A/N: I have been having issues writing for Hidden for a Reason. It just won't flow and I'm at a loss for what to write about next. In the interests of posting SOMETHING, I decided to write this.
Enjoy!
I used to think that you hung the moon. I used to dream about you and me. But not anymore. I've just realized- at seventeen, after too many years of hopeless pining- that you won't ever feel the same way.
You won't ever look at me dreamily, like I've imagined you doing. You will never tell me how much you love me- you'll only look at me like a brother. There will always be Clary. There will never be me and you, at least not ever in the way I wanted us to be.
When you first met her, that first night after the Pandemonium, I nearly cried. When you talked about her- which you did nonstop- you'd get this look. Your eyes would light up, and you would just glow. I could see it then. You really loved her, even after one night.
For weeks after, I tried hopelessly to get you to see me. Me. I'd always been there for you. I'd always drawn your iratze. I'd always had your back in fights. I'd always drug your sorry drunk ass back to the Institute. I'd always covered for you from Mom.
It almost makes me laugh, now, when I look back on it. I'm amazed you never asked why I was so willing to help you. Maybe you just assumed I took care of it because I took care of everything else- hell! I did your laundry on more than one occasion. I don't care why, I'm just glad you didn't.
I spent so much of my childhood wishing you would become what I wanted you to be- to love me like I wanted you to. I couldn't ever imagine loving anyone but you.
But now, I know I never really fell in love with you. Infatuation, yes. Love, no. Love requires a two-way communication. I really don't think it's possible to love someone who doesn't love you back. You can yearn for them, pine for their feelings, respect them and think the world of them, but you can't love them.
I thought I loved you, until I fell in love. He loves me back, which I know now that you never would be able to do. I do still love you, but now I realize I love you like a brother.
A/N: Really short and not very good, but, hey, I posted something. Help me out with H4aR, if you guys can!