A Sip of Summer

Bowser looked out of a window, letting out a disgruntled sigh.

He turned around in his leather office chair, so that he faced the opposite wall from the window and got a good look around the room he occupied every summer.

The room he was in was bare except for certain necessities. A calendar, a wall clock, a nightstand with lamp, a writing desk, and a bed were the only items in the room. For being a king, Bowser sure could live quite frugally when he chose to.

Bowser gazed upon the calendar. July 2nd. How wonderful; the hottest month of the year had already begun. Bowser grumbled at the thought. How everyone else thought it was the best time of year was beyond him.

Bowser thought summer was overrated. Sure, he was a demon that could tolerate extreme temperatures, breathe fire, and bathe in lava, but that didn't necessarily mean he enjoyed the summer heat.

For one thing, summer weather was always muggy. Whether it would be a day of sudden rainfall or a day full of cloudless sun, the weather would be muggy. And there was nothing worse than muggy weather. Muggy weather made his scales itch in impossible places to scratch, made his horns droop from the rise in humidity, and caused sweat to coat his luxurious, matted hair. Unlike when he took a lava bath, it was because he voluntarily wanted his version of a sauna-like atmosphere. There was no way for him to cool off or relieve his discomforts while he was here.

Well, if it was too hot, then why not eat some watermelon? Everyone knew that watermelon was the best way - and most portrayed way in media - of cooling down after staying out on a hot summer day.

No way. Bowser didn't particularly mind eating watermelon - as long as it was the seedless kind. As in, completely seedless. Those white and black seeds both got clogged in the gaps between his perfect teeth, and made flossing a pain, literally. And since there were no watermelons (that he knew of) that had no seeds, Bowser could not enjoy eating anything similar to the striped fruit.

Bowser turned back around. He resumed looking out the window. Outside, he could see one of the PSI kids - called Less or Norris, or something like that - run under a tree chasing a butterfly.

Seeing the scene reminded him of another way to cool down during the summer. Sitting under the shade of a tree while reading a book. That was a scene he saw all too often on the cover of children's books, books that he had to read to his own seven Koopalings back at home. The whole idea was, unfortunately, a well-received misconception.

First of all, the shade blocked out any readable sunlight that would have made it possible to read a book. Secondly, the temperature was still high, and could soar to even higher temperatures as the shadow of the tree moved with the rising and setting sun. And third, the grass. It tickled Bowser whenever he sat or stepped on it. His kids found it easily amusing that their father was so ticklish, but it was not an enjoyable experience for him. Not to mention the bugs wading in the grass that waited for his arrival. The bugs were another big - if not primary - reason he dreaded summer.

Bowser took a glance at the clock. Three 'o clock. Looks like it was about time for his daily nap.

Mosquitoes were annoying. That much everyone agreed upon, Bowser knew. But flies and gnats were equally annoying, if not more so. That buzzing, droning noise in his sensitive was worse than the sound his nemesis made whenever he jumped. He still had to find out the cause behind that springy noise.

Bugs were also notorious in the summer because they were unavoidable. Inside or outside, either way you were likely to encounter one of the foul creatures. Open a window or door once, and more than half of the time a bug zooms its way on in, pining for the safe reserves of your own home. Bug spray was an obvious solution to problem - that actually worked - but it did not make contention with the issue any less of a nuisance. When Bowser went back home, he had more than one layer of stickiness coating his skin by the time he stepped into the shower. And that was inexcusable for a Koopa in a position of authority like him. He had to look his best, feel his best (pride was important, after all), and smell his best, if he wanted to act proper.

One of the other layers that covered him uncomfortably was sunscreen. Bowser didn't mind getting a tan. Oh no, on the contrary, he loved it. All the more to charm the ladies with. But he was still wary about skin protection, after he sunbathed outside on the beach one day for slightly too long - and ended up as a burnt chunk of ham as a result.

Still, for all of his curmudgeonly tendencies towards the summer, there was one thing Bowser looked forward to about the season.

The only clock in the room suddenly began to ring. Bowser, laying on of one of his arms that was perched lazily on the windowsill, slowly woke up from his midday nap to the steady chime. He raised his head to look at the time, and found the long and spindly hands of the wall clock point towards five 'o clock.

Bowser straightened up and stretched his arms, yawning. He was familiar waking up around this time all too well. Any minute now, there would be a sound coming from the door -

Knock knock!

"Bowser? Are you still sleeping?" asked a muffled, motherly voice.

"No, I'm awake," said Bowser, rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry if I disturbed you. But it's good to hear that you've woken up. I made your favorite drink: peach tea. I've placed it in the usual spot. Whenever you're ready, you can come down," said the voice.

"All right."

Yes, if there was one thing he looked forward about summer, it was the time he was able to spend with her.