Lorelai Gilmore-Danes
Can't wait for tomorrow. Now just to survive the twelve hour plane ride.
Lailah James
Don't forget that you have the address in your phone. See you soon. Xx
Lorelai Gilmore-Danes
I didn't forget, Luke reminded me but thanks anyways. Keep safe.
Lailah James
I will, I'm tough.
That was the Facebook status that signalled the change of everything. About a year ago I was surfing the net when I stumbled across a copy of the New York Times and decided to read it as, well there wasn't much else to do at three am where I live. After skimming the headings I found an article about a small town somewhere in Connecticut, America. It sounded interesting enough, I mean the title was 'Stars visit Stars Hollow: the towns dream couple re-unite.' I read it and was surprised with just how enthralling the story was. It was the tale of a blue eyed woman who owned an Inn and a gruff, blue eyed diner owner who were best friends then they got together and fell in love but never told each other, then they broke up because the woman's mother interfered but not to worry because they got back together and confessed their love, resulting in a marriage proposal by the woman which was accepted by the diner owner. No, it doesn't end there. Everything was going well, they moved in together and started renovating her house, that is until he found out he had a twelve-year-old daughter and pushed the woman away. After she had married her child's father and then promptly divorced him they got back together and apparently are now living happily ever after.
See, compelling. So much so that I just had to know where this Rory Gilmore got her story from. You see, I thought that papers were only supposed to tell real stories and this one was just too good to be true. I'd never heard of love so deep and care free. Long story made short (I'd always been told I told the long version of every story I'd ever told, so much so that people used to mock me, saying 'this one time at band camp...' when I started saying something) I took a chance and added Rory Gilmore on my facebook and she just happened to be on and accepted. From there we talked about everything. It started out with how she got the story and why she wrote it.
Turns out that it's about her mother and step-father. She revealed to me just how Luke (her step father) is around other people and how he is at home with herself, Lorelai (her mother), April (Luke's Daughter) and their dog, Paul Anka. We spoke almost every day and I shared more of my life and thoughts with her than anyone else. She was accepting and didn't ask the hard questions that most people do, she let me come to her.
Rory:
Hi, how are you?
Lailah:
I'm good. And yourself?
Rory:
I'm good. Visiting Stars Hollow for the week.
Lailah:
awesome, how's the family?
Rory:
Good, mom is looking over my shoulder at this very moment. She says hello.
Lailah:
Hey Lorelai.
Rory:
Hi Lai. Hope you're well.
Lailah:
I am.
Rory:
It's me again. How is your family?
Lailah:
I don't know. Probs not so good.
Rory:
Why, what happened?
Lailah:
Some stuff.
Rory:
Don't wanna talk about it?
Lailah:
Not really.
Rory:
Okay. So what have you been up to?
Lailah:
Not much just school work and a lot of reading.
Rory:
Anything new and good on your bookshelf?
Lailah:
Yep, a book called Perfect Chemistry. It's so amazing, you should check it out. Not so sure if you'll like it as much as me but it's good.
Rory:
Might get mom to read it. She isn't really into all the classics like I am.
Lailah:
Yeah, I never understood how you can read something so old.
Rory:
The stories are timeless.
Lailah:
My Grandmother used to say that a lot. She told me that my mum used to like the classics, specifically Pride and Prejudice. I tried to read it once but couldn't get past chapter one.
Rory:
That's sad, it's a great book. If your mom liked it then you should read it, do something so you two can relate.
Lailah:
I try not to follow in her footsteps. She was a bad person, reckless.
Rory:
She can't be that bad.
Lailah:
She had me when she was fifteen and then ditched out on me when I was two. Not such a great role model, hey.
Rory:
Not all young parents are bad.
Lailah:
In my experience they are.
Rory:
My mom had me when she was sixteen and she's the best mom I could ever hope for. She's given up so much for me. You sure do have a dark outlook on life, Bec.
Lailah:
Yeah, well when you're mum abandons you and then your grandparents die and you're left in foster care because no one else wants you it kind of comes with the territory.
Rory:
I am so sorry. If you ever need anything you can talk to me, you know.
Lailah:
I know. I have to go, it's getting kinda late here but I'll probably talk to you tomorrow.
Rory:
Bye.
We didn't talk for about a week after that. I'd never told anyone how I resented my mother. I'd always said that I understood and that it wasn't a big deal but it was. I resented her more and more every day. I lived in squaller while she was probably off somewhere living a carefree life of luxury with some hot, young man who swept her off her feet. I think that somewhere, deep inside me I was avoiding Rory because now she knew me. She could look inside of my smiling, seemingly happy face and call my bullshit. Finally, a week and a half later I got back on the horse and prepared myself to apologize for my minor blow up.
Lailah:
Hey, I'm sorry for the other week. I didn't mean to blow up at u like that. I was just upset but it felt good to get it all out. You were right. I do have a dark outlook on life because, well, frankly my life sucks! I don't have any family and the people I live with don't give a rat's ass about me. I'm pretty sure that's common with most orphanages though, right? Basically I'm really sorry and I hope you understand where I'm coming from. I love that you and your mum are close. I wish I could have that but it's just so hard for me to understand that there is a life that started out so similar to mine yet is progressing so differently. You got the greener grass, the better, less tarnished mirror in the bathroom. Rory, your life is all I wish mine could be. I hope to god that you appreciate that.
Rory:
Hey Lailah. It's Lorelai. I can guarantee you that Rory appreciates me.
Lailah:
oh, hey Lorelai. How are you? Where's Rory?
Rory:
Oh she accidentally left her facebook signed in on my computer. I didn't even notice until it started beeping at me. That noise sure is annoying. I'm good by the way, how are you?
Lailah:
I'm alright. Feeling better, accepting life.
Rory:
Don't accept life, embrace it! You need to smile girl. You look so pretty when you do it.
Lailah:
I would smile if I had something to smile about.
Rory:
Find something to smile about. Do something about it if you aren't happy.
Lailah:
I've tried.
Rory:
Well try harder! Make your life something .What do you want to be, more than anything else in the world?
Lailah:
More than anything else in the world, what do I want to be?
Rory:
Yes. More than anything else?
Lailah:
Loved.
Rory:
Oh sweetie. That's not what I meant, I meant career wise. You are loved. No matter where she is or what she's doing your mother loves you and she's thinking about you.
Lailah:
No she isn't.
Rory:
Yes she is! I can guarantee you of this!
Lailah:
How can you be sure?
Rory:
if she gave birth to you then she's thinking of you.
Lailah:
Lols. Rory wrote you so well.
Rory:
that's because she knows me better than anyone else in the whole world.
Lailah:
because you're always around each other?
Rory:
I guess.
Lailah:
and you talk about everything with one another?
Rory:
Yeah...?
Lailah:
What's with the (?)?
Rory:
I'm just wondering what all the questions are about.
Lailah:
do you and Rory talk about everything... you know, EVERYTHING?
Rory:
oh... EVERYTHING. Yeah, even that. Why?
Lailah:
Just wondering if there is someone I could talk to when it comes to that...?
Rory:
Absolutely. Just a second, I'll add you on my profile.
I exited the conversation and waited anxiously awaited the little ping that could change everything, the little ping that could mean that I have somebody. After a couple of heartbreaking minutes a little 'blop' resonated from the computer and I looked to the left corner of the screen to see a bubble with the words "1 friend request pending" and the name Lorelai Gilmore-Danes with a photograph of who I've grown to know is Lorelai, bent over in a grey hoddie, beanie on her head and a huge grin on her face. In the background you can see Luke's hip next to hers and his hand on her other hip. Quickly, I moved the old mouse over and hit 'accept'.
After a moment that 'bing' noise sounded and a chat box popped up in the bottom right corner.
Lorelai:
Hey... so...?
Lailah:
Okay there's this guy...
Lorelai:
I'm listening... or reading. ;) tell me more, tell me more.
Lailah:
he's really sweet and I'm thinking about asking him out...
Lorelai:
but?
Lailah:
I'm nervous.
Lorelai:
about?
Lailah:
all that boy stuff. Like beyond kissing.
Lorelai:
I understand. That stuff can be kinda scary. I remember my first time...
Lailah:
and?
Lorelai:
well let me just say that it nothing like in the movies. It did nothing for me except hurt. It was awkward and mess and neither of us knew what we were doing so it was probably pretty ugly.
Lailah:
sounds like fun... not!
Lorelai:
it wasn't.
Lailah:
what if he wants that?
Lorelai:
you only do what you think is right. You should be with someone you love when you do it for the first time. It needs to be special.
Lailah:
yeah, I guess if it's gonna be as terrible as you say then I should at least be with somebody I love.
Lorelai;
exactly. So what are you doing? What time is it?
Lailah:
it's like 12:31 at the moment.
Lorelai:
wow, it's only 11am. So late over there.
Lailah:
yeah well I think I should probably go to sleep soon.
Lorelai:
yeah, probably. Do you still go to school?
Lailah:
yep, grade 11. It sucks.
Lorelai:
it can't be that bad.
Lailah:
oh, it is. I'm doing almost all writing subjects. I have no art, metal work or anything. I just sit at desks all day.
Lorelai:
welcome to the world, gorgeous. ;) It's just like that when you get a job.
Lailah:
yeah well the world sucks.
Lorelai:
it isn't so bad. Cheer up, sweets.
Lailah:
I'll try. I'm going to bed. Night Lor.
Lorelai:
night. Xx
I quickly signed off and crawled into beg that night, thinking everything she had said over in my head. 'How do I know who to sleep with? I mean, she said to only do it with somebody who I love. I don't know what love looks or feels like.'
First days started to rapidly pass, and then weeks, and then months. Throughout this time I spoke to Lorelai every day. Every so often I'd strike up a conversation with Rory, or even April who I had added. Once I even chatted to Luke on facebook. It sure was a shock, I typed in a chat box to Lorelai and all of a sudden Luke is chatting to me. And he was just like Rory said. Completely different from how the town sees him. He was caring and funny, almost the complete opposite from what the townspeople see.
One day I came home from school, completely gutted and shaken up. The most popular girl in the school had told everyone about me being in the foster system and not having parents because they didn't want me. I don't even know where she got the information from. As soon as I got home I stumbled my way into the shower and cried. No, cried is an understatement. I wept. I sobbed. I broke! After I emerged, my foster father, Joe, pointed out that my eyes were red. He went on to tell me what an ungrateful brat I was being and what could I possibly have to cry about. When he stopped to take a breath, I interjected, lying and telling him that I had gotten shampoo in my eyes and of course I appreciate everything they do for me.
After I escaped Joe and his pestering, I got dressed and sat on my bed, reading the sappiest book I could find on my bookshelf. After thoroughly wetting the books pages, I checked the clock on my bedside table. Ten-thirty pm it read. 'Close enough' I thought and pulled the tiny piece of paper from my bedside drawer. Lorelai's direct number. The one she always keeps on the 'outside' noise setting. She told me to use it if I ever desperately needed someone. I've never needed anybody more than now.
Punching in the number, the area code, the connection pin and the international call pin, I typed a simple text: "Need you more now than ever. Call me?"
I hit send.
Not even five minutes later did my phone start vibrating. I answered her call immediately. I'm sure I sounded like a complete freak. My deep breathing and heavy sobs were all that passed between our phones for a few moments. Then she spoke. "Lai?" she asked and I so wanted to answer her, to put on a brave voice and tell her how I'd over-reacted and let her go.
I didn't. I couldn't. "Lai, talk to me." I heard again and a deep sob ripped through me. I could hear a sympathetic sigh come through the line and then she sounded again. "Sweets, what happened?"
It took another couple of minutes of my sobbing and deep breathing before I could get the words out. Finally then all started tumbling. "She told. It wasn't her place to say. How did she know Lorelai? I didn't say anything. I've never talked about it. I just want to curl up and die, Lorelai. It hurts so badly." After thinking back over what I had just said, I realised that it made no sense, whatsoever.
I was about to correct my mistake when she spoke over the line again. Her voice was calming, caring, and I remember thinking that the most memorable part of her voice wasn't the thick American accent, or the way she subtly abbreviates almost everything ending in 'ing'. I remember thinking how much love was in her voice. "People are stupid babe, just ignore them. You are better than the rest and don't you forget it. I've told you before, the world is a formidable opponent but you can't stop fighting. Just look how far you've come already, imagine giving it all up now, just because of what somebody else did."
A smile lit up my face and I wiped my tears, sniffling slightly to clear the traces of sadness from my features. It's amazing how she covered everything without having any idea what had actually happened. I think it may have something to do with being a mother.
We spoke for hours that night about everything. Just as I was about to offer up a reluctant goodbye, she swooped in and picked up on what I needed most. Confidently, she offered to talk about anything under the sun until I was asleep, sensing that I needed someone, even if they were over the opposite side of the world.
That's exactly what she did. Every fifteen minutes she would ask if I was asleep yet and I'd grunt out a small, weak, "no." And she'd keep talking. Just as she was about to hang up, I heard her say "goodnight beautiful."
Without thinking I whispered back, clearly, "Night, night mummy."
Her shock was clear and a gasp of surprise resonated through the speaker. Then came her reply. "Night, night baby. I love you." and she was gone.