Title: My Jealous Ex-Boyfriend, Chuck Bass
Author: Shelby
Summary: "I am not jealous." "Oh really? So then what do you call dumping your drink on my date, pulling me from the restaurant, kidnapping me in your limo, and conveniently showing up at the empire which is too many blocks away from my building to walk?"
A/N: This one-shot is supposed to be humorous, so please don't think it's supposed to be super serious and call it stupid. If it's lame I'm sorry, but let me clarify Chuck Bass is very, very, very drunk in this.
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"Jealous? You think I'm jealous?" Chuck laughed in disbelief. His eyebrows rose and he shook his head against the thought she had mentioned. His arms had even flailed about as they stood outside the Empire, on the curb.
"Yes, I do," Blair replied with a simple nod. She then turned to hail a cab, now that she was free of that retched limo. She needed to go home and get away from her ex-boyfriend, Chuck Bass.
"Oh wait, where do you think you're going? We are not finished with this conversation, Waldorf. I can't have you going off and preaching your outlandish lies of me being jealous of that-that…" he searched for the word as his brow furrowed.
"That respectable, future lawyer slash perfect husband," she finished. A bitchy smile appeared on her lips as she turned to look at him. His face fell and he glared.
"I had a few other choice words actually," Chuck muttered. She rolled her eyes and sighed. He was always so immature. She moved away from him, but he grabbed her hand.
"Once again, conversation not over. I want to hear, from your lips, that I am not jealous," he commanded. She yanked her arm from him and gave a small push to his chest.
"Oh really? So then what do you call dumping your drink on my date, pulling me from the restaurant, kidnapping me in your limo, and conveniently showing up at the empire which is too many blocks away from my building to walk?" Blair questioned in an extremely loud and agitated voice. If he'd just admit it then she wouldn't be so irritated. Perhaps, she'd even be a little… turned on. No, bad Blair, she scolded herself.
"Well-well that's just… uh," Chuck shook his head as he stuttered on like an idiot. He needed to think of something and fast. What was a liable explanation for his actions? There was always say he knew the guy previously and hated him, but that didn't justify kidnapping her. But then again, they both knew she wanted to come with him. Her date looked like such a bore, and when Chuck spied close enough he sounded like one too.
"Uh… uh… I'm Chuck Bass and I don't have anything to say because I'm lying and I really was jealous, but I won't admit it because I'll never admit anything that Blair wants me to!" Blair mocked. She became frustrated at the end though and shouted as her arms flew up in the air.
"I AM NOT JEALOUS!" he raged. People on the street stopped to look in shock, but his glare soon sent them on their way. She blushed, embarrassed at his behavior. It was time for her to leave.
"Fine, Chuck, don't admit it and see if I care? FYI, I don't!" she cried. She then turned on her heal and walked down the street to try and get a cab again. When it didn't look like she'd have any luck, and Chuck was coming towards him again she started to hurry down the sidewalk.
"You can't run in heels, Blair! Plus you have all that bad karma from lying!" Chuck called. He chased after her, but she was rather fast. They looked like mad teenagers, too bad the high school and practically college years now were over.
"Collin!" Blair shouted in relief. He pulled up to the street corner in his convertible, still soaked from Chuck's drink, but at least he was there. Now she'd get away from the crazy man behind her.
"Blair, I found you. Here get in," Collin told her. He looked frightened when he spotted Chuck. The man had perhaps also threatened to shop off his member before he carried Blair from the restaurant…
"Thank you so much," she stressed. She opened the door to get in, but then two strong arms grabbed her from behind. Her eyes didn't need to look to know who had grabbed her.
"Chuck…" Her voice turned flat as she was placed behind him. He then shook his head and finger at Collin as he went towards the car.
"Hey no, no! You don't get to come back your date is over! I already dumped water on you that means you're done, buddy, finished, last year!" Chuck expressed. His voice sounded off and she had never heard him sound so…
"Bass, how much have you had to drink?" Blair asked. She quirked her left eyebrow and waited for a response, but didn't get one. He was too busy still threatening her date, if she could even call Collin that anymore.
"You know what I should have you arrested because this is my hotel, my street corner!" His volume just got louder and louder as he staked more and more threats.
"No, you're hotel is down there. So if you would excuse us, Blair please get in the car," Collin begged. He looked stressed. There was no way he'd call her after tonight. His hand reached out for hers, but Chuck smacked it as if he was scolding a dog or something.
"There will be no touching the Waldorf! As for the street business… Well then I'll buy this street corner and then I'll have you arrested for trespassing! And even if I don't you're still trespassing by touching her because I've marked my territory on this woman far too many times for you to ever top and I intend to mark it again tonight!" Chuck informed him. His free hand then grabbed Blair and pulled her close. Their hips smacked against each other.
"Oh yeah right, that will happen," Blair muttered to herself. There was no dealing with him when he was like the way he was now. He was going to make a point and if she tried to interrupt, he'd just continue to try and make it, but even louder than he was now.
"I don't think she wants to go on a date with her ex-boyfriend or else she would have asked you. I understand you're a fine gentlemen, but Blair and I are on a date. Surely you can respect…" Collin tried to reason in his polite, future-lawyer tone. He had obviously never met Chuck Bass.
"Do you honestly think she wants you, Mr. boring, wears plain colored suits, and is oh-so-polite? No, she doesn't! She wants me because I'm Chuck Bass!?" he interrupted. His hands reached out to smack the man in the head for being so stupid, but Blair grabbed them.
"Let's go, Bass. Collin I'll call you tomorrow," Blair shouted. She then pulled her ex-boyfriend away form the car and back towards the empire. But he was still kicking and screaming, literally. She may have been forcing him to the empire, but he was looking back at Collin.
"Have you had sex with her over and over again for three hours making her moan your name? Nope, it was my name, not yours! It will never be yours!" Chuck continued.
"Quiet down," Blair seethed. She yanked him towards the Empire doors. Only now he thought it best not to let his point known to Collin, but to all of New York.
"See this, Blair Waldorf, she's mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine! So stop coming back and asking her out because she's going to end up with me! Everyone one, but you and all of you," he motioned to the men around them, "understand that! So stop asking her out because she's mine!" Chuck grabbed her hips and pointed up and down to what he deemed his. He was acting a like a child, a spoiled brat.
"When you are sober I'm going to castrate you," she threatened. He only chuckled as she pushed him into the elevator. He grabbed her and she fell against him.
"I don't think you want to do that, but something else, Waldorf…" He kinked his eyebrows in a supposed sexy manner as he reached down to feel her up.
"No!" Blair scolded. She smacked his hand away and went to stand by the doors. He followed her few steps though like a little lost puppy.
"Then why are you coming up to my penthouse, hmmm?" Chuck pointed out. When she didn't respond, he grew annoyed at her not paying attention. His finger started to poke her side.
"Hey, Waldorf, I wanna get back together, now," he told her.
"Only because you're jealous," she muttered.
"Excuse me, you think I'm jealous?!" Chuck cried in shock.
"Here we go again…" Blair sighed.
"Just like last night," he smirked. The elevator doors opened and he picked her up. She screamed at him, but he carried her all the way to the bed.
"We are not going to keep doing this," she refused. Her hands pushed him away when he tried to kiss her. Chuck faked hurt for a moment, but then fell on the bed next to her. He grabbed hold of her body and pulled her down on top of him.
"But I like doing this," he whined.
"You like seeing me with other guys?" Blair gave him a knowing look.
"Other guys?!" Chuck shot up in the bed, "you're seeing other guys now?! I thought I just got rid of that bozo who else do you have lined up woman?!" He ran his hands through his hair frustrated.
"I have never seen you so wasted." It was all she could respond with.
"Oh let's change the subject shall we?!" He rolled his eyes and fell back on the bed again. Whatever he drank had made him quite the drama queen.
"No more guys, Waldorf. Anymore and I'm locking you in my bathroom," Chuck nodded. He even pointed to it in case she didn't remember where it was.
"Maybe I'll move to Alaska. I doubt you'd follow me there. I could date an Eskimo," Blair muttered to herself with sarcasm.
"Please," he laughed, "like you'd go to Alaska without having me there to warm you up. Besides you're not having any damn Eskimos. I thought we clarified that there will be no more men, none at all. I'm Chuck Bass and what I say goes so no more men, Blair, none!"
"So then I'll just be alone for the rest of my life?" Blair decided to play into his drunken rambles. She looked him straight in the eye, lips pursed.
"No," Chuck scoffed and rolled his eyes, "everyone knows that you're going to at some point be my girlfriend again, then I'll ask you to marry me with that ring I have in my safe at work, and then we're going to make lots and lots of babies. It's like common freaking knowledge!" His voice sounded as if what he said was all so obvious and she was being so unreasonable not knowing that exact answer.
Her mouth dropped open.
"You think we're going to get married and have babies?" She grabbed his cheeks and turned his face towards hers. His eyes fluttered open and closed as he smiled in his drunken stupor.
"Don't believe me, I'll show you the ring tomorrow, Waldorf. Just no-no more men. They-they don't love you like me," Chuck yawned.
"You're using the present tense, Chuck," Blair stressed.
"I know, Blair," he returned as he mocked the way she had said his name.
She stayed silent and lowered her head on the pillow next to his. He turned into her body and gently moved closer. They had been doing the whole charade for too long. Maybe it was time to forgive him, even if he was a jealous idiot.
"What if I took you back?" Blair whispered seriously. She thought he was asleep so she allowed even her hand to stroke his dark brown hair.
"Then 55-86-34," Chuck responded. His eyes remained closed.
"What?" She frowned in confusion. One, she thought he was asleep and two, now he was just muttering numbers.
His eyes opened and connected with hers.
"That's the number to my-my safe, Blair. That's, that's where the ring is," Chuck nodded. He then passed out beside her, but she was wide-awake.
"You might just want to remember that number, Chuck," Blair whispered. Then instead of leaving she lied down and put his arms around her. He reeked of alcohol, but that was okay. He was a mess, but he was her mess. Her jealous, colorful suit wearing, often intoxicated, indecent proposaler, Bass. And yeah, she still loved him.
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A.N: So did anyone enjoy it?