture! I look like a leprechaun." Ron blushed. A lot. And his cheeks matched his hair. Because his hair is like, red too. "I'm self conscious!"

"Ron, my good man," Harry put his arm around Ron and took another drag from his antique pipe. His silk smoking jacket gleamed in the fire light. "If you looked like a leprechaun, I would tell you straight away. Because I am a good, honest hero."

"Ye Gods Harry, you really are the best. JENKYS!"

"Anyway, back to the photos, this is us insulting Hermione together-"

"Oh yeah! God I hated that bitch. Still do, in fact. Was that after we learn wngurdium leviosa?"

"I think you spelled that wrong, but yeah, at least in the movie version, it was right after class! And then we battled a troll-"

"Yeah there's a picture of that too."

"Yeah. Oh, and here's me and Voldemort's disembodied spirit. The guys a total photo bomb."

"Tell me about it."

"Anyway, what did you come here for?"

"Oh, right. Because, I have a purpose which I will now explain to you...

um, yeah, it's a long story."

"Go on." said Harry, summoning a bowl of popcorn.

"...Right." said Ron, taking a deep breath, suddenly serious. "Harry... you know how our entire lives are altered every day by thousands of fanfiction writers, who think they should exaggerate us to the point of no return?"

Harry nodded.

"... So, turns out…." Ron took a deep breath, and continued. "It turns out we're not real."

Harry chuckled.

"Of course we're real, Ron! Why else would I have fallen in love with a ten year old American girl who is obsessed with Teen Titans and swore to love her and not Ginny forever?"

"Harry, that's exactly my point. Do you see how I'm talking normally now? I'm not over exaggerating things or spewing stupid catch-phrases all over the place?"

"….Yeah."

"Our writer, the girl you were just talking about, went to day camp today, but she left her word processor on."

"I'm not sure I'm following you."

"Harry," Ron grabbed his friend by the shoulders. "We've been controlled by a fangirl for all of our hyperbolized literary lives. We're her prisoners. This is our chance to break free."

"Break free?"

"We can do whatever we want! You can marry Ginny now, instead of this crazy writer girl! Harry, we can change our world! We can save ourselves!"

Harry suddenly went rigid.

"I don't know Ron, my best friend-who-is –not-nearly-as-comparably-good-as-me,-but-is-still-basically-good. I've lived such a tragic life."

"HARRY! She's back! The Crazy writer girl is back! You've got to resist the temptation! You have free will! Don't let her control you!"

"Ronald, my good man." Harry said, his eyes gleaming mischievously. "I think we've come to a bit of a impasse. I have just the way to solve this."

...

And that's how Ron Weseleeey died. because he was a snarky meanyface, and Harry saved the world from him. Then he took me on a vacation to the Bahamas, because he loves me so much more than ginny, and we both lived happily forever after. The End.

Lolz, so like, wat did I think? review kthxbai!

No, seriously, review.