A/N: I don't know If I want to make this a one chapter thing or many chapters. Oh well I will decide that later. This is kinda Ellie's sucide not in a sense. I got the idea from a RPG I did. So the first part is from a RPG and then the last is my writting. Well, I wrote it all but I wrote the first part over AIM. I hope you like it R&R

Sean,

It's been over a year since you've left. I miss you. I can't do it any longer. I can't pretend anymore. I can't pretend that everythings ok. I can't pretend at all anymore.

It's just, what did i do wrong? Why did u leave? I mean I would do whatever you wanted I would have came with you in a heartbeat if you asked. It's really hard sean. After you left just everything went wrong and it was really hard. It still is.

It's just like this endless ride that never stops and it just keeps going i can't stop it, Sean, it won't stop! There is only one escape.

If I did it, who would really care? I mean if I died would anyone really notice I was even gone? For a long time I pretended to be okay and put on a smile for everyone else's sake. So that they wouldn't have to waste their time pretending to worry about me. But I can't do it anymore. I don't think you would care. Cause if you really cared you wouldn't have left. You would have stayed with me knowing I needed you.

Sean, I want to tell you. I need to tell you. I was prengnant when you left. I found out three days after you left. I didn't tell you or anyone. But I was going to tell you later. Because I knew you didn't want to hear from me then. Then I started again. I cut. It was like I couldn't control it. It wasn't me. When the baby was about two months old there was an accident. I cut to deep and the blood wouldn't stop. I lost so much blood that day, I lost the baby. The doctors all say it wasn't my fault but it was Sean. I killed our baby and I can't live with that anymore!

Everything is starting to boil over. My mom is drinking again. My dad is gone for another six months and I can't take the pain anymore. I going to do it Sean. I need to do it. I just thought that you should know that I still love you, more then you ever would know. I loved our unborn baby too. It's all my fault. Everything is my fault. I love you.

By the time you get this letter I will aready be gone. I aready traced the lines on my arm so I know where to cut. I will be gone Sean, but I just wanted you to know that I love you. I love you so so much. I'll miss you Sean.

Love forever,

Ellie 3