When Yvonne looked up from her duty roster, it was Tuesday. There were some numbers next to the word, but they could have been anything for all she cared. She sneered at the readout for a moment and then ducked suddenly – and too late. Across the room, Lieutenant Colby's Talkie Clockie™ sensed the attention and spooled up.
"H –"
Yvonne snatched up the clipboard, vaulted over her desk and fled down the corridor.
She pulled up short when she reached a main artery and fell into step with the traffic. The crew ran the spectrum, from grey, to grey green, to beige. Once they joined the herd, even an officer could disappear for a few hours; one of the few discernable advantages of ship life. She had only managed 14 minutes, when Colby laid a clammy hand on her shoulder.
"There you are!"
"Colby, about that clock-"
"Yeah."
"It makes me want to do something to you that involves an ice cream scoop, a fire extinguisher and a fillet knife but not necessarily in that order."
"We've been through this, McGruder, space corps regulations specifically allow personal, work related items in the office, and plus I have a note from the ship's counselor that says it's therapeutic. If you don't enjoy happy banter in the morning, then tough smegging tamales. Anyway, I was about to remind you – again – that the staff meeting is about to start. Come on."
Yvonne rolled her eyes and turned back toward the admin quarter when something at the end of a side passage caught her eye. It was only a flash, but she stopped short, jerked out of Colby's grasp and headed down the passage. Colby barked and gave chase. Yvonne broke into a jog, and reached the end just in time to see that it was exactly what it had looked like: the backside of a naked man in driving gloves and blue swimming goggles heading to the unit inspection room. With Colby closing in on her at a fair velocity, she was committed. She sprinted after the man.
Yvonne's went to lunch the next day feeling absolutely fantastic. Colby and that prick Todhunter were propping each other up at a corner table; Todhunter trying to spoon a lumpy chicken noodle with his left hand, Colby attempting to suck any part of it through a straw. Given the generally quality of soup on this ship, she estimated that about two stone were likely to go the way of three of his teeth.
It was all Todhunter's fault, really. An officer in charge of inspection parade should really have foreseen the consequence of raising his voice and gesticulating with his clipboard at a man in the grips of freaky fungus. For reasons she could not recall when she made her report on the incident, she forgot to share this insight with Colby. Tragically, he mucked in with the same unjustified optimism. Ultimately, she found she could only watch From his unsteady seat, Todhunter noticed her bemused expression and yelled over.
"Hey! It's not funny! Why the hell didn't you help us, you're the bleeding boxing champion!"
Yvonne shrugged. "Sorry guys, I honestly thought two officers could take a whacked out technician. Don't worry, I've included it in this afternoon's ship wide memo: attention all staff, officers Todhunter and Colby will need as much help as they can get this week, particularly with stairs and chewing."
"smeg off. "
"And you!"