Hello, my name is Hannah! I have autism. I was first diagnosed with autism when I was 5. I'm in grade 8 going through tough times because these so called "bullies" like to judge me saying I'm "dumb" or even "ugly" because I have a face deformation. Enough of that. I live in a small neighbourhood that I had just moved into. My mom and dad got divorced so we ended up moving here.The cool thing here is, my mom works at this amazing bakery! She brings back delicious pastries and bread loafs too. My first day of high school starts in a week. I'm totally not prepared. My mom came home from work, left all her stuff on the table and went straight to her room just to study for a new job promotion ceremony. An hour later while I was watching TV, there's a knock on the door. I open the door and there's this boy, my age, blonde hair flipped to the side, and a nose piercing. His mom was carrying a basket filled with soft baked cookies. I call my mom down, she shoves me away from the door and goes in for hugs. I was completely confused as to who these people were. They all walk in and sit at the table. "Im so happy to see you guys again!" My mom said. " Uhm..not being disrespectful but who are these people?" I had asked. "Oh dear I forgot. This is my best friend from high school! We haven't seen each other for years, we decided to meet again and get back on track. This is her son Jax! You two can go upstairs and introduce yourselves." My mother said. "O-ok then"..Me and Jax walk upstairs to my room. "Nice room" Jax said. "Thank you".
"I'm Jax by the way" he had said. "Yes I realized. My name is Hannah. I am autistic."
He gave me this awkward stare and held it for a minute. "I have..." he let out a big sigh. "Cancer...but a very rare type..." he said. "Oh..I hope your fighting it well. Any pain?" I had asked because there was nothing really to break the silence. " There's not much pain. I'm in a support club, it helps with a lot of things. I have cancer in my leg" he said as he pulled he pants up showing his prosthetic leg. " That sounds fun. Did you just move here?" I asked. " Yep and I'm going to your school my mom says. It's a good thing we are becoming friends. I won't be as lonely as I thought." I was left thinking about what that could mean. "Hello?" He asked. I jumped a bit, I wasn't expecting me to think for that long. " Oh uhm yea. Friends. Right."
He gave me this look of confusion and said " what do you mean? Do u not want to become friends? Or is it becau-" I cut him off saying " It's not that don't worry...it's just I haven't got many friends at my school. I'm judged for what I have and what I look like. And finally getting a chance of having a REAL friend makes me happy.." he stood up and put his hand on my shoulder saying " You are not ugly or anything like that. You are beautiful. And it's true. Don't forget it" he gestured his hand in the way of saying cmon as he leaves the room. I leave slowly closing the door behind me going downstairs. I can't get that one word out of my mind. "Beautiful". One word I have never heard from anyone but my mom. It was a good feeling. " Thanks for the invite! Cya later!" Jax mom said as she leaves"
A week later, high school starts. I have my bag on, dressed as any normal teenage girl. As I was about to leave there a knock, it was Jax. " What are you doing here?" I asked. " we are walking to school together! Cmon hurry up!" He said. I lock my door and start walking with him. There's silence halfway through out the walk. I get a message from a unknown number. It said "Hey can we start talking now?" Once I finish reading it, I turn my eyes towards Jax. He smiles, I laugh, then we both laugh pushing each other side to side. We had an interesting conversation while walking. As we arrive, a girl known as "Nyomi" so called popular, walked up to us and said "So the nerd has a boyfriend? What's the mans name huh?" I look at him as he looks at me. " his name is Jax and he's not my boyfriend!" I leave walking fast away from everyone. "Can you like leave her alone? Even if I was her boyfriend, at least she can actually get one." He says as he shoves nyomi aside catching up to me. " Hey are you alright?" I continue walking. " Hey hey hey wait up" he goes ahead of me and grabs me by the shoulders to stop me. "What's wrong?" He asks. I give him a look. " DID YOU NOT JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENED THERE!? I JUST GOT EMBARRASSED! THATS AN EVERYDAY THING! I THOUGHT NYOMI MOVED..away.." I say as I'm tearing up. "I-I'm sorry this is so awkward..I'll go" I say leaving. "No no no don't worry about it. I'll protect you from Nyomi." He says as he wipes my tears. " ok thanks I guess..." I say softly.
Once the bell rings, we get into our classes. Jax is not in my class only in my science class. But nyomi is in my class which is not good. First period was gym. We had to play soccer. I was one of the best players after nyomi. I had the ball and went for a goal and right before I shot nyomi pushes me over a bench into a wall. "NYOMI! FOUL" the gym teacher says. I couldnt help it. I continue playing. I trip her and we keep going on and on about hitting each other. But that one time, the last time she hit me was SO hard I fell face first into the ground and got a huge cut on my arm from a nail in the ground. Blood was everywhere. The whole game stopped. " NYOMI!!!" I pull nyomi down by the hair and kicked her multiple times in the stomach and face. Shes bleeding all over. " IM DONE BEING TREATED LIKE THIS" I leave the gym and out of the school. The principal chases me as I run all the way home. I managed to get home without the principal seeing me. After school had ended i was still watching tv. Jax knocked on the door twice, I open and nyomi is dragging him by his shirt and she with her parents. They all start yelling at me, screaming and stuff. I pulled Jax into the living room and told nyomi off so they left. I ask Jax " why would you tell them where I live?" His response was confusing. He said " because they said nyomi would hurt you very badly." " and you care?" I asked. He slowly put his head down and said " yes because I have strong feeling for you..." he leaves. I'm left there thinking that we just met and he likes me.
About 3 months go by and we are still great friends. But there was one thing that hit me. That day he asked me to be his girl. I said yes and we were fine. The thing is nyomi found out and didn't like it because she likes Jax. So when me and Jax were hanging out by a cliff in the woods, nyomi comes by and starts saying stupid stuff at me and I got mad to the point where I ended up pushing her off the cliff. I went to the police station and told them the truth. I was left with charges that me AND Jax had payed for. Everything was perfect from that day onward, but as I had left for vacation in Dubai to visit friends and for a wedding. I got a text from his mom. It said " Hey this is Jax's mom... Jax pasted away yesterday. I'd like to invite you to his funeral." I ended up crying. I had no idea this would happen. Especially while I was in Dubai. I immediately leave my mom and get a flight back. I participate in the funeral a week later and nothingbecame better. I was left with a murder and my best friend/ boyfriend had died. What's next? Nyomi's mom comes by one day and gives me this note. It was part of her diary. It said " People in my school- 1.Jax-smart funny n kind 2.Amy-generous and cool 3.ash-BEST FRIEND DUH 4.Hannah- trying to become friends." This left me heartbroken because I had realized she had depression which made it hard for her to make friends. And I was on that list.i didn't know what to do anymore. As the year goes by I started going through suicidal depression. 13 attempts. 4 charges of theft. I became someone I'm not. Someone I hated. I then realized I needed a change. I decided it's better if I gain a new life. I went over to this cabin by my house. I grabbed a shotgun which was left under a bed. And there I went. I always remembered Jax and Nyomi as my siblings, even though Nyomi wasn't truly a good friend. But I accepted it. Now I rest in peace. Alone where it's quiet. Learn to love yourself. Not the way I did.
-Lizz- thanks for reading.