"Nope."
"Uh-uh."
"That's extremely silly."
"What the fuck?"
"No, no, you living incarnation of a sad emoji, just stop."
"How does that even make sense, you're dead, you can't have children!"
"God, this is embarrassing."
"DO YOU HAVE ANY SELF-RESPECT, YOU USELESS WASTE OF MYTHOLOGY?"
Laura walked into her room just in time to hear Carmilla shouting passionately at a book. Amused, she walked over to her roommate and flopped down next to her on her bed. "Hey, Carm, what's up? You sound a bit flustered."
Carmilla waved the book at her frantically, her usual poise gone in her distress. "Have you read this pile of shit?" She practically threw the book at Laura, shuddering and wiping her hands as soon as it was gone.
Laura turned the book over, clapping a hand over her mouth to catch a giggle when she saw the title.
Carmilla was reading Twilight.
Or had read it already, apparently. From the looks of it she had spent all day reading the series, and had just finished Breaking Dawn. Laura had never thought that Carmilla would be the type to waste time reading books about her own species, but she had to admit, the look on the vampire's face was the funniest thing she'd seen all week.
The other girl looked comically indignant, brows furrowed and mouth pulled into a deep frown. She was almost pouting at the book, but – no, that was too weird, even for Laura. "Not a fan?" She couldn't help but needle the vampire.
"It's awful!" Carmilla looked like she was in physical pain, words pouring out of her mouth at a speed that Laura had never heard before. "He's so broody and depressive and he spends all of his fucking time complaining about being a vampire and I mean yeah it's not the best lifestyle but you'd think after a hundred whatever years he'd find some way to deal and let's not even talk about the part where he's a virgin after all this time and he's stalking a teenage girl like he must have some form of brain injury and then he has a kid with her?" She paused briefly to draw breath, ignoring (or not noticing) Laura's wide eyes.
"He is literally a corpse. He is dead. How can a dead body have living sperm? It makes no sense, none of this mythology makes sense, like they can see the future and read minds, what the fuck is that, how does getting poisoned and dying make you able to read minds? And how the holy hell does dying make them so goddamn pretty? Yeah, evolution, drawing in humans, whatever, it's a nice theory, but the practical is all kinds of wrong. Even if their venom changed their cellular makeup beauty is an entirely human construct and it's not like they're breeding so natural selection's out and don't even get me started on the sparkling."
She stopped suddenly, gasping in a breath. Her eyes were wild, her hair was sticking out in every direction, and Laura could see her fangs flashing with every frantic breath she took. It was… kind of hot, actually. It was really rare to see Carmilla this passionate about something, and it was doing all kinds of things to Laura.
Carmilla closed her eyes and visibly composed herself. She gently ran a hand through her hair, gathering up the wayward strands and tying them into a neat ponytail. The hand ran smoothly down her face, pausing to pinch the bridge of her nose before she opened her eyes again. "Long story short, I hate everything about that book." She paused. "And Edward is just a person-shaped sack of glitter and angst held together by hair gel."
Laura burst out laughing.