There's so many things that we can do now that we couldn't as little kids. We can drive. We can stay up past midnight. In a few years we'll be able to vote, and drink. Some of us can even reach the top shelf of the kitchen cabinets without having to climb up onto the countertop. But in some ways, we could do so much more when we were kids. In some ways, we could do anything. We could roll around in the mud with the dog. We could spend hours lying in the grass looking for the perfect 4-leaf-clover. You could hold hands with your best friend. You could hug your best friend, or kiss them on the cheek, and no one would care. Or if they did, they'd say how cute you were. It didn't matter if your best friends was a little boy or a little girl, you were adorable.
Then one day, all of a sudden, we grew up. Yesterday's precious and adorable is today's dirty and wrong. We can't do whatever we want to anymore.
I was in the grocery store with my mom the other day, listening to my iPod and singing along as I walked down the aisle, and some woman stopped me and told me that I had a beautiful voice. She called me "tremendously talented." I thanked her, and told her that I was flattered, but I couldn't help but wonder what she would say to me if she actually knew anything about me. Or rather, if she knew one specific thing about me. I feel like I have so much to offer this world, not just musically, but other things too, you know? I'm young and full of potential and life. We all are. But this school, this town, this whole damn world, is sucking me dry. I come home at the end of they day and I feel dull and lifeless and like I won't survive this. I don't understand why my life is something I should have to survive. This isn't some dusty third world country, this is America. This is the home of the free, this is the land of the brave, where all men are created equal. Never have these truths seemed less self-evident.
Where the hell is my American Dream?
I realize that not everyone is going to be open and accepting, that some, like my dad, won't approve of me. I know not to expect much in places like my tiny Midwestern hometown where people seem to be so inherently judgmental. I know that it takes some people awhile to adjust to new things, but I refuse to put my entire life on hold just because some people aren't ok with who I am. I mean, I'm usually an upbeat guy, but I try to be a realist, too. Mostly I've settled for "Cautious Optimism." Sometimes even that gets derailed by the harsh truth that people suck.
I remember back in 2008, after Election Day, I was so proud of us as a country for electing Barack Obama, but that bright spot was far overshadowed by how hard I cried over Prop 8. If we couldn't get equal rights in the state that has San Fransisco and West Hollywood, what hope could we have in surviving Ohio?
I can't stand living this way, and I understand why you don't want to. But if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.
When you're ready I'll be holding out for you
We'll lie back in the tall grass
With our arms around each other, just a little too fast
We'll lie back, waiting for America to come true