HIYA'S! IT'S ME GEANIE-CHAN101! WELL THIS IS MY FIRST ONSHOT AND IN MY OPPINION IT'S PRETTY GOOD. PLZ ENJOY. BTW DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT MY OTHER STORY THE GREEN EYED STRANGER FEATURING A NEW CHARACTER. JA!
"so teme are you sure this is mandatory?" Naruto asked Sasuke for the hundred and twenty-fifth time. "Yes dobe for the last freakin' time yes its mandatory." Sasuke answered very annoyed his facial expression as usual was emotionalist. It was mid morning and the boys were on their way to the auditorium for the screening of the sex education film. Neji smirked and turned to Naruto. "What? Are you scared Uzamaki?" he asked. Naruto straightened his posture and held his held high. "Me scared?! Psh! I'm Naruto Uzamaki! I'm never scared." he proclaimed as he took his fist and beat his chest showing his strength. Neji rolled his eyes and said nothing more about the topic. They continued their way when they spotted Rocklee. They attempted to go the other way, but a last he spotted them.
"Well isn't today going to be just so very youthful?! We're are fortunate enough to lean about where youthful babies come from, the youthful parts of the body, and even youth-" bonk! He wasn't able to finish his sentence because his head had just came into "youthful" random contact with a woman's size five shoe.
"Would you stop saying that damn word?! Every effen time I see you and hear you speak all your damn sentences has that annoying phrase! I'm so sick of it!" Principle Tsunade stressed with an half empty bottle of sake in hand. Everyone stared at the unconscious Rocklee lying on the floor. They shrugged and turned back to Tsunade for further instructions. Well more like commands.
"Come on you adolescent hormone driven detriments to society. Haul your asses in there. And would someone scrap that annoying flea off my floor. Gosh I despise this job!" Tsunade exclaimed as she hopelessly looked into the emptiness of her more than empty sake bottle. Everyone obeyed and headed to their seats. Naruto took the liberty of transferring Lee to his seat. "Come on bushy brow. Time to learn something youthful." Naruto said grinning madly as he took Lee and flung him over his shoulder and went to his friends.
"Alright you little maggots! Today you are going to be seeing an hour and five minute film on sex education in honor of sexual awareness week here at Konoha high. I'm going to go over a few simple rules and what will happen if you don't follow them. Rule one, if you even think about not paying attention you will have a private screening in my office five straight times with you ass glued to a chair and your eyes taped open. Rule two, if I here any talking what so ever you will have detention with me where I will have you listen to a tape going over every sexual part of you body and how it can be used. Trust me I have sources." Tsunade explained as she stared out into the many petrified faces as they nodded on understanding.
Naruto raised his hand to get her attention. "Um Tsunade-bachan is there ramen here? Because without my ramen I won't be able to sit here for a long amount of time." Naruto asked waving his hand in the air hoping badly she'd say: "sure Naruto just make sure you back in time for the end." but instead she said "No you cant get ramen you idiotic no brain monkey! Now sit down and shut the hell up!" she bolted taking yet another long swag from her newly opened bottle of sake.
"Now if there aren't anymore unnecessary questions can we go on with this?" Tsunade asked exasperated and very much pissed. When she got no response she took it as a yes and left the stage. "Roll the video!" She called out to the engineer behind the curtains. Everyone sat quietly and waited for it to start. "You and your body. Do you know how your parts and the parts of the opposite sex work?" the announcer said as the video began. Naruto took a big gulp of air and hugged his knees to his chest. "I'm a good boy.'' he repeated to himself as he kept his eyes focused on the screen he wasn't quit sure if he was going to make it out alive or not, but he definitely wasn't going to take any chances of Tsunade making him watch it again.
Forty-five minutes later….
Everyone was absolutely mesmerized. Even the cool stoic acting guys where losing it. Naruto thought that he would never see the light of day again. It was that bad. Sasuke mouth was wide open. Occasionally a fly buzzed in and out. Neji eyes became as wide as saucer cups. Shikamaru bit the nail of each finger like popcorn and others had simply passed out from the exhaustion of being forced to know these things about themselves and the opposite gender.
With the girls…
"Wow! How long have they been in there?" Ino asked pacing back and forth outside of the auditorium. Her and the rest of the girls of Konoha high were piled up outside awaiting their turn to see the film. "Calm down pig. I'm sure their fine." Sakura assured patting her friends back. Ino shot her a menacing glare before replying. "Shut it forehead!" she retorted as Sakura gave her an equally dark glare. And the glaring contest began.
"Cool it you two. Look Ino, Sakura is probably right. there is nothing in their that the boys don't need to know. It's all apart of growing up." TenTen reassured calmly with her hands behind her head.
All the girls looked at her as if she had grown another head. "What?" she asked when she noticed the venomous stares directed at her from her friends. Ino shook her head. "How can you say that?!" she asked outraged. TenTen simply shrugged and continued to lounge and wait calmly and collected. Hinata smirked mischievously and looked at the unfazed one. "I know how come she doesn't feel that learning this is such a big deal. that's because of all the nights Neji comes home late." Hinata voiced proudly. TenTen turned tomato red and fell backwards off the bench she was perched on. She blinked three times before coming to her senses.
"That is so not true. I am still as pure as the day Neji and I first met. I'm sure there is a perfectly good explanation as to why Neji comes home late." TenTen countered standing up and brushing off her cloths. Hinata rolled her eyes. Sakura muttered a barely audible sure. While Ino continued to pace back and forth.
"Is there a perfectly good explanation as to why he smells exactly like your brand of perfume and he has the exact same color lip gloss on every inch of his face?" Hinata asked looking at her nails innocently as if there was nothing at all on the face of this earth wrong with what she had said. TenTen turned bright fluorescent pink putting the color of Sakura's hair to shame. There nothing more needed to be said case closed. TenTen was guilty. "He could be a he she ya' know!" She yelled abruptly trying to cover up the fact that there could be no other reason for his tardiness. Her friends and the rest of the Konoha girl population stared at the perplexed and very frazzled girl and resumed on with whatever they were doing before.
Back with the boys….
"No! I can't take this anymore! This is so not youthful!" Rocklee yelled now very conscious and aware of what the film was talking about. He got up from his seat and ran for the door. Guarding the entrance and exit of the auditorium were two very husky looking young men. Lee gulped as he came to realization that there was no way out.
"Rocklee get your ass back in your seat before I do by force!" Tsunade yelled as she walked out on stage with a freshly open bottle of sake in tote. The movie stopped and everyone sighed in relief. Rocklee bowed his head in defeat and put his hands in the air. "Lets go boys." He directed as the two men lifted him into the air and carried him back to his seat. When that was done the film proceeded.
The last five minutes of the program was approaching. Most were counting them down while others were losing their minds. Konkuro being one of them.
"Gah! I cant take it anymore! I'm just a straight guy that wears makeup! I shouldn't be here!" He yelled pointing to the makeup on his chair. Haku stood up on his chair as well and pointed a accusing critical finger at Konkuro.
"That's not true! I see the way you use your eyes to flirt with me sir! How dare you even think about calling yourself straight?!" Haku retorted ignoring all the twitching eyebrows in the room. Konkuro fell backwards off of his seat after suddenly feeling very faint.
"Konky-kun! I'll give you mouth to mouth! I'll save you!" Haku yelled franticly running to Konkuro's aid. Everyone in the room sweat dropped and returned their attention to now for the second time, paused film.
"Haku would you shut the hell up and take you gayness somewhere else please?! Dear Kami-sama I don't get paid enough for this!" Tsunade yelled enraged with all that had played out today. Shit it was still morning!
"hai Tsunade-sama!" Haku agreed and picked up his 'Konky-kun' and exited the auditorium. No one spoke a word for what could you say to that? The film proceeded on as it was coming to an end. Which was much a relief to the young men in the room.
"And in conclusion this is why you should never stand to close to girls purses." the guy on the film concluded as the screen went black indicating that it was over. Everyone sweat dropped at the last thing he said, but none the less sighed in relief. Small chatter erupted as everyone got up and shuffled out of the room.
"I'm never, EVER taking another shower again." Kiba declared rubbing Akamaru's fur nervously. The others simply nodded in agreement and left the auditorium. Everyone seemed accounted for except….Naruto!
"Hey guys? Where's the dobe?" Sasuke asked still showing no emotion. Everyone looked around and saw that he was right. Naruto was not present.
"Well if we're here and all the girls are inside and Naruto isn't with us then that means…." Shikamaru examined coming to the conclusion that Naruto was about to meet his doom. "Uh-oh" they all said in unison and looked at the auditorium doors.
INSIDE THE AUDITORIUM…
"Is it over yet?" Naruto asked from under his seat. He had been totally oblivious to the fact that the room was now occupied with the female Konoha high population. "Yo, Shikamaru is over yet? He asked once again pulling on what he thought to be Shikamaru's pant leg.
"Hey! Stop that! I'm not Shikamaru." The girl said creeped out that someone was hiding under her seat. Naruto blinked six times before he came to realize what was going on.
"Oh shit!" he mumbled trying to get up from the floor, but to his avail was being held down by a peace of sticky previously chewed gum. "Oh Kami!"
"Alright girlies listen up! Sit up and pay attention. The show is about to start." Tsunade said with an evil grin on her face. She was now very tipsy. Naruto shook his a silently began to cry. He tried to cover his ears, but both of his elbows were glued down by more gum. 'sheesh do these people know what a garbage can is?' He thought to himself now very depressed.
"You and your body. Do you know how the body parts of you and the opposite sex work?" The announcer began. Naruto was now officially in hell.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
WELL WHATCHA' THINK?! HOPED YOU LIKED IT. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! )