Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Story titled after lyrics from Blackout by Garbage.
Trigger warning for drug use, suicide mention, etc., in case that makes any of you reading this uncomfortable.
It was quiet and dark as she sat on her window sill, slumped back against the wall with her legs curled up, feet crossed. A large mug of coffee sat in her lap, her thumb trailing along the rim as she cast her gaze to the dawn ridden streets below. Her apartment was on the sixth floor of the building, but Karin could still make out the tired faces of people trekking along in the freshly fallen snow, either coming home or going out, and her eyes lidded in exhaustion when she thought of how she'd be joining the latter in a matter of minutes.
She checked her phone then, clicking the screen on briefly for the time before she drew her head back against the wall, savouring the last two minutes she had to spare until she finally dragged herself from the window and into her bedroom, pulling a pair of black skinny jeans on under the oversized burgundy sweater she'd been essentially burrowed in all weekend.
She laced her boots up lazily, the chestnut leather buffing out slightly to accommodate the bulk of her wool socks over her jeans, and she made a short round of her small flat, double checking that everything was off and secure while she buttoned up her coat, feeling almost too snug as her sweater bunched up within it.
Grabbing her bookbag, scarf, phone, and keys, Karin downed the remains of her coffee in three large gulps, setting the mug back down on the counter with a clumsy thwack and heading promptly out the door to the hallway, locking it swiftly before walking hurriedly towards the elevators.
The city of Shinjuku was busy, always, no matter what time of day. She always took the 6:45 train downtown due to that fact, allowing herself plenty of extra time to trek around and run all her annoying and unnecessary errands before work.
She went to the general store in the plaza first, gathering a bundle of specially imported magazines under one arm while she swiped her company card with a tired yawn, smiling sleepily at the clerk before she left. The cold winter air bit at her face as she made her way down the street, then down another, entering the too familiar gluten-free bakery to find her daily order already packed up and ready for payment, and a grimace twisted her face. Was this really how boring her life had become? She shoved the package of muffins and bagels into her tote bag carelessly, not caring for a second if it crumpled the magazines.
Finally, she stopped into the stuffy coffee shop that had squished itself into the corner of the street, a various seven restaurants and boutiques separating it from her work building. She really hated this coffee shop, how the same group of people always seemed to be occupying the same tables, an air of snobby elitism about them as they sat with their complicated sounding lattes and their laptops, making her feel uncomfortable from the moment she walked through the door.
They glare at her without even looking away from their screens, and she scrunched her face in disdain. She rambled off her order to the barista without pause, drumming her fingers on the counter impatiently as she waited and emerging from the shop shortly after with a full tray of large coffees and cappuccinos, struggling with all her might to keep them still and balanced as she made her way down the icy sidewalk. And all because the over-expensive coffee machine at the office apparently wasn't good enough.
Bloody bastards, she thought to herself vindictively, glaring at the the large 'Blue Lightning Records' sign plastered on the outside of the building for good measure before she entered. Taking the elevator to the fourth floor, she felt nearly every muscle in her body cramp in place, barely allowing her to move properly and leaving her pained as she made her way across the dark hardwood floor of her department toward the far corner office, attempting as best she could to keep the coffee's sloshing to a minimum.
She cleared her throat as she crossed the threshold, her eyes trained on the tall faux-redhead standing at the window, seemingly lost in thought. "Victoria?"
"Finally." Whipping around on her heel, Victoria shot her a quick glare, hazel eyes piercing her like a spear. Had she done something already? A record. "What took you so long? I nearly starved to death."
Karin rolled her eyes, relief ripping through her body as she set the tray of coffees down on the desk and let the heavy bag on her arm thunk down on the nearest chair. "I arrive the same time every morning, Victoria," she responded dryly, doling out a designated two of the four coffee cups separately on the desk. "And, y'know, if you're that hungry you could always just go and get your own breakfast."
"Well, yes, but then what would I need you for?" Karin barely contained her glower while the woman smiled her thin red stained smile, the pride of having power over someone practically coming off in waves. Victoria was her direct superior and boss, as well as the assistant of the chief executive officer, and had therefore developed a superiority complex. "Now," the redhead began, drawing a hand out toward the heavy tote bag on the opposing chair with a grasp of her fingers, a silent command for her magazines and a muffin, of which Karin complied with no lack of reluctance. "Take the other coffees down to Jasmine and put everything else in the staff room. I'll come check on you later."
Exhaling densely, Karin grabbed her bag and the tray of coffees yet again, heading down to yet another first grade assistant who couldn't get her own shit for herself and to the staff room pantry that was so chock-full of food that she constantly questioned why she had to walk several blocks out of her way every morning for some measly bagels and bran muffins, and by the time she got seated at her own desk she was so tired she wondered if it were possible to die of such pathetic work ethic.
She leaned back in her chair slowly, closing her eyes and allowing herself to breathe for a moment before launching herself into work. But before she could even finish typing her login to her computer she felt a lanky figure sidle up beside her, and she cursed under her breath.
"Hiya, babe."
Karin sighed for what had to have been the hundredth time that morning. "Is there ever going to be a day where I ask you not to call me 'babe' and you actually listen?"
"Doubtful."
Turning her chair slightly, Karin met the coy brown eyes of one Hirako Shinji. He was grinning toothily as always, beaming down at her from beneath a crop of slanted bangs. She scowled in return.
"What do you want, Shinji? I'm busy."
"So hostile… Did Vicky kick a hole in your pride again?"
Her features darkened. Shinji was an A&R Director, having achieved nearly every career goal she aspired to, and she somewhat despised him for it. Especially when he presumed to tease her about her lack of achievement.
"Oh, don't give me that look. I come bearing good news, I promise." She merely raised her brow, and he leaned in conspicuously, scanning their surroundings in a secretive manner. "Hitsugaya Toushiro has returned to music."
Her expression didn't even stir, and he frowned at her. "Maybe you didn't hear me correctly, so I'll repeat myself. The Hitsugaya Toushiro was literally heard playing new music. My friend lives right next to him, he swears on his life."
"And I should care, why?"
"Good god, Karin. Are you really so far gone into your despair and turmoil that you can't see what this means?"
She gritted her teeth. "I'm not in turmoil, asshat. I just don't see what the big deal is of some washed up celebrity plucking some strings."
Shinji looked utterly disappointed in her. "He wasn't just some celebrity, Kurosaki, he was a fucking. Prodigy. He could be planning a comeback!"
Karin groaned, pressing her forehead into her palm and praying for the end of this conversation. It was far too early.
"The guy went completely off the grid over two years ago. He essentially quit music. There's no point in getting all worked up over nothing," she rebutted offhandedly.
"Oh, c'mon, Karin. It's Hitsugaya. I mean, weren't you a fan of him?"
Karin pretended to bite her nails. "Somewhat," she mumbled.
To be honest she'd never really been that into him in particular, merely regarding him as the lead singer of that band she'd enjoyed hearing on the radio from time to time, undeniably attractive and talented yet lacking heavily in the personality department. It came as no real shock to her when he turned inexplicably into a raging drug-addicted alcoholic, falling into the abyss of millions before him, destined to be an eventual topic for celebrity documentaries.
A horrible cliche, simply put, was Hitsugaya in a nutshell. And that wasn't exactly the type of person she liked to spend her limited capacity of hope and excitement on.
"Well, whatever," Shinji scoffed, clearly put off by his friend's utter lack of enthusiasm. "Perhaps your void of admiration will prove valuable. You see, I want your help."
"Get your own assistant, Shinji," Karin said dismissively, turning her chair back to face her desk, fingers tapping on the keyboard to complete her login.
"I have one. Two, actually, but they don't have quite the same… pizzazz as you do."
She gave him a look. "'Pizzazz'?"
"Yeah… Y'know, like, um, full of drive, and uh, … energy…?" His face scrunched as the words fell from his lips, as if regretting them. They both knew she'd lost both those things a terrible year and a half ago. "Okay, fine, let's admit that you're as dull as an unsharpened pencil and should probably be going to therapy every day–'
"Okay, let's not admit that much."
"–But, I know for a fact that you can do this, if you really try. I caught a glimpse of your potential before this place drained it out of you, it's in there somewhere. All you have to do is scout him out, convince him to sign with us."
She ran a hand through her hair, uncertainty mauling her features. "I dunno, Shinji."
"If it goes well, I'll bring you into my department. Promotion and all."
His words were slow to recognition, running haphazardly in her mind as she just stared, unsure if she heard him right. Her heartbeat quickened audibly.
"I'll just assume your shock means yes, you'll do it." Shinji decided airily, excusing himself and walking off in the direction of the exit, his own office being on an entirely different floor. "Good luck~"
She couldn't even focus on work that day, not since Shinji and his all kinds of sudden proposal, her mind frantic and unorganized with thought. She sat at her desk most of the day, files and papers littered around her and making it look as though she was working, when in reality she was googling Hitsugaya Toushiro.
She figured under the new circumstances, she ought to inform herself.
She found herself scrolling through bios and personal interviews at first, eyes skimming over the fan-written words and interviewer questions, all highlighting on his high intellect, how he was a musical prodigy, and skimpy details of where and how he grew up. Reading through the interviews, the way he answered the questions so short and impersonally, she came to the conclusion that he was a very private person. How short and undetailed his biographies were on the multiple sites she clicked through only enforced the fact.
By the end of the day, she'd attended a mere two short meetings where she bit her nails excessively with boredom and received many glares from Victoria, completed only about half the work she normally did every other day, and had learned absolutely nothing more about Hitsugaya Toushiro than she'd already known.
He and his friends began a band in high school, named it BLEACH'D, became famous and toured all around the world ten times over, then after four years he became an addict and they split up, the end. Even his bandmates bios and links gave her nothing to go on. Fucking ghosts, these people were.
The clock on her phone read 4:45, and with her things all packed up and ready to go, Karin slumped back in her chair, closing her eyes tiredly. Of course, she could head home right then, like everyone else in the building was currently doing, but she knew for a fact that the minute she tried to even stand up with the notion of leaving, Victoria would pop out of nowhere with a sudden request for her, something that could've been done anytime during the day but out of some sadistic sense only came to mind at the very last minute, and Karin valued her shitty income enough to not ever say no to the woman.
"Kurosaki~"
Right on cue. Karin opened her eyes then, straightening up in her chair in acknowledgement. But of course Victoria's eyes were glued to her phone, manicured nails tapping away on the screen even as she continued to speak.
"I need you to go pick up my order of sake," she said dryly. "It's perfectly aged and very crucial for my dinner party tonight."
"Clearly," Karin quipped, face hardening in disdain. "I mean you only waited 'til the very last minute to tell me, so it must be super important."
Looking away from her phone, Victoria scowled. "Just get it, okay? I'm stuck here for another hour and won't have time to go before they close. It's waiting at that liquor store a few blocks over, you know the one."
But of course. Karin had done so many booze runs for this woman over the last year and a half she could barely count them all. Standing up, she took the silver company card that had been held out for her and grabbed her coat and bookbag, giving Victoria a half-hearted nod as she headed for the door.
"I'll be back in a bit…"
The city lights were becoming bright and vivid against the darkening sky, and she squinted at them, her eyes burning from the dryness in the air. She struggled not to slip on the icy sidewalks, nearly suffocating within the bustling crowd of people walking every which way and nearly making her slip every two minutes. She really hated winter.
Rounding the corner onto her destinated street almost twenty minutes later, Karin fished her abruptly ringing phone out of her pocket, her face scrunching momentarily as she tried to keep her balance with the divided use of her arms, and she prayed the caller was someone pleasant.
"Hello?" she started probably too curtly, feeling winded and out of breath.
"Karin-chan!" It was Yuzu, and the dark-haired girl sighed in both relief and delight at the sound of her sister's voice. "Finally! I've been trying to reach you all day."
"Oh, sorry. I forget to check my phone while I'm at work."
"Well, I guess I can't be mad at you for that. How are you?"
"Same as always," she answered dully, immediately regretting it as her sister sighed into the speaker. Karin forced a smile on reflex, forgetting for a moment that Yuzu couldn't actually see her. "And you?"
"I'm great. Though work is stressing me out this week. Do you know how hard it is to try and keep a restaurant running while doing renovations? I hate it."
Karin snickered into her scarf, shaking her head slightly as she eyed the bright red liquor store sign just yards ahead. "I told you you should've just closed down for a couple weeks, would've gotten done a lot quicker."
"Hush, you. Anyways, I can't talk long, but I wanted to make sure we were still on for shopping tomorrow?"
"Of course." The very thought of having to actually leave her apartment on a weekend made her feel sluggish, but she'd be damned if she went yet another day without seeing her sister. It had been ages.
"Great! I'm really eager to go to my favourite shops from when I lived there. I need some new–'
Her sister's words were distant and muffled as Karin's attention was steered to the sound of her company issued pager, of which only rang when Victoria needed something. She literally only owned the thing because of the woman and her vast and unending needs.
"Shit, sorry Yu, Bitchtoria is paging me… hold on." Settling her phone in a nook between her head and shoulder, Karin began rummaging through her bag for her not well placed pager, not having the sense to stop walking as she did so.
It was only inevitable that she would run into someone, specifically someone exiting the store she was meant to enter, the collision harsh and horrendously accelerated by the ice covered cement under their feet.
"–oof!" Karin sputtered, her eyes going wide and confused as she tripped over her own feet, the impact of collision sending both her and the other person falling ass-down on the sidewalk. "Ow…"
Her face scrunched in discomfort and she placed a hand on her backside reflexively, caught up in the abrupt pain of it all for more than a few breaths before she even took notice of the stranger sitting opposite her, muttering curses under his breath in frustration as he attempted to gather his bearings.
Once again, her eyes grew to owl-like proportions. "Shit!" Grabbing her miraculously unmarred phone as she scrambled to her feet, Karin made to aid the fumbling man. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't even looking."
"I'm aware," he said gruffly, distancing himself from her as he staggered to his feet. He then appeared for a moment to be inspecting the quart-sized bottle of liquor in his grasp, briefly sliding it out of a slim paper bag. "Well, at least my rum hasn't suffered."
"Your rum?" Karin scoffed, becoming rapidly defensive. "What about me?! I could've gotten hurt or even concussed because of you!"
"You didn't, though," he pointed out, completely unabashed. "And even if you had, it wouldn't have been my fault."
She shot him a bewildered look, her hand tightening around her phone angrily. It was enough to drive her mad, his absolute lack of courtesy stirring up a rant within her. And she would've went with it, too, if it weren't for her sudden acknowledgement of the eyes staring blankly into hers, of which were a brilliant and distinctive shade of blue.
"Wait a second…" There was no mistaking it, not the face marring frown nor the stark white hair that stuck out from beneath his hat and hood, and she felt her stomach lurch in shock. "It's you." He raised a brow. "Hitsugaya Toushiro!"
His eyes bulged in shock, as though his master disguise had left him naked and susceptible to the public eye, but quickly narrowed, his features darkening. "You drink too much," he accused, hastily turning from her and walking away.
"Wait!" She called after him, only serving to make him pick up his pace. She said a hurried goodbye into her phone to her very confused sounding sister, who had stayed on the line throughout the whole ordeal, and promptly followed the thin black blob that was Hitsugaya in a trenchcoat from behind, her heart pounding excitedly.
"Please leave me alone," Hitsugaya groaned once she caught up to him, forcing a wayward gaze as he attempted to ignore her presence.
"But I have to talk to you," she said breathlessly, winded by desperation and sharply brisk air.
"Oh, do you?" His tone was far from kind. "You some sort of journalist of something?"
"Uh, no, not a journalist. I work as an assistant at Blue Lightning Records, actually."
Hitsugaya scoffed, sticking a cigarette between his lips. "A record label goffer, then. Much better." The wind refused to let his cigarette light, and he glared at it before shoving it back in his pocket, looking betrayed. "I'm not a musician, anymore, incase you're unaware," he spat, directing his glare to her. "I have no business with you or your label, so go bother someone else."
"But you were playing new music," Karin blurted out, skipping ahead of him so he was forced to continue walking with her. She was being horribly unprofessional, she knew, but was frankly too desperate to care.
He peered at her suspiciously. "Have you been stalking me?"
"What? No." As-fucking-if. "My co-worker is friends with your neighbour. He's the one who heard you."
Hitsugaya sighed dejectedly. "Great, now I have to move…" he muttered, his perpetual frown ever so intact as he uncapped his rum. "Fine, so I was playing around. Not like it means anything."
She watched him take a long swig of rum, and her face fell. "You mean, you're not writing again, trying to make a comeback?"
He snorted dispassionately, his features hard and patronizing as he looked at her. "No. And even if I was, I can assure you the last thing I'd do is sell my soul to yet another record label and let the remains of my livelihood get sealed into some contract. It was hard enough escaping that shit the first time."
"But–'
"I apologize for the disappointment, but as it stands I don't have anything left to give."
He brushed past her then, towering over her small and still frame, and she barely heard his voice as he turned down the next street. "See you around…"
A jumble of words had caught in her throat, sticking uncomfortably and leaving her mouth dry. She stood there on the street corner for a long and stunned moment, her gaze straying unconsciously to the back of Hitsugaya's retreating form, his slim figure getting further and further away and gradually blending in with the crowds.
A distinct feeling of gloom stirred in her chest, familiar as it weighed her down. She retraced her steps back down the street, actively ignored the string of beeps sounding from her phone, no doubt Victoria texting her and asking where the hell she was. It was with nothing but reluctance and dejection that she made her way back to the liquor store to fulfill her task and retreated to her office again, the reality of what her life was hanging over her like a heavy dark cloud as she let herself become amassed in the busy sea of faceless people.
Maybe on the other side he felt the same way.
...