Why..?

Mahiru questioned herself this, conflicted over the memories from her school life and her killing school life colliding and clashing. Memories of happy times and sad times, mixing with memories that began happy but became nothing but despair. Memories of a time spent fighting against a mastermind bear, while getting to know others.

And memories of serving the mastermind behind that bear, even after the mastermind died. Doing things that she couldn't have begun to imagine she'd would have been doing when she had begun her school life. Somewhere along the line she had completely forgotten the photos her mom had always shown her. The ones full of smiles, and only took photos of pure and utter despair. Somewhere along the line she lost all sense of a moral compass.

The her in that game was pretty much a completely different person. She could only wonder why and how she had gone down such a path. All the same, what really scared her was that there was still the part in her that desired to infect the world with despair. At the same time, she wanted nothing more than to fill the world with hope. It was a very tiring mental war that raged on in her mind. She had gotten an explanation from Iz-no, Hajime is his name. She had gotten an explanation from the few who had avoided death in the game. Yet, no manner of explanation could help to deal with the feelings she was combating.

She was apparently the first to wake up, and the others didn't really understand the why nor how that it had come to be. They also didn't know if the others would be fortunate enough to recall what happened in the game. The entire situation was a completely new experience for them, and they were on their own in dealing with it. Makoto and his friends were already straining their abilities thin trying to keep the Future Foundation from finding and killing them. So they couldn't really help. Mahiru struggled to come to terms with all of this and wandered near one of the comatose people.

"You were much cuter before you grew up..." popped out of her mouth. She let out a gasp and then recalled a memory from shortly after she had fallen under mono-no, Junko's influence.

"If you love someone, wouldn't it be the most delightful despair to tell them you hate them?" Nagito suddenly blurted out one day.

Mahiru really saw no flaw in his logic, but she didn't really seem to have anyone she loved like that. At least she didn't think she did. That really brought her despair when she thought of how she had no one like that, even at her age. With that thought giving her a little more bounce in her step, she proceeded to chop up the little girl that she had pinned down. Making sure to not kill the girl of course. You can't feel any more despair once you're dead, so it wouldn't be nice of her to end the girl's life before she got to experience crushing despair. so she only cut off a limb and some fingers. "Almost forgot," Mahiru remarked, before pulling out a camera. "Now, scream for the camera!" She added with a smile, holding the camera above the writhing ten year old, her added remark was utterly pointless, as the girl was clearly trying to scream, but had tape over her mouth preventing it.

After Mikan bandaged up the girl just enough to keep her from dying, Hiyoko appeared. She was already under Junko's influence, but didn't yet seem like someone who was fully devoted, like something had kept her from embracing despair completely.

It was likely her upbringing, Junko surmised. She had built up a very hard to penetrate shell. She also seemed to be holding onto something else. That something else was likely the key to bringing the childish girl under her complete control. That other something was similar to the obsession that Mikan and many of her followers displayed towards her. But it was being displayed towards someone else. Namely, the girl currently taking a beautiful picture of despair. It was time for her plan to fully take hold, so she went over to Hiyoko and convinced her that Mahiru loved her back, and she should just confess.

So, Hiyoko did just that. Mahiru was shocked enough to stop taking pictures of the screaming girl, but then realized that she was also in love with Hiyoko, and did the only proper thing, "but I hate you, you disgusting baby." After she said this she felt a sharp pain in her heart, "no one could love such an underdeveloped girl who can't even tie her own sash," the pain got even worse, and Hiyoko was unable to respond, "you should just go back to preschool with a body like that," she finished, the pain no longer at a point where she could bear it any longer.

Hiyoko could not respond, and just sat there, staring blankly.

"After that, Hiyoko suddenly had a growth spurt, and then became a much more respectable Ultimate Despair," Mahiru reminisced, starting intently at Hiyoko's unconscious form. "I wonder if I'm the reason for her getting so big? If I didn't respond like that, would I still be able wrap her in my arms, or lean down to kis-" Mahiru stopped. "I can't hold onto the past like that. We've both changed so much since then...and it's not like we ever did any of that back then."

"But you have another chance now," came the voice of Hajime, "a chance that I won't ever get with Nanami again..."

"Koizu...nee..." a familiar voice, muffled by glass could be heard...