Push Comes to Shove
The teacher droned on as Naruto cast glances at his boyfriend sitting across the room from him. Sasuke has always been an emotionless bastard but lately Naruto had been thinking more and more about their relationship. Sasuke never seemed to react, to anything.
Deep down Naruto knew that Sasuke loved him. Or at least he hoped he did. Sasuke had never said those words, not even once. Sasuke didn't do emotion. The only time that Naruto ever seen Sasuke change expressions was during sex and that wasn't much.
Even then Sasuke did his damndest to keep quiet and unaffected. It drove Naruto crazy to see Sasuke acting like a robot. Still Naruto loved him, emotion or not. There were a million things that Naruto could list off that drove him insane about Sasuke. It was the few things he could name that he loved about his boyfriend that he thought would be enough.
Lately though he had been wondering if they really did feel the same. The urge to test that theory seemed to grow stronger by the day. Naruto would never hurt Sasuke just to be an ass. He just wasn't sure if he could go on like this anymore. He needed confirmation that sasuke really did love him. Even if it cost him everything.
As if he could feel eyes on him, Sasuke looked over at Naruto. No smile, no look of longing, no look at all, before turning his eyes back to the board. Naruto sighed, closing his eyes; he began planning the possible demise of his relationship.
Looking around the room at every guy present, he sized them up. He needed someone who would affect Sasuke more than anyone else. Sasuke had dated Suigetsu at one time and though they were still friends the relationship was completely dead. Though, Naruto couldn't stand the guy.
Sasuke and Neji had dated for some months a couple of years ago but Neji was now dating Shikamaru. The Nara may seem lazy on the outside but he was fiercely loyal. Naruto didn't want to fathom the ass beating he would get there.
A shock of red hair caught Naruto's eye and he smiled. Sasuke hated Gaara with a passion. Gaara is Naruto's best friend since first grade and the two were inseparable. Why Sasuke hated Gaara, Naruto couldn't say and neither could Sasuke. Naruto rubbed the back of his neck. Gaara was going to flip a lid at his latest scheme.
"You want to what?" Gaara looked at Naruto as if he had just asked the red head to murder someone and right now murdering Naruto seemed highly plausible.
"You do know that I am dating Sai, right?" Gaara asked with a scowl.
"Yes, I do. I also know you guys are having problems, on again, off again." Naruto gestured back and forth imitating a wave. "Look, I really need your help." Naruto pleaded.
"So you want to make Sasuke think that you are cheating on him?" Gaara asked suspiciously.
"No, I want him to think that I might. Does sasuke really love me, Gaara? Or am I just wasting my time with him? Naruto looked so broken in that moment that Gaara knew he would never be able to refuse the blond anything.
"Okay, so what's the plan?" Gaara asked and the Cheshire cat grin on Naruto's face sent chills down his spine.
"So remember that we only have to make Sasuke think that something is about to happen between you and me." Naruto whispered in Gaara's ear. Gaara nodded his gut clenching.
Sasuke walked through the double doors and headed for his locker. It was on the opposite side as Naruto's and he had a clear view of the red head standing next to his blond with a smirk. Sasuke looked away and didn't let the look get to him. However the hand that slowly ran up Naruto's back made his blood start to boil.
Shaking his head he grabbed his book and headed to Calculus. Naruto watched the raven walk away and sighed. He hoped that this would work; otherwise he was just pissing in the wind. He turned to Gaara and nodded. They headed for English and took their seats. They had an hour before they would have to try again.
Naruto had Chemistry with Sasuke the following hour and as the raven walked to his locker, Naruto turned to Gaara. They leaned in and made it look like Gaara was about to kiss Naruto. Really he was whispering to him but to Sasuke it looked very telling. He slammed his locker door and headed to Chemistry.
Naruto looked around Gaara and noticed that the raven was walking away. He smiled in spite of himself. Sasuke had reacted. However that was nowhere good enough. Naruto wanted the raven on his knees begging Naruto not to leave him. It was a long shot of course but he could always dream.
He walked into Chemistry and took his seat next to Sasuke. Opening his notebook to his notes he leaned over his side of the table and slowly let his eyes roam to Sasuke. The raven was openly scowling and if the death glare was any more intense it probably would have set the table on fire.
"What's eating you?" Naruto asked innocently.
Sasuke looked up at Naruto and the instant stoic expression was back. Death glare gone and coal black eyes looking right through Naruto as usual. He shook his head and turned back to his own notes. Naruto bit his tongue to keep from making a scene in class. The classroom filled up and the teacher began their current lesson.
Naruto put his books away and rolled his shoulders. The day had been one long dragged out mess of emotions for him and not so much for Sasuke it seemed. After all the things they had done today to make Sasuke squirm it still wasn't enough. Now it was time to really up the stakes. Pulling out his phone he made it around the corner where he knew Sasuke would pass.
"I don't know what to do Gaara. I love him but maybe it isn't enough. I know you do and I do to. You have always been there for me. I just wish that he had somehow shown that he cares. Thank you. I can't wait. Bye." Naruto slipped his phone into his pocket and stepped out of his hiding spot.
Sasuke stood there looking at Naruto, his lip caught between his teeth and hurt in his eyes. He stormed passed Naruto and out the door to head for his car. Naruto swallowed down the guilt but he couldn't back down now. Sasuke had to wake up and see that it took two to make a relationship work.
Naruto walked out the door to Gaara's bike and climbed on. He wrapped his arms around Gaara and laid his head between the redhead's shoulder blades. Gaara reached down and squeezed Naruto's hand in comfort as he watched Sasuke tear out of the parking lot. It looked as if Naruto's plan was working.
Sasuke pulled into his driveway and turned off the ignition. He sat there for a while going over the conversation he heard between Naruto and Gaara. Naruto was considering leaving him for the red head. His hands clenched on the steering wheel and he let out a shout to the heavens.
Fighting back the tears he finally unclenched his hands and took off his seatbelt. Opening his door he had to force his legs to move. He felt numb and yet the pain was like a ball of fire in his chest and stomach. Why hadn't he realized before that he was about to lose Naruto? Had all the signs been there?
He walked stiffly into the house and threw his bag across the room. He slid to the floor and leaned against the door. For the first time since his parents deaths, he cried. He cried until he was exhausted. His whole world came crashing down around him and in that moment, he just wanted to curl up and die.
Itachi moved quietly to the door and slid down next to his brother. He hadn't seen Sasuke show this much emotion since their parents' funeral. He wrapped his arms around Sasuke and pulled the younger against his chest. He felt his brother's hands grasp his shirt as he buried his face in Itachi's chest. Itachi began to rock back and forth as their mother had for them.
It seemed to help because Sasuke was slowly pulling back and leaned against Itachi rather than laid on him. His face was soaked and his eyes were bloodshot. His throat ached and his stomach was tied in knots. He felt awful and yet he felt anxious. He slowly raised his face to look at his brother.
"Naruto is leaving me. He wants someone who can show emotion. He wants someone who can tell him that they love him. He wants Gaara." Sasuke said, his voice cracking badly as he spoke.
Itachi furrowed his brows. He knew that Naruto and Gaara were best friends but he had never thought there was any romantic feelings between them. Somehow it just didn't seem real to Itachi. Gaara had his own demons to deal with and if he knew anything about the boy, he was more broken than he and Sasuke put together.
"I didn't know, Itachi. I didn't know how to tell him. I do though. I love him. I just don't know how to say it. I wanted to. So many times. I don't want to lose him but I have no choice but to let him go." Sasuke's voice broke on a sob and Itachi held him close.
"You know when I got with Kisame; I went through the same thing. I didn't know how to say what I was feeling and I didn't know how to tell him what he needed to hear. He would say it all the time and I just couldn't say it back. It finally took him breaking up with me to say it. It wasn't easy. I was terrified that I would sound like an idiot or that he would laugh. He didn't. He cried instead. He had been waiting for two years for me to say it.
Saying 'I love you' doesn't make you weak or stupid or any less of a man. It actually makes you stronger because it makes him stronger. Love is unpredictable and it has many ways of making us look foolish but at the same time it is the best thing in the world. If I hadn't swallowed my fear and my pride, I would have lost the greatest lover I have ever known.
Naruto may be energetic and boisterous all the time but I think that its you who brings it out in him. He's happy with you but he feels like its one sided. He needs to know that he is wanted and needed by you as much as you are wanted and needed by him. Don't let him slip through your fingers for the sake of your pride Otouto. Say what you need to say and don't worry about the what ifs." Itachi hugged Sasuke one last time and got up from the floor. He walked away to leave Sasuke to his thoughts. He hoped that Sasuke would make the wise decision.
Naruto lay on his bed listening to his headphones. He wondered if he had gone too far. However, this is what he had been hoping for. He just wanted a reaction of any kind. Even if Sasuke had laughed at him and called him stupid, it would have sufficed. The look on Sasuke's face wouldn't leave his mind though. He had wounded sasuke deeply. Now he wasn't so sure about this test of Sasuke's patience.
The sound of his door slamming against his wall had him sitting up and looking like a frightened deer in the headlights, headphones be damned. Sasuke stood before him, chest heaving, eyes red rimmed and fists clenched. Naruto swallowed carefully trying to gage his lover's movement. He slowly slid to the edge of his bed and stood up in front of Sasuke.
Sasuke reached out and shoved Naruto back onto the bed, crawling over him to straddle him. Naruto held his breath and waited for the punch he was sure to come. Sasuke however only held onto the front of Naruto's hoodie, trembling all over. Naruto wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull the raven down to him and hold him. Something told him to stay put though. It could very well be the way Sasuke was looking at him.
"You…..You bastard!" Sasuke hissed closing his eyes and biting his lip. His shoulders shook with suppressed emotion.
"Sasuke—" The raven shook his head and placed a hand over Naruto's mouth.
"No! You listen, I talk." Sasuke said letting go of Naruto's mouth to see his boyfriend's face clearly. Naruto nodded and stayed silent. That in itself was a miracle.
"I know, I know that I suck. I know you want someone who can say how they feel and say what's on their mind. I know you deserve better than me. I wish you knew how I felt. I wish you could see it by how I act not by what I say. Or…what I don't." Sasuke took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling trying to get a hold of him self.
"You want to hear me say 'I love you' and I do. I just don't know how to come out and say it like you can. You want me to say how much I appreciate you and all that you do for me and I do. I just can't get the words right. You want someone who will hold your hand and kiss you in public, I want to, I just….." Sasuke shook his head. He was stuck on his thoughts and getting frustrated.
"Sasuke, I—" Sasuke shook his head once again and Naruto bit his tongue.
"Please, let me get this out. I know I messed up. I know that you are leaving me for Gaara and I just want to tell you this before you do. I know it probably won't change anything but I have to tell you all of this or I will explode." Sasuke said shakily and Naruto reached up to wipe away a stray tear from Sasuke's cheek. Sasuke leaned into the touch and Naruto's heart broke for his lover.
"I don't know how to do this; I don't know how to live without you if you go. I don't know how to stop the pain. I never wanted you to leave me but I did nothing to make you stay. I am so stupid. I should have tried harder. I want you, I need you, I l-l-loveyou. I. Love. You. Gods, I can't breathe." Sasuke gasped and grabbed his chest as a sob ripped out of him.
Naruto gave up his self control and pulled the raven to him. He rubbed his lover's back and let Sasuke bury his head in his shoulder and neck. The feeling of Sasuke shaking and crying against him, burned like a fire through him. He hated himself in this moment. How could he have been so cruel? He closed his own eyes as tears began to slip past his lashes.
They lay there holding onto each other for a while just breathing each other's scent and listening to heartbeats falling. After a little bit Sasuke pushed himself up to sit next to Naruto instead of on him. He turned his head away from Naruto to hide his tears and took a ragged breath. Naruto sat up and slipped his arms around Sasuke from behind.
He laid his head against Sasuke's back and let out a sigh. He let the silence drag for a bit before he finally let go of Sasuke to turn him around to face him. Sasuke stared at Naruto's comforter like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Naruto reached out and placed his hand under Sasuke's chin to make him look at him.
"Sasuke, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you like this. I thought I needed confirmation that you loved me. I thought I couldn't keep going like we were without it. I pushed you and I hurt you. You have no idea how awful I feel about that. I am extremely happy that you told me that you love me and I will never question it again.
Please accept my apology, even though I don't deserve it. I don't want Gaara. I never did. I just thought that you wouldn't care if I left or not. You never seem to care about anything. I was wrong and I know you are probably angry at me now but I love you. I need you too. I don't know what I would do without you." Naruto looked away and tried to keep calm. His insides were tied in knots and he swore he was going to throw up.
"You did all of this to make me react?" Sasuke said quietly. Naruto nodded and looked back at Sasuke. He knew he was going to be in deep shit and the punch aimed at his face would be worth it.
Naruto was unceremoniously ripped across his bed and expecting to be thrown on the floor and beaten to a pulp, was surprised to find himself wrapped in Sasuke's arms and the raven kissing him. He kissed back and thanked his lucky stars. The kiss was soft and short. Naruto pulled back to look at his boyfriend. Sasuke was glaring daggers.
"If you ever do something like this again, I will turn you into a girl." He growled lowly. Naruto nodded, his eyes wide and his heart racing. Yeah he wasn't going to get off that easy.
"Also, I am going to make you pay for this little drama fiasco." Sasuke said with a smirk. Naruto nodded slowly. He could only imagine what Sasuke was going to do to make him pay. Naruto was the dominant one in their relationship and Sasuke had never once tried to change that dynamic. However Naruto had a feeling his ass was going to be rather sore. Sasuke could be vicious when angry.
"I need to go home now and tell Itachi that I don't plan on jumping in front of a freight train. Also I need to thank him." Sasuke said with a slight blush.
"You were going to throw yourself in front of a freight train?" Naruto asked with a grin. Sasuke grabbed his boyfriends face and shoved him backwards on the bed.
"No, idiot, besides we don't have any trains around here. I was upset and Itachi was there for me. I owe him my gratitude. Plus, I still have to think of ways to make you pay for scaring me like that." Sasuke said as he headed for the door.
Naruto cringed. He had fucked up big time but in the end it had shown him how much Sasuke cared. Maybe next time he would just take the direct approach and ask the bastard how he feels. Although the jealousy that Sasuke had portrayed was quite a turn on. Maybe he could mess with him a little.
"Okay, later bastard. I'll see you in school. Just do me a favor and don't act like I'm invisible." Naruto said with a frown.
Sasuke's smirk turned into a genuine smile. It took Naruto's breath away. Sasuke walked back over and laid a kiss on Naruto's pouty lips. He loved this blond idiot more than words could say. But when push comes shove, he had no problem laying his cards on the table.
"You are never invisible to me, dobe. You are the only thing I see no matter where we are." Sasuke said and walked out the door leaving Naruto with a smile and the notion that he was the luckiest guy in the world.