I have no idea where this came from, I'm just whacked in the head. Not really a contest or anything so I have no excuses. I don't own Vampires, Christmas, or any of the fun stuff of life. Have a laugh (or at least an eyebrow raise) on me!

CPOV

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Vampires were stirring; each fucking their spouse.

The stockings were tossed o'er lampshades without care,

As Rosalie screamed "Oh Emmett! Right there!"

The pixie was nestled all snug in her bed,

While visions of sex to come danced in her head;

And Edward with his brooding, and a ripe human snack,

Had just talked her out of a roll in the sack,

When out in the forest there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my mate to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I ran super fast,

I'd tear them to shreds for ruining this ass.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the sparkle of mid-day to a vampire below.

When, what to my honey gold eyes should appear?

But Edward, himself, humping a deer!

He thought none would notice if he made himself quick,

I knew in that moment, that boy was quite sick!

More rapid than teenagers, he moaned and then came,

Then he growled, and he shouted, and called out a lame;

"Don't smash her! Don't lance her! She's human; can't get some!

Oh, come on! Its stupid, to squander this vixen!

From the tip of my dick! To the hair on my balls!

Why can't I be be banging my cock on her walls?"

As dry heaves left the deer before it finally died,

His lips meet the animal, his mouth sucked it dry.

Then up to the house-top his golden eyes flew,

When his face filled with joy, it was Bella, I knew.

And then, in twilight, I heard a soft "oof."

The sounds of romancing, the pawing was proof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the side of the house they came, forest bound.

He expressed his strong urge, to his love-from his cock,

As his clothes pulled away, he was left there in shock;

A writhing hot Bella, he'd flung on her back,

He looked like a toddler about to devour a snack!

His eyes - how they darkened! As he fingered her, wary!

Her cheeks were like roses, his nose smelled her cherry!

Her creamy white legs were drawn up, vag on show,

And the beard of her clam was as soft as the snow;

The plump of her lip she held tight in her teeth,

And he took a big risk, deciding to breathe;

Her scent burnt his throat, and was a bit smelly,

But it made his mouth water; she tasted like jelly.

He was chubby and plump, his dick, as he knelt,

And I laughed when I saw him start stroking himself.

The black of his eyes and the throb of his head,

Soon let me know that she'd get him in bed;

She spoke not a word, but gave a sly smirk,

Her hand filled with cock, she gave a firm jerk,

And pinching tightly, the bridge of his nose,

He gave a stiff nod to his dick as it rose;

He sprang to her crotch, then let out a whistle,

Tore off her clothes and took hold of her missiles.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he dove out of sight,

"Happy Cunnilingus to all, and to all a good-night."