Dear Karma,

I can't do this anymore. I feel so alone and I don't know what to do.

I don't even know who my best friend is anymore, it's at the point you prefer to talk to other people and I can't do it, I've tried to let you be friends with others and not get in the way, but I hate it so much. I want someone to be there for me and never judge me but also understand me.

Nobody grasps the fact that I hate being alone, i hate just sitting there not knowing what to say to make people talk to me and how they get annoyed if I can't hear them, people tease me for my observations or people say I'm cute in teasing matters or tell me about how to do things when I like to do it my way.

I hate being alone so much. It always makes me think of all the things I've had to do on my own, like when I was in D-class. It was hell to me, nobody realised i was in that class for weeks, nobody spoke to me or acknowledged me. Do you have any idea how upset that makes me? Cause when your talking to people and I'm just sat there it makes think 'is it always going to be like this?' Am I going to be thrown aside and spoken to when needed?

People think I'm clingy, I understand that. But it's because I don't want to be on my own or let go of the people who make me smile.

I can't cry, I've got to the point where I've given up trying.

And I hate having to start conversations or be called loner, I hate how your always with someone else and I can't speak to you, I hate how people either like or are scared of you. Your the only person I've been willing to talk to when I need help or just to talk.

But I hate how useless I am.

And sometimes I want to end it all. To just die, it's not like anyone will miss me that much.

You probably think I'm just trying to get attention but I'm not, I just don't know what to do anymore.

But as long as other people are happy, than I will carry on being ignored no matter how much I'm hurting.

Your comments are just trying to make me feel better, as if your trying to please me or make me leave you alone.

So now I'm at crossroads, whether do give up or carry on.

Sincerely, Nagisa Shiota.